Is a man not interested in me if he doesn't ask me any questions in return?

[somegirl]

Btw if we go to coffeeshop, he might be pressured to pay for me, even though he wasn't the one asking me out. 

If he was the one who asked me out to go to coffeeshop, I wouldn't mind because it was his initiative and idea, but as it's me, then I cannot ask him to go to a coffeeshop and ALSO expect to pay for me. I want him to want to do it himself lol.

Maybe I'll just ask him "Where do you wanna go?"

Edited October 25, 2021 by somegirl

[Karmadhi]

@somegirl Honestly just pay for your own thing and he for his. More simple and less contraversial. Offering to pay as a girl might win you points but it is a bit risky if he takes it the wrong way or if his pride gets touched. So i would just split it. If he offers to pay, do not accept it, if he insists well then maybe accept it but offer to pay the second round or idk something.

17 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Maybe I'll just ask him "Where do you wanna go?"

Yes totally legit. Just make sure u go somewhere u can get physical to make it easier for both of you. Also if you sit somewhere with sofas, suggest to sit on them. 

[Federico del pueblo]

On 22.10.2021 at 0:30 PM, somegirl said:

Can't undo the quote

 

Quote

Btw if we go to coffeeshop, he might be pressured to pay for me, even though he wasn't the one asking me out. 

If he was the one who asked me out to go to coffeeshop, I wouldn't mind because it was his initiative and idea, but as it's me, then I cannot ask him to go to a coffeeshop and ALSO expect to pay for me. I want him to want to do it himself lol.

Maybe I'll just ask him "Where do you wanna go?"

You pay for yourself. I hope you can afford a cup of coffee?!

Don't do a "fake reach" for the purse or anything like that, you offer to pay for yourself and you mean it.

 

Also if he doesn't get it by now that this is a date, if he doesn't even realize the opportunity, then he should just automatically be disqualified, I mean how much easier can it get for a guy?!

[Federico del pueblo]

47 minutes ago, somegirl said:

But though, I will see if I will kiss him on the first "date". I might not kiss him yet. Maybe we will just talk. But will see, will see. 

If he is good he will make you want to kiss him and do so first

[somegirl]

2 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

You pay for yourself. I hope you can afford a cup of coffee?!

Don't do a "fake reach" for the purse or anything like that, you offer to pay for yourself and you mean it.

Alright! No probs!

2 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Also if he doesn't get it by now that this is a date, if he doesn't even realize the opportunity, then he should just automatically be disqualified, I mean how much easier can it get for a guy?!

True lol. 

11 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Honestly just pay for your own thing and he for his. More simple and less contraversial. Offering to pay as a girl might win you points but it is a bit risky if he takes it the wrong way or if his pride gets touched. So i would just split it. If he offers to pay, do not accept it, if he insists well then maybe accept it but offer to pay the second round or idk something.

Got you.
 

12 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Yes totally legit. Just make sure u go somewhere u can get physical to make it easier for both of you. Also if you sit somewhere with sofas, suggest to sit on them. 

Mm, so seductive lol. 

[Leo Gura]

6 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

Also... I don't get why it is so outlandish to want a man to stick around. Ideally, isn't this also what you are also looking for? 

It's not outlandish. But you use some interesting tactics to achieve that result.

6 hours ago, Ineedanswers said:

So you agree with kevin samuels:(.he also says that the most important factor for a high value guy is a girls physical appearance and that character etc is secondary. 

It depends on the guy. Some guys care less. The highest value guys tend to care a lot about looks.

Quote

Any advice for a girl who is just not physically attractive even though she puts alot of effort into her looks(working out 7 days week/invests in makeup/clothes)? how do you manage resentment towards the girls who wake up looking like rihanna/charlize theron when you see guys falling head over heels for them and not even looking at you?its so unfair!

Yes, it's brutal.

The advice is: settle for less hotter guys.

6 hours ago, TheSomeBody said:

i cant agree that the physical appearance is the most important, i think that it depends on what the guy wants, if he wants sex so probably you are right but if he wants a girlfriend personalty is huge, for me when i want a girlfriend personality can change a ok girl to an amazing one . even if i have small physical attraction it can change my mind 

Personality is of course important.

