Is there any point to cold approach in a city of 40,000?

[BipolarGrowth]

I probably can’t move for roughly 2 years or so. I can’t drive to local cities which is what I would’ve done before. Going to the bars here is pretty abysmal. They are mostly comprised of people around 50 years old (I’m 26). Oftentimes you’ll enter the bar, and if there are girls my age who are attractive even to a small degree, they almost always have boyfriends. 
 

It feels a bit off to try to approach going to a bar alone. It seems to lower chances of success significantly. I’ve basically lost my entire old social circle of friends my age, so I don’t have an immediate solution to that which I can see. 
 

I’m thinking that the best thing to do for now is to get a job where there are mainly people my age working in order to build a new social circle. I think the social circle method is probably better than any sort of cold approach, but having friends to go to the bars with will probably up success a little. 
 

The main problem I face is that I’m not really concerned too much with one night stands. I actually would like to create a high-quality relationship, and the women I’ve seen and talked to in this town don’t really meet that standard except for some rare cases. 
 

A last solution which might be the best for now is that I could start taking some college classes again to try to build a social circle there. The quality of women there is higher than in the other places I’ve mentioned (bars/workplaces). I tried to connect with both women and guys my age before while I was taking classes, but it went nowhere though. 
 

Any thoughts? 

[Tim R]

Why can't you drive to a nearby big city?

[Leo Gura]

You cannot learn cold approach effectively in such a city.

I would invest your energy into figuring out a way to move to a big city faster.

[Zeroguy]

You can cold approach in city, in villages in woods, everywhere literally. 

You need that much approaches and theory to get laid, to find a gf?! 

Time, quality?! 

 

Edited November 9, 2021 by Zeroguy

[kamwalker]

If you can't cold approach and online dating is off the table then getting a job with people your age or enrolling in some classes is a good way. It's obvious enough but most people pick their mates based on convenience. Finding hobbies that have people of the gender you're interested in is another good one in theory although in practice I've haven't had luck with this one. I used the Meetup app but most of the people attending the events I was interested in were much older. 

[LordFall]

10 hours ago, BipolarGrowth said:

I probably can’t move for roughly 2 years or so. I can’t drive to local cities which is what I would’ve done before. Going to the bars here is pretty abysmal. They are mostly comprised of people around 50 years old (I’m 26). Oftentimes you’ll enter the bar, and if there are girls my age who are attractive even to a small degree, they almost always have boyfriends. 
 

It feels a bit off to try to approach going to a bar alone. It seems to lower chances of success significantly. I’ve basically lost my entire old social circle of friends my age, so I don’t have an immediate solution to that which I can see. 
 

I’m thinking that the best thing to do for now is to get a job where there are mainly people my age working in order to build a new social circle. I think the social circle method is probably better than any sort of cold approach, but having friends to go to the bars with will probably up success a little. 
 

The main problem I face is that I’m not really concerned too much with one night stands. I actually would like to create a high-quality relationship, and the women I’ve seen and talked to in this town don’t really meet that standard except for some rare cases. 
 

A last solution which might be the best for now is that I could start taking some college classes again to try to build a social circle there. The quality of women there is higher than in the other places I’ve mentioned (bars/workplaces). I tried to connect with both women and guys my age before while I was taking classes, but it went nowhere though. 
 

Any thoughts? 

Cold approach is not an option for you then. Cold approach takes advantage of two fundamental things: volume and anonymity. In our current mega cities, you can take advantage of the system and practice your seduction skills by approaching dozens of women daily that will not remember you and you will probably not run into again. That's the basic idea. If you remove those two things then you end up with either a variation of a warm approach(which is basically a very extended social circle if you think about it) or you just walk around endlessly looking for an attractive girl to hit on which both defeat the purpose.

You can still learn game in a small town though. The same principles you learn through cold approach, you can learn and practice anywhere. You just have to be a bit more strategic about it. 

