Men of this forum... how do you emote or share feelings?

[Crane Bahnsteik]

Well, I dont deal with emotions by sharing or expressing them anymore, I deal with them at the fundamental level by understanding what they are and why they are present.

But first we have to the define emotions and the purpose of expressing and sharing them. I am defining emotions by anger, pride, fear, shame, desire, and all those survival based instincts, i also dont define Love as an emotion because it is a way of being "in" the World and the substract of reality itself. The purpose lets say is to reach emotional maturity.

What is an emotion to begin with? Its an experience derived from an error in judgement and a resistance to the physical feeling itself. Why is talking about feelings with other people considered good? What is the purpose of expressing or sharing emotions? To make them go away? To be approved? To be Loved? This is actually the immature way of doing it.

Although sharing and expression can be useful at times, they will never solve the underlying lack in consciousness/imaturity, they are only useful if you want to live your life emotionally, all emotions are based on illusions, there is no end to sharing or expressing emotions, on the short term you may feel better because by sharing the feeling, you go into yourself and face/explore part of the emotion, releasing a little bit of resistance to it, but the notion of having to have another person present to do it it's not optimal, pratical, or even considerate towards the other person since we are throwing our emotional garbage at them, this is why so many unhealthy relationships exist, there is the one who likes to throw his/her emotional garbage because he/her cant deal with it, and then there is the other person who feeds of that energy which increases his/her sense of superiority and pride. I actually used to share a lot and express a lot of emotion, i was a musician and expressed my feelings on my instrument hours a day for years, at the end of the day i would feel good, but the next day i would still wake up and feel like shit, needing the expression/sharing to feel good again.

So now i just sit with the emotions and feel them without resistance as best as possible, accepting them like i accept my arms and legs, if i need to solve something in the world i do it through logic and wisdom as best as i can instead of lashing out or pushing emotions into another person. If let's say in a relationship i find that my girlfriend is flirting with other men, even though the emotions of anger, pride, jeleously are present, i dont act from them, i accept them as a construct of a body that wants to survive and is creating such feelings in a phisiological manner (Cold hands, high blood pressure, knot in the stomach...), i then act from self love and respect and deal with it logically, i don't need emotions to solve stuff, acting from emotions actually make things way more difficult, i'll just say "Its fine if you want to flirt with other men, but you'll have to find another bf." for example, without any neediness attached.

We actually live in an overemotionalyzed society that keeps us trapped in said emotions and makes us believe we need them to live, emotions even move the economy itself (Clickbait, News, Politics ...) Its good to be aware of emotions but they are the tip of the iceberg as far as human life is concerned.

[Nahm]

On 10/23/2021 at 0:38 PM, charlie cho said:

In my observation, it's the people who can deal with their emotions well who are most emotionally mature and grounded. People who do not know how to emote or even do therapy with their psyche are the ones who cause most trouble outside.

Perfectly astute. ?? With the exception of ‘deal with’. I would say, ‘blessed with the joy of consciously creating’. 

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Do you guys just have friends to talk to of your feelings? 

Do you hire therapists. 

The point is the expression, and any medium or means will do. Alone one could write, sculpt, sing, carve, paint, etc, etc. Creative expression is the key to direct experience… direct experience is the key to creative expression. Cookies & milk, milk & cookies. Creator-Creating-Creation. 

The deepest of the deep, is this direct experience of expression in communion. There is ‘the experience of no experience’, or, Me, without Me appearing. It’s nothing and it’s mystically wonderfully ineffable. And yet, seemingly against all logic & paradox perhaps, the real depth brought to life, manifest - actual realization - begins in communion. This could be a lasting or even momentary relationship (communion) with anyone; friend, lover, sibling, parent, son or daughter, therapist, stranger, guru, the kid in the drive thu window, or your grandma. Communion, in the way I’m using the word, is differentiated from ‘relationship’ in that the triggers, reactions, assumptions, deflections and projections have all been let go, the emotions have all been understood, and there is ‘two in the real’ now, without the veils. 

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I used to have a brother where I did this. We had a falling out. Some of my friends. And we had a falling out. IDK, how do you guys do it. 

By looking under the label of falling out, and thus falling in. To be alive is to be emoting and sharing. Without purpose, need, value, expectation or any point. It’s not even a doing, but thought makes it seem so. 

