Restoring Feminine Energy

[ndm678]

I'm in the midst of a relationship rupture. My girlfriend has taken on a masculine, mask if you will, that has made things overly wonky.

Until recently she has been a feminine goddess, her energy was strong, pure, and engulfing. Sex was beyond amazing.

Our energy has shifted, and now it feels kinda revolting to be around her.

I attempted to escalate my own masculine energy, but that has resulted in regular dick measuring contest. She has gone full Bro-ski.

Sex has completely ceased, all and anything related to sexual play has also ceased. I feel as though I've become her gay male girlfriend for a platonic tea party. 

She doesn't seem to have very much interest in flipping this energy, I should 'be thankful with what I've gotten and shut up'.

I really don't know how to proceed, besides to walk away. I think I could use some insight, or I'm just venting about her balls dropping out.

Thanks for reading!

[tsuki]

Have you tried presenting her your perception in a non-judgmental way?

[Rilles]

How long have you been together? Relationships have phases, this is a trial phase probably, she probably put up a front to impress you when you first met and now she is herself for the first time and you dont like it.

Edited November 4, 2021 by Rilles

[ndm678]

@Rilles almost 3 years

[zazen]

The honeymoon phase of relationships people put on their best selves. Once this fades the true self comes out. Besides that, maybe she's taken on a new job or has new stresses in her life causing her to take on masculine traits, or she's reading/exposing herself to new knowledge on being a strong independent woman and trying on a certain way of being. 

 

Coming to yourself, have you weakened in some ways where she feels she has to wear the pants in the relationship? Men can become comfortable and slowly lose the attractiveness that got the woman attracted to you in the first place. To maintain romantic love polarity has to be maintained. When guys get into relationships, it is a battle for we become injected with oxytocin and various chemicals that weaken us, evolutionary this is so we would stick around to provision/protect children. Just be aware of this and maintain your strength as a man. 

 

The spark gets lost around the 3 year mark. Long term monogamous relationships are a lot of effort and work on both parties.  Average relationships last 2-3 years on average, people just get bored. This could be biological, as past this amount of time if the woman hasn't conceived a baby which is what her biology is drawing her to do with your biology, her body/hind brain checks out of the relationship and seeks to make babies elsewhere. Sexual love fades and is hard to maintain, it has to be turned into spiritual love which is an art form both partners need to be open to learning and living through.

 

Quote on women and femininity 

''Women are taught to debauch their femininity in pursuit of power and social acceptance under the rule of feminist dogma. They all too unwittingly realise not what they give up by capitulating to feminism. Much to woman’s detriment, adhering to the feminist roadmap results in a vitiation of her desirability to the kind of man she yearns for. Of specific note in regard to this is the contemporary culture. The current economic model and prevailing social-programming of the time push women towards masculinity by framing it as “liberation.” Feminism sells women the lie that to masculinise is to become free. It convinces the feminine to divorce herself from her nature and to aspire to be that which she isn’t. That her desire to nurture, support and mother is weak. She should become more manlike, fierce, assertive, a conqueror! Indeed what banal trite, there is no man of worth breathing that wants to commit to the fabled feminist “real woman.”

Edited November 4, 2021 by zazen

[Rilles]

2 minutes ago, ndm678 said:

@Rilles almost 3 years

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/stages-of-a-relationship

 

Check this out. Seems like you have to make a choice to either accept her as she is or leave her. Decision time! Great oppurtunity to practice non-judgementalism and radical open-mindedness.

Edited November 4, 2021 by Rilles

[ndm678]

@tsuki not exactly. I thought it was just a passing phase, so I let I ride for a bit. When I tried to address it, it blew up.

[Jacob Morres]

She is wounded? 

Maybe couples therapy 

 

How did you address it when you brought it up?

 

Edited November 4, 2021 by Jacob Morres

[tsuki]

19 minutes ago, ndm678 said:

@tsuki not exactly. I thought it was just a passing phase, so I let I ride for a bit. When I tried to address it, it blew up.

First of all, the framing of your problem is wrong. You are presenting it in a conflict-oriented way. You need to figure out how to think about this without creating opposition. A "me and my masculinity vs her and her femininity" kind of deal is not something you can get out of via confrontation. 

