Cheap tendencies

[Raptorsin7]

@Knowledge Hoarder I think many woman expect a man to pay for dates. It can be a red flag if you expect a 50/50 split.

I think many men have gendered expectations for woman, so it's only fair that woman have certain expectations on us. We have advantages when it comes to making money and being successful, I think it makes sense to expect men to take on more fiscal responsibilities. It doesn't have to be an expensive date, it's more so about showing generosity and showing you care enough to absorb the cost of meals etc.

 

[Harlen Kelly]

6 minutes ago, Khr said:

I am well educated

Your puerile responses surely reflect your level of education. 

Edited November 11, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Leo Gura]

5 hours ago, StarStruck said:

What if she ends up homeless? How does leaving her on the street fit with your philosophy of embodying love? Isn't she a part of you?

And what about the homeless in your city? Why don't you go marry one of them and take care of them?

A relationship is not charity work. I have no interest in dating a broke and helpless girl. She is not worthy of dating me given how hard I work on myself.

5 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

@Leo Gura

So can an introverted guy with a small circle of close friends match an extroverted girl with a lot of freinds and stuff? I am not talking about instagram models here. Assuming the guy is good in bed, has decent game and they also do things like travelling, varied dates etc.

It's probably possible but you gotta offer a lot of value in the non-social areas.

Great game and great sex will open many doors. But also long-term you two may not be a grear match.

Sex is one thing, long-term relationship compatibility is another. Sex-wise you can basically sleep with any girl if your game is good enough.

[Loba]

@Leo Gura Your views on relationships suck.  Do you have friends, even?  If so, I'm shocked.  You don't embody love at all... you're low value dude... like much more than your ego would want to admit.  You're still the same awkward person you were years ago, you just covered it up with a big heaping plate of phony.

Saying this as a broke girl, by the way.  I would never date you.  Nor would most of the women on this forum.  Yet these are the types of women you want to find, and you repel them.

You don't have game dude.  Like, years ago you made a comment on reddit calling women coke whores.  It has not changed all these years, so... what's to make a person think you are developed in other areas?  I think you front development.  A lot.

Let me put it this way:  If I were about to peace out due to loneliness, and someone came out and said, "Yo chick, you can date Leo Gura.  He'll take you on as his charity case!"  I would be more inclined to give the wheel of reincarnation another spin before I'd consider that.  Sounds extreme, but I mean it.  I would rather fornicate myself with a sharpened pencil.  There are just so many things I would rather do.

Maybe a person doesn't view money as important?  I don't.  I view spiritually growing as the most important thing.

You act as if you're not a total weirdo, possibly a bit of a nut yourself, and that you deserve the very best.  Why?
Why would a woman of value give such a shallow man any of her time?  She wouldn't.  You're gunna get what you put out, and it's going to be a crappy mirror, I tell ya...

She's gunna view you the way you view women.  You're gunna get that toxic yin to go with your toxic yang.

You're relationally toxic towards my gender.

Edited November 12, 2021 by Loba

[Leo Gura]

28 minutes ago, Loba said:

Saying this as a broke girl, by the way.  I would never date you.

So you're saying...

"I'm not fired, I quit!"

What you ladies don't understand is that you're sitting here on a forum logically analyzing who you would date or sleep with. But in real life your sexual arousal has nothing to do with logic.

Don't get upset at me for not meeting your financial needs. I don't like to mix finances with love. Ask yourself why you want that. You say I don't embody love, but I don't see buying you stuff as necessary for love.

[Loba]

@Leo Gura I'm saying that I wouldn't have taken the job in the first place.
And pointing out that even more qualified candidates read this stuff and won't either.
Dude you gotta have like some sort of personal heart to heart with yourself on how you're presenting yourself to women on your platform.
What if someone that you really could get along with comes by and sees this kind of stuff?  It does raise a red flag...
What if they already did?
If you want to take having a loving relationship seriously, then you should consider what the women here have to say.  We are women, after all, so we understand the experience of being one.

[Leo Gura]

If you want to date a provider guy, be my guest. But I will not mold into your frame.

My love and presence is more than enough. I don't need to be your provider.

It's amusing the game you play: "Leo, you must be a provider guy otherwise you are unloving and you will never have a good relationship. And you suck."

See the game you play? How convenient that your view perfectly aligns with your survival agenda.

