Fixing myself.... (no comments please)

[Preety_India]

Sometimes when I read some comments they can appear so infantile, juvenile, amateurish, stupid, childish, lacking in intuition, pigeonholed, immature, dogmatic, ignorant, illogical, inadequate, unwholesome. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Along with including certain things in your life you must also know what to eliminate 

You're kinda better off without all the garbage, the emotional garbage clogging your mind. 

 

[Preety_India]

This is something that is really helpful 

I still suck at socializing and there are so many things that I still need to learn when it comes to socialization but authenticity and confidence are key when it comes to dealing with people. 

 

When you're your pure self, you only end up with that which is attracted to your purity. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I want to know what strength really means. Not just spiritual strength but something more comprehensive. 

I can call it the "energy of  Eunoia" 

 

 

 

I imagine this energy as something flowing and compact and has both growing, protective and defensive energies. 

It's almost like if anything ever came too close to it, it will deflect it violently. 

 

Edited October 30, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

And then I had been thinking about two more concepts 

 

One being what I call "the beauty of a system" and the second "trust the process." 

 

[Preety_India]

I've come so far in learning internet communication. 

I'll write a little more about this. 

 

[Preety_India]

First is to learn how to block toxic people for good. 

 

[Preety_India]

Do I really feel liberated? 

 

[Preety_India]

Sometimes when I feel broken and sad. 

I don't know it feels like Liberation. 

Life is a long tunnel of mysteries. 

 

[Preety_India]

Today I felt a bit upset for some reason. I thought about the world. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Topics I'm going to be discussing in relation to my mother. 

The nature of narcissistic relationships where delusion plays a role. 

The concept of the narcissist holding the fake diamond. 

The nature of Trump "wanting to be president" despite all barriers and how narcissistic delusion plays a role in this case. 

The difference between narcissistic delusion (example of Donald trump and example of the diamond and perceived value), and idealistic fantasizing. Which one is healthier and which is not? 

 

 

[Preety_India]

November 8, 2021. 

 

 

Today was an emotionally heavy day for me  

Because today after the longest time I told Joseph to finally fuck off for good. 

I checked his message 3 days ago and he had asked me "how are you?" 

My man Marcel helped me a lot with this.. I was emotional since morning. And I somehow wanted Joseph to be completely gone forever. 

Marcel told me to block him for good and that's what I did. 

Today I blocked Joseph permanently for good. 

The thing I wasn't able to do for almost a year was possible today due to my wonderful partner who helped me take a bold step.. 

It was heavy on me but it was also relieving. 

Probably something like burning through karma. 

Well the karma chapter with Joseph is over for good. 

 

 

Edited November 8, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

November 8, 2021 is an important date for me. This is the day I blocked Joseph, my ex boyfriend finally after 4 years. 

Today is the day I finally let go and was done for good. 

It took a lot of courage to do this. A lot of strength. 

Because I had so much karma with Joseph. 

I cried for 3 hours today. Lot of release. 

All the pent up emotions from his cheating and subsequent breakup. 

Mind you this wasn't easy by any means. It was a relationship of 3 years. I had shared a massive amount of struggle with Joseph. I had invested very deeply emotionally with him. So when he cheated on me, I felt like I was going to have a cardiac arrest. It felt extremely brutal. He had a complete disregard for my mental and emotional health. 

He treated me like garbage. 

His cheating had me completely taken by surprise and almost like a shock. And he had been hiding it like a coward. It's my own investigation that finally uncovered his cheating. 

And let me tell you that cheating in relationship is one of the worst experiences in life if you have invested many years and effort into a relationship. The stronger the emotional attachment, the worse is the setback you get. 

But today, the most disgusting shameful chapter of my life came to an end. 

Thanks to my current partner. 

 

 

 I'm finally free from Joseph and his endless emotional blackmailing. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Over. 

 

 

 

Edited November 8, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I had several near death experiences.. 

I will record my insights from those experiences a bit later. 

 

[diamondpenguin]

Fuck Joseph, don't be his emotional slave, he'll act all sad to try to draw you in, but don't be his emotional slave, let him cry. He's fake crying to sucker you back in. The narcissist in his head while fake crying is saying "I got her now". 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel I love you. Thank you for helping me and being by my side in my difficult time. 

Without you it wouldn't have been possible. 

You gave me strength. 

You're my hero. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I blocked a person after 4 years. This was huge and emotional for me. 

Morning I cried for 3 hours. It was so heavy. 

Thank you @Marcel for comforting me through this period.

I am grateful to you for giving me the strength to be able to do this. 

That means a lot. 

 

[Preety_India]

(thanks for the supportive comments) 

 

I show behaviors of a psychopath. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm not a primary psychopathy score is very low. But my Secondary psychopathy score is high. 

 

 

This means if I kill a person, it won't be cold and it won't be for money. 

 

Primary psychopaths are hard and cold and without emotion and empty. They do things to gain a benefit. Generally greed. 

 

Secondary psychopaths are completely opposite of primary psychopaths. They are extremely emotional to the point of abnormal but tend to hide their emotions because they are too scared to show that underlying emotion. They don't do things for a benefit. But they do it out of raw and extreme emotions. They are basically psychos. Revenge, hate, rage are emotions experienced in abnormal levels as compared to the average public. 

 

Primary psychopathy example - a gold digger who poisons her husband sneakily to get his money. 

 

Secondary psychopathy example - a woman who kills her husband because she is extremely hurt that he cheated on her so she stabs him multiple times out of revenge 

Or a woman who kills her rapist to seek revenge or justice. 

Or a bullied teenager goes and shoots people in a mall because he is sick of humans. 

 

These are examples of "emotions gone out of control" to the point that it arouses passion to cause destruction or crime. 

Such crimes are not committed for greed or money but out of sheer emotions that are extremely fatal and lethal 

 

Secondary psychopaths show fatal levels of emotions. They are like a ticking time bomb. Easy to explode. They are mentally and emotionally unstable. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm a secondary psychopath. 

 

Secondary psychopaths can become extremely popular. 

People are fascinated by them. 

But they can be very manipulative. Also they can be liars.