How not to Fight / Resist an Ego Death Experience?

[Muhammad Jawad]

Hello Everyone!

I hope you all are doing good.

 

I always had an interest in Spirituality but I have started practicing spirituality seriously for the last 5 to 6 years.

I am reading books, doing yoga & meditations, self-inquiry, contemplation on a daily basis.

For the last 1.5 years, I have started to use Psychedelics as well. And from these experiences, I learned a lot and had very profound realizations & Insights about Existence & Me, Ego God etc.

When I started to use psychedelics, My Initial intention was to experience an Ego Death. 

I have done almost 7 Mushrooms & 3 LSD Trips till now.

And 2 of them were HEROIC DOSE.

Ok, I want to experience Ego Death but whenever I reach the point where I am right on the edge of ego death.

I get too terrified and scared of death and it feels like The World & My Egoic Existence is Vanishing Permanently in front of my eyes. And I will never be able to get to my normal state of consciousness ever.

And then unintentionally I start to Fight & Resist the ego death experience.

I start to panic and start to do everything to get out of that experience and do not let go of my world and Ego.

And that kind of reaction just turn my whole experience into Bad Trip and I return back without experiencing ego death.

So I want to experience Ego Death smoothly and I do not want to Fight / Resist that Experience.

But the question is:

How do I do that?

How not to Fight / Resist an Ego Death Experience?

How do I surrender to that Ego Death Experience?

How do I let go of my attachment when I am on the edge of Ego Death?

 

Waiting for your help.

Thanks a lot.

[Nahm]

@Muhammad Jawad

When one brings one’s concepts, expectations, conjectures & conditions to the inconceivable unconditional, one very much feels the resistance of the holding onto of one’s concepts, expectations, conjectures and conditions. 

1 hour ago, Muhammad Jawad said:

Hello Unicorns!

Unicorn hope unicorn all are doing good.

 

Unicorn always had an interest in unicorn but unicorn have started practicing spirituality seriously for the last 5 to 6 years.

Unicorn am reading books, doing yoga & meditations, self-inquiry, contemplation on a daily basis.

For the last 1.5 years, unicorn have started to use Psychedelics as well. And from these experiences, unicorn learned a lot and had very profound realizations & Insights about unicorn & unicorn, unicorn unicorn etc.

When unicorn started to use psychedelics, unicorn’s Initial intention was to experience an unicorn unicorn. 

Unicorn have done almost 7 Mushrooms & 3 LSD Trips till now.

And 2 of them were HEROIC DOSE.

Ok, unicorn want to experience unicorn unicorn but whenever unicorn reach the point where unicorn am right on the edge of unicorn unicorn.

Unicorn get too terrified and scared of unicorn and it feels like The World & unicorn Existence is Vanishing Permanently in front of unicorn’s eyes. And unicorn will never be able to get to unicorn’s normal state of consciousness ever.

And then unintentionally unicorn starts to Fight & Resist the unicorn unicorn experience.

Unicorn start to panic and start to do everything to get out of that experience and do not let go of unicorn’s world and unicorn.

And that kind of reaction just turn unicorn’s whole experience into Bad Trip and unicorn return back without experiencing unicorn death.

So unicorn wants to experience unicorn unicorn smoothly and unicorn do not want to Fight / Resist that unicorn.

But the question is:

How do unicorn do that?

How not to Fight / Resist an unicorn Death unicorn?

How do unicorn surrender to that unicorn Death unicorn?

How do unicorn let go of unicorn attachment when unicorn am on the edge of unicorn unicorn?

If thoughts arise in the light this is meant sarcastically, keep letting those thoughts freely come & go. If you are not laughing & ‘finding’ (feeling) the relief, keep letting said thoughts come & go, in respect & humility of thought attachment. There is no such thing as a bad trip. Experientially, there is pride, arrogance, delusion, a finite mind, ego, and the suffering of not listening (feeling). Relinquish your own conditioning (beliefs) like states of consciousness. Trip smart and safely, but for the experience, not for a unicorn. What’s being so sorely missed is the seeking of the ego death experience is the resistance felt in / as the very experience, or, put another way, only the ego speaks of ego death experience. It is readily seen in no longer repeating it. 