[something_else]

38 minutes ago, Loba said:

@Leo Gura Your views on relationships suck.  Do you have friends, even?  If so, I'm shocked.  You don't embody love at all... you're low value dude... like much more than your ego would want to admit.  You're still the same awkward person you were years ago, you just covered it up with a big heaping plate of phony.

Saying this as a broke girl, by the way.  I would never date you.  Nor would most of the women on this forum.  Yet these are the types of women you want to find, and you repel them.

You don't have game dude.  Like, years ago you made a comment on reddit calling women coke whores.  It has not changed all these years, so... what's to make a person think you are developed in other areas?  I think you front development.  A lot.

Let me put it this way:  If I were about to peace out due to loneliness, and someone came out and said, "Yo chick, you can date Leo Gura.  He'll take you on as his charity case!"  I would be more inclined to give the wheel of reincarnation another spin before I'd consider that.  Sounds extreme, but I mean it.  I would rather fornicate myself with a sharpened pencil.  There are just so many things I would rather do.

Maybe a person doesn't view money as important?  I don't.  I view spiritually growing as the most important thing.

You act as if you're not a total weirdo, possibly a bit of a nut yourself, and that you deserve the very best.  Why?
Why would a woman of value give such a shallow man any of her time?  She wouldn't.  You're gunna get what you put out, and it's going to be a crappy mirror, I tell ya...

She's gunna view you the way you view women.  You're gunna get that toxic yin to go with your toxic yang.

You're relationally toxic towards my gender.

Ironically this is probably the most toxic post in the thread...

[Loba]

@Leo Gura I wouldn't expect anyone to be my provider, I have bipolar 1, and so I get services for it.  I am not in a place to be going back to work yet.  Soon.  I have a home I am to inherit, buy my own groceries, and contribute to my household.  Things aren't as simple as broke = you being a provider.
You can be poor and still be independent.  It's not the most ideal situation, but I handle it responsibly.  I have paid for exes, let them live with me, paid for roommates.  I've been the financially responsible one despite not having a lot of money.  You could say I got stuck being a provider.

@something_else Sometimes you gotta shake to awake.

Edited November 12, 2021 by Loba

[something_else]

20 minutes ago, Khr said:

It’s truly a big big mystery to me

It's a different perspective to your own which you quite clearly villainise

Not everyone wants or needs 5-10+ year relationships and there's nothing inherently more mature about them other than some social conditioning

Yes you will want to settle down with a committed partner in your later years. But better to experience all there is out there before you decide who you're gonna commit to for 20 years. Cos if you choose wrong dear god you're not getting that time back.

Men especially enjoy freedom, especially in the prime of our lives, like 20-45 kinda age range. It's not immature, it's just a different way to approach life than your own

[Gili Trawangan]

13 minutes ago, Khr said:

Meeting financial needs? We’re talking about gestures of love and kindness.

Gestures of kindness and generosity are fine, but they should come out of the guy's own volition and feeling, NOT because they are expected. When women feel they are entitled to getting something material out of me, I'm adamant about not giving it to them.

On the other hand, when we click and I sense that money is not even entering her mind, that's when usually I grab the check without thinking twice about it.

I've made the mistake of paying because that was expected, and I remember instances when the girl wouldn't even acknowledge it. No thank you, just an obnoxious entitlement. Those women get nothing from me, and I don't apologize for it.

[Preety_India]

If you feel the need to visit a club for a relationship, there is already something that says that you aren't very good at finding mates. 

If you are social enough you'll find someone who you like wherever you are. 

Also anyone can act cheap in a relationship whether it's a man withholding or being transactional or a woman withholding affection out of selfishness 

It's not the money that is the turn off, it's the cheapness. 

 

 

[Gili Trawangan]

1 minute ago, Khr said:

Oh boo-hoo. Do you acknowledge when your girlfriend looks gorgeous, has perfect manicured nails, princess makeup, or bakes you cookies, or cleans her house spotless before you come over? Do you expect her not to look like a hobo and dress sexy for you? 

Entitlement is not a woman only thing. There are entitled PEOPLE out there, that’s for sure, and it’s better not to be around them indeed.

First of all, yes I acknowledge that.

Secondly, your response is a good example of the entitlement I was referring to.

