week 1 of a new life

[funkychunkymonkey]

since my arrests, needing to pay back parents for my debts to my parents. not being able to go backto my MMA gym cuz how can i pay them? 

i decided to buy an MP3 player a piece of a wrestling mat a slam dummy and a new pair of mma gloves. Since watching Leos motivational speech i decided to use this probation time and debt paying time as a "re-pre training" for another heavy push into combat sports. i began jogging and for some reason after my cigaratte smoking n all that wazz i was able to do a mile no problem. Now putting on some pounds my strength needs to catch up! so i have been using the slam dummy doing my double legs, my suplexs. but anyways onto the internal part 

THIS SHITS LONLEY!

im constantly in my head! how could i have been so stupid to get myself arrested and slow myself down so much! now i dont have a gym to train! im out of money! im stuck stacking boxes! i have periods i catch depresssion. even writing this i see the limiting beliefs come in :[. i have much faith in leos words saying little by little. but i cant help but ask what if i never turn pro what if im stuck stacking boxes, wasting away, go back to drugs drinking and just turning myself into jabba the hut. as i train i feel a flow state. that tends to help me get through my day. but still im kind of a hermit i enjoy my alone time i dont have any friends but thats not the hard part. having to move back in with my parents and being back in highschool like rules, idk that eats me a LOT. looking ahead i just feel scared