Another consideration… there is no source of ‘how not to’. Have respect for thought attachment & the ‘misery loves company’ aspect of it. Stop underestimating.  

[Inliytened1]

1 hour ago, Muhammad Jawad said:

 

How do I do that?

 

Thanks a lot.

You don't do that because it is realized that you were a concept or an idea in the first place.  Then you become God.   But see the ego will twist this around for its own survival purposes and thus in that way it uses spirituality to survive which is the opposite of true spirituality.   "I want to experience ego death..."  ask yourself who the I is and note possible deception....

Nevertheless perhaps pick up a good self inquiry practice and meditation practice and maybe you will stumble on Truth and blindside your own ego by discovering it...yet It's a slippery slope  because the more the ego knows the more it's going to set traps for you to prevent you from ever discovering Truth.  This is why it is so rare!  Good luck on the path friend.

[Breakingthewall]

When you seek ego death, seek that: ego death. not god, not infinite love, not the source, not anything. give yourself without asking for anything in return. For me the job is not so much to know, as to be able to let go of the ego. the suitable substance for the death of the ego is the 5 meo dmt. for me it is a huge challenge too. it has happened sometime and not others, always for a very short time, but when you became infinite, it is. keep in mind that every seeing that your ego screams on the brink of dissolution reveals itself. You take a giant step in understanding your ego, that is, you. the more conscious you are of your illusory nature, the more possible it is to let go. Your ego, now, hates the infinity. he sees it as death and recoils in horror. he has to educate himself to accept what he is

Edited October 28, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[TheSelf]

2 hours ago, Muhammad Jawad said:

I get too terrified and scared of death and it feels like The World & My Egoic Existence is Vanishing Permanently in front of my eyes. And I will never be able to get to my normal state of consciousness ever.

I know what you mean, been in a similar situation in mushroom, its a knowing, a feeling that arise and tell you that if you don't fight this and let go, you'll never come back to life, or you'll go insane and remain in this state for the rest of your life.

Probably the solution would be having taken enough dose that you wouldn't be able to fight the experience.

I'm not sure if I ever going to do so, what if those crazy high doses damage my mind really? Cause I've had insanely challenging experiences in mushrooms with just 3grams lemon tek that terrified the shit out of me and I thought I will be insane like this forever. I cant imagine what 6grams would do to my mind.

 

Edited October 28, 2021 by m0hsen

[Fearless_Bum]

Fighting/resisting the ego death experience: 

What you're doing is cutting yourself into two pieces, one piece is the one who is undergoing ego death, the other is one who is resisting it. 

Simply let go of the belief that there even is such thing as an ego death experience and that there is a you resisting it. 

Ego death and awakenings are acceptable in the beginning, eventually that is seen as BS too, as the absolute is beyond all conception. 

[Muhammad Jawad]

15 hours ago, Nahm said:

When one brings one’s concepts, expectations, conjectures & conditions to the inconceivable unconditional, one very much feels the resistance of the holding onto of one’s concepts, expectations, conjectures and conditions.

How not to bring one's concepts, expectations etc into these experiences? 

15 hours ago, Nahm said:

If thoughts arise in the light

Which light?

15 hours ago, Nahm said:

Trip smart and safely, but for the experience, not for a unicorn.

Good Point.

15 hours ago, Nahm said:

What’s being so sorely missed is the seeking of the ego death experience is the resistance felt in / as the very experience, or, put another way, only the ego speaks of ego death experience. It is readily seen in no longer repeating it.

Do you mean should I have not any expectations while tripping? But should just focus on my feelings & Experience?

15 hours ago, Nahm said:

Have respect for thought attachment

What does that mean?

15 hours ago, Nahm said:

the ‘misery loves company’ aspect of it. Stop underestimating.  

Sorry, what do you mean?

[Muhammad Jawad]

15 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

You don't do that because it is realized that you were a concept or an idea in the first place.  Then you become God.

