When is your social anxiety the strongest?

[PurpleTree]

For me when i feel like i'm being "checked out" it's really strong.

For example there was this woman with two friends on the train earlier.

She looked at me a few times. Either she was checking me out or she was just looking around.

But when i feel somebody is really looking at me or checking me out then i just feel this rush of toxic shame or whatever.

Also when a group of people is sitting/standing somewhere and they're looking at me/checking me out when i walk by.

Makes me feel anxiety/shame/stiff/adrenaline/don't know how to act

which is soooo frustrating

anybody else get that?

[ted73104]

Yes, I still have a bit of this. It used to feel like someone else might see into the real me, I might get exposed somehow when people look at me. 

[Preety_India]

People staring at me causes me to freak out. 

My anxiety is usually very bad if I'm in a que or a crowd like a cinema or a restaurant or a shopping place where people are paying for their stuff. I tend to feel tensed in such situations. 

Also I can freak out if I'm out on a date with someone I barely know, I get very shy and nervous and I can barely eat or think. I keep fidgeting with my fingers or don't look into the person's eyes, that is no eye contact. 

 

[Farnaby]

Phone calls. For some reason I get really anxious

[lmfao]

@PurpleTree Yeah, I feel social anxiety walking past people or being around people in general in public.

Although, my social anxiety is at its most severe when I'm about to say something inappropriate or some cursed thought pops into my head. "I want to fuck (my sister)" popped into my head as a thought without image or actual desire, but it's plagued my mind occasionally because out of embarrassment/pride I've never told anyone that the thought passes my mind, despite it being something so docile that nobody would care. 

Slurs and etc, whilst those are great sources of anxiety in many certain situations, what's weirder but also rarer for me is if some cursed/wildly inappropriate thought pops into my head. Sometimes shit just gets implanted which has no meaning. 

 

A few months ago I had a pseudo psychosis event of angel/demon possession. It's been rippling, swirling-- revealing and exaggerating, putting into focus some of the deepest pits of mind. 

[I went to a psychiatrist and they didn't deem me to be psychotic, but I know that I'm walking the edge] 

I was having thoughts like "It wouldn't matter if every baby got raped" which were cursed to say out loud and caused shame/anxiety, but the ideas were so absurd that the people I expressed to didn't respond negatively to it, despite my luciferic mania being supposedly serious in its proclamation. I almost asked my friend the other day why they didn't abort their child, who's now several years old, that would have been a train wreck. 

[SaltyMeatballs]

The worst is when I did public speaking at toastmasters. But basically, anytime I sense that someone is looking at me, immediately i start to feel anxious. Also, when I am talking, I am extra cautious with my words. I think that these are coping mechanism I developed when I moved to a foreign country as a kid. 

[Michael569]

1 hour ago, SaltyMeatballs said:

The worst is when I did public speaking at toastmasters.

Ironically, I found speaking at Toastmasters the most effective way to beat that social anxiety. Especially once you get to have your own speech, the first time it felt like standing naked in frot of a crowd. 

[diamondpenguin]

@PurpleTree I feel like you're anticipating that they will make fun of you. The thing is nothing is actually going to happen. If they do make fun of you, then you can tell them how you feel, and that they are being very rude and make you feel uncomfortable. But, usually they're really sweet about it. 

[PurpleTree]

5 hours ago, diamondpenguin said:

@PurpleTree I feel like you're anticipating that they will make fun of you. The thing is nothing is actually going to happen. If they do make fun of you, then you can tell them how you feel, and that they are being very rude and make you feel uncomfortable. But, usually they're really sweet about it. 

maybe that's part of it

it happened again today twice or more times.

sat on the train across from a young-ish woman for an hour

and most times when i looked up from my phone she was kind of staring at me.

just makes me tense and anxious after a while

stop staring ladies it's intrusive (guys too)

[Manusia]

When I try to talk to people. I always sooo logical and thinking that any talk always need to be some deep meaning to learn for oneself or another. It drive me crazy, I afraid to talk to anyone before.. But after I learn to talk shit and unimportant chit chat.. The anxiety doesnt really high.. Just say stupid little convo and all is good ? Most people actually never so scary and not really judgemental if I can talk anything that within me. I project a lot!

Edited November 17, 2021 by Manusia

[soos_mite_ah]

When I'm at an event, my social battery is suddenly empty, and I have run out of things to say

Also, when people unexpectedly start to flirt with me. I'm often surprised, flustered, and left standing there because I have no idea what to do. But I learned to use my social anxiety to my benefit in those situations lol 

Edited November 18, 2021 by soos_mite_ah

[charlie cho]

I'll just be honest with you guys. 

Yes, for unfortunate events in your life, social anxiety exists. Everyone in the world has it to some extent. For example, a chad good looking, high status, rich guy suddenly gets a chronic illness where he may have to stay on a wheel chair for the time, he'll get social anxiety in an instant. My ex told me a story where one of her cousin's husband (really good good looking guy) had his leg chopped off because of a car accident. He was so identified with being "that guy" that she said he hung himself. Then my girlfriend said, "it's just a leg! Why did he have to do that?" Then I told her, "I understand the guy. Imagine if a person chopped off your nose. What would you do?" Then she said, "No... No..... I'll kill myself in an instant." She unconsciously misunderstood where the good looking guy was coming from, as if she wouldn't do the same if it would've happened to her. This goes the same with me. 

But even in those harsh situations, you'll have to understand that chad was identified with his cool image that when the universe started to break it, his social anxiety came up. It's wrong to say that he did not have social anxiety lying beneath all that façade. 

Unless, there are few people who don't have such an image, and even they have to live in a wheelchair all their life, they don't feel any social anxiety. We see a few people on Ted Talks who seem confident and engaging who may have that "unfortunate" thing that happened to them. 

So, basically, it's the image that we try to live upto that causes the social anxiety. If we accept ourselves as we are, and not be obsessed with holding an image of ourselves, social anxiety wouldn't exist.

This in other words can be translated to people being too selfish. Trying to maintain an image is a self serving behavior. Selfless people do not associate with an image of themselves. 

This is my take on things about social anxiety. I've dealt with it too. But I knew this was the case with me with the illness that I was able to barrel through self image issues and still be engaging and confident despite not appealing to my ideal self image. Now, I have zero ounces of social anxiety. 

I'm probably like -100 in social anxiety. If you guys need any help, I can reply. 

Edited November 18, 2021 by charlie cho

[ted73104]

On 2021/11/18 at 11:20 AM, charlie cho said:

I'm probably like -100 in social anxiety. If you guys need any help, I can reply. 

Cool man! So what should we do with our self image? How do we expand it in general so we can embrace more diversities in life (including the outcomes we dislike)?