Maddening, frightening levels of Infinity an consciousness

[Godishere]

So I just had what I would consider the most horrific experience of my entire life/construct. My first time having a "bad trip" I guess you could say. I'm left wanting absolutely nothing to do with enlightenment and spirituality. God Realization is fucking terrifying and I want my old life back. I'm feeling completely shook and terrified of psychedelics now. What to do?

All I know is that during this entire trip I was crying to myself "it's too much" and "I don't want enlightenment anymore" and I meant it.

I would seriously question your intentions with awakening and ask why you are doing it in the first place. Your life is already perfection in every sense of the word and I mean that. Awakening is not this glamorous thing as it's portrayed. It's actually the last thing you want.

Edited October 23, 2021 by Godishere

[kamwalker]

I had something of a difficult trip myself tonight so I relate on that. But when I reflect it appeared difficult because i was resisting and not letting go. It happens sometimes. Just have to accept reality as it is. You don’t always get the trip you want 

[Godishere]

All states are enlightenment. More importantly Enlightenment is NOT being enlightened. How the fuck did I not see this untill it was too late.

[Vincent S]

Sorry for not seeing you in my previous comment.

I was caught up in my own dream and I didn’t see your process.

Thank you for sharing your experience ???

Edited October 24, 2021 by Vincent S

[Godishere]

Thank you for sharing. For me, It was and is the Realization I am God. And that no one was there to bring me back to reality because I was too conscious that I am everything. "It's all one" sounds fine and dandy. But for that to actually hit you at that level is just something else. It has completely shook me to the core.@BenG yeah I understand where your coming from, but I'll be alone in my own thoughts. Key word alone, is really the last place I wanna be. I'm done with the contemplation, just happy to live a good life. It's just too much consciousness for my ego to handle. I like the game of life and mystery to it, I purposely designed it that way.

 

[Vincent S]

?♾?

[Godishere]

It's the alone part that gets me. It's too much my ego to handle. I don't know how others have dealt with it. I see alot of people of this forum playing hide and seek with themselves. Awakened. Asleep. Awakened. Asleep. It's just so backwards though. 

[gettoefl]

a question, what's difference between alone and all one

will you get the 'ell out of here man

[Blackhawk]

@Godishere I have experienced that stuff too many times. Actually the lesson from those experiences has been: stop seeking for enlightenment.

Also it would make sense that there's a good reason why "we" are unlightened. Maybe it's better to be unlightened 

But, I don't know if my experiences were delusional ones, so nvm I guess. I don't know anything.

[Nahm]

6 hours ago, Godishere said:

It's the alone part that gets me. It's too much my ego to handle. I don't know how others have dealt with it. 

A creative, expressive, gift/talent/skill developing interest / activity. ‘Deal with’ really does morph into absolutely loving alone. Less tug of war… more best of ‘both worlds’. ?

Infinite love for you sir! ‘Bad trips’ are Good, hang in there! 

Btw, you won’t get nothin from me, but this apparent self is an expert of understanding, integration & embodiment, and available pretty much 24/7. What might seem horrific to one is the ordinary work this self does everyday. 

[BipolarGrowth]

Stop seeking enlightenment intentionally for now. Don’t repress old patterns to do practices which seem natural. It’ll just create unhelpful resistance. Mindfulness is your best friend right now if the insights are causing you distress. It will get you over the struggle if you’re able to rest into it. 

[bensenbiz]

7 hours ago, Godishere said:

Thank you for sharing. For me, It was and is the Realization I am God. And that no one was there to bring me back to reality because I was too conscious that I am everything. "It's all one" sounds fine and dandy. But for that to actually hit you at that level is just something else. It has completely shook me to the core.@BenG yeah I understand where your coming from, but I'll be alone in my own thoughts. Key word alone, is really the last place I wanna be. I'm done with the contemplation, just happy to live a good life. It's just too much consciousness for my ego to handle. I like the game of life and mystery to it, I purposely designed it that way.

 

I wish you all the best: and a question appeared: you designed it purposely, right. Why do you think you designed it that way that you had to get the shocking experience? just to be clear that you you want to play totally the game of life?

[Ry4n]

It is alone because it is all encompassing, a very different aloneness than the connotations of that word.

Alone in pure stillness is very different than me ruminating on the prospect of a single divine being being alone. God is not a being.

