Why woman I like flake on me?

[Sanyikas]

Hey guys!

Soo most girls I actually like and would like to hang out with, I start off really well in person, then they start to lose interest in me. The only thing I could think of is that I might be too available and might still show some neediness.

Last night I went out clubbing after 1.5 years, I pulled a really sweet and hot girl easily, we were kissing and danced till the morning, we were together all night, but after the night we split up and went home, and I was feeling like she's losing interest. I'd like to see her again, but through text, it seems like she's not so interested anymore.

It just happened to me many times, that I find girls who I'm really attracted to and somehow I can't make it work, and I want to figure out exactly why is it happening.

Another reason might be, that I work abroad but I visit home regularly (every 2-3 months for 2 weeks or 1 month) and they just can't take me seriously this way. Honestly, I have no idea. 
 

I'd appreciate any advice! 

[Leo Gura]

Realistically most new girls you number-close will flake you. Because dating someone from cold approach is a bit unusual. Girls mostly date from social circle.

If you're pulling a girl from the club, you should almost certainly expect her to flake on you the next day. Which is why you gotta close the same night. Don't settle for phone numbers from the club. They are nearly worthless. Because the girl is in the club to party. She is not going to date your after the party, so close her that night or lose her forever.

This is not because you aren't attractive. This will happen no matter how attractive you are. The girl's mood completely changes the next day.

It also has nothing to do with the fact that you are aboard or visit home regularly.

If you are going for phone numbers, grab many numbers per night and don't party too much with the girls. Make your interactions rather short (15-30 mins).

If you're going to stick to one girl the whole night and party with her, you must pull her for sex, not ask for a number.

Decide which kind of game you wanna do.

If you danced together for so long, why didn't you go back to her place to close???

Don't just split up at the end of the night, you need to seed an after-party at your place or just ask her, "Can I come with you?" if she is going home. That one simple line will get you laid many a time. Do not leave the girl unless she tells you, Go away! Stick with her to the bitter end.

Also, don't party with her too late. You need to pull relatively early so she's not burned out from partying. The goal is not to party or dance. The goal is to end up alone with her. Keep your goal clearly in mind and don't get misled by mindless partying late into the night.

[charlie cho]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Don't just split up at the end of the night, you need to seed an after-party at your place or just ask her, "Can I come with you?" if she is going home. That one simple line will get you laid many a time. Do leave the girl unless she tell you NO.

"Can I come with you?"

The missing piece to my game

[Leo Gura]

7 minutes ago, charlie cho said:

"Can I come with you?"

The missing piece to my game

Dude, seriously, this one line will get you laid like 10x more than you currently do, if you stick with the girl to the bitter end.

The magic rule for getting laid is to be next to her bed at the end of the night.

The #1 reason you're not getting laid is because you're not within proximity of her bed.

No amount of game or fancy flirting with get you laid if you are not next to a bed.

No matter where the girl says she's going, just keep asking her, "Can I come with you?" If she likes you she will almost always say Yes. And that's all you need.

[Sanyikas]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

Dude, seriously, this one line will get you laid like 10x more than you currently do, if you stick with the girl to the bitter end.

Yeah probably that's what I haven't understood. Ahhaa moment ?

Well, the party was in a city and we were both living in different cities where the party was, I asked her to come with me but she was with her gf going home, it all got difficult at the end, got really tired too and I thought maybe I could see her another time, I guess I was wrong. 

But thanks Leo, your advice was really helpful to me. It's not this exact context of last night which was important, rather the meta game which I didn't fully got. 

[Leo Gura]

7 minutes ago, Sanyikas said:

Well, the party was in a city and we were both living in different cities where the party was, I asked her to come with me but she was with her gf going home, it all got difficult at the end, got really tired too and I thought maybe I could see her another time, I guess I was wrong.

Managing logistics is the most important thing for getting laid.

You need to figure out a logistics solution before you try to pull her.

