Is a man not interested in me if he doesn't ask me any questions in return?

[somegirl]

40 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

How long is the date ago?

A day ago. 

But I have a feeling he just isn't interested in me that way. I am very good at figuring these things out. 

I guess those 3 and a half hours of our conversation doesn't mean anything, actually lol 

30 minutes ago, Shin said:

There are at least a thousand guys in your city that are more interesting and fun than him anyway

Yeah but I rarely find someone  interesting enough to date them. I live in small town with around 200k people.

But it's frustrating that I am constantly unable to attract the kind of guys I really like and who seem valuable to me. It's like reoccurring thing in my life, ever since I was little. 

Edited November 11, 2021 by somegirl

[Shin]

2 minutes ago, somegirl said:

A day ago. 

But I have a feeling he just isn't interested in me that way. I am very good at figuring these things out. 

Yeah but I rarely find someone  interesting enough to date them. I live in small town with around 200k people.

But it's frustrating that I am constantly unable to attract the kind of guys I really like and who seem valuable to me. It's like reoccurring thing in my life, ever since I was little. 

Is the 200k city the capital of Serbia ?

I'd say develop yourself psychologically and spirituality while frequenting self help and spiritual retreat/center.

It's impossible not to find someone with whom it will click if you do that.

You can't expect to be able to attract the highest value guy without enormous value, for those guys they need far more than just a pretty face (not saying that's you but you get it).

Personally I'm so far from being able to attract the girls I want (without lying/putting a fake high energy facade) that I'm not focusing at all on relationships right now, maybe that's what you need, more than dating more guys right now.

[somegirl]

35 minutes ago, Shin said:

Is the 200k city the capital of Serbia ?

No, Belgrade has over 1m people. But why does it matter, I mean why you mentioned Serbia? lol 
 

35 minutes ago, Shin said:

I'd say develop yourself psychologically and spirituality while frequenting self help and spiritual retreat/center.

Aw man, I've already done that. Too many people do not do any kind of (inner) work, are clueless about life, are just average people with mediocre lives, and are still able to attract decent relationships. Me, on the other hand, have a wide range of things I am interested in, am into self-development stuff, healthy lifestyle, and nothing. So I don't know anymore.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm even into these deep spiritual stuff. I mean, it makes things so complicated. I'm just making my life harder by being more aware about some stuff, more than other people. I just see girls putting effort into looks, sometimes not even that, and not developing any other aspect of their personality, and still getting the guy they want. Getting into marriages, having kids. And you're here like wanting more, wanting extraordinary life experiences but it's just to hard that I don't even know if it's worth the wait or will it ever happen or does such thing even exist here where I live. Maybe in the movies.

 

Edited November 11, 2021 by somegirl

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

But it's frustrating that I am constantly unable to attract the kind of guys I really like and who seem valuable to me. It's like reoccurring thing in my life, ever since I was little. 

Girl, you and every other human on the planet.

Because what you want is someone above you.

[somegirl]

16 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Because what you want is someone above you.

In what sense above me? Guys typically date someone who is on the same "level" as them, or slightly below them. While girls go for someone above them, but would never date someone below them.

[Leo Gura]

@somegirl Everyone wants someone with higher reproductive value than themselves. It's just selfishness 101. You want the best deal you can get.

When someone's reproductive value is lower than yours, you don't find that person attractive. That's what attractive means: someone who's a good deal for you. The reason you don't find a homeless bum attractive is because he's obviously a bad deal for you. You think you can get better.

We all do this.

[Preety_India]

I have dated guys who I perceived as below me. 

Because I just don't care too much about the value thing. Kinda not embodying love. 

 

Eventually whether they are above me or below me, my concern was that the relationship was fundamentally good. 

What I have generally observed with people is those who talk too much about other's value, don't have much to offer themselves. Kinda ironic. 

My observations in life have led me to realize that most people, men or women who boast about their own value and keep saying things like "you can be easily replaced," you're disposable "," you are replaceable", "there are better girls/guys than you" are generally people who carry a lot of insecurities and feel the need to one-up to feel better, and it's usually these people end up alone because they don't find anyone/anything satisfying, nothing is ever enough and their own insecurities become the nail in the coffin. 

 

Edited November 12, 2021 by Preety_India

[universe]

@somegirl Your problem is ultimately an illusion, to keep you in the matrix. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Being lonely forever or having prince charming as a husband. Both equally enticing outcomes and highly sensational.

[somegirl]

@Leo Gura Oh, I know that, and am aware I'm selfish like that, as we all are.

However, I honestly thought I wasn't THAT below him. I can't view myself objectively I guess, but I thought we are on a similar level.  Yes, he is more social and is a member of multiple student organizations, but I have lots of people I know and interract basically every day, too. He is only a year older than me and grew up in similar environment as I did, so we're interested in similar stuff, I noticed too.

He is not *that* out of my reach, I thought. But oh well. It will be how it must. 

Edited November 12, 2021 by somegirl

[Leo Gura]

@somegirl I am not saying he is above you.

It just sounds like he's not that into you, or he has terrible game.

[diamondpenguin]

@Preety_India Well said, it's always the poor people who say you will fail, and when you question their judgement: They have no answer because its all a fucking lie.

