Stop Masturbating, Even Possible?

[kurt]

On 12/22/2016 at 8:55 AM, Uncover said:

It's like this, my life... I never really had sex with a girl (and no, I'm not gay  ). But I masturbate a lot and watch porn. I'm doing it from a really young age. I've tried to stop doing it but with no success. I'm telling myself that it's a sin to have sex before marriage. Or this is how the church taught me. Maybe that's why I don't have a girlfriend. And maybe that's why I'm not so good at social interactions. I'm kinda desperate because of this, I don't know what to do and who to trust and what to believe anymore. BTW, I'm 21 years old. 

I used to cry my soul out for a girl. I would do anything to have her, and not for sex. And I still want her. I met her 2 years ago, it was "love at first sight" and I still want her. Something inside me whispers that we can be together. The fact is that I didn't really talked to her (I did it on facebook). It was going really good, we were really good firends till I was telling her that "I love her".  My problems list could go on and on but I can't tell everything in one post. If there's anyone who knows what he's talking about and is willing to help me get my life problems straight free of charge and on long therm is more than welcome.  Maybe it's a little dreamy, I mean, who's ready to give his time and resources away for free?  P.S. I'd be grateful if you'll ask your friends, maybe I'll find such a person, a mentor... 

I dont think its a problem to have the desires your having, but what is worrying is that youre mistaking your need for sex as "love".  It sounds like the desire is so pent up that its causing you some psychological problems, which is making you act in needy ways.  This is not good!  

This is not about you, dont take this personally, but its about not getting a need met and then being a victim of that.

If you want my advice get off the porn, put a block on your internet or do what it takes.  The more you masturbate to porn the more you mess your mind up, because youre not facing your low self worth issues,  just acting them out.  Porn addiction and falling in love with random strangers is your low self esteem being expressed in covert ways.  

You need to deal with the thoughts entering your mind, get a daily practice of reconditioning going, replacing each thought with more positive ones until youre firmly established in positive mindset.

Practicals:

Resist the urge to go on the sites - this will be difficult at first, but become aware of the opposites working inside you - on the one hand you want to get this handled, and on the other hand (excuse the pun) you want to keep whacking off.

You need to be able to hold the paradox in your mind while it resolves itself.  Talk to your ego and educate it.  Talk about the long term effects.  See the limitations of your daily habit, and let it resolve in the awareness you truly are (dont identify with it, understand that this is not YOU its just a habit problem).

Meditate sit with the feelings of low self worth, and just challenge the samskara formation that is appearing to you (the personality trait of low self worth).  Dont resist, just try to look at it objectively and dont do anything to change it.  Just make it "not-self" and let it pass.  Let the feelings pass, see them as untrue and then replace them with more life affirming thoughts.  Dont worry about accepting it, work on just seeing it as untrue and reconditioning your mind with better thoughts.

Take your time.  The longer you stay off the porn and the longer you practice the better you will feel.  You will fail lots of times, just understand that its par for the course, be nice to yourself (prevent creating another self esteem problem) and just keep working at it, thought by thought, habit by habit.  It takes a while, but it will work.

 

Edited December 24, 2016 by kurt

[Aware]

@Consept Stop Masturbating, Even Possible?

 

It is very possible, as I am not entangled in it. It ends when the attachment to desire (the craving) ends.

If you want to reach out to truly attempt attaining awareness and live up to it like I do, you must drop it, and happens naturally when following the right discipline, to skillfully get rid of lust, surely the tension, the burning stops, and bliss remains.

But I want to make a clear distinction here. The masturbation is not what truly does the harm, it is the wrong conclusions, the wrong thinking, the not skillfully remove lust that truly is wrong, unwholesome. If you want to get rid of masturbation, one must be skillfully doing it, or leave it alone, and live your life with doing it.

The real problem is, due to that people remain lustful, they remain bewildered, also about willing to remove it, live in doubt with it. There for I conclude that it is not the masturbation that is the problem, but being attached to desires, the craving, being lustful, is the true problem.

To wrap it up: Masturbation can only be happening, if one beLIEf to be someone.
If there is just body, and Awareness, there is no sense of self, and thus no craving.

However, its not the masturbation that must be cut off, its the craving that must end, the attachment to desires, the lust.

 

If you are however interested in truly skillfully put it to an end, then end the attachment to desire (which is difficult to do). If one stops eating to much, goes back to once a day, in the morning, drinks often distilled water (or tea), and ends his sleep problems, lust is dropping like a rock thrown in a lake and attains much energy. Then the refraining  from unwholesome deeds, such as wrong view, intentions, speech, act, effort, livelihood, attention and concentration, and focuses on Awareness and does not mind worldly activities, surely the attachment to desire will naturally come to its end, due to all things in nature are temporary.

