How to find out who I am?

[john1]

I came to a certain epiphany over the past week or two: I don't know who I am or anything about myself. I'm 15, immature, young, and stupid. I don't know my personality, what I like, what I don't like, what gets me motivated, etc. But I know that if I did know who I was, a lot of my problems in life would just dissolve.

I'm halfway through the lp course, but I'm still really unclear. I have my values and strengths, but some of them still feel inauthentic to me. Then when I go back to the master list of values to see what I want to replace those inauthentic values with, I get lost and paralyzed because I don't know what to put.

So how do I go about finding my authentic self? Is there a method or technique? Do I journal about it? How did you guys find out who you were?

[Kshantivadin]

Massive respect for starting the work this early. I started around your age too.

I feel like the following period of your life is going to be a  period of massive changes and transitions, especially if you're doing personal development, so much that the "searching for yourself" shouldn't be your priority. Instead, I would visualise the 30 year-old you and what he would want the current you to do.

Which problems would just dissolve if you knew who you were?

To find the authentic self, layers have to be peeled. Parts of the work are straightforward (but not easy): you encounter a thought, a feeling, an action that doesn't feel right. It doesn't resonate with your being. You examine it and where it comes from - is it family conditioning, society, trauma, or something else.

Ask yourself this: who do I need to become to know the answer to this question?

Go and do those things. Experience is invaluable. A relationship might, for example, get you to know yourself and what you want more than any personal development work.

 

Best of luck and much love!

 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

@john1 I started this work at around that age as well. During that time I spent a lot of time contemplating, figuring out what my priorities were so I can figure out what my steps towards college were, and investing time into both educating myself and having fulfilling friendships.

I'd say that you can really tap into you authentic self through questioning and contemplation. Think about your values and beliefs, where they come from, and how much they resonate or make sense to you or how much they only resonate due to something like social conditioning. This will help you open your mind up. 

In addition to that, you want to put that open mind to good use. And by that I mean that you need to go out and simply experience/ go through life. Deal with challenges as they come up whether they maybe conflicts in your friendships, figuring out how to manage a relationship with a significant other, taking classes you consider difficult, dealing with a variety of life events etc. Go out an have fun as well and let that be your teacher. Read and learn about different ideas and concepts and see what resonates with you. 

I remember at this age I did encounter issues with trying to figure out who I am. At 22, I'm still uncovering and exploring different sides of myself. You never stop this process. But I will say that life experiences and how you handle them can give you a good indication of what you are working with internally at any given time. 

Use teachers and courses as a valuable source and as potential cheat codes to avoid monumental mistakes but always hold direct experience of life as your number one teacher. Don't over think this, go out and live. Get engaged with life. 

[EntheogenTruthSeeker]

Finding yourself is an exquisite balance of: 

•listening to advice of others

•socialization 

•new experiences, is CRUCIAL. You learn what you value and don’t value, at certain times of your life based on new experiences. Say goodbye to knowing yourself without massive experience and action in the real-world

•a lot of isolation, is CRUCIAL. Notice how new experiences, action, real-world is important. However, the balance of being alone, contemplating, not even meditating per se, but just going on long walks with just chill music, etc. is beyond transformative. 
 

Make sure you develop the skill of being nuanced and flexible with at what point in your life you are introspecting vs experiencing. It’s not half and half, either. Big picture, sure. But, smaller scale, you’ll go through periods of massive knowledge acquiring, then periods of massive meditation, periods of frequent socialization, journaling, etc. but you also have to balance the rest of your life as you are taking action or introspection for, so it’s not one or the other. 
 

See Leo’s video: “Life Unfolds In Chapters and Phases”

 

I went from inauthentic, robotic, clueless, a sheep, to becoming 80% authentic at all times, fully loving my unique personality and the vibrancy and glow that I shower myself with and others. 
 

Finding yourself is THE MOST important foundational thing you can do in work. Do NOT let ignorant criticisms from below or conservative like people tell you that’s it’s not important, or idealistic, not practical. They’re miserable, but have a point that you should also not wait to find yourself to do real-world work and chores. 
 

Like I said, finding yourself requires immense balance, that is cultivated week by week, phase by phase in your life, until you find VERY consistent trends over the next 3-6 years. Once you reach the 6 year mark of really putting in consistent, stable, slow yet disciplined pace, meaning, and deliberate practice into your life, you’ll be gold. 
 

Be patient with yourself, love who you are right now and what you know about yourself, and make sure you have role-models like Leo/other highly selfless developed teachers. 
 

Role-model people with high levels of LOVE, compassion, intellectual nuance and sophistication, physical health, high value attractive qualities, etc. but don’t just have one role-model, because that’s a trap. Have at least like 10 role models to pick the best of their traits from, and learn where they fall short and the limits of their personality makes them suffer. 
 

Bless your soul and continue this work at a young age! I started self actualization, philosophy at 15, too. It can get really dark, but be persistent and slow down if you’re too miserable. You have your entire life to do this work, and I rest assure you, there is nothing else better you can be doing here than the foundational principles laid upon this entire Actualized.org Community. 
 

Congrats you’ve found the Holy Grail and Golden Nugget of All of Life, right here, at 15!!!! 
 

how fucking exciting!!!! Keep it at. 
 

also, “Mastery” by George Leonard book on Leo’s book list is foundational for any long lasting ability to have success in anything, especially finding yourself without giving up to mainstream culture. 
 

Keep the love shining! 

[john1]

Thanks for all the responses! They were really helpful!!