Cheap tendencies

[Spiral]

I do prefer paying every other time and girl the does the same. So we don’t have to split the bill, it’s considered rude to the waiter where I’m from.

But I would absolutely not pay for a girl in the “I pay because I’m the guy” sort of way. 

[Lyubov]

43 minutes ago, ZenRocker said:

 So do you pick up the tab on a first date - like a simple coffee date? I have heard both sides of the argument -

The side for says its masculine to just pick up the tab and it puts her into the follower frame

The side against says you are buying her stuff to impress her

I have done both but not sure what is best long term.

I couldn't imagine not being able to pay for a $5 coffee for a girl I asked out on a date, absolute blasphemy. Jesus, we aren't saying pay for her university or buy her the latest iPhone here. I'm also against buying dinner as well on a first date or doing anything pricey until you have sex. My personal limits is drinks until I know we have a physical connection. Just ridiculous how guys are so tight and insecure about this. Get your finances in order if it's a problem. If your girl is a keeper she will even pay for you sometimes as well.

Edited November 10, 2021 by Lyubov

[How to be wise]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Why taint your love life with financial matters?

If she loves you, she loves you for you, not anything else.

You can’t expect her to love you in your first date. 

[diamondpenguin]

I feel like selfish spoiled people take the money you give them for granted. I'd rather sing songs for people. How bout you guys?

Edited November 10, 2021 by diamondpenguin

[Preety_India]

Money is completely irrelevant on a date. 

Whenever I went on a date in the past, I never even thought about how much money the guy is spending on the food. 

Money didn't impress me. Would I like a guy more if he spent more money on me?? Absolutely "No"... 

I mean I have myself paid either 50/50 split or the whole bill in the past 

I have no problem with paying for the guy. Because money is just irrelevant. 

 

To be honest, if a guy spent excessively on me, I would be creeper out. I would sense that he expects something unusual out of me and maybe that's why he is trying to do some momentary favor. 

I might even tend to think that the guy might have control issues. 

This happened with one of the men in the past where he gifted me something and kept telling me how expensive the dress was. It became annoying because he would boast endlessly. I think it hurt my pride. So I returned the gift to him. 

If I remember in the past when I used to go on dates, the only thing on my mind was to have a fun time, like looking around, walking hand in hand sweet romantic conversations and humor. 

I wanted a fun chill time and someone who is reciprocating and trusting. 

To be fair asking to be fun and chill is not much to ask for. 

Also why will I be on a date just to be disappointed? Isn't a date supposed to be fun? 

 

 

Edited November 10, 2021 by Preety_India

[Leo Gura]

9 hours ago, ZenRocker said:

 So do you pick up the tab on a first date - like a simple coffee date? I have heard both sides of the argument -

The side for says its masculine to just pick up the tab and it puts her into the follower frame

The side against says you are buying her stuff to impress her

I have done both but not sure what is best long term.

I used to not.

These days I would pay if not-paying creates awkwardness.

The only point is to minimize awkwardness.

[Vzdoh]

On 09/11/2021 at 9:50 PM, Leo Gura said:

@Vzdoh Keep in mind, some people are just cheap. It's not necessarily about you as the girl.

I used to be extremely cheap. Still sorta am. Simply because I had to learn to be cheap in order to start my business and survive.

I used to not even pay for a girl's coffee. I'm less cheap now, but still I won't just throw money away on a girl.

Oh! I didn't take it personally at all. I saw it was his issue. He is quite rich actually. So he can afford to splurge and buy me dinner or a bag if I was into bags. The problem for women when we see the guy is being cheap is we imagine our lives with him and we can't trust him to take care of us or potential children. There is no security, there is no feelings of containment that Teal Swan is talking about, we don't feel we can rely on the guy. Cheapness in my mind and on a feelings level implies to me that in this relationship I will be on my own. If shit happens to me financially or whatever, he is not going to help. And who wants a partner like this? 

