Venting journal 2021 (no comments please)

[Preety_India]

I was asleep thinking that I had so many things going on that I wanted to vent about 

 

Edited November 5, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

So Yea I don't even remember what I wanted to vent about. 

There were certain images in my dreams. 

I wanted to vent about my mom. 

I wanted to vent about my financial situation 

 

I wanted to vent about my health. 

How I'm never in a good mood 

 

The junk food I eat. 

The nightmares and bad sleep quality 

 

I want to literally vent about every little thing under the sky. 

Lots of things withing my control. 

Lots of things beyond my control. 

I want to vent about my headache. About my back pain. 

About this forum especially its toxic parts 

About society in general and about humanity. 

Things that make me anxious 

 

I wanted to vent about my bad health 

 

I'm trying to think about every tiny thing I can come up with 

Just complete release. 

This feels like therapy. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

First thing I want to vent about is time. 

How little time we got in life? 

Time passes by so quickly. 

 

It's so hard to grab it. It slips like sand through one's fingers. 

 

[Preety_India]

Yessssssssssssss. I remember now. 

I got it now. I wanted to desperately vent about this cat who has made my life a literal hell for the past 3 days. 

So there's a cat around my balcony on the roof and it keeps climbing there 

(I'm very sensitive to sounds. And the only time I find peace is when it rains) 

 

This notorious male cat has been going around my house and other houses and making non stop meow sounds. It's not even like a meow. More like a maow. It's so loud and harsh. It is very annoying. It's not pleasant at all. And this grumpy cat has been continuously maowing for past 3 days.. I don't even find it when I go looking for it. It keeps walking everywhere especially in the night when I'm asleep and keeps picking fights with other cats. Loud fights. 

Mind you, I love cats a lot and I never found any cat to be annoying. I have petted the most wild feral Hostile cats when I was a child. Meowing doesn't annoy me since I'm used to those sounds and in fact that's the most healing sound to my ears, that's the first animal sound I heard as a kid, I mean I saw cats when I was just 2-3 years old. 

So imagine how annoying this cat really has to be if a cat lover like me is getting annoyed. 

Yea wanted to vent about that. Really annoying sounds 24/7 from this male cat. I can tell it's a male cat because these sounds and the meowing style is distinct and typical of male cats. Especially if they are in heat or something. 

Good Lord, catty please find someone and stop maowing, it's annoying. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

This is the end of the forum for me.. How much worse can it really get? 

I mean this comment does it for me 

Like Leo is telling some random woman on the forum to go kill herself if she feels like she can't get a date. 

Wait what??? Wtf??? 

This is something. I'm not even going to respond to his comments but I feel bad for the woman who asked the question. 

How can a forum like this and the  forum founder encourage a forum newbie to commit suicide? 

Wtf? How toxic is this forum? 

 

I don't want to give the benefit of the doubt to Leo that he simply made an autistic comment where he simply slipped up without having any social cues. I'm beginning to think that Leo is not as innocent as he tries to show. He is acting creepy. This is not to be pushed under the rug. This wasn't a flippant comment especially given the context that the woman was feeling suicidal. It shouldn't be dismissed. He really meant lt

I feel like puking. 

 

 

Can't take it anymore 

 

I mean that woman is suicidal. 

It feels like half the forum is suicidal and the advice is just not proper. 

I'm suicidal as well. 

A couple of days back  a mod was suicidal. 

I'm so done with this place. It's not the suicide thing that hurts. It's the advice given to suicidal people on this forum that can actually make them even more suicidal I feel. 

This is just gross psychological abuse in my opinion. 

 

 

Edited November 5, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Just when I thought this forum would become better I end up reading something abusive, disgusting and full of filth. 

Just gross. 

 

[Preety_India]

"it's better to kill yourself" I mean who the fuck says that????? 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm beginning to get sick of it and only after so many years I'm actually realizing that the place is not good

 

[Preety_India]

I should totally avoid the dating section of the forum. 

It's toxic as hell for women. 

The vulgar language used there is just impossible to deal with. 

 

[Preety_India]

Women are totally treated like sex objects on the dating section of the forum. 

The more I deal with this forum, the more I'm disappointed. It's nuts. 

 

[Preety_India]

Trying to get it off my chest whatever I just read.. 

[Preety_India]

Anyway. 

That cat isn't around here for a while now 

Guess what???

There are firecrackers being lit all around me because it's Diwali. So the cat ran away lol. 

It couldn't stand the fireworks and the loud noise. 

Good Lord 

 

The cat is probably hiding somewhere. 

 

[Preety_India]

That cat can't hide for too long. 

It must be somewhere in the vicinity. 

I mean I am an expert at handling and taming cats. Even the wildest ones. 

They kinda bite me but that's okay, I eventually get around to taming them 

That's the magic of my hands. Once I start stroking them on the back, then the deal is done, the cat is mine. 

I'm waiting for that cat to cross my path and it will royally fuck up big time. Because no way in hell can it escape my notice. 

I'm going to get it one way or another. 

I mean I'm kinda obsessed with cats. 

I used to have 10 cats as a kid. I literally grew up among cats. 

Apparently no cat has ever escaped my notice. I always end up bumping into one. 

I really like cats. They are so lively and funny and cute. They are so sweet and gentle and magical. 

