Should i drop acid tomorrow?

[blessedlion1993]

I want to keep going deeper on my path with psychedelics, however, I'm in a bit of a dark mind-space. I feel unstable and lost, i just got back from a 2 week ayahuasca retreat and it was challenging, not as healing as i had hoped.

I'm also reading LSD and the mind of the universe, it's essentially about taking the path of psychedelics for spiritual growth. Which i find very inticing. 

I have been a meditator for 5 years and it just seems to not be getting me where i want to go, although i love meditation, so much. where-as psychedelics usually do. And they are so great at shaking up all those negative patterns. 

 

I want to take acid (2 hits) and just meditate because last time i did it was so healing. But i'm worried that if it's a bad trip ill be even worse off. 

My main issue i don't have a support group. I travel like a madman, spending less than a month in a country at a time, because i enjoy it, but it comes with a constant flux of people in and out of my life. no stable tribe or friend group. 

[BipolarGrowth]

If you feel quite confident you can handle your shit without a trip sitter, I’d say it’s okay. If you can get a trip sitter, that’s ideal though. Being in a bit of a negative headspace isn’t a reason to completely avoid tripping. A big reason I’m saying this might be okay is because you’re indicating you have years of meditation experience. That helps. I’ve had psychs pull me out of a number of depressions, so maybe you’ll see a similar result. Still, set positive intentions beforehand and try to do it on a good day compared to your current average. Make sure to meditate for some time before you take it or at the very least on the whole come up phase.  
 

Also this advice only flies if you’ve done some trips at that dose before and they were received well. Don’t do your highest dose ever in a bad headspace… Be extra careful with all the normal safety protocol. No high rise apartments with balconies, access to weapons, etc.

 

You’d probably want to have at least one person know about your plans. Someone nearby would be best. A friend from back home who you could at least call if you get into difficult territory would be a close second. 

Edited November 6, 2021 by BipolarGrowth

[blessedlion1993]

Thank you, very insightful and helpful advice <3 @BipolarGrowth

[markobo]

Let us know how your experience was if you feel like it. 

[Brandon Nankivell]

Digital nomad ey?

[Alex_R]

Start with 75ug and watch some non-duality youtube content

[PurpleTree]

i'd say you shouldn't

that's basically the same answer i'll give to anyone if they ask me if they should take such and such substance

[Chris365]

On 11/13/2021 at 10:43 PM, Alex_R said:

Start with 75ug and watch some non-duality youtube content

Whatever you do, don't watch the Samadhi movie, Descartes' demon chased me the whole night while on 400ug ?

[lmfao]

@blessedlion1993 Did you do it in the end? I'm in pretty unstable space too, however I took about an 8th of a square 220 tab recently and it was a trip. It was below any threshold for object distortion or hallucination, but it changed my feeling a lot and made me introspective about a few things.

With lsd tabs, I've been told the concentration is not always uniform across the tab due to hotspots, so idk my dose really. 

Overall in my path now, I've done a lot of destruction on my psyche and now it's time for what comes after in exploring and growth. Whether that means I'll end up taking meds soon or will find grow naturally. Its possible I'll be dragged down further, never say never, but yeah. I've permanently broken certain layers of reality, but it hasn't made me happy or complete, in fact it's felt miserable, but for some reason I still feel soul and gratitude for life and optimism. 

As far as I can tell psychedelics are pretty good for growth since they make you connect a lot of different things. That baby acid amount really jogged my mind a bit. I realised something about moment-to-moment flows and reversals of flows in my experience which I've always been aware of subconsciously, and I then made the jump to realising why people obsess over the quantum mechanics meme so much. + other shit about how some of my traits relate to my parents that I didn't see before. Or at the very least it showed me beliefs I had about the origins of some my traits. 

I go from optimistic and grateful one minute to full of anxiety and etc the next, it's clear I need to recharge and heal or relax. 

"YOU'RE ALWAYS ON" someone told me, and it's true, even if I'm depressed states. 

Edited November 17, 2021 by lmfao

[softlyblossoming]

@lmfao Sounds like my experiences of becoming more aware of what's already there and shocked at how bad it is. Ever heard of Collision with The Infinite by Suzanne Segal? It's her autobiography where she talks about being in a constant state of terror for literal years at a no-self insight. I've had similar stuff happen, but only temporarily. That book showed me how bad this dark night shit can really get.