So for guys who want a serious committed relationship, being cheap is a predicament to solve. No self reapecting woman who is feminine and not in her masculine with you, would want a cheap guy. 

Cheap guys best luck is to attract a woman who is super independent, thinks men and women are equal, won't let you be a man in a relationship, won't let u to take care of her. And probably has a lot of unresolved trauma about being able to rely on another person in a relationship and ask for help. 

I didn't tell all of that to that guy as he was not ready to hear that. He still thinks he is a catch. But in fact he is handicapped and at 40 years old is still single. 

[Vzdoh]

On 10/11/2021 at 6:30 AM, Leo Gura said:

You don't need to spend money on girls to get them crazy in love with you. Just up your game. And up your sex. Amazing sex will have her paying for you, Lol.

The reason guys feel the need to pay is because they offer little else.

Of course the girl would love it if you paid, but she will settle for just the amazing intimacy and sex you give her. That is worth 100x more to her than money.

When your game gets good girls will start offering to pay for you just to be near you.

I would challenge this belief. The guy I dropped for Cheapness, was best sex of my life. 12 orgasms in one go. Never happened to me before. I still let him go. Because I am to live with a person and being able to give in a relationship is important for relationship to survive. Sex only won't save it or make it last. Do examine your beliefs about this. I think you have a blind spot. 

Understand that giving = generosity = support = care = containment for a woman. 

We love sex, but containment for us is a more primary need. A girl that just goes for great sex and tells you she does not need containment is most likely traumatised and doesn't know how to be in a relationship. 

[Leo Gura]

If the girl is invested in me and it's a gf situation, I don't mind spending some money. It's less a function of buying her things and just more a function of sharing my abundant lifestyle with her. I don't buy her stuff directly, it's more about sharing with her the opportunities and adventures that my lifestyle affords.

So she will feel well-treated. For example, when I cook her food, I buy high quality food, not cheap junk. When she sleeps over at my house, it's a nice house that lots of money and effort went into building. Etc.

Building an awesome lifestyle is an important part of game. Then you just share that lifestyle with girls are invested in you.

But I am not going to be directly paying your bills.

[Vzdoh]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

If the girl is invested in me and it's a gf situation, I don't mind spending some money. It's less a function of buying her things and just more a function of sharing my abundant lifestyle with her. I don't buy her stuff directly, it's more about sharing with her the opportunities and adventures that my lifestyle affords.

So she will feel well-treated. For example, when I cook her food, I buy high quality food, not cheap junk. When she sleeps over at my house, it's a nice house that lots of money and effort went into building. Etc.

Building an awesome lifestyle is an important part of game. Then you just share that lifestyle with girls are invested in you.

But I am not going to be directly paying your bills.

That’s a good start. But treating your GF is important to feel up her love tank for you. My problem with that guy was I felt he felt resentment towards spending money on me. And that turned me off him completely. 

I didn't expect him to pay my bills actually. Never even had it in my head. 

But being generous overall communicates to a woman you will be there for her in case she is indeed in trouble. 

What would you do if your GF loses her job and does not have like savings and need your help? 

[Karmadhi]

@Leo Gura

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

it's more about sharing with her the opportunities and adventures that my lifestyle affords.

What if your lifestyle is fullfulling to you but not very fancy. So you have some cool friends, you travel a bit, live in a decent place etc but nothing crazy like doing a job where you get to travel super often or a job with high social status where you meet a lot of cool people etc. Are these things necessary if you have game?

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Vzdoh said:

What would you do if your GF loses her job and does not have like savings and need your help? 

In other words she is broke.

Huge turn off. Not my responsibility if you are broke.

1 hour ago, Karmadhi said:

@Leo Gura

What if your lifestyle is fullfulling to you but not very fancy. So you have some cool friends, you travel a bit, live in a decent place etc but nothing crazy like doing a job where you get to travel super often or a job with high social status where you meet a lot of cool people etc. Are these things necessary if you have game?