[Gili Trawangan]

2 minutes ago, Khr said:

My point was, get over yourself, we all have shitty experiences, but they don’t make the rules. I don’t like making these statements, because I deeply understand we all have our struggles, and I don’t want to diminish or dismiss anybody else’s, but if you think you as a male you have it “hard” in dating.. go and ask women what kind of stuff many of them had to go through..

Now you're changing the subject. I never said I have it hard in dating, I really don't. In fact, I'm very lucky when it comes to dating, or rather I could say that I've made my own luck.

I was talking about a very specific topic, and explaining why, from a man's perspective, simply "being kind and generous" has a twist to it. I think I've already explained why.

[something_else]

10 minutes ago, Khr said:

Lol, dude 45? A clubbing old fart? I don’t even know how they still let Leo in clubs……

There's a 42 year old chemical engineer dude who shows up at clubs near me and often ends up being the life and soul of the party  Granted, most 42 year olds couldn't pull that off but different people are into different things and have different paths. Why be so judgemental?

Quote

It’s ok, not everyone is capable of deep intimacy that relationships require. I personally know tons of dudes in their late 30s jumping from one college girl to another. There is nothing creepier than watching that. 

There is nothing to experience, after 20-30 or so relationships you’ve basically seen most of it, at that point you’re just like a fat kid who cant stop eating ice cream. Relationships are part about finding a good enough match and the second part about seeing a human in front of you and putting an effort to making it work long term. If you’re still choosing wrong after 20-30 relationships you’re just really dumb, so maybe it’s good if you die out.

Again, different people have different paths. There's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to take a more casual approach towards relationships for your prime years until you find someone who really blows you away. Some people are really picky and won't find someone out of those 30 people who they feel they could settle down with, others will settle down with the first they meet and build a deep, loving and intimate connection that lasts the rest of their life.

And some people are that middle aged dude dating 4 different college girls at one time and telling them all he really loves them. Yea, some people are just dicks  That's not the same as taking a healthy but casual approach to relationships

30 minutes ago, Khr said:

And it’s not about him having a different perspective, it’s about him preaching that perspective. Some people want to be single forever, and it’s cool, but if they go and say that everyone who doesn’t want to be single forever and believes in deep connections and love “has an agenda”, it’s fucked up. 

You are doing exactly this too, but flipped for your own perspective

[something_else]

10 minutes ago, Khr said:

I am trying to even out the field! Plus I don’t have the influence he has on this forum, so it doesn’t matter what I say! No incel is going to parrot me! If anything they are going to hate what I am saying and the boss has in fact already affirmed it’s ok to hate.

The fact that all this dehumanizing bs is allowed on this forum is extremely cruel to the women here. It’s so damaging and toxic. 

I'm trying to find a way to word this that doesn't make me sound like I'm denying your experience but I really would like examples of the dehumanisation. I don't pick up on it that often (besides in the super toxic incel posts), but I understand I'm totally not the target and so many things that are subtly cruel and dehumanising to you may pass over my head. What have you read on this subsection that's made you feel like total shit?

Other than that, the only thing I have left to say is just that I got involved in this to make the point that taking a relaxed and casual approach to relationships is not worse than going actively in search of deep and intimate connection. Both are valid ways to approach relationships and both can be done healthily and unhealthily depending on context and situation. I don't think demonising either is correct, regardless of age. That's the only point I set out to make. I don't want to get dragged much further into a messy back and forth so I'll leave it at that.

However I do actually agree with many of the points you made re-reading some of what you said again, but the nature of forum debates is that we both get angry and implicitly assume we disagree on everything which is not the case  

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Khr said:

enabling the pimply incels to parrot this shit.

Don't worry, pimply incels are too busy hating women online to learn any game.

Ironically you are feeding incel stereotypes of women only wanting to sleep with rich guys.

I am saying the opposite. I don't use money to get women. No need for that.

[Harlen Kelly]

The rationalizations and justifications a leach would concoct to maintain their belief system is rather fascinating to behold. Survival is the mother of all delusions.

Edited November 12, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Harlen Kelly]

9 minutes ago, Khr said:

So I am supposed to feel guilty for my survival needs

You are not ''supposed'' to anything, that would be a moralistic/prescriptive argument, however, being conscious of one's survival strategies and the survival strategies of others leads to better understanding and discernment. 

[Raptorsin7]

There's so much more to the forum than the dating section. Why not just visit other parts of the forum?

I think people should have their eyes open and realize dating and relationships is not the strong point of this place.

There's so much to learn about meditation, non-duality etc