It's not either or, it's both.

2 hours ago, somegirl said:

Thanks so much! 
I'm just not sure if he takes this as a date, or regular meet-up with a stranger he wants to get to know lol. I don't know what's in his head.

That's what happens when you don't flirt. Flirting exists for good reason.

Is he clueless or are you?

How would you feel if I asked you to meet up with me but I never flirted with you? You would friendzone me and it would be a very awkward non-date date that would probably lead nowhere.

Sounds like this guy is perfect for you, as neither of you got game  Let's see how that goes. Should be interesting.

[Ineedanswers]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Yes, it's brutal.

The advice is: settle for less hotter guys

.

Edited October 26, 2021 by Ineedanswers

[Karmadhi]

There are guys that do not care about looks that much AFTER the threashhold is reached. They tend to be more feminine regarding dating and need a good personality, especially for a relationship. Personally i care about looks in terms of reaching the threashhold, after that they do not matter that much. Some guys are really visual though so depends. Usually the guys with the most options tend to be the most ruthless regarding looks however often these are not the best guys to date long term. But it will require larger number of guys to screen to find such people. 

@Ineedanswers

Edited October 25, 2021 by Karmadhi

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Ineedanswers said:

Any advice for dealing with bitterness/resentment towards the girls who don’t have to settle?  the more attention from guys they get,the less attention I get right?the bigger problem is the resentment towards the 9/10s who have it so much easier in the dating world and are monopolizing the attention of potential partners.

Life isn't fair.

9/10s have no idea how easy they got things.

Be bitter all you want. In the end you will realize your bitterness only hurts you and doesn't get you laid.

[Average Investor]

@somegirl I've been watching this thread for a bit. Glad you finally asked him out! Good work! Have fun! 

[Tudo]

58 minutes ago, Khr said:

Lol, 

 

Extremely nonsense. MTBI stuff for sexual relationships is so fucking stupid.

Most guys consider physical appearance as the most important thing. PERIOD.

 

Edited October 26, 2021 by Tudo

[FlyingLotus]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

9/10s have no idea how easy they got things.

Geez Leo, what's with the super personal attacks?  Fine, I'll do my gratitude mantras or whatever.

 

 

???(I'm kidding btw)

Edited October 26, 2021 by FlyingLotus

[Gili Trawangan]

5 minutes ago, FlyingLotus said:

Geez Leo, what's with the super personal attacks?  Fine, I'll do my gratitude mantras or whatever.

 

 

???(I'm kidding btw)

Haha, well done. No need to say that you're kidding, own it girl! 

[happyhappy]

4 hours ago, Ineedanswers said:

Any advice for dealing with bitterness/resentment towards the girls who don’t have to settle?  the more attention from guys they get,the less attention I get right?the bigger problem is the resentment towards the 9/10s who have it so much easier in the dating world and are monopolizing the attention of potential partners

try reading "The Game " by Neil Strauss...a classic one on pick up artistry .... i 've heard of  ppl who have slept with dozens just after reading the book...

[Gili Trawangan]

55 minutes ago, modmyth said:

Being considered "average" has its perks too,  you know. Or just... "normal attractive" or pretty.

For example: how good are you at weeding out people based on their intentions? (If not, you make yourself a nice shiny target for being used.)

Do you actually have the social wiring to enjoy standing out of the crowd? Are you introverted or do you have social anxiety?

What's your attitude towards receiving attention in general over your looks? (For example, you might have a deep level of ingrained negative associations toward getting attention which is under the more superficial level. From your family, for instance. Or maybe you were considered more plain, and then you weren't. These factors can clash in interesting ways.)

How much would it bother you not being sure why people like you or want to be around you, or if they actually truly like or care about you at all? If they actually truly see "you" or are distracted by the idea of you and the shininess that is your physical package?

How much are you thrown off by people's weird complexes, attitudes, and making a big issue out of your physical appearance?

