Stop Masturbating, Even Possible?

[Uncover]

It's like this, my life... I never really had sex with a girl (and no, I'm not gay  ). But I masturbate a lot and watch porn. I'm doing it from a really young age. I've tried to stop doing it but with no success. I'm telling myself that it's a sin to have sex before marriage. Or this is how the church taught me. Maybe that's why I don't have a girlfriend. And maybe that's why I'm not so good at social interactions. I'm kinda desperate because of this, I don't know what to do and who to trust and what to believe anymore. BTW, I'm 21 years old. 

I used to cry my soul out for a girl. I would do anything to have her, and not for sex. And I still want her. I met her 2 years ago, it was "love at first sight" and I still want her. Something inside me whispers that we can be together. The fact is that I didn't really talked to her (I did it on facebook). It was going really good, we were really good firends till I was telling her that "I love her".  My problems list could go on and on but I can't tell everything in one post. If there's anyone who knows what he's talking about and is willing to help me get my life problems straight free of charge and on long therm is more than welcome.  Maybe it's a little dreamy, I mean, who's ready to give his time and resources away for free?  P.S. I'd be grateful if you'll ask your friends, maybe I'll find such a person, a mentor... 

[Toby]

What exactly is the question here?

[Uncover]

Essentially how to stop masturbating and watching porn, for now... These are the things that bother me the most. Thanks! Any insights?

 

[Uncover]

@Toby The question was stated in the title

 

[Toby]

Easy: just stop it.

[Uncover]

@Toby Easier said than done. I can't do it... I stopped doing it for a long period of time, wen I was in another country, 4 months exactly.  There I had many enjoying activities and I just didn't think of it. But when I came home I've done it in the first week... Just couldn't hold it, I mean, what else to do when you're alone in your room? And with your laptop in you lap and phone in your hand... It's hard.

Edited December 22, 2016 by Uncover

[Prabhaker]

38 minutes ago, Uncover said:

Stop Masturbating, Even Possible?

The only thing that can be of real help is meditation, but it is hard, it is costly. You will have to put much energy and effort into it. As meditation ripens, celibacy comes to fruit by itself.

[Deepak sadhwani]

Do meditation and  ask about it ? why you thought triggered emotions , why i  am doing this ? Why should i need ? Can i change my mood to another activity ? What happend if i done this ? Ask questions again and again and you will be subconsciously aware. 

[Richard Alpert]

The urge to wank last probably on average about a minute.

it will pass by if you dont always act on impulse. nowank is way easier than people think, after a week or two it gets easier just like any addiction.

[Arman]

Great resistance and great desire constantly re-energize subjects and cause them to stay within your field and impulsively bubble up into the surface of your experience and thoughts. When you desire something too greatly, you keep it at bay, and when you resist something too greatly, then you cause that thing or feeling to be part of your experience. Therefore, it is foolish to try to stop masturbating by resisting it. 

It is of little use trying to overcome an addiction through sheer tyranny of will. At best it will be an exhausting, short lived effort. Your masturbation habits and experiences are reflections of beliefs and emotions you hold on various subjects, namely sex. When you are fully comfortable with yourself and have released some of the negative limiting beliefs on the subject, then masturbation will not be an issue for you. You will either automatically have a natural balance or if it is ideal for you to be abstinent, then that will be the mostly effortless result. 

If you want to achieve better results in attempts at abstinence (which I don't know if I even recommend) or by cutting down (moderation in anything is usually a good idea) then take time to sit down and really look at the subjects and start to identify the emotions held on them, and then release them or let them go by accepting them. 

When you accept emotions, resistance and desire, the energy behind it is neutralized. Energy that is neutralized is far easier to work with, by either releasing the behavior or by choosing a new behavior to replace it. 

If you have been raised in an environment that has taught you that sex before marriage and masturbation are a sin, then it is likely and natural for you to be carrying emotions like shame. Can you see how shame can manifest itself by you labeling your behaviors sinful? Instead of focusing on the behavior, instead seek their emotional roots and dissolve them through compassion and acceptance. 

When you have released and integrated these emotions, and you are not letting emotions such as shame, discomfort and desire subconsciously create and filter your reality, then you will effortlessly stop masturbating, or the subject itself will dissolve and you will find that you had nothing to worry about. 

Edited December 22, 2016 by Arman

[Uncover]

@Arman Now, this is the kind of answer I was looking for. Relevant and insightful! Thank you! It's hard to master my psychology, especially my emotions, the hardest part for all of us, I think, is to deal with powerful emotions. Can you recommend me some good books on this matter, or just some good psychology books in general?  Thanks again!  

