How I transmuted my sexual power

[HypnoticMagician]

How I started to enjoy all kinds of sex and ended up hating it all...

It started from imaging very unattractive yet self confident woman with high intelligence raping me, giving direction to my life. Offering my beauty to her. Both my body and soul. She simply exploit me in every possible way. I was abused both sexually and physically. After that, I become extremely ugly because I have beaten my meat on a regular basis. This time, I fantasied about being fucked by a very attractive lady so I got excitement from being inferior in every way. This time, I felt used. I wanted to take revenge on all women constantly fantasizing about deceiving, exploiting, raping, even murdering all of those who disagree to become my doormat, both ugly and beautiful ones. I started to have rape fantasies about torturing any vulnerable creatures with its own nervous system so I feel better about myself. I kept imagining as if I am riding horses, donkeys, men, women whipping violent to make them run faster, various regions of which I am groping all the time. They have no choice but to obey. I am just growing root into the brain of my dogs. I just wanted to grow root into their untrained brains so they stop denying their supposedly inherent urges to surrender to my highness. As I conquer larger parts of their mind, it becomes harder and harder for them to resist complying with my commands having been transformed into a multiple purpose device. And I loved it . Fucking domination... After that, I started to feel intense emotions of guilt. I was disgusted by myself. How can I think of doing such a terrible thing to innocent beings taking all my frustrations on them? I felt so evil. So I decided to castrate myself by cutting my dick off its root. And I really did that. Now, I am free. I become completely asexual although technically not inherent. I no longer have such disgusting sexual urges. There is no fucking, there is no being fucked. Ultimate Peace

 

(Note : Just to make you laugh a little, I actually trolled you saying I physically castrated myself. lol. I have just contracted my pelvic muscles so there is no semen leakage so I will no longer waste my energy through orgasm.
I also gave myself selective erectile dysfunction to punish my penis whenever it becomes erected to the fantasies I no longer like. I have turned back into traditional sex so it becomes hard only while having sex in a more gentle dominant manner.)

Edited October 29, 2021 by HypnoticMagician

[Federico del pueblo]

You are very creative!

[JohnD]

If you come across a wildly powerful beast, and you have no choice but to be stuck with it, would you fuck with its head so it follows your commands? or would you spend time with it, build a relationship with it, and tame it.

This isn't transmutation, it's repression.

[HypnoticMagician]

"If you come across a wildly powerful beast, and you have no choice but to be stuck with it, would you fuck with its head so it follows your commands? or would you spend time with it, build a relationship with it, and tame it."

Aren't their results same? So long as you are gonna end up taming it, does it matter? And who said she is a beast that needs to be controlled in the first place?

"This isn't transmutation, it's repression."

Well, in general, people tend to call the things they can't stop repression or suppression. Maybe, it is you whose prefrontal cortex is weak. No matter how much you meditate it is gonna take longer time until you get some results. You might need more repetition to reach the same result you could reach if you practiced semen retention.  Or keep meditating every single day to no avail. Go fuck yourself before deciding to judge random people brutally not presenting any logical counter argument without even knowing that person properly.

Edited October 29, 2021 by HypnoticMagician

[JohnD]

Ironic your judgment of suppression/repression caused such a defensive self-aggrandizing reaction.

This isn't about me, you're treating your psychic environment like a fucked up joke.

[Nahm]

@HypnoticMagician

Judgement isn’t per se ‘stopped’, it’s let go. It’s seen as conditioning when expressed (let go). The repression is of the judgement of sexuality. Albeit mental, mutilation & manipulation are far from transmutation. Transmuted, sexuality would neither be mine, nor of any power. It would be clear it never was. 

[HypnoticMagician]

@JohnD

"defensive self-aggrandizing"

I am no way close to defensive or self-aggrandizing. Maybe, it is you who is like that.

@Nahm

There is nothing wrong with deliberately trying to be nonjudgemental so long as you know what you are doing. Who said repression is some kind of judgement of what you are trying to suppress? And who said I am trying repress somethings. There is nothing wrong with manipulation if used wisely. That's something like saying taking "same andazol to get rid of parasitesin your bowels" is manipulative. What do you recommend, then?

Should I die? You can never create energy from scratch nor can you destroy already existing energy. By transmuting your sexuality, you are not losing anything. Just using it for more different purposes which is perfectly valid. That is similar to telling "transforming electricity to movement or sound is not of any power". When you examine the prodigies like Sir Isaac Newton or Nicola Tesla, they all practice semen retention. It is your ego's justification to ignore the time and effort required to access such a power. You don't need any supplement. As Eckhart Tolle said, "look inside the box". You have almost everything inside you.

[Nahm]

3 minutes ago, HypnoticMagician said:

What do you recommend, then?

Meditation. 

[HypnoticMagician]

@Nahm

That's what I already do.

[Kshantivadin]

This isn't transmuting. It's putting a lid, deadening sexuality. Transmutation means free flow of energy. This is a common trap us retainers tend to fall into. I know how hard it can be to tame the beast, so it's best to just shackle it, chop its head off.

Not a healthy attitude towards sex. Vibrancy is allowing your sexuality to breathe, its blood to flow. Otherwise, you will just feed the beast.

I wouldn't even write this comment if I hadn't felt that it was very important to tell you that this attitude can be dangerous. A healthy attitude towards sex and sexuality is even more important to us who don't have a means of release. Please consider this, even if just for a second.

[HypnoticMagician]

@Kshantivadin

I have never said to not have sex. You can have as much sex as you want maintaining the erection. So long as you don't ejaculate, you can have as hard sex as possible giving pleasure to both of you. You are just trying to justifying your animalistic urges. Read what I have written above again, this time, a little more carefully.