How capable are you of having a sense of purpose of not existing for other people's viewing pleasure or reactions? (Sometimes it can be very negative or standoffish too.) (E.g. "the male gaze" or "the societal gaze" or w/e).

Etc. etc. If you don't think or wonder about people too, probably most of these are non-issues.

...

I suppose you want to find a way to deal with this bolded issue. Finding a way to have some fundamental sense of human value and purpose, which is something everyone needs anyway. And perhaps to find some other direct motivation for putting effort into your body/ appearance beyond measuring up to some perceived competition, if you are so inclined. Is that actually a recipe for happiness for anyone?

Like you have to find a way to either "win the game" in your own eyes, or to not play at all, honestly.

And also, to realize and remember if you're on the self-conscious side that it's almost really not at all about you and your value as a person.

@modmyth Good points.

I once briefly dated a so-called "girl who is a 9". Walking around with her was a memorable experience, she was constantly being eye-balled (I would even say eye-fucked, pardon my French). Cars honking, guys trying to covertly take pictures of her, etc. And this was with me by her side, I don't want to imagine what it was like when she was by herself. A festival of male - and female - attention. The female looks were mostly negative, like for example when the husbands/boyfriends wouldn't shy away from looking. She told me that she gets to see every man's most sexual side, it's a whole other type of daily experience of life. Now, in her case she enjoyed it and dressed provocatively on purpose, but she was very young still. I can easily see how that experience wouldn't be pleasant at all for girls with a different personality. Or how it can get tiring and old quickly. Plus everything that you mention in your post.

Be happy with what you have.

 

[gettoefl]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Life isn't fair.

9/10s have no idea how easy they got things.

Be bitter all you want. In the end you will realize your bitterness only hurts you and doesn't get you laid.

life is pretty fair i say

no one gets up from bed a 9 or 10

there is wake up face and make up face, the gladrags to leave the house in and the slumming it rags when not leaving the house

9 or 10 is daily gym visits super meticulous diet impeccable style acute attention to detail

of course one's 9 or 10 is not another's 9 or 10, is highly subjective

conventional hotness carries a prohibitive penalty in vanity, shallowness, maintenance costs - plus it wanes each passing day

give me the one in the no name form hugging jeans over the entitled designer wearing genes

[Leo Gura]

5 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

9 or 10 is daily gym visits super meticulous diet impeccable

I practice game on strippers in Vegas. Most of them eat shit and don't even work out.

They are just coasting off ridiculously lucky genetics.

A naturally hot girl does not even need make up and will look hot in nearly anything she wears.

Girls that hot can earn $5000/night.

Life ain't fair.

[somegirl]

11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

That's what happens when you don't flirt. Flirting exists for good reason.

Is he clueless or are you?

How would you feel if I asked you to meet up with me but I never flirted with you? You would friendzone me and it would be a very awkward non-date date that would probably lead nowhere.

Well honestly, the very fact you asked me out would tell me it's not just for friendly reasons. Because 9.9/10 people who meesage you on social media and ask you out usually look for something more (relationship/hookup) or at least you can be sure they find you attractive so they asked you out. It's not for friendship reasons. That's what people in my environment think so too.

So I would get what's up immediately.

11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Sounds like this guy is perfect for you, as neither of you got game  Let's see how that goes. Should be interesting.

Hahahahahaha omg ? I guess he is. We will see. He might get what's going on, he might not. But it's funny ?

I might blew it, I might have already screw up, but oh well... If anything it will be a learning experience. 

And if I am too scared to flirt (which seems like I am), he might wanna do it for me when he meets me in person. But who knows. This is just me ruminating out loud. 

Edited October 26, 2021 by somegirl

[gettoefl]

4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I practice game on strippers in Vegas. Most of them eat shit and don't even work out.

They are just coasting off ridiculously lucky genetics.

A naturally hot girl does not even need make up and will look hot in nearly anything she wears.

Girls that hot can earn $5000/night.

how about her vanity her shallowness her maintenance costs

is she a decent long term prospect

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

is she a decent long term prospect

Of-fucking-course not. Girls that hot are psychos.