My personal feelings part 1

[Preety_India]

Granted I'm not socially smart. But maybe there are ways to get around it 

 

I like people who tend to deeply psychoanalyse me and when  they are usually right. 

You got to be an obsessed lurker for me to like you, man or woman. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

1. Have you ever been approached by a random guy who tried to "pick you up"?

 

Yes

No

Answer - Yes 

 

 

2. How have most of your "pick up" experiences been?

Awkward and uncomfortable

Awkward but flattering

Positive and enjoyable

Neutral

Answer - Awkward but flattering

3. What is your most usual respone?

I gave him my number

I gave him my number and we agreed to go on a date

I didn't give him my number

I ignored him. Didn't want to be bothered

 

 

Answer - I mostly creep out and back off. Sometimes I can trust if the guy is respectful. I never give my number the first time. Only did it once for my first relationship (at the bus stop when he asked if he could drop me home). My general response is that I feel shocked and awkward because I'm not good at dealing with strangers due to my high anxiety. So I usually have the "deer in the head lights" expression when I see a random dude suddenly chatting with me. But I'm okay as long as the guy is making me comfortable.. 

 

4. What does it it lead to most of the time?

 

Casual sex

 

Casual sex and eventually it became a relationship

 

We wen't on a date but that was the end of it

 

A long term intimate relationship

 

Nothing, didn't see him again

 

 

 

Answer - it led to my first relationship which was short term and lasted six months. He met me at a bus stop. 

 

5. Do you wish more random guys approached you?

Yes

No

 

Answer - right now in a relationship with a guy I found here who was a random guy that approached me here and after some conversations with him, I felt warm. All my relationships in the past were mostly random guys who took interest in me and met me in different places. Other guys who approached me but appeared incompatible or disrespectful or creepy were rejected without giving them any number or attention. 

6. What's your ideal way to meet a man?

Being approached randomly

Through my social circle

At work

In a social setting (Clubs, bars, parties, etc)

None of the above

Answer - I'm not a social person since I have social anxiety, I don't go to clubs because I avoid crowded places. So I never met anyone at a party or club. I always met random dudes at a shopping mall, bus stop, grocery store, library, workplace, building, garden, park, online forum etc.. One guy tried to hit on me while I was waiting in the hospital lobby for my mother's scan reports. I politely rejected him because he was acting obsessed. 

After many experiences with men randomly approaching me, I have gotten good at sensing the compatible from the incompatible. I tend to ask a few questions during the conversation the random dude has with me to get to know about their background like what work they do or why they are interested in me. If they answer that my looks were appealing, then I generally reject them. I need someone who appreciates me for something skin deep. If they say that they found something I did interesting or they would like to help me out, I feel good and flattered. If they discuss my personality or are curious to know me better and want to continue chatting with me, I tend to appreciate that a lot because that way they aren't pressuring me to say yes or no. I don't like being outrightly called out on a date. I usually don't go on a date. So I would expect the guy to first get to know me through texting/calling/chatting before it turns into a relationship because I would like to know the level of compatibility before I take the next step. If there is enough compatibility during conversations, I might even fall in love and decide to have a relationship like I did in the past. Most often I already know if I really want to take things forward because my own excitement about the guy is probably my best indicator to know if I really want to be with him or not. I usually feel affectionate and tender toward a guy I'm interested in. If I'm not interested in a guy, I don't feel any tingling or emotion and I feel something is "off" or it's not "clicking" no matter how hard he is trying. Sometimes it's not his fault because it just doesn't " click" since I don't feel any emotion at all. It's like he is talking to a wall, no impact. But some guys can make me feel cheerful for no reason, just the way they look at me or talk to me, it appears as though they are trying to have a deep chemistry, generally such guys are the ones I accepted. I like flirting but not the "desperate type of flirting" which makes me feel awkward or I get a "fuck boy" vibe, then it's an instant reject. Generally such guys ask for a quick date or hook up and I'm like - "no dude, bye." I like soft flirting that is slightly romantic but also carries some meat for further conversation. Light flirting which is gentle and soft. I get creeped out by excessive romantic gestures, by direct questions like, "will you marry me?" right during the first talk/conversation, or by guys who say something awkward, autistic, or something that gets my attention in a negative way like undue criticism or sounding argumentative or domineering. For example with my first boyfriend, he sounded a bit bossy during the first conversation at the bus stop and I went home miffed and angry. The same guy met me at the bus stop again the next day and approached me softly and asked if he could drop me home and I kinda relented. While dropping me off he kept asking me lots of personal questions and I felt a bit warm so when he dropped me and asked me my number, I gave it to him very nervously. That relationship didn't end well because I found him too bossy.

In a nutshell - I have been approached plenty of times especially by random dudes since I don't have a social circle as I'm not social. I'm a bit more on the shy, nerdy, socially awkward but funny side. I usually avoid social stuff but some weird reason people find me interesting although I'm a bit introverted around people and like to keep to myself mostly. So most of my relationships in the past were with random dudes who befriended me and developed an emotional connection with me over time.. I don't think anything is wrong with meeting random people, I was always open to that idea. 

 

I have to say that those random dudes helped me have relationships lol, because without them I probably would have never had a relationship due to my bad social skills, so in a way they helped. But most of these approaches turn sour because I tend to reject a lot. 

 

I have rejected plenty of guys because it simply didn't "click." and some guys just don't know how to talk or approach and they make it really awkward and uncomfortable right at the get go, they get rejected instantly because right off the bat they are sounding the alarm bell that they are totally incompatible. Some of these guys approach women as though you're being approached by a used car salesman at a mall trying extremely hard to sell you a product. It gives a very "salesman" vibe and that can be terribly off putting. 