Yes, At the beginning of the trip I realize the same thing that I was only a concept and then I can see everything from the perspective of God. At that moment I do not have fear of death because that experience makes me believe that I can never die but what scares me is that I am losing everything else permanently which makes me panic and start to fight with the experience.

15 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

But see the ego will twist this around for its own survival purposes and thus in that way it uses spirituality to survive which is the opposite of true spirituality.

Sorry, what do you mean?

15 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

"I want to experience ego death..."  ask yourself who the I is and note possible deception....

The Real Me is just watching and don't think anything & don't doing desire anything and there is not a separate entity called "Jawad" or "I". who want to experience ego death. There are just thoughts in the consciousness and due to conditioned patterns, I start to identify myself with those thoughts and start to act accordingly.

15 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

Nevertheless perhaps pick up a good self inquiry practice and meditation practice

Any recommendation? 

15 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

yet It's a slippery slope  because the more the ego knows the more it's going to set traps for you to prevent you from ever discovering Truth.

True

15 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

This is why it is so rare!  Good luck on the path friend.

Do you want me to raise my understanding & tame the Ego Mind in a saber state so it does not become a hindrance in any kind of psychedelic experience? 

[Muhammad Jawad]

15 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

When you seek ego death, seek that: ego death. not god, not infinite love, not the source, not anything.

What remains after the Ego Death is God, Infinite love, Source. This is what I think. Is it not the case?

15 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

give yourself without asking for anything in return.

Sorry, What do you mean?

15 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

the suitable substance for the death of the ego is the 5 meo dmt.

But so many people experience ego death on shrooms as well. I am sure I can too if I can let go and surrender when I am on the brink of ego death.

15 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

the more conscious you are of your illusory nature, the more possible it is to let go.

And How to be more conscious of my illusory nature?

15 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

Your ego, now, hates the infinity. he sees it as death and recoils in horror.

True

15 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

he has to educate himself to accept what he is

And for that which practices & readings I should do?

[Muhammad Jawad]

15 hours ago, Fearey said:

When your longing for truth becomes greater than your fear of throwing yourself head first into the unknown, you'll do so willingly.

True.

When I am sober I feel & think that I love and long for truth more than everything else but when I am on the edge of Ego Death there I realize that how much I am attached to this world, my family, my life, my ego.

And in those moments I am only longing for my normal worldly life back again more than anything else.

How do I have a longing for truth greater than anything else? 

[Muhammad Jawad]

15 hours ago, m0hsen said:

I know what you mean, been in a similar situation in mushroom, its a knowing, a feeling that arise and tell you that if you don't fight this and let go, you'll never come back to life, or you'll go insane and remain in this state for the rest of your life.

True. Exactly.

15 hours ago, m0hsen said:

Probably the solution would be having taken enough dose that you wouldn't be able to fight the experience.

hmmmm

15 hours ago, m0hsen said:

I'm not sure if I ever going to do so, what if those crazy high doses damage my mind really? Cause I've had insanely challenging experiences in mushrooms with just 3grams lemon tek that terrified the shit out of me and I thought I will be insane like this forever. I cant imagine what 6grams would do to my mind.

Are there news/cases around of being died or insane through psychedelic trips? 

[Muhammad Jawad]

15 hours ago, Fearless_Bum said:

Simply let go of the belief that there even is such thing as an ego death experience and that there is a you resisting it.

Right.

15 hours ago, Fearless_Bum said:

Ego death and awakenings are acceptable in the beginning, eventually that is seen as BS too,

Sorry, what do you mean?

[RickyFitts]

50 minutes ago, Muhammad Jawad said:

How do I have a longing for truth greater than anything else? 

When your desire to be free is strong enough. Because it's the truth alone that sets you free, even if it's scary and painful.

[Breakingthewall]

5 hours ago, Muhammad Jawad said:

What remains after the Ego Death is God, Infinite love, Source. This is what I think. Is it not the case?

how do you know? because others have said it? for you god is an idea, and as such, it is ego. we are trying to dissolve the ego, so that idea is a hindrance 

5 hours ago, Muhammad Jawad said:

Sorry, What do you mean?

that you surrender your ego without asking God in return. asking for something in return is ego. 

