I want to die

[JoshuaBell]

I HATE MYSELF AND MY SOUL AND HEART ARE CRUSHED UNDER THE WEIGHT OF THIS PAIN IM SO FUCKING NUMB AND IM COMPLETELY INSANE. THINKING ABOUT KILLING MOTHERFUCKERS AND VIOLENT SHIT SOOTHES ME AND I THINK IM FUCKED. SAVE ME

 

It’s like I don’t know if I’m actually alive I just want to fucking smash someone’s head against the fucking wall you know And like to drink their blood and shit that’s how much pain I’m in and idk how to even express or begin to express it. Like in order to soothe myself I run my hands over fucking nails you know so I actually feel something idk how much longer I can hold on honestly FUUUCKING KILL ME

 

i peeped the emotional scale and I read Abraham Hicks book ask and it is given and I just don’t understand how to do it or if I’m doing it right. I don’t feel any relief so I know that I’m not doing it correctly. Like say I’m doing the last process out loud and I’m depressed about.. my health or an ending of a relationship and I feel hella guilt and self hatred and blame for it what would I say?

what would be thoughts of relief from feeling suicidal? 

Edited October 27, 2021 by JoshuaBell

[Giulio Bevilacqua]

Do you know the cause of what is triggering this pain ? Like thoughts loop ? 

[happyhappy]

2 hours ago, JoshuaBell said:

I HATE MYSELF AND MY SOUL AND HEART ARE CRUSHED UNDER THE WEIGHT OF THIS PAIN IM SO FUCKING NUMB AND IM COMPLETELY INSANE. THINKING ABOUT KILLING MOTHERFUCKERS AND VIOLENT SHIT SOOTHES ME AND I THINK IM FUCKED. SAVE ME

 

It’s like I don’t know if I’m actually alive I just want to fucking smash someone’s head against the fucking wall you know And like to drink their blood and shit that’s how much pain I’m in and idk how to even express or begin to express it. Like in order to soothe myself I run my hands over fucking nails you know so I actually feel something idk how much longer I can hold on honestly FUUUCKING KILL M

 

intrusive thoughts huh?.... @JoshuaBell

just seeing sharp knives ,nails , razors , and even pens  triggers the FUCKING thought loop ..in  my case, I was constantly in fear of snakes and checked under my bed multiple times to verify my  safety...  I  was  afraid that I might hurt myself or others with those fucking sharp things?I literally spent my entire day on bed tryna get this shit   outta my mind.

I guess the most painful part is   to get them against your most loved ones. 

this is the best advice I could give....?

1. hide all knives if you can.
2. try CBT(cognitive behavioral therapy) 
3. ,rush to a psychiatrist, counsellor or a good therapist. and they will definitely prescribe some antidepressant like Prodep or  Sertraline.. take it!
4. try meditating- this calm you down 

I would strongly recommend to seek  immediate medical advice ! 

@JoshuaBell

within several months of meds , you will be having the controls back . I can promise YOU THAT THIS IS NOT GONNA LAST FOREVER...

much love??

 

[Username]

@JoshuaBell No, you think you want to die. First of all you can't, which is really unfortunate  You can't stop existing because there is only existence. Even after death you will still exist.

I think that you want to die, but death = unconditional love. You want love not death. You are not the first one to experience this thing  In fact you should be really grateful!

4 hours ago, JoshuaBell said:

what would be thoughts of relief from feeling suicidal? 

Just act as if you were already dead and drop all expectations. Just give yourself some time (I'm talking about months) and those feelings will naturally dissipate. You ego is dying so it has to be painful but it's not going to last forever.

I recommend "Awareness" book by Anthony De Mello.

[Cathal]

spiritual advice is really retarded for people who are experiencing the actual experience of truly wanting to do

it's really a question of finding relief and working on getting yourself to a point 

would you say that shit to a suicidal person in real life? no you would just help them find relief immediatly, you're just comfortable and able to project whatever you want because you're not able to feel confronted

find relief, do drugs, eat a shit load of food, find someone to talk to, cry, cut yourself,

get relief so you can get into the headspace of actually making changes and not needlessly suffering

 

[Breakingthewall]

@JoshuaBell find the source of your pain. you have been rejected and now you reject yourself. you have to dive into your pain, see it face to face, with courage. you deserve to be loved. you have been denied that love. It is not your fault, but now you have to delve into that wound. It is what there is, you are at stake, do not let them win the game. penetrate, face your pain. forgive yourself. break free. it is absolutely possible