Other guys are very contradictory in the sense they're always trying to dominate the conversation, preachy behavior (which I find extremely obnoxious, that patriarchal smell), they try to act too smart or just like they know better than me, or try to one up me during the conversation, I am generally submissive in a relationship but I don't lose my dignity and I try to convey respect and agreeableness and if the guy is not doing the same but trying to talk over me, then I take it as a sign of him trying to take advantage of my submissiveness rather than respecting it, a guy who acts chill and respectful is understanding and embracing of my submissiveness rather than being predatory with it. I don't like guys who act too bossy, controlling and "over smart", big turn off. Guys who are respectful, pleasant, sweet and frank tend to make me feel welcome. 

 

 

Edited November 24, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Oki enough journaling today 

 

Rest will be continued tomorrow

 

Got stuff to do as usual.. 

 

[Preety_India]

Random socialization especially on this forum is not a good idea. 

I think one on one socialization is far better, comfortable, safer and secure and only 5 conditions need to be fulfilled 

• Super agreeableness
• High appreciation 
• Super friendly 
• Not wasting or consuming too much time
• No need to enforce boundaries 

Apart from some of the conditions that I have written before like - 

 

• Understanding
• Appreciation
• Openness 
• No drama 
• No victim playing 
• No 3rd party (triangulation) 
• Respect for needs and space 
• Emotional Maturity and EQ
• Respect for boundaries - no violation of boundaries. 
• No control - the person should not control you 
• Mutual growth and freedom and support. 
• No propensity for gossip 
• No negativity (constant negative talk is dangerous) 
• Unhealthy stalkerish obsession (look for such signs) 
• Positivity. Humour, fun, games 
• Mutual activity. (good friends and partners do things mutually) shared activities. 
• Trust 
• No constant criticism (you cannot have a healthy relationship with a constant criticizer) 

 

 

 

Edited November 24, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Stage orange spirituality. 

You have to harmonize survival with spirituality. 

At the same time this kind of survival is spiritually oriented and is the good kind of survival, not the toxic kind of survival. 

 

 

From now on my focus is solely going to be Stage Orange Spirituality. 

 

[Preety_India]

I have been neglecting my health for too long.

[Preety_India]

Reminder 

Need to pay housebill. 

 

[Preety_India]

I feel a bit tired right now. 

 

 

Edited November 25, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Its actually a bit flowery in my culture. A bit delicate. 

The guy will probably ask for the number first. And he will text just general messages in the beginning. Then he will express interest by saying things like - "I like this about you or I like that about you" if the girl responds to it positively then he will escalate it further to meet somewhere like walking together along a sidewalk or a place lined by trees, like a casual romantic evening stroll.. 

And then it's not kissing right away. 

It's usually a lot of flirting, spending time together before the first kiss.. 

It's a bit conservative in terms of romance and sex. But the guy will drop hints early on that he is interested by being direct in term of words like verbally direct as in, "I really like you" which is an indication that he wants the girl as a girlfriend. 

There is no touching or kissing because that would be considered highly inappropriate. 

Touching kissing only happens when they have both agreed that they are girlfriend boyfriend and the relationship has begun.. 

It's the reverse of western method. 

Here we don't have sex before relationship. We have sex after agreeing to a relationship. 

I can say it's a bit lovey dovey and poetic, dancing around trees before sex can happen. 

This is also shown in Indian movies. 

It does sound funny but I find it pleasant and safe as a woman. 

 

[Preety_India]

Ahhhhh. Feeling so tired. 

 

[Preety_India]

I never like guys who flirt with me. It's just not my cup of tea. 

It makes me uncomfortable. 

 

[Preety_India]

I get grossed out by men who excessively flirt. 

 

[Preety_India]

I feel a bit unsteady right now. I need a lot of rest. 

But I also need to work 

 

 

[Preety_India]

So a lot of work is still pending. 

I have to work through the night now. 

My back is hurting but there is no option. 

I have to finish this work. 

It will take me 15 days and nights to finish it 

 

 

Edited November 25, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I think for the time being I'm just going to focus on my journals just for the sake of some mental peace 

By the way I'm very proud that I'm finally able to set boundaries. 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm thinking what I need to be doing. 

Certain things are making me really angry..

[Preety_India]

Since morning I have been feeling super anxious for some reason. 

 

[Preety_India]

My mom took this picture of me and I immediately turned away from the camera. 

I'm camera shy. I just didn't feel confident enough. 

I kinda screamed at my mom for taking my picture without asking me. 

 

I feel a bit insecure about my picture but I'll upload it anyway. 

My bra is visible through my shirt

My mom got that top for me and I was mighty pissed off at her because it's transparent and shows my bra. 

I don't like how my bra sticks out. 

 

 

@Marcel Honestly I was a bit pissed off when this picture was taken. Do you like my hair? I had a new hairstyle. 

What do you think of my hair in the picture? 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 26, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

@Marcel yes uploading my own picture is slightly scary because I feel so shy and self conscious about it. 

Also I gave those shoes to my friend who lives near me. They are big heels and I'm not too confident to wear them 

Only wore them in the room for some time Hehe. I couldn't wear them for more than 2 minutes. So I took them off. 

You can also see my tummy in the picture. A bit protruding tummy lol. I had to breathe in deep to keep it in. Hehe. A trick I use to not show my tummy. I don't have a very flat tummy. I gotta work on that. 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel do you really see my tummy in the picture lol?