If she is with her gf going home, you go with them. She's not gonna sleep in the same bed as her gf.

Also, before you invest you entire night into one girl, you need to make sure there is a reasonable logistics solution. If she lives hella far away, then you need to find this out within the first 10 mins of meeting her and then quickly move on to other girls who are more realistic to pull. There is no point in partying all night with a girl who is impossible to pull. She will not remember you the next day.

[Sanyikas]

11 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

There is no point in partying all night with a girl who is impossible to pull. She will not remember you the next day.

Hard truths! Next time I will set better intentions and plan better. 

I had much fun anyway,which was my main goal and it was easily in Top3 of my night outs. 

[Leo Gura]

7 minutes ago, Sanyikas said:

which was my main goal

 

You need to get clear on why you go out. Is it to have fun or to get girls? Those are two different things.

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...it was easily in Top3 of my night outs.

I'd bet it would have been your #1 night out if you had successfully closed.

[Sanyikas]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

 

You need to get clear on why you go out. Is it to have fun or to get girls? Those are two different things.

Never thought about it this way before, I was only going out and whatever happens happens. 

I just always felt like if I go out to get girls it's a bit forced and doesn't seem natural.

I always went out with friends, which in this case sabotaged it all,because you can't just leave your friends behind and disappear everytime, obviously depends on my circles but some of my friends I always have to watch out. At the same time I never went out alone to get girls and get laid.  So is it a better approach to do it alone this way? 

[Leo Gura]

15 minutes ago, Sanyikas said:

Never thought about it this way before, I was only going out and whatever happens happens. 

Then don't expect results with girls. Expect random adventures and nothing concrete.

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I just always felt like if I go out to get girls it's a bit forced and doesn't seem natural.

Of course it's forced. You're training and learning.

That's like saying going to school to learn math is forced. YES! Do you want to learn math or not? If not, then go to the park and have fun.

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I always went out with friends, which in this case sabotaged it all,because you can't just leave your friends behind and disappear everytime, obviously depends on my circles but some of my friends I always have to watch out. At the same time I never went out alone to get girls and get laid.  So is it a better approach to do it alone this way? 

You have to be ready to drop your friends and go with the girl when she hooks.

The best way to develop your game and get results with girls is: 1) go solo and be focused on girls like a sniper, or 2) go with 1 solid wingman and focus on 2-sets which you two are aiming to pull. Keep the fun to a minimum so you can keep your focus on the girls.

Just going out and having fun with friends will not get you good results with girls nor will it develop your game much. If you want to learn game you gotta be methodical and surgical about it. You're out to learn game. That is your goal, if that's your goal.

If your goal is to have fun then just do that and forget about results.

Just get clear with yourself what you want. There is no right or wrong per se.

You can also have one night per week where you go out purely to have fun. And the rest of the nights you focus 100% on building your game.

In the end you'll find that you don't need to have fun more than once a week. Maybe even once a month of pure fun and partying is enough. It will get old quickly. How many nights can you party with friends before it gets old?

[Nahm]

8 hours ago, Sanyikas said:

Another reason might be, that I work abroad but I visit home regularly (every 2-3 months for 2 weeks or 1 month) and they just can't take me seriously this way. Honestly, I have no idea. 

If you want to get laid, omit information like that. If you want to attract a partner with intentions of depth and longevity, don’t hold the expectation of seriousness, to be taken seriously. No one’s looking for a serious long term partner. There’s enough in this world to make her believe in serious already. 

 

[Zeroguy]

@Sanyikas Love women ,deeply understand them .Spend time  feeling women.Your own ego works against you.Try to understand connection and intimacy.Hard work nobody wants to take but it pays off.

Wish you all the luck.