[lmfao]

@charlie cho Social anxiety makes me block my expression sometimes, and whilst I'm introverted, I'm sometimes extroverted but that gets blocked by anxiety or feeling low

I occasionally vent to friends. The other day I was talking to a friend about something that bothered me, both of us to a degree, but I waiting out the impulse to bitch in particular manner which didn't feel nice.

There's a way I used to vent to my sister with, but I have no tolerance, it's unpleasant

--

You're an mbti nerd right? Alright so I was basically always an INTP, just a regular paki nerd. My psyche got so plunged into shadow, strong emotions, existential despair, that my personality changed. There are shadow stacks, my Fi in abrupt consciousness, the demon/transformation function 

[Raphael]

Like this:

 

[ShardMare]

Its hard to find people who you can talk about these things. Usually they just dont care. Do you think i'll share my feelings and talk about my problems to my friends? A boy telling another boy how hes feeling? No, we never do that. Maybe a girl to a girl. Usually we just talk about meaningless stuff, talk about video games, memes, shittalk and joke around.

I talk with myself and resolve my problems. 

F.e. i express a lot of anger through listening to music. 

I cant scream and shake my body at home like Elliot Hulse does in that video my family would look at me crazy but it would be helpful i think

[charlie cho]

@lmfao MBTI nerd lol. Yes. 

Fi? Like I don't get how Fi can ever be labeled as Demon whatever.

I get how cognitive functions work. INTPs are for 

Ti, Ne Si Fe 

So under stress, to be exact really horrible ones, your Fe, will turn into Fi... I think that's what you mean. 

So when you are moderately stressed, you use your Fe to vent to others in a healthy way.

But when you are pissed and about to destroy the world, you hold in your emotions that you don't even vent or emote to anyone and start to plot how you can ruin other's lives... hahahhahah

For me, an ENTJ, Fi, is major feeling function. So when an ENTJ uses Fe, you know the ENTJ is really fucking up. 

[PurpleTree]

i just say

no i'm not crying, something flew into my eyes, dumb insect  

[BigDogRaven]

On 10/26/2021 at 10:58 AM, BlackMaze said:

 

Nobody really gives a fuck about my emotions or yours. That's the truth. You should learn to meet more of your emotional needs by yourself. Everyone in reality only care for themselves. They live in their own bubble. Unless they happen to be egoless which is very rare. Don't believe me if you don't want. 

^^^^^^^^^^^

This

[BlackMaze]

I had an insight. Since i believe that what i said is true and it seems that everybody around me is desperate to talk about their problems with me while not giving a fuck about mine. 

Accept the fact that this is the case and be the person that fulfills this need for others. Be there for them. 

[lmfao]

On 27/10/2021 at 9:37 PM, charlie cho said:

@lmfao MBTI nerd lol. Yes. 

Fi? Like I don't get how Fi can ever be labeled as Demon whatever.

So the theory extends to shadow stacks if you want it to, so as to get an ordering of 8 function rather than 4, and ofc the way that the stack is read has more nuance than its position. 

For an INTP, Fi is in the 8th slot making it the most alien and distant function naturally. What this usually means is that if something in the vicinity of Fi decides to pop off, it's gonna be very extreme/deep, and it usually takes a lot of stress to get to that point. 8th slot functions get called "demon functions". 

Edited October 29, 2021 by lmfao

[BipolarGrowth]

The best thing I’ve found is to meet highly conscious friends. I find therapists to be pretty ineffective, especially as you become more highly developed. Better than talking to people is the ability to use mindfulness and vipassana whenever you need to in your normal life. When you can feel things as bare sensations and recognize they are entirely not the property of any consistent self and are impermanent, this gives you a lot of power over negative emotional sensations/patterns of sensations. 
 

If you want someone to talk to for processing things and developing the methods I’ve described above, shoot me a PM. 
 

Best of luck. 

