Heartfelt love vs passionate arousal

[Lyubov]

So this is something I’ve noticed in myself and I was wondering if anyone can relate.  Basically I feel a sort of split in me between the sort of side of me that is incredibly loving and caring and the other part of me that is more passionate, romantic, and aroused sexually, bodily level desire for physical intimacy. 

1) Basically the first part is around my chest and it’s a deep feeling of love and connection, words flow honestly and open in this state. It’s about love and caring. Really heartfelt and deeply loving things get said in this state. It doesn’t feel so sexual but a deep sense of emotional intimacy and heartfelt emotions. I tend to feel neutral here on the masculine/feminine pole. 

2) The other feels different in my body and includes more energy lower in my body and is more excitement based. Passion, sexual charge, aroused by my girl’s body, etc. I’m more romantic and spontaneous here, for instance planning an adventurous date or feeling an explosion and flow of passion and sexual desire for her. I tend to feel masculine here. 

I would say I have less control over the second so to speak. It’s hard to switch to it when it’s time to have sex so it can make it awkward. I sometimes feel I’m not into it / less aroused or my girl is in her masculine more while having sex when I’m in the first place. 
 

I suppose does anyone know how to build more passion and gain more control or bring out more this second side? Also is it possible to marry the two? Or is it best they are kept separate?

[flowboy]

Side note: You are describing two different chakras, Anahata and Svadisthana. I think you'll agree when you look up their description.

Let me give you some feedback on what you shared.

9 hours ago, Lyubov said:

I would say I have less control over the second so to speak.

Good.

9 hours ago, Lyubov said:

It’s hard to switch to it when it’s time to have sex

Don't

9 hours ago, Lyubov said:

so it can make it awkward

Only if you judge yourself.

9 hours ago, Lyubov said:

I sometimes feel I’m not into it / less aroused

And that's okay. Let yourself be not into it / less aroused. Stop thinking you 'should' be into it. How does this thought come to be? Is it expectations that you feel from your girlfriend?

If you want to take the masculine role, lead from where you're at.

Any attempt to manipulate your own state, or judgment of yourself, will feel not just awkward but vaguely unsafe to her, if she's in her feminine.

So it's your task now to get better at stating where you are at, and what you want.

Keep in mind that any feeling and state you want, will hit you spontaneously, and stronger than you could ever fake or 'manipulate yourself into'. As soon as you let go of blocking out what is, and be open to moving through all the states that are presented to you, as needed. All the while sharing and taking your partner along for the ride.

Example:

You are in your love and caring state. Polarity feels sort of neutral. Meanwhile, your girlfriend is ready for sex.

Instead of judging yourself for being in the wrong state (cheat code: you are never in the wrong state), you say: "Come here. I don't feel so sexual right now, but I do feel very emotionally intimate." Phrase it however you want, as long as you express it.

You then invite her to cuddle, and you go on to express your loving and caring state, by saying loving and caring things to each other and looking in each other's eyes. Give full expression to your state, and you'll move on to the next.

If different emotional states present themselves, go along with those too. (I've had it where I had to cry for awhile first, some blockage had to be released).

Before long, you'll have a rock hard boner and feel masculine like never before.

 

[Nahm]

@Lyubov

Contemplate how it is the ‘two’ are already one. You would be a big clue. 

[Lyubov]

On 10/23/2021 at 2:37 PM, flowboy said:

Side note: You are describing two different chakras, Anahata and Svadisthana. I think you'll agree when you look up their description.

Let me give you some feedback on what you shared.

Good.

Don't

Only if you judge yourself.

And that's okay. Let yourself be not into it / less aroused. Stop thinking you 'should' be into it. How does this thought come to be? Is it expectations that you feel from your girlfriend?

If you want to take the masculine role, lead from where you're at.

Any attempt to manipulate your own state, or judgment of yourself, will feel not just awkward but vaguely unsafe to her, if she's in her feminine.

So it's your task now to get better at stating where you are at, and what you want.

Keep in mind that any feeling and state you want, will hit you spontaneously, and stronger than you could ever fake or 'manipulate yourself into'. As soon as you let go of blocking out what is, and be open to moving through all the states that are presented to you, as needed. All the while sharing and taking your partner along for the ride.

Example:

You are in your love and caring state. Polarity feels sort of neutral. Meanwhile, your girlfriend is ready for sex.

Instead of judging yourself for being in the wrong state (cheat code: you are never in the wrong state), you say: "Come here. I don't feel so sexual right now, but I do feel very emotionally intimate." Phrase it however you want, as long as you express it.

You then invite her to cuddle, and you go on to express your loving and caring state, by saying loving and caring things to each other and looking in each other's eyes. Give full expression to your state, and you'll move on to the next.

If different emotional states present themselves, go along with those too. (I've had it where I had to cry for awhile first, some blockage had to be released).

Before long, you'll have a rock hard boner and feel masculine like never before.

 

wow... this is great advice man. and I somehow intuitively kinda knew everything you said before I read this because what you described is BASICALLY what happened this weekend with me and my girl and we probably had the best sex we had together. I was very communicative and things just flowed in a healthy way when judgement was dropped and a sensitive avenue of communication was opened. Felt super masculine and she felt super feminine, it's amazing  Kinda nice to have your post here describing it in words! 

 

On 10/23/2021 at 3:01 PM, Nahm said:

@Lyubov

Contemplate how it is the ‘two’ are already one. You would be a big clue. 

Thanks for the advice! tbh I really don't like contemplating stuff these days cause I have a habit of getting caught in webs of negative thoughts. I've found just felling my body and trusting when I start to communicate with her about something in a non argumentative way, it will work itself out, it did just this this weekend and seems to happen every time. trust the process I suppose  

[Nahm]

@Lyubov

Absolutely. ? 

[flowboy]

@Lyubov  Beautiful!