Horrible emotional neglect is killing me

[LearningPodo]

I have a catch 22 emotional problem. My parents are super old fashioned and it's hard to be on the same page with them. When I talk with them I am not on the same wavelength and although they are super sweet it results in a lot of emotional neglect. It's like when they talk, I barely feel like they're talking to me because they're not very emotionally intelligent at all. When I'm around them, I get OCD but somehow I still feel loved.

When I'm living alone like in college right now, the below the surface emotional neglect trauma pops up and I get OCD within my own mind and it's like the residue scarring that's left. Sometimes it kills me when I ruminate too much, I have to like force myself out of my room because I don't trust my own mind to not spiral downwards. I don't know what to do, should I try and get therapy? My school offers free therapy services I think.

[Preety_India]

I would definitely recommend getting the free therapy option. See how it works out

 

 

[happyhappy]

On 11/1/2021 at 7:13 AM, LearningPodo said:

My parents are super old fashioned and it's hard to be on the same page with them. When I talk with them I am not on the same wavelength and although they are super sweet it results in a lot of emotional neglect

i have encountered the same prob... @LearningPodo

go for therapy broo!

godspeed

 

[PepperBlossoms]

On 10/31/2021 at 8:43 PM, LearningPodo said:

I have a catch 22 emotional problem. My parents are super old fashioned and it's hard to be on the same page with them. When I talk with them I am not on the same wavelength and although they are super sweet it results in a lot of emotional neglect. It's like when they talk, I barely feel like they're talking to me because they're not very emotionally intelligent at all. When I'm around them, I get OCD but somehow I still feel loved.

When I'm living alone like in college right now, the below the surface emotional neglect trauma pops up and I get OCD within my own mind and it's like the residue scarring that's left. Sometimes it kills me when I ruminate too much, I have to like force myself out of my room because I don't trust my own mind to not spiral downwards. I don't know what to do, should I try and get therapy? My school offers free therapy services I think.

Noticing detail and nuance allows for deviation from structure and norm.

The social game and putting on a façade of being super sweet is ironic in that one can look like a ### when they are not responding appropriately to the situation.

People who play the "everything is happy" social game don't see everything or don't show that they see anything other than happy stuff.

They care so much about how much they meet the social game's norms and that they look good that they aren't caring about how they are making others feel or looking to see if they need to act or respond differently because of the situation.

[PepperBlossoms]

You are not alone.  So many people's parents are like this.  You just have to notice it and not get upset about it and just not rely on parents for stuff like that as they tend to not be interested in changing or listening especially when they are old fashioned which means "wanting to stay the same" and not consider anything they haven't already considered.

[Breakingthewall]

i think you just have to love them as they are and not expect or need to be understood. who wants understanding, when there is love? who knows if one day you realize that it was you who did not understand

[kamwalker]

Accept your parents for everything they are. They are a result of social conditioning just like you are. They made not be able to express love towards you like you wish they would, but they perhaps might have a different way of showing it. My parents, especially my dad, are a bit emotionally disconnected. They never showed romantic behavior towards each other growing up and that affected me. They only knew how to show love by providing. I don't blame them for that. 

[Human Mint]

A quote from Leo's video, sort of what he say: "Learn to give yourself the love that society and your parents didn't"