I love being around cats.. I rarely get pissed off at them. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Sometimes I feel like venting about my mom. 

 

[Preety_India]

Now that there is pin drop silence, the cat has started again. 

This is creepy. 

I don't know what is up with this cat. 

But this cat has climbed the roof next to my window and it's making the same annoying sounds again 

 

[Preety_India]

 

There are just so many things that I like to get off my chest.. 

One of those things that I want to vent about is how on this forum people are often told - "hey if your parents are bothering you, just move out." 

I'm like what????? 

 

Yes I get it that moving out looks like a beautiful option. 

But do you ever realize that we are all young people here in our 20s struggling to have a proper career, confused about life and not having enough hard cash???? 

Money doesn't grow on trees. 

 

You have to work extremely hard for it. 

And even if you work hard, sometimes you are paid peanuts. 

We aren't working for 30 years to have savings to move out. 

Some of us have worked for some years. 

 

I worked and I'm still working. Whatever I earned I spent it on my mother's surgery a couple of years ago. 

So Yea my bank account got empty again. 

I'm struggling to make money but I'm making enough to afford my own food expenses. 

Rent is very high in my area. 

So i won't be able to afford rent in the middle of a city. 

How convenient is it to simply tell someone to move out? 

To what extent is this advice truly helpful? 

Do you consider a person's financial challenges while doling out this kind of advice???? 

 

I mean I have often seen people say things like "hey if you can't commute to work by public transport, get a car" 

 

It is so absurd. 

Another Example in a similar context is when someone tells you - "hey if you feel anxious or depressed, talk to a therapist." 

Like so amazing right? 

We must be living in fairly land where everything gets fixed like magic, why even complain? 

Do you know how much it costs to attend a therapist in my country. 

Last time I checked a woman told me that she will take three sessions and charge me $150. 

No sorry every country doesn't give its citizens the luxury of free therapy as it is in some fairy land western countries like America 

In my place if you have a mental or psychological issue you better go to Himalayas and live in a cave because your psychologist's bills are going to eat your whole bank account. 

I have heard about families who lost their entire savings and had to  sell off their house because someone in their family was mentally ill, the hospitalization costs were huge, the insurance companies didn't wish to pay for mental issues related Hospitalization. 

It's that tricky. 

So when someone says "hey you should visit a therapist," it reminds me of Mary Antoinette 

Its like telling a hungry person in a third world country like mine, "hey if you are hungry and can't afford bread, then why don't you buy cake." 

This also happens when Leo tells guys to move to a rich city to find girls. 

I mean he makes it look like you need to just pack your bags, forget your family or job or any other responsibility and simply move to a place where the rent is sky high and viola!!!!! You will get a girlfriend!! 

I find it so shallow. How can an average socially awkward guy struggling with life automatically move to the most expensive cities in the world? 

Just because success came to you, doesn't mean everyone has that luck and luxury. 

Young people have to deal with a shit ton of anxieties around money, career, relationships and we should be understanding and sympathetic of it. Rather than dismissive.

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Rant about mentally ill people 

My mother is a super narcissistic psychopath mentally ill woman. 

Often times we expect compassion to be shown to mentally ill people. 

My question is - to what extent are we Really capable of doing this, especially in action and not just words? 

How convenient is it to tell people to go help mentally ill people? 

Do you ever account for the struggles that the caregiver goes through while dealing with a mentally ill person or do you simply want to play Saint for egoic reasons??? 

I have had the misfortune of dealing with a mentally ill family member since the day I was born. Aka my mother 

 

She will yell, scream, attack. Bang on the door in the middle of the night and wake me up. This caused me permanent insomnia by the way 

If I don't open the door, she will scream as loudly as possible for hours. 

I mean this is what my dad had to deal with. I mean he didn't divorce her. He simply died. That's how he paid the price. The ultimate price of marrying and living with a mentally ill psycho woman. 

She is pathetic narcissistic bitch who made my life as a child, a living nightmare. 

 

And when people tell me to forgive or show compassion, I would say it's easy to say these airy - fairy nonsense impractical things. Come and experience it yourself. And then I'll see how much compassion you can show. 

Telling others to be compassionate is quite convenient I guess 

 

 

And yes my post is full of sarcasm because life is full of sarcasm and harsh realities.. I don't give a fuck. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

When I die, the day I die and supposedly Reincarnate, the last thing I will wish for, for my future birth is to be born as the daughter of a mentally ill mother. Nope. Sorry God. That's not the best feeling. 

 

[Preety_India]

At least I can be grateful in the moment that the cat is not around to make creepy noises  near my window. 

I had the misfortune of dealing with the worst cat of my life and the irony is that I am a cat lover and a cat has to be super super annoying to get a cat lover like me pissed. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I went outside in the rains right now to get a milkshake. Because I'm so stressed out. 

Anything dairy helps me to release stress. 

 

I used to rely on ice creams to release my stress. 

Now I'll rely on milkshakes. 

Ice creams can sometimes make me feel a bit nauseous especially when they stock old ice cream in the store. 

I don't get fat even if I indulge in comfort eating and that's great. Probably because I'm young and my metabolism works fine. 

If I continue this habit of comfort eating when I am older, then it might probably start impacting my body. But at least not for now.