"The mind's hypervigilance was exhausting. Because it was constantly engaged in rejecting the experience of emptiness, there was very little attention available for anything else. My life was filled with seeing no-self, and raising questions about no-self. Even in sleep the emptiness of personal identity continued unperturbed. No mental activity ever changed the experience of no-self in any manner, and none of the attempts to figure out, organize, or evaluate it ever brought back a sense of an individual indentity." <— Excerpt from Collision with The Infinite

You can read more from that frightening experience here: https://realization.org/p/suzanne-segal/segal.collision.html

[Aaron p]

@blessedlion1993 do; (half dosage of LSD plugged) + (normal dosage of mdma oral). 

when plugging lsd the trip lasts half as long and is twice as potent. this plus mdma basically guarantees a good trip careful not to take too much of either compound when combining the two as they potentiate each other (but not by a large margin). also...have benzos on standby when trippin on lsd or shrooms, its a trip killer, take it to kill any trip. this allows you to trip on higher dosages with the knowledge that you literally have an off switch, good luck

Edited November 19, 2021 by Aaron p

[lmfao]

@softlyblossoming Acid experience itself felt positive, also clarified insights about how I am.
My current state is pretty distraught. I've given up hope on conceptualising anything I went through in that turbulence as a "dark night" or anything, I've just seen it as life going on for god knows what reason. And natural crises that emerge when everything from my life just crashes. 


Fuelled by extreme rage, I was even deliberately harvesting and generating rage to keep myself moving forward. It's been like that in recent months. Feeling like my body and perceptual systems are on fire. For the past couple weeks the rage has calmed down a lot, but I'm also in depression and I still have OCD anxiety. Probably my extremely shit diet of junk food which sent me into a hibernation from rage.*

But just by going for a run, the testosterone rises, + slight upset in mood and I'm feeling rage again. I really don't want to paralyse myself in self destruction with it or repeat the same thing. I'm sick and fed up of rage completely, yet I feel if I don't bolster my self in this way I'll drown in this world. The feeling that I hardly got any validation or acknowledgement from anyone, don't give a piss about my family in receiving that. 

-
*No, it wasn't that, I was just exhausted from being so angry. And then what arose instead were the extreme guilt projections to deal with. Then I was dealing with extreme pseudo anxieties and scattered attention, but in this day I was feeling rage again. 


Interesting that this Suzan Woman felt split in two. In my written ramblings of heightened awareness, describing the geometric mechanics of my operation in the world, I was using language of splitting, putting attention on the "other side", a lot of falsely generated and pseudo anxieties.
I feel like I'm relearning a lot, it's like that meme of "manual breathing" 

Sometimes it's like there's a high frequency fog and dissociation which is trying to pull me out of my body or make me float away, and its so intense. I think that's when stressed.

But anyway, overall the past week I've been slightly better and I'm surviving, I don't have any university work to do since im taking a break, so blessed. 

——
Someone online randomly told me that shrooms are better since they are less likely to cause psychosis than LSD, no idea if he's chatting shit. When I heard Terrence McKenna talk about LSD he said LSD was like a magnification or telescope for what was already in your mind (can't remember). Of course I didn't hear that until after I took LSD 

Edited November 23, 2021 by lmfao

[softlyblossoming]

@lmfao That sounds like a really difficult set of circumstances to try to develop yourself in, I do hope you feel a bit better again sooner rather than later.

I do the same thing a lot, where I default to rage/anger/similar just to motivate myself enough to do the things that will hopefully get me out of all the confusion and suffering. My diet's really rubbish at the moment too, I'm going to try learning how to detox and maybe it will help. Diet is just so difficult because when I feel really upset, I can't even control myself enough to not just go ahead and seek comfort in junk food.

To resolve this, I've been trying to fully feel my emotions more, and although it doesn't always work to make them any better, it does seem to help me to calm down a little if I can do it for several hours or days on end. Something you could try, I suppose.

I've also been trying to learn a meditation technique called 'thoughts in the room' that is designed for immediate relief from emotional/mental suffering like anxiety thought-loops - I'm learning it from this video, which is where I first heard about it earlier today: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsyP80BydV4 

Maybe some of what you're experiencing is symptoms associated with being in the third vipassana jhana, which I learned about on dharmaoverground.org. Your description sounds kinda like what the 'Knowledge of Reobservation' probably feels like.

Wishing you all the best to get through all this to somewhere better. I'm gonna use you as the object for my meta meditation tonight, homie.