It is also not something you can address on your own. You should be clear about that. If she's not willing to help you, then you will not change anything. Raising your masculine energy will only make things worse. This is a coordinated effort.

You need to present your needs openly, honestly, and express how you feel. Not by giving in to your anger, sadness, and fear by screaming, but by saying: "I see this or that this way and I feel angry, sad, or whatever". This conversation will only work, if she wants to satisfy your needs. When you are committed to each other and allow each other to express yourselves freely without judgment. Without this, you will only hurt each other.

Realize that the only reason to be in a relationship is to give each other what each of you need. Each of you should know what you want, trust that you will get it, and want to provide for your partner. This is the basis of any relationship: clear and open communication.

Edited November 4, 2021 by tsuki

[ndm678]

5 hours ago, zazen said:

The honeymoon phase of relationships people put on their best selves. Once this fades the true self comes out. Besides that, maybe she's taken on a new job or has new stresses in her life causing her to take on masculine traits, or she's reading/exposing herself to new knowledge on being a strong independent woman and trying on a certain way of being. 

 

Coming to yourself, have you weakened in some ways where she feels she has to wear the pants in the relationship? Men can become comfortable and slowly lose the attractiveness that got the woman attracted to you in the first place. To maintain romantic love polarity has to be maintained. When guys get into relationships, it is a battle for we become injected with oxytocin and various chemicals that weaken us, evolutionary this is so we would stick around to provision/protect children. Just be aware of this and maintain your strength as a man. 

 

The spark gets lost around the 3 year mark. Long term monogamous relationships are a lot of effort and work on both parties.  Average relationships last 2-3 years on average, people just get bored. This could be biological, as past this amount of time if the woman hasn't conceived a baby which is what her biology is drawing her to do with your biology, her body/hind brain checks out of the relationship and seeks to make babies elsewhere. Sexual love fades and is hard to maintain, it has to be turned into spiritual love which is an art form both partners need to be open to learning and living through.

 

Quote on women and femininity 

''Women are taught to debauch their femininity in pursuit of power and social acceptance under the rule of feminist dogma. They all too unwittingly realise not what they give up by capitulating to feminism. Much to woman’s detriment, adhering to the feminist roadmap results in a vitiation of her desirability to the kind of man she yearns for. Of specific note in regard to this is the contemporary culture. The current economic model and prevailing social-programming of the time push women towards masculinity by framing it as “liberation.” Feminism sells women the lie that to masculinise is to become free. It convinces the feminine to divorce herself from her nature and to aspire to be that which she isn’t. That her desire to nurture, support and mother is weak. She should become more manlike, fierce, assertive, a conqueror! Indeed what banal trite, there is no man of worth breathing that wants to commit to the fabled feminist “real woman.”

@zazen  we've been together about three years. So the honeymoon phase has long passed.

She had recently got a promotion at work. Once she realized her power in there, she enjoyed 'waving my dick in everyone's face'.

She has been working from home since the pandemic started, and doesn't possess clear lines where work ends at home begins.

I have been a bit diminished. I struggled when a close friend passed away. I also posted on here awhile back about feeling clingy/needy, and was looking to keep that in check. I became unsettled when sex was shut down.

Before her, I was in an 18 year marriage with a woman that came off as masculine. I've already done that experience, and don't care to repeat it.

I've been on the spiritual path for awhile, she isn't interested in that 'woo woo nonsense' and isn't willing to do any sort of work in this arena.

I liked your quote, thanks 

[ndm678]

5 hours ago, Jacob Morres said:

She is wounded?

How did you address it when you brought it up?

She has some 'daddy issues', fears abandonment. I fear rejection, so that's a lot of fun.

I brought it up lightly, on several occasions. "I want to feel more of your feminine energy" "Your energy is off, come connect with me", stuff of that manner.

The last instance, I lost my cool about it, she really didn't try to understand what I was saying, and called me 'paranoid and dillusional'. She also, knowing and purposely crossed a couple of my boundaries, just to ruffle my feathers.

@Jacob Morres

[ndm678]

5 hours ago, tsuki said:

First of all, the framing of your problem is wrong. You are presenting it in a conflict-oriented way. You need to figure out how to think about this without creating opposition. A "me and my masculinity vs her and her femininity" kind of deal is not something you can get out of via confrontation. 