[Arman]

2 hours ago, Uncover said:

@Arman Now, this is the kind of answer I was looking for. Relevant and insightful! Thank you! It's hard to master my psychology, especially my emotions, the hardest part for all of us, I think, is to deal with powerful emotions. Can you recommend me some good books on this matter, or just some good psychology books in general?  Thanks again!  

Glad you took value from it. These emotions are not that powerful, really. In truth, the states are actually quite weak and limiting. They just seem powerful because there are reserves of energy that have been suppressed so they feel intense when you glimpse the reservoir, and it seems very dense like a mountain of emotion. Unwillingness to look at things makes them feel big and scary, but that is mostly a resistance to resistance. In that case you can let go of your fear or judgement of strong emotions, and from there move on to being with the emotions themselves. You don't have to face it all at once either, they are usually released gradually. 

For a better understanding of consciousness, emotions and energy, check out Power vs Force by David R. Hawkins and Levels of Energy by Frederick Dodson. 

For more specifically about the mechanism of releasing and accepting, and its effects on psychology and your life, check out Letting Go - The pathway of surrender by David Hawkins.  These books will all help to create a valuable understanding of both individual and collective consciousness (society).

Edited December 22, 2016 by Arman

[Shin]

Stop porn completely, only fap, for 3 months. Then stop fapping if you want.

Stop completely porn AND fapping for 3 months, if you have erectile dysfonction (you last too long or you come way too fast for example).

 

You don't need to stop fapping though, it's not bad at all, unless you grip your dick too hard or fap too fast.

There is even benefits to it.

 

Personally, when I fap, I don't just fap, I exercice too

Edited December 22, 2016 by Shin

[Aleksandar]

In my case, the best way to stop masturbating is to find distractions. Read, go outside, exercise, drive your car, just don't sit in front of your computer the entire day because you will eventually backslide. As for girls, stop idolizing them, they also eat, sleep and shit just like us. You are probably needy due to social conditiong and your ego. Enjoy your solitude.

[Shugo]

 

This is one of the most comprehensive video on the subject on porn. You will understand how your biology is fucking you up, porn addiction has a tremendous power in our brains. 

Attraction between males and females are one of the most sacred events on earth, it's an allegory of the dance between opposite forces, nothingness and infinity, above and below, negative and positive, fire and water, consciousness and matter, coming together to realize the Oneness. Kind of new agey though very true.

When you don't have confidence, when it's not natural and flowy for you to have sex with girls, fapping to porn robs you of your power to actually go and see them, have pure feelings for them, have confident sex with them.

I'm telling this from what I've lived, what I'm living personnaly.

Oh and stop telling yourself that it's a sin to have sex before marriage. If you're into spiritual stuff, for sure sex is sacred and should be performed only with someone with which you have a deep connexion, and girls love it only that way really, they can't stand porn-like sex, they'd be glad to be taken roughly but only by someone with which she could share parts of her heart. Then you should have sex with as many girls as possible that you would be glad to have as your wifes and who love you deeply.

But you shouldn't lean onto those kinds of beliefs to stay in your comfort zone and fap to hardcore porn whilst saying that sex before marriage is a sin. This is nonsense to my ears. Don't you feel the cognitive dissonance ?

What I would personnally advise is to watch videos from Real Social Dynamics, rsdfreetour / rsdtyler /julienhimself/ rsdmax on youtube and mostly practice getting out of your comfort zone. I used not to have a clue about what was going on, now I know the basic structure of human interaction from biological, psychological and energetic points of view, which means I can do something about it since I understand it. Though you still need balls.

Also, mostly, in my opinion, David Deida has captured beautifully how the Feminine and Masculine forces interact. Read The Way of the Superior Man and Intimate Communion, it will lay down a conceptual structure in which you know where you're at and where to go.

You seem like you have deep hearty feelings that are not balanced by confidence, and this I know well. You need to live my friend, do things that make you step out of your comfort zone bit by bit, so that the next girl you have a crush on, you don't become her non-sexual friend, you act with confidence to sweep her off her feet with your love and confidence. Ain't that a pretty picture ? But this needs to be built brick by brick. I myself have been in your shoes, mostly when I was beginning highschool, though I never held the belief that sex before marriage would be a sin. I just wasn't feeling confident and I believe that the fact that I'm holding in my secret garden two very opposite things, the addiction to hardcore pornography and the desire to find a pure princess that I could love infinitely like in the Disney films. Eventually, this will blow up while growing up. Girls aren't princesses at all, they like rough sex too, maybe more than we do. And really, I don't want a princess, I want a girl that challenges me to better myself in every way, because that's how life is, we evolve, if we don't we die.

