List of Things it takes to Maintain a Consistent and Strong Self

[Matt23]

I thought it be would great to get the reverse side of things in terms of the theme of spirituality.  

Meaning...

What are ways you think a stable and strong sense of self are created and maintained?  In a healthy way... or unhealthy I suppose.  Doesn't matter either way.

I ask because I'm realizing how unstable my sense of self has been over the years (and has probably caused much sidetracking and suffering) and that some people may have the opposite issue of spirituality; meaning they don't have a strong or stable enough sense of self to begin with, let alone ready or it being beneficial to start dismantling their senses of self.

List any and all the ways you see as being contributors to building and sustaining and solid sense of self.

Here's a few ideas that came to mind;

• Relationships:  long-term and stable relationships. 
• Consistent types of thoughts and feelings. 
• A consistent and strong moral compass. 
• Being clear of one's core and authentic values; either having them as consciously written about values, or even just an intuitive and felt sense of what is important and meaningful to oneself.  Again, on a more consistent basis. 
• Setting firm and healthy boundaries and facing conflict when core values and senses of self are crossed.
• Disciplined action and habits.  
• Living in one place for a decent amount of time and not traveling and jumping all over the place for too long. 
• A deep sense of "you-ness"... of what it means and feels like to be you, uniquely. 
• Favorite comfort foods and activities.  Like a favorite book, TV show, or food.
• Nostalgic memories...  and memories in general I suppose that are consistent.

... Anything consistent that shows up for a person I suppose.  

Edited October 24, 2021 by Matt23

[gettoefl]

if i don't meditate i stay a slave this lifetime and evermore, once i put bread on the table it is the only worthy endeavor 

wtf?

the whole universe is in me it's not the other way round

[Nahm]

Fill your dreamboard with literally anything & everything you want to have, be, do, create and experience. 

Meditate every morning, and again in the afternoon. 

Write in an expression journal each day. 

Study, witness, and understand the emotions you are experiencing. 

Eat clean.

Enjoy every moment, never missing an opportunity to love, anyone and anything. 

 

[Terell Kirby]

Why does self need to be consistent and strong? The paradox is in letting go of this need, the self is a at peace.

Peace is ultimately what we are looking for in this human life.

[TheAlchemist]

• Saying "no" to things you don't want in your life. When you start saying no to things you don't want, you start saying yes to yourself. You start building an identity.
• Develop boundaries. Figure out what you will accept from other people and what you will not. And enforce those boundaries. 
• Stand up for yourself. Confront someone about something that disturbs you, in a respectful but firm way. 
• Identify your core values and needs. 
• Make distinctions between you and other people, how are you unique exactly?

Interestingly, the process of building a solid sense of self is very similiar to what the process of building a solid nation, state, community, company, brand or sports team is like. 

Edited October 24, 2021 by TheAlchemist

[Matt23]

7 hours ago, Terell Kirby said:

Why does self need to be consistent and strong? The paradox is in letting go of this need, the self is a at peace.

Coming from my position, I feel quite disturbed, almost nauseous frequently, when I feel I'm too detached or not "solid"... and understand that this is very difficult to explain and that the words I use to describe this experience may be used differently than how you view them.  

I suppose it's like an unhealthy and negative sense of not having a self rather than an uplifting and peaceful sense.  Or perhaps it's just a more disturbed sense of self... I dunno.  Like being on a bad mushroom trip; no stability of self, being too unstable mentally/emotionally and in terms of your sense of self and who you are... insecure... too in the clouds and open... hard to explain.  

But from this POV, I do desire what I think "normal" people experience as a more "solid" and stable ego, even if that is taboo in spiritual circles.  It just seems so much more comfortable and secure and less fearful, traumatic, and "sick"-feeling... More peaceful actually.  

...

Interestingly, this feeling seems to not happen when interacting with others, like at work, and seems to happen most when I'm walking the streets seeing others yet alone. ... I don't know or think it happens as much when I'm alone.. though perhaps it still does to some degree.   Maybe I get ''lost'' in others somehow.. I dunno.  Words. 

5 hours ago, TheAlchemist said:

Interestingly, the process of building a solid sense of self is very similiar to what the process of building a solid nation, state, community, company, brand or sports team is like. 

Interesting!  I will contemplate that a bit.  Cheers.

13 hours ago, Nahm said:

Fill your dreamboard with literally anything & everything you want to have, be, do, create and experience. 

Meditate every morning, and again in the afternoon. 

Write in an expression journal each day. 

Study, witness, and understand the emotions you are experiencing. 

Eat clean.

Enjoy every moment, never missing an opportunity to love, anyone and anything. 

Good reminders.

Edited October 25, 2021 by Matt23

[Nahm]

8 hours ago, Terell Kirby said:

Why does self need to be consistent and strong? The paradox is in letting go of this need, the self is a at peace.

Peace is ultimately what we are looking for in this human life.

? 

[AlphaAbundance]

@Matt23 What joy or benefit does maintaining a consistent and strong self provide?

[BipolarGrowth]

Focus on what you really desire most and become that. 

[Matt23]

1 hour ago, AlphaAbundance said:

@Matt23 What joy or benefit does maintaining a consistent and strong self provide?

Feeling secure in oneself, confidence, self-esteem, a positive outlook and hope that one can handle life, live up to and fight for one's highest values and potentials, ... feel warm within since one isn't constantly plagued by internal strife from feeling unstable and ungrounded.... ermm... follow through on long term disciplines, habits, and goals....  lots of stuff.

