a quiet kid with big dreams

[funkychunkymonkey]

Not sure where to start. I always loved fighting, or martial arts/combat sports. i boxed for a few years, did some MMA, some traditional martial arts, i wrestled all the good stuff. but at this part of my life i feel there is a shift. I guess from this point ill start the story here...

Im a 21 year old kid (dont wanna b called a man yet but i enjoy my almost child like nature). i had a average growing up life had friends. unfortunately i was sucked into a drug life which eventually lead to my (2) arrests back in july. of course at this time i wasnt training or anything like that. no coaches to slay me for being tired cuz of some pot smokin' this was kinda inevitable (in my path!). so my combat sports did me very well with keeping me on a straight and narrow path. just to be a healthier better me.

MMA to me brings me to tears. i cant put my finger on why but this is how i tend to tell people "i was always afraid of dancing but when i ask some of my friends(who i had back in the day(now i dont have any) and who were girls) how it felt to dance. they would say its like a wave of passion and emotion flowing with the movements, some of them would say it gets them so emotional it can make them cry. so for me... thats fighting. im not sure what it is, but i stopped getting invited to fight nights because once i saw a suplex or some sick arm bar i would start tearing up of the beauty, not shouting "FUCK YEAH FUCK HIM UP!" like the rest of them. they would reply "dude are you okay???" of course i was and had to come up with some excuse like alargies because i didnt seem like some emotional NOT macho-man. regardless this shits like dancing to me even if i lose i can somehow find beauty in my defeat.

with leos videos, getting tired of my job stacking boxes... i ask myself with fear, "is this my calling" can i break the cycle of wage slavery and project myself as an example to others that dreams can come true. that life is divine. that your life means more than being some wage slave to some greedy unconscious boss.

I began crying as i thought this, almost choking, i felt this was REAL. it scared me because i know the challenges ahead. but fuck it beats stacking boxes. and get to do the two things i love most in life. spread love and inspiration, and fight. use myself as an example. so people can see that if some druggie/drunk could shed a tear and fight his way out of the matrix and create a beautiful life there isnt any reason they cant. (even as i write this im crying, the thought of inspiring people through my dreams just chokes me with emotion.) 

but anyways. still at this point i just train on my own. no gym to go to because im stuck paying lawyer fees back to my parents. dont have a car pretty much back to living like it was back in highschool. lost the apartment, car, freedom. Kinda sucks but i know with enough drive ill be able to fight my way out of this. 

thanks for reading my first journal, love you all

(i know my grammar isnt too good but i hope you guys get the meat of the story :D)