Date report, failed and need advice

[Karmadhi]

So i have started dating and this is a chance i think i had with a girl recently. I would like to share here the date report. So i met this girl from my class and we started talking during the class break a bit. Then she said she would eat something and i suggested we eat something together. We went to a place near university (i am a student) and we ate something and talked for around 1.5 hours. Then she had to go to work. During the talk i got to know her a bit, she seemed like a pretty cool girl and we also did a few flirtatious stares but nothing crazy. She made this sexual comment once though. Afterwards i went with my day. Around 1am i get a text like "Hey this is X, i found your number on the big group chat hahaha". That group chat has like 200 members so it showed some interest to me. I used this as a chance to arrange a meeting after talking a bit. We managed to find a date and time we were both free and agreed to meet. It was during afternoon but at this point i am quite a begginer so for me even a make out is a big victory. We meet around 1 because at 5 she had to work. At first we ate something and then we went for a drink. She suggested to sit on a sofa and then she put her bag between us. I was like "ok she wants to sit on sofa which is good but then why the fuck do u put the bag between us". It made it hard to get physical. In time i managed to move it away bit by bit and we got bit closer. During the time we were talking, i was making jokes often, making statements, we flirted quite a bit back and forth (nothing crazy though) and also i started to touch her a bit. Like i touched her hand quite a bit and she mine, and also her thigh a bit. We talked about different things, it was a decent balance between fun and playful and also opening up a bit and discovering each other personalities and goals/attitudes/past etc. Nothing deep much but still to create some comfort and feel like you know them for some time. I made sure to incorporate humour and playfulness because i used to be very serious and logical in the past in dates. Touching wise we touched a bit but nothing super crazy. She also indirectly complimented my looks by calling people from my country "so beautiful". The killer mistake i made is that i could not manage to kiss her, i was bit shy and just lacked the balls to go for it. So i could not kiss her on the couch. During the walk to her work i tried to touch her from time to time but nothing much. Afterwards we parted and as an idiot i hugged her instead of kissing her there also.

The next day i saw her on class and we talked and made some jokes but after class she had plans. When i tried to arrange another date via text for next week she told me she was busy and shit and when i said "no problem if you find some time to meet before your work let me know a bit before and we can arrange something". She said okay but never texted. Now if i see her in class i say and shit and we talk a bit but she clearly has lost interest. I will try to use this as an opporunity to learn. I am still happy with myself because my dates used to be so bad that just the idea of me flirting, being fun/playful and a bit physical (not much though) is still some improvement. 

Why do you guys think she went so cold? Like was me not kissing her a killer mistake? What else you think i messed up with?

Would appreciate all your responses.

Thank you!

Edited October 24, 2021 by Karmadhi

[Arcangelo]

Seems  like girls want to go fast nowadays

[Karmadhi]

@Arcangelo Yes she seemed quite western in her mindset.

I forgot to mention that looks wise she was just okay. Not very attractive but definetly not ugly. I decided to ask for a date when she texted me because i am always up for giving girls a chance to prove themselves with their personalities as long as i find them somewhat attractive. I found it interesting because when i first met her for our date i was like "omg i am not attracted to her look wise, what did i get myself into" but after talking, flirting, touching during the date i started to get properly attracted to her to the point where i would be willing to kiss her. I think i am a bit like a girl when it comes to dating, i need bit of time to warm up and i am very flexible about looks as long as the personality and vibe is good.

[Arcangelo]

17 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

a killer mistake

Yes OFC

 

[Arcangelo]

This reality is like a computer simulation : Ones and zeros

You either act based on fear or love.

You acted based on fear.

 

[JJfromSwitzerland]

It seems like she ignores you now cause you didn't make a move when you could.

Even if you failed at least she would recognize that you tried.

I would go cold on her as well and focus on other things and other women until she will invest in you.

[Karmadhi]

@JJfromSwitzerland That is exactly what i am doing.

Tbh i do not expect anything will happen with her, i see it as a closed deal. If something happens great but i do not care at this point. I was just curious to get some feedback more than anything about this not happening to me with other girls.

[Arcangelo]

According to my dating coach you don't initiate physical contact in a place that you are not gonna have sex. You invite her to your place and initiate physical contact there, so it can lead to sex.

[JJfromSwitzerland]

yes that's correct, try to forget her, she most likely will not come back but if she ever would, you don't go cold on her anymore.

I don't know if this helps you but I want to add something: I had so many fucking dates in my life and I see patterns now. I failed so often, got rejected in every possible way and the more you get rejected, the less you care and also you get better and better and the women start to love you when you know how to handle their behaviour. the question is just do you have the willpower to go through all that to be successfull...

