I have to dumb my consciousness down to fit in to society (Entering Hypomania)

[EntheogenTruthSeeker]

I have to take meds after awakenings, because if I don’t, I’ll literally go fully fucking insane and let go of any notion that I’m a human and have ever existed. My consciousness goes infinite and grows infinitely for like 17 hours straight. Even if there are “lows” I’m still processing them with “full enlightenment” (loose term) to the best capability.

 I am infinitely liberated to act on every impulse and desire. It’s great! But destroys any goals or visions I have. Classic self deception and ego backlash in the form of bipolar disorder. I mean wow. The devil/me/biological survival, does not want me to die at all. Maybe it’s a loving process. 
 

How do I shift this paradigm to a more loving and understanding one? I am entering hypomania and I want to fully surrender to the mania in isolation, at some point in my journey, but I don’t have $$$ to do so.

 

I guess I could go to a hospital, but I fear the implications of that for my life again, as I need to fucking work to move out. 
 

Yet, what I fear I attract. What I resist, persists? So maybe go to hospital now to avoid a longer stay of weeks/months?

[Nahm]

After awakenings, or after using psychedelics? 

‘Full enlightenment’, ‘self deception’, ‘survival’, ‘ego backlash’, ‘I fear’, ‘I fear’.

Any of that actually resonate with you? 

[Carl-Richard]

What happens to your mind during an awakening?