How can I avoid doing things that I will regret later in the future?

[NightHawkBuzz]

I would like to know how I can avoid doing things that I know I will regret later in the future. For example when I am sad and depressed I tend to do things that I wouldn't normally do. I end up regretting them later and wishing I hadn't done them. I would like to know how I can avoid doing these things that I know I will regret later?

[AlphaAbundance]

@NightHawkBuzz Visualize and imagine the deep pain, suffering and regret you will feel for making that choice.

Determine with clarity which choice is overall superior than the other, even though one might be better for the short-term, the long-term suffering it goes might be 10x worse.

[Flowerfaeiry]

It's OK to regret things. Sometimes you won't know until you have done the thing and learned from it. So keep exploring regardless  

[Leo Gura]

Set a rule that you will not make any important decisions or actions when you are in a depressed or negative state.

Major actions need to be taken from a state of positivity and love, not negativity and fear.

If you are in deep negativity and fear, train yourself to just sit it out quietly without a lot of action.

[mandyjw]

That's a fantastic realization that this happens when you're not feeling good. You pretty much already conquered that monster with that realization. It's done. Congrats!

Now, rather than focusing on avoiding the actions or the regret, shift focus to how you're feeling. 

Make a list, write down everything you want to do when you're feeling great and it occurs to you. @Nahm's dreamboard suggestion is ideal. Put a whiteboard on your wall in your living space and write everything you want on there. If you're too shy just start with pen and paper. Now that you know what you want, and you're paying attention to how you feel, regret and avoidance just aren't necessary or even possible anymore. 

Everything we wrote on that list was a beautiful variety upon feeling better. Everything we want is because we think it will make us feel better. When we put attention directly on feeling, we recognize the stuff or circumstances doesn't cause that, we, WE do it, we are that. We feel so fucking good, we are feeling itself. We are literally both Aladdin and the Genie, because we are the Author of them both. So write. Write what you want. 

Notice the difference between the thought "I feel good" and the actual right now, experience of feeling good. The thought can never compare. 

Now you know what you want.

My GOD, aren't you lucky! Oh the places you'll go! Wish I were you. Oh wait... 

[Nahm]

@mandyjw ?? 

17 hours ago, NightHawkBuzz said:

I would like to know how I can avoid doing things that I know I will regret later in the future. For example when I am sad and depressed I tend to do things that I wouldn't normally do. I end up regretting them later and wishing I hadn't done them. I would like to know how I can avoid doing these things that I know I will regret later?

I’m really, really loving riding a mini bike through trails in the woods lately. Sometimes the path gets really narrow and is encroached by trees. I’ve noticed if I focus on not hitting a tree, I drive into the tree... because in my focusing on not hitting the tree, I’m actually focused on, the tree. But when I focus on the path, ahead a little bit, that’s where I go. 

[StarStruck]

Stoic philosophy might help you. It is too vast to explain it here but there are some good books on this topic like "How to Think Like a Roman Emperor" by D Robertson.

[Inception]

When we get into a negative state we tend to want to find a solution immediately right then and there: “Who’s to blame?!”, “What did I do wrong?!”, “What should I do next time?”.

However when we’re in such a state, we’re not in a position to make good quality decisions. Like Leo said; learn to meditate while your angry, sad, afraid and you’ll take much of their power over you away.

“Never reply when you’re angry. Never promise when you’re happy. Never decide when you’re sad”

 

[Vision]

@Leo Gura

On 10/26/2021 at 2:37 PM, Leo Gura said:

Set a rule that you will not make any important decisions or actions when you are in a depressed or negative state.

Major actions need to be taken from a state of positivity and love, not negativity and fear.

If you are in deep negativity and fear, train yourself to just sit it out quietly without a lot of action.

What if you are in this state for a while? Weeks, months?

[flowboy]

On 25/10/2021 at 11:07 PM, NightHawkBuzz said:

I would like to know how I can avoid doing things that I know I will regret later in the future. For example when I am sad and depressed I tend to do things that I wouldn't normally do. I end up regretting them later and wishing I hadn't done them. I would like to know how I can avoid doing these things that I know I will regret later?

By making a pact with yourself to not regret anything.

I know, sounds stupidly simple, but not easy. It has to be learnt.

This future problem of regret will instantly change, if you stop your habit of regret now. Can you see that?

If you think of an example of something you would do and regret later, and you ask: what is this bringing me? What do I like about it? How has it provided comfort?

You will find an answer.

And then you allow yourself that experience. "I did this, I enjoyed it, I am allowed to enjoy and feel comforted"

Bask in the pleasure and comfort you get from it.

If you love yourself, how can you not allow yourself to have some enjoyment and feel comfort?

1. Thus, you end up not regretting that thing
2. Thus, you break the cycle.

I know: the fear is: "but if I don't regret, if I don't feel bad for it, then I will do it more!"

I would offer that the opposite is true.

Verify for yourself.

Edited November 15, 2021 by flowboy

[Preety_India]

Every mistake is a road to new learning. Don't beat yourself up for making mistakes. 

The more positive you are, the better are your decisions.