I imagine it's the difference between someone with schizophrenia who's sense of self is weak and causes lots of issues and pain vs. someone like Ghandi or Martin Luther King Jr. who had strong, healthy, and stable enough egos to follow through on their highest values.  

I think many people get confused here and maybe in spirituality in general that having a strong ego is somehow a negative thing.  I think that's total B.S.  

Sorry for my negativity.  But I feel frustrated and like people don't listen or hear me or others when people say, often in spiritual circles, "why develop a healthy and happy ego?  You should transcend it" when I think ideally you do both, or that some people should really be focusing on developing a self that feels strong and positive and healthy and can function in the world, a self that one is proud of and feels good. Rather than a self that is in pain, weak in not standing up for one's values, not discplined, etc..  I just think you gotta do both and not necessarily at the same time (differing per person).

 @BipolarGrowth Focus on what you really desire most and become that. 

 ... word.  Sounds positive and well n good.

 

I appreciate all your comments deeply.  Thanks.  

Edited October 25, 2021 by Matt23

[Zigzag Idiot]

Re; List any and all the ways you see as being contributors to building and sustaining and solid sense of self.

An internalized self image

Being identified emotionally with ideals and values

I believe we need a healthy well rounded personality/ego before we can begin transcending and letting go, Eventually the two things I listed will have to be let go of for Self realization of one's essential identity.

For those who want to dig a little deeper and maybe from another perspective-

A Dynamic Structure Comprised Not Only of Self-Representations but Also of Inner Activity

The self-identity structure is a dynamic structure comprised not only of self-representations, but also of inner activity (Kohut’s tension arc). This “dynamic essence of the self” is an automatic, compulsive and incessant activity, which is mostly unconscious. We saw in Chapter 8 that the main components of this activity are rejection, hope and desire. Repeated experience of the stillness of black emptiness exposes this activity as mental agitation, which now intensifies and reaches feverish proportions, as an obsessive inner activity whose ultimate purpose is to perpetuate itself. It becomes increasingly obvious that the details of this activity, the content of what the self rejects and what it hopes for, are immaterial. What matters is the activity itself. The notion of giving up this inner activity appears to the self as defeat, a surrender to hopelessness. The mental activity intensifies in an effort to avoid deep hopelessness and helplessness, despair and depression. These feelings are part of a narcissistic depression and deep hopelessness that the student feels about being her real self. This heavy and painful state is characterized by inertia, dullness, and self-hate. One feels existential hopelessness and despair about the possibility of existing authentically, and about receiving support for one’s authenticity. 

The Point of Existence, pg. 340

From; https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/self-identity

There are several more excerpts on this same web page.

[Matt23]

Really interesting.  I especially found this part interesting: 

1 hour ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

 It becomes increasingly obvious that the details of this activity, the content of what the self rejects and what it hopes for, are immaterial. What matters is the activity itself.

Cheers for the share.

[gettoefl]

21 hours ago, gettoefl said:

if i don't meditate i stay a slave this lifetime and evermore, once i put bread on the table it is the only worthy endeavor 

wtf?

the whole universe is in me it's not the other way round

"Let me tell you the secret. The cycle of births and deaths is from time immemorial caused by ignorance whereby an ongoing ledger is maintained subtracting pain from pleasure, which if positive makes for happiness and if negative for misery. Being so, the wise transcend this by knowledge. By what kind of knowledge? That born of Self-realization."

[hyruga]

On 10/24/2021 at 11:26 AM, Matt23 said:

I thought it be would great to get the reverse side of things in terms of the theme of spirituality.  

Meaning...

What are ways you think a stable and strong sense of self are created and maintained?  In a healthy way... or unhealthy I suppose.  Doesn't matter either way.

I ask because I'm realizing how unstable my sense of self has been over the years (and has probably caused much sidetracking and suffering) and that some people may have the opposite issue of spirituality; meaning they don't have a strong or stable enough sense of self to begin with, let alone ready or it being beneficial to start dismantling their senses of self.

List any and all the ways you see as being contributors to building and sustaining and solid sense of self.

Here's a few ideas that came to mind;

• Relationships:  long-term and stable relationships. 
• Consistent types of thoughts and feelings. 
• A consistent and strong moral compass. 
• Being clear of one's core and authentic values; either having them as consciously written about values, or even just an intuitive and felt sense of what is important and meaningful to oneself.  Again, on a more consistent basis. 
• Setting firm and healthy boundaries and facing conflict when core values and senses of self are crossed.
• Disciplined action and habits.  
• Living in one place for a decent amount of time and not traveling and jumping all over the place for too long. 
• A deep sense of "you-ness"... of what it means and feels like to be you, uniquely. 
• Favorite comfort foods and activities.  Like a favorite book, TV show, or food.
• Nostalgic memories...  and memories in general I suppose that are consistent.

... Anything consistent that shows up for a person I suppose.  

All these are just words. You need an identity or some forms of philosophy that will trigger you to act as your higher self.

For example, when you are in a stressful situation, you can remember You are the Special One, then you will behave in a stronger manner.

https://d3vlf99qeg6bpx.cloudfront.net/content/uploads/2021/09/21124053/roma-manager-jose-mourinho-2021.jpg

Or in the event you are a Christian, you can remember that God will strengthen you.

Other way is to simply be aware and be your higher self.

 

 

Edited October 25, 2021 by hyruga