5 hours ago, Muhammad Jawad said:

But so many people experience ego death on shrooms as well. I am sure I can too if I can let go and surrender when I am on the brink of ego death

I have tried with mushrooms. it is something of incredible beauty but there is a lot of confusion. 5 meo is absolutely clean. just ego death, no more. 

5 hours ago, Muhammad Jawad said:

And for that which practices & readings I should do?

have these near ego death experiences, meditate, contemplate on them. understand what is resisting and why, see the ego and understand it. little by little be willing to let it go

Edited October 29, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[Muhammad Jawad]

12 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

how do you know? because others have said it? for you god is an idea, and as such, it is ego. we are trying to dissolve the ego, so that idea is a hindrance 

Right. True.

12 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

that you surrender your ego without asking God in return. asking for something in return is ego.

hmmm. Ok.

13 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

I have tried with mushrooms. it is something of incredible beauty but there is a lot of confusion. 5 meo is absolutely clean. just ego death, no more.

Does one with struggle/resist/fight with ego death if one uses 5 meo? Or is it smooth & sudden?

16 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

have these near ego death experiences, meditate, contemplate on them. understand what is resisting and why, see the ego and understand it. little by little be willing to let it go

hmmm. You are right.

That is the best recipe. Till now I have experienced 2 Near ego death experiences and 2nd one was Less terrifying than the first one.

You are right I will have to do it again & again and meditate & contemplate and understand it and the time will come when I will surrender it o smoothly. 

Thanks a lot for the help.

[Lenny]

@Muhammad Jawad What if your ego get scared of ego death and panics every time you trip? Are you only going to be satisfied when your ego isn't afraid of dying? Is it you or your ego that panics and freaks out? What if your ego will always freak out? Are you ok with that?

Sorry if this puts off a certain tone lol I hope these questions help  

Lenny

Edited October 29, 2021 by Lenny

[Muhammad Jawad]

2 minutes ago, Lenny said:

What if your ego get scared of ego death and panics every time you trip?

You are right. Not Sure. Maybe.

3 minutes ago, Lenny said:

Are you only going to be satisfied when your ego isn't afraid of dying?

You are right I should learn to be Ok and Satisfied with whatever my ego is going through because I should not forget that I am not that Ego.

4 minutes ago, Lenny said:

Is it you or your ego that panics and freaks out?

I am not who panics, it's my Ego who panics and freaks out.

4 minutes ago, Lenny said:

What if your ego will always freak out?

True and I should remain equanimous in all kinds of situations.

5 minutes ago, Lenny said:

Are you ok with that?

Yes, I should be Ok with that.

 

Thanks a lot for the amazing pointers... :-)

[Lenny]

@Muhammad Jawad So happy I could help man  I hope you have a great day

[Fearless_Bum]

5 hours ago, Muhammad Jawad said:

Sorry, what do you mean?

@Muhammad Jawad experiences and awakenings and ego death are beliefs and made up by mind. 

So what we do is we hear about ego death and awakenings from others and try to replicate it via meditative practice or psychedelics and then when we have a spiritual high we call it ego death or awakening. 

You see what I'm pointing to here? 

We aren't racing for the truth, instead we are racing to produce sensory highs and labeling them as awakening or ego death experiences. 

Why? Because it gives me power if I have ego death and you don't.

[Muhammad Jawad]

17 minutes ago, Fearless_Bum said:

experiences and awakenings and ego death are beliefs and made up by mind. 

hmm Right.

17 minutes ago, Fearless_Bum said:

So what we do is we hear about ego death and awakenings from others and try to replicate it via meditative practice or psychedelics and then when we have a spiritual high we call it ego death or awakening. 

You see what I'm pointing to here?

Yes, I can see that.

 

I just want to experience my death before I die permanently. So I can understand what is death and maybe it can help me to understand the truth as well.

 

How do I do that? 

Should I just dis-Identify myself from thoughts and just watch "What is"? Or do I have to do something else to know or experience what death & truth is?