[JJfromSwitzerland]

3 minutes ago, Arcangelo said:

According to my dating coach you don't initiate physical contact in a place that you are not gonna have sex. You invite her to your place and initiate physical contact there, so it can lead to sex.

sure because you won't have sex with her in a public space but you can make a move by kissing and touching so she realizes your intentions

[Arcangelo]

1 minute ago, Arcangelo said:

According to my dating coach you don't initiate physical contact in a place that you are not gonna have sex. You invite her to your place and initiate physical contact there, so it can lead to sex.

This is if you want to be perceived as an alpha (high value) male. You want her to be guessing: "-Does he even like me?"

You want her chasing your validation not the other way around.

[Thunder Kiss]

This has happened to me many times before where I felt interested in someone on the first meeting but then meeting them again just wasn’t the same. I think the first time you guys met there was more chemistry going on and she liked your vibe enough to track you down… built up an idea in her head about you but then the 2nd meeting expectations didn’t live up to the reality. 
I don’t think it’s anything to do with you not making a move straight away, I didn’t kiss my boyfriend until the 3rd meeting but we had a lot of chemistry, there was just never a right moment. Him not kissing me on our first meeting didn’t make me loose interest…however, we had 3 dates within the space of 1 week so maybe if there was more time in between each one we would have kissed sooner idk. 

[Karmadhi]

@Thunder Kiss We definetly had a lot of chemistry, it is not that issue i can assure you. The chemistry and vibe was not worse on the actual date, maybe even better. It is something else.

Edited October 24, 2021 by Karmadhi

[Etherial Cat]

It seems like she was waiting for you to make a move. Obviously, she gave you some clear sign she was interested.

I'd say, you've lacked assertiveness. I personally like outward flirting and a clear intention on the masculine side. At least, when I accept the flirting and give the green lights. If then I am being left waiting and nothing happens, it comes off very "bleh" and disappointing.

There is a quote saying that women forgive easily a clumsy move from someone they are interested, but have a harder time dealing with a missed opportunity. Maybe she's low key disappointed.

You could try waiting for a new opportunity to show and see if she gives you clear signs again. This time, try to take the lead for the next level type of flirting... while still being detached from the outcome.

And also, don't beat yourself up so much.  This type of talking is going against being detached of outcome which is what you want to get at. Ideally, if something like that happens you want to be able to rebound very easily.

Keep talking with girls. Create yourself even more opportunities by being social like you've been so far.  You did very well until that point.

Edited October 24, 2021 by Etherial Cat

[SgtPepper]

It's also possible that she saw you were not that into her. It probably felt too platonic and not enough romance. She's got to feel polarized like you're thee man between each other not a friend. Just my guess..

Edited October 24, 2021 by SgtPepper

[Leo Gura]

It wasn't because you didn't kiss her. It just seems like you two lacked chemistry and she didn't find you that attractive.

Sometimes that happens and there's not much you can do. You will not resonate with all girls. There needs to be a certain level of chemistry and you can't always make it work.

Hooking girls usually requires emotional conversation. So the better you get at emotionally stimulating convo the better your odds will be. But still never 100%.

Don't beat yourself up. It's not always your fault. Some dates just turn out to be duds.

If she says she's busy after a date, take that to mean she lost attraction. She is just giving you easy excuses. Girls love to do that.

[Karmadhi]

@Leo Gura Then why did her behavior change after the meeting? Why did she compliment me and made the effort to go out with me and even sit near me? I do not think we lacked chemistry, we had fun and flirted and stuff. Keep in mind i am still a beginner in this domain, it will not be effortless and crazy shit.

[Leo Gura]

2 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

@Leo Gura Then why did her behavior change after the meeting? Why did she compliment me and made the effort to go out with me and even sit near me? I do not think we lacked chemistry, we had fun and flirted and stuff. Keep in mind i am still a beginner in this domain, it will not be effortless and crazy shit.

She was initially interested but then it sounds like the date was luke-warm.

I've had dates like that. They are okay but just aren't strong enough to lead to more.

[Karmadhi]

 es i think so too. I would like to know what i could improve so the next date will not be luke warm. There are girls with which i tend to flow well and girls with which the conversation gets stale. This girl we had natural chemistry so i think it was the situation where my lack of game messed it up rather than just no chemistry.  i have had dates like that too so i can tell the difference.

What could i improve in my game aside going for the kiss to not loose other girls.

[Leo Gura]

@Karmadhi Be less logical, more emotional, more intimate, more flirty, more physical escalation. Basically treat her like she is already your GF. When you walk with her, put your arm around her. Interlock fingers.

Physical escalation is very powerful once you get good at it.

Tease her.

Talk about interesting things.

Crazy strong eye contact.

Poke her. Tickle her.

Bounce around to multiple nearby locations.