[Lyubov]

Why do you think you didn’t get her back to your place? What was going through your mind when you felt stuff start to go “wrong?” Was there a point toward the end of the night where you felt confused? How was the vibe/flow? Did you ask her to come back? What do you believe about yourself because you didn’t sleep with her? I wasn’t there so it’s hard to actually comment on anything specific about what vibe or energy you are giving off. I can draw on experiences when it went well for me in this situation and when it didn’t. When it didn’t I would say I was very much in my head and actually on the more meek side, not leading firmly enough, not aligned with the masculine core. I was confused because on one hand I felt like I didn’t know what to do and thus came off less like a leader, and on the other hand I was very much in my head thinking about what I need to go. Leo is right here that you need to stick with her through the night and into the morning sometimes as well. Sometimes if the music is really good and depending on the vibe/type of the club (more table heavy clubs are glorified cattle markets so most people there aren’t there to dance or for the dj) she may want to stay if she is having a ton of fun dancing to the music if it’s a good “disco style” club with a popular/famous dj. You can usually just seamlessly suggest and lead her back of your place when you leave the club or outside. You need to lead. She is going to want to feel that you are leading things and masculine enough to do so in a way that is somewhat subtle. Some girls it may feel more obvious than others but the goal is to always be on the more subtle side of things. She may sometimes push back a bit if you are leading in a brutish way  and need to dial it back down to find a nice balance between you and her. She will also push back if you are leading very weakly or if the interaction has lacked passion which it sounds like yours didn’t if you were making out with he. When there is the right balance between you and the woman she will usually just follow your lead back to your place after suggesting it just ordering a taxi and her following you into it.. Also keep it subtle. Don’t say “let’s have sex” or anything like that. Cuddle, have some tea, after party, whatever, but your goal is to work towards being more subtle while giving off masculine vibes and leadership. 

[StarStruck]

@Sanyikas  where did you learn to dance with a girl and escalate on her on the dance floor? I really suck at this

[Sanyikas]

16 hours ago, Lyubov said:

Why do you think you didn’t get her back to your place? What was going through your mind when you felt stuff start to go “wrong?” Was there a point toward the end of the night where you felt confused? How was the vibe/flow? Did you ask her to come back? What do you believe about yourself because you didn’t sleep with her? I wasn’t there so it’s hard to actually comment on anything specific about what vibe or energy you are giving off.

I think she didn't get back to my place mostly because of the distance and she didn't want to leave her girlfriend behind alone, as they both lived far, that's probably the main reason, so I agree with Leo here, the logistics weren't the best. I don't believe anything bad about myself because she didn't sleep with me, it just started a process in me, that I need to develop, and I started to ask myself why I fucked it up and how to do better next time.

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 I can draw on experiences when it went well for me in this situation and when it didn’t. When it didn’t I would say I was very much in my head and actually on the more meek side, not leading firmly enough, not aligned with the masculine core.

That's actually a major point too. I was raised by my mom, never really had a strong father figure in my life, and I haven't fully developed a masculine frame yet, to be honest, I don't even know how what it means to hold a true masculine frame. Of course, it's easy to do it with women who I don't feel so highly attracted to, but when it comes to really attractive women to me, I can lose it and feel like I have to make them like me and I lose my ability to be so powerful.

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She will also push back if you are leading very weakly or if the interaction has lacked passion which it sounds like yours didn’t if you were making out with she.

You are right, that's why it left me so confused the next day because the initial opening was one of the strongest in my life, laser eyeing her from across the club and as I rushed through the crowd and we were kissing instantly etc. Obviously, I understand this whole situation more clearly now. I learned a lot from this experience already. At the club we were talking about meeting another time in the future, she still replies to my texts, but I don't text her too often, as I see she's not soo interested, I just leave it open, and maybe one day she'll be open for some more. 

[Sanyikas]

14 hours ago, StarStruck said:

@Sanyikas  where did you learn to dance with a girl and escalate on her on the dance floor? I really suck at this

When I was 15 I started going to clubs with friends, got piss drunk, had no success, no wonder, it took me 2 years even just to kiss a random girl, haha, but somehow this way I learned not to be afraid of rejections, and I was always just escalating smoothly, by touching her slightly and dancing with her if she's reacting well to it. I wouldn't advise getting drunk anymore at all, I rarely drink, but in certain settings, I know many people prefer it. 