I fell on that one, I tried a more Suttle approach, but wasn't able to get through

 

It is also not something you can address on your own. You should be clear about that. If she's not willing to help you, then you will not change anything. Raising your masculine energy will only make things worse. This is a coordinated effort.

I attempted to connect with her on the feminine side. Requesting closeness, connection, intimacy. She didn't want to engage in those and had 'better things to do, go figure yourself out'. I tried bumping my own up a bit,, and was met with about as much resistance.

 

Realize that the only reason to be in a relationship is to give each other what each of you need. Each of you should know what you want, trust that you will get it, and want to provide for your partner. This is the basis of any relationship: clear and open communication.

I decided to be more selfless over the past few weeks. I strive to be more kind, caring, compassionate. I did any and everything to make her feel loved and comfortable (not saying I did it all right, but I did try). In return she came back more masculine and dismissive, that's when I kinda went overboard.

 

[ndm678]

5 hours ago, Rilles said:

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/stages-of-a-relationship

 

Check this out. Seems like you have to make a choice to either accept her as she is or leave her. Decision time! Great oppurtunity to practice non-judgementalism and radical open-mindedness.

5 hours ago, Rilles said:

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/stages-of-a-relationship

 

Check this out. Seems like you have to make a choice to either accept her as she is or leave her. Decision time! Great oppurtunity to practice non-judgementalism and radical open-mindedness.

Thanks, it seems its time to shit or get off the pot 

5 hours ago, Rilles said:

 

@Rilles

[Leo Gura]

Well, the most important thing is for you to figure out what changed in her. Once you know the root cause of her shift away from the feminine you can decide whether its possible to guide her back.

And if it isn't possible to guide her back, then look for a new girl. There is no point in being in a reverse polarity relationship if what you desire is feminine energy.

This seems like a simple case. If she is unwilling to be feminine then you two are clearly incompatible and there is no point in wasting each others time.

But consider, she may just be going through a period of stress. Find out what's going on with her.

[something_else]

6 hours ago, ndm678 said:

She doesn't seem to have very much interest in flipping this energy, I should 'be thankful with what I've gotten and shut up'.

Did she say this exact thing to you?

That is a disgusting thing for either party to say in a relationship, and you should seriously consider walking away if she said that to you

[zazen]

51 minutes ago, ndm678 said:

@zazen  we've been together about three years. So the honeymoon phase has long passed.

She had recently got a promotion at work. Once she realized her power in there, she enjoyed 'waving my dick in everyone's face'.

She has been working from home since the pandemic started, and doesn't possess clear lines where work ends at home begins.

I have been a bit diminished. I struggled when a close friend passed away. I also posted on here awhile back about feeling clingy/needy, and was looking to keep that in check. I became unsettled when sex was shut down.

Before her, I was in an 18 year marriage with a woman that came off as masculine. I've already done that experience, and don't care to repeat it.

I've been on the spiritual path for awhile, she isn't interested in that 'woo woo nonsense' and isn't willing to do any sort of work in this arena.

I liked your quote, thanks 

The promotion and increase in status could explain it, this could translate to her feeling higher than you in a certain way and not satisfying her hypergamy although you have to provide more than just financial strength. Be strong emotionally, lead her, create novel experiences, make her feel like a woman, dominate in the bedroom and make her orgasm. Men aren't just there for financial security but emotional, and sexual also. Combined with working from home, theres no clear delineation of the work version of her and at home version of her. The persona associated at her work place is brought home and she's unable to switch it off to be with you as a woman to man. Maybe create a ritual at the end of work to signal the work day is finished, go for a walk or run, change the environment or dance to music. 

 

The clingy/neediness etc which happens naturally as men get taken off the dating market into relationships, and so she becomes the only source of sexual comfort for you, its harder out there in the dating world for men to get sex than women so women have a certain sense of ease and abundance that they can get it whenever they need. Men are more in scarcity in this regard. You being putt off by her turning down sex only further's this fact and shows she's either weaponising it to get her way or just no longer feels the attraction for you. She may have affinity towards you or love you, but isn't in love with you, romantically.  