[Nightwise]

I find it easy to endlessly talk about my feelings, even the more difficult stuff at times. I can express myself eloquently and I have a powerful analytical mind. I also am quite sensitive and have a strong intuition

I find it however quite difficult to experience deep emotions such as deep joy, rage, grief, (the emotional kind of) love. With expressing I don't mean just to talk about it, but to actually show it (whether when I'm alone or with others)

Both my gut (intuition) and my head (analytical/cognitive) centers are quite well developed. I however lack in my connection to the heart center, which is really about emotional aliveness. I can therefore often be quite unaffected by the problems and difficulties of others. That's a good thing but also a bad thing. The positive side is that I can always keep my distance and objectively review the situation at hand, not being very prone to biases or self-deceptions because I don't have a strong emotional reaction. It also helps to have a strong intuitive logic to help me here. On the other hand people feel like I don't really care so much, which in a sense is true (but in another sense I really do care about helping others, just not because of emotions but because of a sense of moral and spiritual responsibility)

So connecting to my heart is really something I got to work on. I am doing a heart meditation every evening now before I go to bed. I really don't feel much at all as of yet to be honest but it's the attempting and trying that counts.

Edited October 30, 2021 by Nightwise

[charlie cho]

@Nightwise Infp or enfp?

Edited October 31, 2021 by charlie cho

[Nightwise]

On 31-10-2021 at 8:44 AM, charlie cho said:

@Nightwise Infp or enfp?

INTP, actually. but with a decent although still limited capacity to tap into the Feeling quality

[peanutspathtotruth]

3 hours ago, Medhansh said:

Is this bad? Should I communicate my emotions more? 

It's not bad but it's dysfunctional. If you want to blossom spiritually, emotionally and be in harmony, then yes, this should even be a focus for you. Have you ever made yourself really vulnerable in front of another? Have you shown them that you suffer, that you're not perfect? Have you ever cried because things are so difficult and shown that? Have you communicated to someone deep love and appreciation for them from your heart? These are basics. If you are afraid or feel aversion towards that, it means you feel that you need to defend yourself. You're separating yourself more and more. We all do this to certain degrees. It's all fear.

Not many things are as healing as a friend, a partner, or a community that welcomes you to feel and share openly. This is one of the most important shadow work aspects we can implement. But of course we need the right people for that. Nobody likes to open up to someone who doesn't understand, accept or love you. These responses are why we have come to close down in the first place.

[BlueOak]

I had to uncondition myself. To understand emotions were natural and healthy to feel, that took 10 years or so. There was a period people were considered to be over emotional at large, but I feel that was simply decades or more of men being told not to feel coming to the surface collectively.

You have emotions and if you don't use them, you are cutting off part of yourself, like an arm or leg. Now I speak from the heart and the head together (Most of the time ). It also removes the need for lying that people talk about on the forum, I just realised that right now that they struggle with, so thank you. 

Don't get me wrong, people can still be too emotional for their own good, just like they can be too cold for their own good, but that's not for me or you to tell them.

 

[mememe]

On 23.10.2021 at 6:38 PM, charlie cho said:

In my observation, it's the people who can deal with their emotions well who are most emotionally mature and grounded. People who do not know how to emote or even do therapy with their psyche are the ones who cause most trouble outside.

Do you guys just have friends to talk to of your feelings? 

Do you hire therapists. 

I used to have a brother where I did this. We had a falling out. Some of my friends. And we had a falling out. IDK, how do you guys do it. 

nothing just is, and still everything is in a way. most emotional conflicts are very personal, in that not just for you but especially also for people who are close to you and some of them are affected directly.

i don’t think emotional maturity can be reached without supervision, if you are able to do that alone to an extend, you must have been teached proper contemplation techniques in advance. if you have issues and questions in you disturbing you, it might be also disturbing for someone who’s not able to discern your emotions from his/her own emotions because not being supervised enough about the handling of such. there is a constant problem in searching for supervision in sameness vs difference ofc, it’s the problem of not being able to change perspective.

a lot of males are anxious about emotions because of emotional socialization, hiding emotions seems a better survival strategy, at times. pushing away, is a better survival strategy at times. that’s also why males seem to seek supervision mainly in close friends, often in other males and sometimes in their female partners, because of trust, sometimes of ego and not of competence decisions and even if the supervisor is a competence decision the outcome may still be ego decision. seeking help from a stanger/therapist seems counterintuitive, but is the approach with a higher success rate in finding explanations, solutions and working independently through emotional baggage. although competence is also not equally distributed in therapists and therefore you need to find someone who is a good supervisor for you. and then you might also be able to talk with your family and friends again.

Edited January 15, 2022 by mememe

[blessedlion1993]

i just say "you doing/saying this made me feel (this) in my body"

[Derek White]

I normally just sit down alone in my room and let myself feel anything that comes. 

Sometimes I specifically search for the things that are bothering me deep down and try to come to terms with them and let the feeling go through my body.