Commiting to a relationship with a girl is the exact opposite of the comfort zone. Only after having pushed through it will we reap the benefits that were sown, by gladly welcoming into our lives without any needyness and with full confidence someone that matches our own needs to evolve to the next level, and that will also evolve at the same time.

One last thing

I too unconsciously fantasize about a mentor. But I know very well that I shall be my own mentor and my own student. This is the only way. You couldn't even profit from what a mentor would be able to provide for you if you're not your own mentor and student first. A mentor can't help you with anything that you're not willing to do for yourself. Though I agree that it would be of good help to have someone you can rely to and ask questions and be cheered and challenged whilst making your own progress.

Girls are the best mentors for spiritual progress in my opinion. They have the ability to feel the little holes in your structure and point them out, only to feel you become stronger. They can rip your ego of all its fallacies until only the purest diamond is left shining. Though it is very rare to undergo this kind of evolution so deeply, couples usually fall apart because they're not commited to truth, freedom, love and evolution, or they're just not on the same level anymore and need to evolve somewhere else. But through Intimate Communion, we can truly reach the depths of our beings, and surrender to the powerful archetypal forces of the universe, fusing each other into One, enacting the universal dance through the bodies mind and soul in an intense explosion no less powerful than an nuclear one. Those relationships are quite special and unique. And they're to be lived only by the most free and loving human beings. It can't be otherwise.

Edited December 22, 2016 by Shugo

[jse]

19 hours ago, Uncover said:

Stop Masturbating, Even Possible?

Not possible - get used to it.

[Shin]

20 hours ago, Aleksandar said:

In my case, the best way to stop masturbating is to find distractions. Read, go outside, exercise, drive your car, just don't sit in front of your computer the entire day because you will eventually backslide. As for girls, stop idolizing them, they also eat, sleep and shit just like us. You are probably needy due to social conditiong and your ego. Enjoy your solitude.

This is nearly impossible to do if you never had a girlfriend and/or if you aren't highly conscious of your mind/society conditioning.

Even knowing it intellectually, by reading TONS of books or blog, doesn't help (for most people), you have to experience it to really embody it.

 

[Aleksandar]

@Shin Agreed.

[Toby]

Alcoholics or heroin addicts are like this:
"man, I would like to stop, I mean, it's maybe not good for me" "then stop" "man, but it feels so good" "really?" "maybe not, but is it even possible to quit?" "of course, but there will be withdraw symptoms and you might have to face and own the craving that comes" "hmmm, you don't understand, I first have to do more drugs before I can quit". Endless circles. This is normal for addiction of any kind. And the sexual drive and the addiction to thought is imo the strongest addiction there is for any human.
From my own experience with masturbation I know it's possible to stop (at least for most of the time or large intervalls), even at 20. By "accident" I was in a hospital at that age and was more or less forced to stop because there were other people in the room. And so I experienced the need to do it, but I just didn't do it. So, I know, it's possible. Cravings may come in waves, but that's okay too. Just don't make it an issue. Make it a non-issue. Interest in porn and wanking will stop by itself. Or not. You never know.

Edited December 23, 2016 by Toby

[Consept]

Really you should look at the reasons whh you want to stop and the emotional labels you put on it. Someone told me recently of a survey that was done with religious and non-religious teenagers with regard to their masturbating habits, basically the conclusion was both groups do it around the same amouny its just that the religious group feels bad about it. 

So its more about whether you label it as a good or bad thing, or what it is which is just a thing that people do. In my opinion, taking the emotion and ideology out of it, i would cut out something if its having a negative affect on my life or stopping or slowing down my growth. So if something becomes an unhealthy addiction for example you masterbate many times a day, then that can be a problem because youre devoting a lot of time thinking and doing it that could be used elsewhere, you may also not be able to have a clear head unless you do it a lot, in these cases it would be a problem. 

But to be honest if you do it every now and then i cant see it being a massive issue unless you think its really bad. It could be argued there are also a lot of postives, prob more than the negatives tbh. There issues with porn and desensitisation, which i think could be issues. 

Also what i would focus on if i was you is getting better with girls but also becoming someone who isnt as needy with them (which will attract them)