[Shin]

9 hours ago, somegirl said:

No, Belgrade has over 1m people. But why does it matter, I mean why you mentioned Serbia? lol 
 

Aw man, I've already done that. Too many people do not do any kind of (inner) work, are clueless about life, are just average people with mediocre lives, and are still able to attract decent relationships. Me, on the other hand, have a wide range of things I am interested in, am into self-development stuff, healthy lifestyle, and nothing. So I don't know anymore.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm even into these deep spiritual stuff. I mean, it makes things so complicated. I'm just making my life harder by being more aware about some stuff, more than other people. I just see girls putting effort into looks, sometimes not even that, and not developing any other aspect of their personality, and still getting the guy they want. Getting into marriages, having kids. And you're here like wanting more, wanting extraordinary life experiences but it's just to hard that I don't even know if it's worth the wait or will it ever happen or does such thing even exist here where I live. Maybe in the movies.

 

I mentioned Serbia cause I know that's where you're from ?

Moving to Belgrade will help if you want to meet guys daily.

Yeah they get the guys they want with putting no effort, and will be alone with two children in 5 years, or in co dependent relationships, or abusive relationships etc.

And even if they have nothing of that, they'll be in a relationships that are extremely boring cause they settle for boring guys because they fear of being alone.

Average people have shitty relationships more than not, that shouldn't be something to be envious of ?

[Preety_India]

Sometimes mediocre people are better than spiritual people. 

You never know what a mediocre (or the person who is considered as mediocre) can offer in a relationship. 

My dad was usually considered the most mediocre in a group of men at his age, yet he was the best dad ever. He passed away many years ago but he left a legacy of beautiful memories of the quality time he spent with me. 

The possibility to judge others as mediocre and to judge oneself as superior or more deserving of something than the "mediocre" person perhaps needs more shadow work and pondering upon to do, it is possibly coming from a place of shame or envy or pride. 

You might think as though they are having mediocre lives, but in their perspective (or in their own eyes so to. Speak) they are probably having the best time of their lives. So who gives a flying fuck what anyone thinks of them as long as they are happy, it's not their job to level up to someone's ego. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@Knowledge Hoarder to be fair and honest I just view the whole point of judging someone as excellent or mediocre as very fruitless, just another classic ego defense or one upmanship, it does not create a space for cementing humanity together, rather rivaling, competing and diving and sort of is born out of an elitist mindset that does not believe in equal opportunity for everyone, but rather "I deserve more than you" kinda mentality that only leads to more personal conflict imo, but embracing and accepting mediocrity in itself opens your eyes to the uniqueness that is found in every individual. 

So tomorrow if I have children, I'm not going to look at my child and compare him/her to other kids and if my child turns out to appear average among other kids, I am not going to tell my child that, rather I will tell my child that they definitely have something wonderful and unique to explore within themselves, that they don't need to be better than everyone else to feel valued, but that they are good as they are and that they should appreciate themselves either way, mediocre or not mediocre. 

 

[somegirl]

7 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I am not saying he is above you.

It just sounds like he's not that into you, or he has terrible game.

Yep, either first or the other possibility.

Weird thing, but during our conversation he mentioned 3 days/times rule as almost like universal principle he lives by. 

Also while we were talking about relationships, he said that, once he finds any girl attractive, he wants to find out everything about her (relationship history, kind of friends she hangs out with etc) through mutual people they know, so he can then decide if he wants to jump into relationship. Cause he's very wary about where he puts his energy to. 

Edited November 12, 2021 by somegirl

[Leo Gura]

46 minutes ago, somegirl said:

he said that, once he finds any girl attractive, he wants to find out everything about her (relationship history, kind of friends she hangs out with etc) through mutual people they know, so he can then decide if he wants to jump into relationship. Cause he's very wary about where he puts his energy to. 

If he's attracted? IF?

It takes a guy 3 seconds to know if he's attracted to a girl.

This dude is way too serious and logical. Why do you even like him? Go find a more interesting guy who doesn't have a stick up his ass and knows that he's hot for you.

[somegirl]

23 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

This dude is way too serious and logical. Why do you even like him? Go find a more interesting guy who doesn't have a stick up his ass and knows that he's hot for you.

Lol, well, I also told him directly that he might be a bit too logical about it all. And that sometimes you just give in to what your heart tells you. But my guess is - he had lots of experiences with people that left him be very cautious about people's intentions and he wants to avoid getting into bad relationships. Like he had girls whose only intentions were to use him financially. 

Oh well, I thought that was ridiculous cause you can't really avoid getting hurt in life. It will inevitably happen. Unless you stay at home and don't ever leave your house. 

I liked him cause he seems he is very social and "popular" and his life seems interesting. There's always something going on in his life, it's never boring. I find that exciting. 

 

Edited November 12, 2021 by somegirl

[Federico del pueblo]

14 hours ago, somegirl said:

A day ago. 

@somegirl 

I wouldn't expect anyone to message me one or two days after a date, but you could still be right with your feeling.

Also: If someone told me that she wants to find out everything about my past relationships and friends to evaluate what kind of person I am I would just find that plain weird.

What my past relationships were like is something I wouldn't even share with someone I don't know well. Just sayin...

I think you just need to go out more and meet more guys.

Edited November 12, 2021 by Federico del pueblo

[somegirl]

28 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Also: If someone told me that she wants to find out everything about my past relationships and friends to evaluate what kind of person I am I would just find that plain weird.

What my past relationships were like is something I wouldn't even share with someone I don't know well. Just sayin...

I think you just need to go out more and meet more guys.

So true, now that I think about it.

It's like... Why do you need to do that, when you can just rely on your feeling and intuition about the person you're talking to? If I talk to someone and my feeling says they are good, why do I need further investigation? But I mean... You do you.

[Leo Gura]

13 minutes ago, somegirl said:

If I talk to someone and my feeling says they are good, why do I need further investigation?

Well, actually you do need further investigation because your feelings and intuition can lie.

But in this case the dude is overthinking it.