That's fine but also depends on how ambitious your girl is. Some girls are okay just chilling at home, others demand more. The more ambitious she is the more your ambition and lifestyle will have to match or exceed hers.

[diamondpenguin]

@Leo Gura I'm the opposite. I maximize awkwardness, I enjoy the feeling of awkwardness because it's how I make them embrace their true inner feelings towards me. I make them feel awkward to show them that awkwardness is a pure feeling of true enjoyment. I purposeful make people feel awkward just for fun, and because it's funny to watch them try to squirm out of the awkwardness feelings. It's hilarious you should try it.

[Lyubov]

8 hours ago, Vzdoh said:

Cheap guys best luck is to attract a woman who is super independent, thinks men and women are equal, won't let you be a man in a relationship, won't let u to take care of her. And probably has a lot of unresolved trauma about being able to rely on another person in a relationship and ask for help. 

This is well put, and it's actually quite common in this day and age. A lot of women do have to rely on themselves and no one will just help them and give them money. It can sometimes be unstable. When she is the "girlfriend/woman" and receives support for being in her feminine she is also aware it is less stable today in modern society if the relationship were to end. She would have to then start all over in her career or pass up career opportunities. I would say this is also one of the reasons dating has changed so much in the west compared to say 60 years ago. Not saying it's a bad thing but just one of the factors. I'm even running up into this in my relationship. She has to move for work and think of her own survival. She has said before "you can't expect anyone to take care of you except yourself." It's a truth in modern society where both men and women take on working roles. I'm at the point where I really am prepared to tell her to leave the job so she doesn't move, we will find a place together and I will cover all the rent and food until she finds a new job in the city we are in. She is this important to me. A lot of women will refuse a deeper level of care and receiving because they have felt it end in a bad way before and then they have little money in the bank and missed out on career opportunities if they had relied on their masculine edge originally instead of their feminine. Not all women have parents they can just ask money for if they need to pay a doctor's bill or cover rent cause their friend bailed on paying it this month. If you want a hot feminine girlfriend for a longterm intimate relationship, you need to be at least prepared to pick up some of the slack here for her when necessary, or just screen and find a chick that has rich parents or is career focused (be prepared for her to be manly often and priorities it over the relationship). 

[StarStruck]

12 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

In other words she is broke.

Huge turn off. Not my responsibility if you are broke.

 

What if she ends up homeless? How does leaving her on the street fit with your philosophy of embodying love? Isn't she a part of you?

[Karmadhi]

@Leo Gura

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The more ambitious she is the more your ambition and lifestyle will have to match or exceed hers.

So can an introverted guy with a small circle of close friends match an extroverted girl with a lot of freinds and stuff? I am not talking about instagram models here. Assuming the guy is good in bed, has decent game and they also do things like travelling, varied dates etc.

 

[something_else]

10 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

@Leo Gura

So can an introverted guy with a small circle of close friends match an extroverted girl with a lot of freinds and stuff? I am not talking about instagram models here. Assuming the guy is good in bed, has decent game and they also do things like travelling, varied dates etc.

 

No, it's completely and utterly impossible

[Harlen Kelly]

18 minutes ago, Khr said:

There are many aspects to “feeling safe”, and not being with a cheap guy who is counting everything tit for tat is one of the aspects. I truly can’t imagine any woman wanting to date a guy like this unless she has some major self esteem issues. 

There is no benefit for a guy to over spend money on you, literally none. 

[Harlen Kelly]

9 minutes ago, Khr said:

If you think relationships should all be about the calculated “benefit” you’ve basically lost your soul, I wouldn’t date a robot neither.

Relationships are not about leaching from your partner either. If you want him to spend, consider spending and investing equivalently. 

Edited November 11, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Harlen Kelly]

@Khr You seem very mature and insightful. Anyways, if that's your best survival strategy, keep leaching. 

Edited November 11, 2021 by Harlen Kelly