IMO now you need to figure out what your goal in this journey is. Do you want a solid girlfriend? Do you want to be a seducer of women in general? Do you want easy sex? All these goals are VERY different and they have different optimal ways of reaching them. 

I'd have to know you more to give better advice but I'd say that if your main goal is to get a quality long-term girlfriend then a social circle is your best bet. If you want to get many options with many women then your best bet is to use the next two years of your life to become an online influencer. If you manage to find a way to make a location-independent income and have a public persona attached to it then after your two years are up then you can basically travel the world and have sex with as many women as you like, if that's what you want to do.

Every other goal is a variation of these two ideas really. Relationships are based on intertwining your lives together so a social circle is the logical conclusion of that. Being a "fuckboy" is based on value and access so making money online while being a recognizable figure is the best way to achieve that in 2021. 

[Emotionalmosquito]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You cannot learn cold approach effectively in such a city.

What if all you want is just a few good solid gf experiences? Then is 40-60k enough?

[Federico del pueblo]

@BipolarGrowth

It's not ideal, but there is still absolutely no excuse to not get better socially.

If you really can't move then make the best out of your current situation.

For this you could aim to create some kind of mixture between cold approach and social circle game.

So, go out with a friend or alone and just be a social person. Talk to people like bouncers, people who work in the bars and also strangers.

You can start with more low risk stuff like asking some people random questions.

"Hey, what do you think is the best beer here?" 

"Hey guys, you look like cool/interesting people so I just wanted to come by for a moment, are you all from X-town too?"

I know that this kind of awkward, but if you want to meet new people, there's no way around making yourself vulnerable at some point (also not in a big city).

Also just make friendly eye contact with people, clink glasses with others, throw some thumbs up and similar stuff.

Hopefully at some point you know more people you can go out with and also more people who tend to go to the same bars as you go. Then you can arrive at your venue and already know people from the very beginning (including staff) and look a little bit more "high value" like this. This way you will sometimes get introduced to other people who are friends of friends or acquaintances.

On top of all of that you can still do some classic cold approaches here and there, not dozens every night, but some. And here you can still choose to do more indirect openers, like opinion openers and then proceed with some regular "getting to know each other" questions and then after some time sprinkle in some man to woman stuff.

Also make an effort to visit some other cities every once in a while where you can do more risky stuff and experiment.

 

Edit:

I forgot: also talk to strangers in your day to day life. The cashier, the bus driver, the barber, people on the bus or whatever. Be more social in general.

Edited November 9, 2021 by Federico del pueblo

[Leo Gura]

51 minutes ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

What if all you want is just a few good solid gf experiences? Then is 40-60k enough?

No

[Federico del pueblo]

57 minutes ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

What if all you want is just a few good solid gf experiences? Then is 40-60k enough?

If you need the hottest kind of girlfriend then it's not ideal.

But all I said in my former post could still be applied here too.

Of course there are also single women in smaller cities, and they are in the same situation as you. They also want to meet new guys and there are not nearly as many on Tinder compared to big cities. So also girls do not have as much abundance and are glad if they can somehow still meet other interesting guys. So if you can be that fun social guy who talks to everybody you could become interesting for these girls.

[Agoy]

I've not seen Leo's latest vid yet but cold-approach can be done literally anywhere with other people, the point of it is just for one to become indifferent to rejection so that 'the approach' eventually becomes submerged with everyday interactions, and so isn't seen as something which is planned out and executed but rather done spontaneously at the moment when the desire arises, without the mind creating fearful thoughts to intervene

I don't think looking at cold-approach as being mutually exclusive with a ridiculously large amount of women in an area is appropriate at all, because it presupposes that the notion of doing it at all is to attain a statistically high amount of women to sleep with

