Why can i not kill my self?

[Mintberrycrunch]

I've decided to destroy my body multiple times but I guess I'm too scared to go through with it, maybe there are slivers of joy and hope that convince me in the moment to keep going but overall I hate being alive. I've always had big dreams, but at the same time im a bi-polar who dropped out of school like 4 times because i couldent handle the pressure or somehing like that. At this point I'm in the process of finishing high-school again and again I'm almost being thrown out because I'm not doing anything. No motivation. sometimes i realize that my trackrecord is a prophecy for a very shitty future. I have nothing to look forward to because I cant even finish high-school, how will I ever push myself to do anything worthwhile? I rarely spend time with friends but when I do i also find some way to point out how they suck. I'm so full of hate. Maybe some people should just leave to escape their pain? Sure Leo would say that life is a gift but i feel so stuck.. In this world you need a job and i just cant work in a soulless fucking factory for the next 40 years. Obviously I dont have the motivation to do anything else. I dont know. Anyone in here who know how to either get better or easily kill yourself? Thank.

[Someone here]

Because you fear death.  Simple. 

[Breakingthewall]

Instead of committing suicide, why don't you lie in a hammock between two trees on any beach, and wait to get old looking at the sky and the sea? In the end you will die anyway, there is nothing to lose or gain. I know that it's very difficult to lie in a hammock and look the sky and be happy, there is you creating unhappiness

Edited November 1, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[snowyowl]

1 hour ago, Mintberrycrunch said:

I've always had big dreams, ... 
how will I ever push myself to do anything worthwhile?

What are your dreams? What do you feel is worthwhile in life? 

Edited November 1, 2021 by snowyowl

[Preety_India]

You could wait for better things to come in life. Don't give up easily. 

I had many suicidal episodes but I try to hang in 

 

 

[Inception]

I can’t claim to understand your pain, but I’ve recently been through a very though period of my life. I can’t promise you it’ll get better, only time will tell, but it almost always does in some way, as it has in my case.

Changing my worldview has helped me. I used to believe the universe was separate from, and didn’t care about me. That it was dead, mechanical and governed by simple physical laws.

I now believe that we’re the universe, literally. It’s (we’re) a living being, and it (we) feel all kinds of things. From this perspective, when you’re suffering, the whole universe is suffering; When you feel angry, the whole universe feels angry; When you feel jealous, the whole universe feels jealous.

I also try to appreciate the pain sometimes. It might seem preposterous that you’d wish this upon yourself, but i intuit that if you lived a life of pleasure, you’d eventually grow tired, and “choose” a life of hardship. 

Now, an advice for you in general, and this situation in particular, is to collect quotes. Here’s some I wish that I had when I went through it:

“Ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders”

“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light” - Aristotle

"A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials" - Seneca

“What stands in the way becomes the way” - Aurelius

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional”

“It ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward” - Balboa

“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward” - King

“For without pain, there can be no pleasure. Without sadness, there can be no happiness. Without misery there can be no beauty” - Ellison

“Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute, an hour, a day, or even a year. But eventually, it will subside. And something else take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever” - Thomas

“Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle” - Brooks

Love ❤️

Edited November 1, 2021 by Inception

[cookiemonster]

4 hours ago, Mintberrycrunch said:

I'm so full of hate.

There's no such thing as hate. It exists for the purposes of political propaganda but not much else. Unlike love, hate is not elemental and therefore can be broken down into smaller pieces.

Pieces such as:-

• Jealousy
• Envy
• Fear
• Anger
• Neurochemical rage
• Worthlessness

And so forth.

But hate? It doesn't exist, and anyone who tells you otherwise is misinformed. Forget that you even heard the word "hate". Break it down, find the word you are looking for, and start there.

Good luck. 

[Nahm]

@Mintberrycrunch

If you’re interested, we could have a chat right now.