Stoping with masturbation, just refraining from it, without skillfully spiritual practice, is just unintelligent, foolish, hurtful. Its better to be doing it everyday, then just stopping it forcefully. It leads often just to aggression.

Edited December 24, 2016 by Motus

[Robert66]

Masterbation not a sin.  Watching porn is mental masterbation.  Also not a sin.  But, when you do actually have sex with a woman, you will be so disconnected from the experience because it won't compare to your self exploration.  It's like sleeping in a tent compared to sleeping in the penthouse suite.  You can continue to sleep in the tent and call it paradise, or choose to stop and come inside to feel what true luxury is.  You choose.  Stop or don't.  

[Uncover]

@Consept Yeah, my needyness with women is one of the problems that's stoping me from getting them.... I know, objectively, it 's just how you look at it, it could be just a thing that everybody does therefore there's no need to feel ashamed or to have any kind of negative emotions towards it. But once you got into strong religious believes there's hard to see the things that way. I think that I want to stop it more to improve my overall well being than because it's a sin. I saw the major benefits of abstaining from doing it when I stopped it for 4 months when I was in another country. My social interactions were better, I could speak to girls more freely, my health was better, everything was improving. 

[Shin]

1 hour ago, Uncover said:

@Consept Yeah, my needyness with women is one of the problems that's stoping me from getting them.... I know, objectively, it 's just how you look at it, it could be just a thing that everybody does therefore there's no need to feel ashamed or to have any kind of negative emotions towards it. But once you got into strong religious believes there's hard to see the things that way. I think that I want to stop it more to improve my overall well being than because it's a sin. I saw the major benefits of abstaining from doing it when I stopped it for 4 months when I was in another country. My social interactions were better, I could speak to girls more freely, my health was better, everything was improving. 

 

If you're old enough, go to a free dating website, and ask some mature lady to teach you how to have great sex.

Seriously do it, there are women who dream about that, let them teach you, don't be afraid.

Just so you know, this advice come from a guy who was virgin until 6 months ago ^^

Edited December 24, 2016 by Shin

[Uncover]

@CaptainFlint This is a very deep understanding of the subject you shown. I'll do my best to take the most of your message, to have a better understanding of it and eventually to apply what you told me. Thank you! 

[LetTheNewDayBegin]

@Uncover thank you for posting this thread. It's generated so many awesome responses! How has been your progress so far?

[Uncover]

@LetTheNewDayBegin Well, my progress is quite visible. I went from doing it more than 7 times a week (or more) to 3 times a week or sometimes once a two weeks. It depends on "the enviroment" I'm in and the mindset I'm carrying. This was possible due to the fact that I'm watching Leo's videos which helped me a lot. And I'm reading more often, especially self development and phychology books. That's why I started this topic, I saw that I was making improvements a lot, and went so far, but I was not able to really stop it and eventually fall back to it. 

[onilsson]

On 2016-12-27 at 2:47 PM, Uncover said:

@LetTheNewDayBegin Well, my progress is quite visible. I went from doing it more than 7 times a week (or more) to 3 times a week or sometimes once a two weeks. It depends on "the enviroment" I'm in and the mindset I'm carrying. This was possible due to the fact that I'm watching Leo's videos which helped me a lot. And I'm reading more often, especially self development and phychology books. That's why I started this topic, I saw that I was making improvements a lot, and went so far, but I was not able to really stop it and eventually fall back to it. 

Oh you are so on the right track now!
Keep reading, keep meditating, keep having a vision for yourself.
The fapping problem will only decrease its pull over you the more you develope your consciousness.

Just keep at it.
It's maybe a dull, and old, message - but you will thank yourself.
High conscious living is truly amazing to its polar opposite.

[onilsson]

@CaptainFlint Thank you very, very much for you took the time to write this.
You put into words how my process was like better than I have done for myself.

On 2016-12-24 at 9:42 PM, CaptainFlint said:

While you see addiction as "pros vs cons" you'll go nowhere. While you fight with yourself like "I want it, but it harms me" you'll go nowhere. While you see addiction as "it gives me that, but takes from me that" you'll go nowhere.

This is fucking dead spot-on on how I dealt with my porn and sugar habit.
It's like those old-school scales. I had to convince myself enough intellectually to have the scale tip over to one side. Always unsure if it would tip back over again.

Never thought about it like this before. But it's brilliant. It says you both want it gone, and you don't.
A part of you want the addiction, a part of your psyche believes it contributes to something.
It also shows that you as a person believes itself to be in LACK somehow without this habit. 
A belief truly worth digging in to.
When what you want to discover and then say is that you do want it gone - wholeheartedly.
And then it's magic pull over you disappears.

I love it