That being said you as a human wouldn't wanna stay there, hence here we are. 

Being alone in our finite minds is way more terrifying to me. WAY MORE. FUCK THAT. 

[Jakuchu]

On 23.10.2021 at 6:39 AM, Godishere said:

All I know is that during this entire trip I was crying to myself "it's too much" and "I don't want enlightenment anymore" and I meant it.

Yeah, can very much relate to this. For me it was "I wanna be devil again". It's actually fun to be a finite self haha 

[Godhead]

On 23.10.2021 at 6:39 AM, Godishere said:

All I know is that during this entire trip I was crying to myself "it's too much" and "I don't want enlightenment anymore" and I meant it.

Same bro, I remember curling up in bed being like: "I want to forget, I want to forget" hahaha

[Jakuchu]

On 23.10.2021 at 8:42 AM, Godishere said:

It's the alone part that gets me. It's too much my ego to handle. I don't know how others have dealt with it. 

This is where the phrase "It is what it is" comes in. You don't really have a choice but to accept it. At first it is shocking but if you get used to it actually becomes beautiful

It's quite funny at times. If you go for a walk people look at you as a stranger, but they are not a stranger to you at all

Ask yourself this, why do you want others to exist? What's the point? 

[Godishere]

@Jakuchu I'm not sure, but I was completely alone and conscious of my aloneness and I did NOT like it. I've had awakenings prior to this where I become infinite love and it was beautiful. I'm not sure why my ego reacted this way on this particular trip. It was like all awakenings were child's play compared to that level of consciousness. It really felt lie infinite aloneness. Not infinite love.. I'm scared of psychedelics now which is guttering. It's crazy when you are panicking that much but you know that no one can calm you down because everyone is imaginary.

[Jakuchu]

20 minutes ago, Godishere said:

@JakuchuIt really felt lie infinite aloneness. Not infinite love.. I'm scared of psychedelics now which is guttering. It's crazy when you are panicking that much but you know that no one can calm you down because everyone is imaginary.

Looks like we had the same bad trip. Fully get it, I call it absolute existential Loneliness haha

Yes, it's like you need help but no can help you. There is only you, so if you can not help yourself then no one can. That feeling is horrifying

I'd suggest stay away from psychedelics for a while and do ordinary stuff. Like going for walks, hiking, meditation, cooking etc. with a contemplative approach. Reflect and integrate the trip 

 

 

Edited October 24, 2021 by Jakuchu

[Breakingthewall]

On 23/10/2021 at 8:42 AM, Godishere said:

It's the alone part that gets me. It's too much my ego to handle. I don't know how others have dealt with it. I see alot of people of this forum playing hide and seek with themselves. Awakened. Asleep. Awakened. Asleep. It's just so backwards though. 

@Godisherei would say that you were on the threshold of the last door: to become absolute nothingness. without love, without god, without consolation. just nothing, no limit. I have been there several times, it is absolutely terrifying, to a level impossible to explain. but the reality is that you are that. If you are able to accept being nothing, nothingness will open and you will know what you are, without a doubt. 

it is a kind of change of point of view: you realize that you encompass everything, but everything is nothing. there are no others, nothing at all, it's horrible. cosmic loneliness on a level that goes beyond horror. sterile loneliness, dead. infinite death.

But wait....you are

if the change of perspective occurs, you see what it is you: infinite. the well opens and has no bottom, you are an infinite flowing, you are happiness flowing. everything and nothing are the same. But this is impossible to understand to me, only once happened and it's a mistery

The thing is, keep in mind the question: what am I? it does not matter the others, the emptiness, the cosmos and whatever. Look around, look inside you. Are you infinite death? you are. go deeper., But first, integration.

I'm talking to myself ehh, I'm in the same way , when I embody the absolute nothing it's a non escape void, and it's the bottom: nothing, nothing nothing. It's that we are, others are tales for kids. Not alone, not me, no- thing. But let's see! It's Soo challenge for me , last time I vomiting because be nothing. Only once the well got opened, glory. But next time I dissolve my ego again there was simply void 

 but for me it's an enigma. Embody the nothingness....there is the key. My respect for Leo and the others who dive in the absolute void of existence

Edited October 24, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[tlowedajuicemayne]

Its time to put down the psychedelics and pick up your spiritual practice.