 

My advice would be you have to demonstrate to her she's with a real man and make her feel like a woman. Step into your strength, hang out with guy friends, hit the gym hard, be in a positive mood, don't get your validation or good feelings from her or any woman ever for they are emotional and loyal to how you make them feel, not to you. You have to be the sun emitting light, she's the moon absorbing it. Don't initiate sex for some time, flirt/tease her like you did when you first met and pull away, just drop the comment and leave it. Give her space to work for it, miss your presence. Make her feel pressure that your improving and could get another girl. Remember you are the prize. 

 

Quote

'' It is unhealthy for a man to live his life in dedication to a woman, for better and more stable dividends are reaped from creation and commerce. It is within the busyness of productivity a man acquires the distance necessary to be more craved by his woman, a boon rather than detriment to the relationship despite her protestations to the contrary.

A woman will always complain when a man has a mission greater than her, for it deprives her the flow of attention she requires to optimally function. Yet in the presence of an indentured man, she will complain of a lack of ambition, an absence of mission. A woman’s complaints bear little if any merit, for in much the way crying is the way of babies, complaining is the way of women. An unambitious man elicits complaint just as much as an ambitious one, for dissatisfaction is emphatic and characteristic of the feminine psyche.

 

If you can’t create and manage your own happiness, how can you be expected to inspire hers? A man must look after himself before he takes it upon himself to look after a woman. The express responsibility that comes with romantically associating with a woman all but demands it.

Foolish men in their naivety rally to placate the unending demands of the boundary pushing woman, whilst wise men concentrate first and foremost on pleasing themselves. They do not pedestalise the needs of the woman above their own. A man who is pleased with himself is in the position to give the woman with whom he associates the option to accept how he does things or to take a proverbial hike and take her chances out on the dating market. Often, out of sheer respect for “putting his foot down” and the sensationalism of the tingles that such assertiveness elicits, she chooses to do things his way. That ladies and gents, is the basis of “make up sex.”

For men, in relation to women, there are few needs other than ensuring a promise of sexual exclusivity that cannot be otherwise provided by an inner circle of male friends. Relational intimacy and emotional closeness with women does indeed have a certain appeal to various men, but it is hardly the necessity for men that it is for women. Rather perhaps much to man’s own romantic disappointment it is simply something to be indulged in from time to time, much like alcohol consumption and recreational drug use. A man who indulges in such vices too often gets irreversibly fucked up. Indulging in too much emotional closeness with a woman is likewise a vice, for it has the propensity to make man weak. This makes him pliable, and from there on we encounter the slippery slope of female contempt for male weakness which begins to manifest and ultimately undermine the health of the relationship. Based on this line of reasoning, such activities should be indulged in sporadically to assure her of your emotional fidelity rather than form the basis of your relationship.

For women, association with men is necessary, for they derive much of their self-worth based on the man (or men) they are publicly associated with. Their life is but one continuing stream of social media updates which pertain to their relationship status. A single woman is an unhappy woman, looking for a new man to fill the void in her insatiable appetite for high value male validation, whilst a single man is simply looking to get his end away and nothing more. For women, emotions come before sex. For men, sex comes before emotions. ''

Edited November 4, 2021 by zazen

[Raze]

7 hours ago, ndm678 said:

I'm in the midst of a relationship rupture. My girlfriend has taken on a masculine, mask if you will, that has made things overly wonky.

Until recently she has been a feminine goddess, her energy was strong, pure, and engulfing. Sex was beyond amazing.

Our energy has shifted, and now it feels kinda revolting to be around her.

I attempted to escalate my own masculine energy, but that has resulted in regular dick measuring contest. She has gone full Bro-ski.

Sex has completely ceased, all and anything related to sexual play has also ceased. I feel as though I've become her gay male girlfriend for a platonic tea party. 

She doesn't seem to have very much interest in flipping this energy, I should 'be thankful with what I've gotten and shut up'.

I really don't know how to proceed, besides to walk away. I think I could use some insight, or I'm just venting about her balls dropping out.

Thanks for reading!

read way of the superior man, and beyond mars and venus by john gray

[ndm678]

@Leo Gura Thank you. She is stressed from her promotion from work. She's overly petrified by Covid and stresses out when she needs to leave the house for any reason. Every new news report brings waves of stress and fear. What can I even do with that?

[ndm678]

@something_else yes, Word for word.

[ndm678]

@Raze thank you. I will check them out