I'd argue that cold-approach is effective because it gets guys to experience their fear of rejection through the experience of rejection, which eventually helps them to become indifferent to that fear, which then allows them to not be held back by said fear in everyday life when interacting with women

for this you don't need a ridiculous amount of girls in an area because the act of being selective with the girls is missing the point of doing it in the first place -  yeah it'd be nice to have 100,000 girls in your area but really you could become amazing at doing cold-approach just by approaching girls everyday for a month straight, as like I said the point is just in the doing of it

eventually, you can get to the point where all interactions are naturally coming from a playful place of authenticity once the fear of rejection is eradicated, at which point you'll naturally treat all girls from this playful place - the one's who like you back will make that known, and then it'll just be on you to choose whether you want to engage romantically or not

Edited November 10, 2021 by Regan

[Emotionalmosquito]

1 hour ago, Regan said:

I don't think looking at cold-approach as being mutually exclusive with a ridiculously large amount of women in an area is appropriate at all, because it presupposes that the notion of doing it at all is to attain a statistically high amount of women to sleep with

For me personally that isn’t even close to the reason it’s necessary to have a large population. It’s a matter of running out of new girls to talk to. Every rejection gets you closer and closer to completely exhausting your options. The smaller the city the more likely it is to be labeled the town creep and steer everyone away at the near sight of you.

If women were more forgiving and giving of second and third and fourth chances it wouldn’t be a problem at all. Because you as the practitioner have to go around chatting up as many as possible just to improve your skills whereas the girls just see some random dude trying to make a move on all of them which is certainly alarming as hell or at least annoying. Inevitably you start running into the same girls without realizing it.

[Federico del pueblo]

10 hours ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

For me personally that isn’t even close to the reason it’s necessary to have a large population. It’s a matter of running out of new girls to talk to. Every rejection gets you closer and closer to completely exhausting your options. The smaller the city the more likely it is to be labeled the town creep and steer everyone away at the near sight of you.

If women were more forgiving and giving of second and third and fourth chances it wouldn’t be a problem at all. Because you as the practitioner have to go around chatting up as many as possible just to improve your skills whereas the girls just see some random dude trying to make a move on all of them which is certainly alarming as hell or at least annoying. Inevitably you start running into the same girls without realizing it.

First of all, why do you not move if all of this is the case?

Second of all: What difference does it make whether you don't get laid because you don't approach any girl at all or whether you don't get laid because you're the town creep? 

It's still just fear of judgement and rejection, and you'd still be growing doing it.

What other options do you have in your town? Online dating? It's probably even worse.

Also you could still choose the more social "just talking to everybody" approach, so you get introduced to other people automatically at some point.

[ArcticGong]

What is the threshold of what is considered as a big city?

[fridjonk]

23 hours ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

What if all you want is just a few good solid gf experiences? Then is 40-60k enough?

I live in a town of 2000 people...it's enough. 

[Javfly33]

1 million I would say

[Leo Gura]

It's not even the size of the city that counts, it's the opportunities present for approaching. Move to a city with great day game or night game options. Ideally both.

Some big cities are still bad for learning game because they have a bad nightlife.

[Average Investor]

I live in a similar sized town. I occasionally meet a girl that is attracted to me. Not much to pick from though. I have went to the bars here and it is super lame. No friend circle locally really. Doesn't really have a whole lot of value here. 

[Agoy]

@Emotionalmosquito I totally agree that the bigger the city the better, I just think that those in smaller populated places shouldn't be deterred from it as it'll still be of benefit regardless. New girls come in and out of places all the time,  plus one could find someone they really resonate with soon into it without needing a huge number, so I think it's worth it just because of that possibility.

 

[Emotionalmosquito]

10 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

First of all, why do you not move if all of this is the case?

I don’t have anywhere close to enough money to move to a big city. Even if I did manage to do so some how, rent and food alone would make it impossible to save any money, that’s with two jobs.

 

10 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Second of all: What difference does it make whether you don't get laid because you don't approach any girl at all or whether you don't get laid because you're the town creep?

Decent point. I guess there isn’t much difference except being banned from  establishments for as little as saying the wrong thing. That’s why I hate the whole be yourself platitude. It’s not very likely to get anywhere socially without being fake as fuck so I think the fake it till you make it strategy is much better. Getting kicked out of places limits your abilities  even further.