If you go to parties where you actually love the music, the type of crowd, it's much easier, I couldn't pull anyone in a heavy metal setting, since I have no clue how to have fun to that music, I love techno, but it's not the perfect environment for pulling girls, mostly EDM or something casual is the easiest way to go, but it still really boils down to what you can enjoy the most.

You get in the mood for dancing, and then just look out for slight signals, eye contact, but since girls will be mostly tipsy at least, they will accept your approach much better if you can read the situation well, and be gentle.
Eye contact and smile is #1.

When you kissed her, which I think doesn't take too long, mostly starting to open her up by kissing her neck, or cheek, then it's an easy way, to escalate further and slowly start touching her in a more sexual way

So what kind of music do you like which bursts your soul to dance and puts you in a feel-good state? 
Why do you feel like you suck at this, where do you feel like you can't break through? 

[Lyubov]

5 hours ago, Sanyikas said:

I think she didn't get back to my place mostly because of the distance and she didn't want to leave her girlfriend behind alone, as they both lived far, that's probably the main reason, so I agree with Leo here, the logistics weren't the best. I don't believe anything bad about myself because she didn't sleep with me, it just started a process in me, that I need to develop, and I started to ask myself why I fucked it up and how to do better next time.

Situations like this can be tricky and yeah, logistics sometimes won't work out in your favor. Sometimes you gotta just let go and realize you aren't in complete control, just recognize everything right you did and be open to ways you can grow better. Sounds like you are doing that which is great. One time I made out with a girl on a date and I was near certain she would come back with me to my place. We had amazing sexual chemistry. From my POV at the time, If I lead any harder it would of come off pushy. The thing is she worked the next morning at 10am and she was embarrassed her roommate would hear her come back late. I never saw her again because after that I was super thirsty via text to get her out again in a similar situation. Another time I met a girl at a bar with her coworker. She was having a night out with another girl from work. We went to a club (all three of us) and I got her alone and we made out a bunch. She ended up leaving her friend alone at the club and went back to my place to fuck. Girls are weird like that. There is an element of randomness to it you gotta accept, just do your best and feel your best and lead like a man.

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That's actually a major point too. I was raised by my mom, never really had a strong father figure in my life, and I haven't fully developed a masculine frame yet, to be honest, I don't even know how what it means to hold a true masculine frame. Of course, it's easy to do it with women who I don't feel so highly attracted to, but when it comes to really attractive women to me, I can lose it and feel like I have to make them like me and I lose my ability to be so powerful.

I'm sure you have it more developed than you realize. It's your nature. It's just being obstructed sometimes by anxiety and limiting beliefs. I would read "The Way of the Superior Man" a book by David Deida. This can help you get in touch with this energy and express it in a healthy way. Having fun when you go out and being present helps a lot as well, without setting too many expectations for yourself when you go out. 

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You are right, that's why it left me so confused the next day because the initial opening was one of the strongest in my life, laser eyeing her from across the club and as I rushed through the crowd and we were kissing instantly etc. Obviously, I understand this whole situation more clearly now. I learned a lot from this experience already. At the club we were talking about meeting another time in the future, she still replies to my texts, but I don't text her too often, as I see she's not soo interested, I just leave it open, and maybe one day she'll be open for some more. 

Sounds like this was a good learning experience for you. You're right for not being too invested in this number as well. I wouldn't discount it as entirely worthless though. Those numbers can be pennies from heaven and gain value when they sit around. I got one of those numbers out many months after making out with her and slept with her that weekend. Don't throw it away. Just keep it in your phone and send some memes to it occasionally and make some light chit chat she doesn't have to invest in. You may get her out on a date in the future. Invite her for a drink sometime   

 

Edited November 1, 2021 by Lyubov