Is a man not interested in me if he doesn't ask me any questions in return?

[Leo Gura]

Don't just point blank ask him on a date.

Be cheeky about.

"Hey, when are you gonna realize I'm trying to flirt with you? ;)"

Something akin to that would work nicely.

[Emotionalmosquito]

5 hours ago, Shin said:

You gotta drop the ovaries at some point to see if his balls want to meet them.

WAAAT??

[Shin]

7 hours ago, somegirl said:

Thanks for suggestions but damn, that's TOO explicit lol. I mean we haven't even met and I'm already insinuating us sleeping together? I'm not even sure myself! I need to meet him in person for me to decide if we click 

What the hell ?

What are you waiting for ?

[flowboy]

@somegirl  If he's anything like me, he's not interested in talking endlessly online just for the sake of talking.

He may have no idea that you are interested in him for dating potential.

Guys perceive asking questions as requests for information, not as signs of interest.

In short: this is too subtle of a signal, just suggest having a coffee together and he may say yes.

You said you wanted to put yourself out there. Well, this is not putting yourself out there, this is asking questions.

Suggesting the date is putting yourself out there.

Do it you might get what you want.

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

"Hey, when are you gonna realize I'm trying to flirt with you? ;)"

This is better than being direct. Also: "So when are you going to show me around X?" "So can you teach me to Y sometime?" Anything where he is in the lead, and he can set the time and place and be the man about it. But you still have to suggest it, because so many guys are slow to catch up to your intentions.

And if you think he looks hot, just say he looks hot in that picture. That also communicates intent.

Probably do both those things. Let him know you think he's attractive, and indirectly suggest a meeting. Then if he doesn't step up, forget it.

Edited October 25, 2021 by flowboy

[flowboy]

On 22/10/2021 at 0:29 AM, somegirl said:

Ugh, but Leo... I knoww I was mostly being friendly, I basically didn't flirt at all, but I initiated the convo, which means that I find him interesting, I think he's aware. 

No he's not. And by now you're annoying him with questions.

How do you feel when guys ask you question after question, but never take any initiative or tell you what they want?

[somegirl]

@Leo Gura Ookay. I'll say what is authentic to me. Don't wanna say stuff that are uncharacteristic to me

@Shin You didn't read my original post

 

1 hour ago, flowboy said:

If he's anything like me, he's not interested in talking endlessly online just for the sake of talking.

He may have no idea that you are interested in him for dating potential.

Guys perceive asking questions as requests for information, not as signs of interest.

In short: this is too subtle of a signal, just suggest having a coffee together and he may say yes.

I see. I didn't know that. I thought me initiating convo is enough sign for him. Cause essentially no girl does it. Or rarely.
 

1 hour ago, flowboy said:

You said you wanted to put yourself out there. Well, this is not putting yourself out there, this is asking questions.

Suggesting the date is putting yourself out there.

Do it you might get what you want.

This is definitely out of my confort zone. Me initiating a conversation with a guy I like. For me personally, at least.
 

1 hour ago, flowboy said:

No he's not. And by now you're annoying him with questions.

Okay, now I'm learning that me having convo with him is annoying him. lol I mean, I just wanted to see, even for myself, if we can keep the convo going. But maybe it's better that I do in in person.......
 

1 hour ago, flowboy said:

How do you feel when guys ask you question after question, but never take any initiative or tell you what they want?

Ugh, yeah... I know, I see now. 
 

Edited October 25, 2021 by somegirl

[Shin]

15 minutes ago, somegirl said:

@Leo Gura
@Shin You didn't read my original post
 

I did, just ask him for a coffee.

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

I'll say what is authentic to me. Don't wanna say stuff that are uncharacteristic to me

What is authentic to you is that you want to flirt with him but are too afraid or shy to do it because you want him to do it instead of putting yourself up for rejection.

If you want to be authentic tell him you like him and stop playing these mind-games.

[somegirl]

6 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

What is authentic to you is that you want to flirt with him but are too afraid or shy to do it because you want him to do it instead of putting yourself up for rejection.

If you want to be authentic tell him you like him and stop playing these mind-games.

I don't know what I'm more afraid of - what you said is possibly one of the reasons, but I'm also wary not to be taken seriously/be seen in the wrong way. Cause it happened before.

[Leo Gura]

8 minutes ago, somegirl said:

I don't know what I'm more afraid of - what you said is possibly one of the reasons, but I'm also wary not to be taken seriously/be seen in the wrong way. Cause it happened before.

You were rejected once. So what?

You know how many times I have been rejected? Thousands of times. Welcome to dating. 5 hard rejections is a good night out.

If you flirt with a guy and he thinks less of you for it, he's being an idiot and that is not the kind of guy you wanna date.

You are trying to manipulate the situation to avoid being rejected. You want all the up-side of announcing your intentions but none of the down-side. Well, that's not possible.

[somegirl]

@Leo Gura I can flirt a little but I have a hard time to insinuate anything too sexual to him. I don't feel comfortable to do that.

I need to meet him in person for me to be sure that I want him. Maybe we won't click in real life. Who knows. That's why I don't want to be "too open" too soon.

[somegirl]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

If you flirt with a guy and he thinks less of you for it, he's being an idiot.

Well this is what basically happened. I was seen as "not girlfriend material" because I was being too flirty, even though I really sincerely liked that guy. I insinuated being sexual with him too. And he insinuated that to me too! But he was judging me that I was doing that.

But he might have been projecting. 

[Etherial Cat]

On 21.10.2021 at 8:48 PM, somegirl said:

However, I noticed that I'm mostly the one who asks questions. He does sometimes too, but it's mostly me. And when I think he has perfect opportunity to ask me about something, he just doesn't, but makes a polite comment about it, leaving me to ask something else, if I don't want a conversation to end.

It sounds like some low investment, blue zone type of texting to me.

You say you are mostly chatting with him through social media, and haven't met him yet again IRL. So, so far, you are quite foreign to him. Just a virtual acquaintance texting him from time to time.

I'd suppose that if he has average skills with females, he's probably aware he could try something with you. If that's the case, he's not interested enough to make it move to the other level and that happens. But some guys with less experience can totally miss cues and obvious opportunities. It's a thing. Just beware of him becoming an MPI guy (minimum personal investment) using you as an ego validatation tool, leaving you in limbo. That's also a thing.

If I were you, I'd casually offer him to hang around once (you'll need to find a reason or opportunity to make it happen). Then, casually let him know you're interested. You do this by showing you are open and receptive, through being genuinely flirty and playful. If he still doesn't get it, a few insinuation. But definitely let him do enough of the work and show investment. If he misses the opportunities, just assume this stuff is not working.

Also, you want to look whether he initiates the conversation and seek you from time to time. If nothing comes from him and you do the heavy lifting, just move on. 

You've got to see your time and energy as the n°1 priority. Save your ressource for guys with whom you can go somewhere and are willing to put efforts. Forget the others.  

Edited October 25, 2021 by Etherial Cat

[Leo Gura]

49 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Well this is what basically happened. I was seen as "not girlfriend material" because I was being too flirty, even though I really sincerely liked that guy. I insinuated being sexual with him too. And he insinuated that to me too! But he was judging me that I was doing that.

Some guys are just insecure fools who don't know how to handle women properly.

So what?

You are going to let that one insecure fool keep you from ever flirting with another man you like?

Don't overlook the fact that it might be YOU who is judging yourself for not being girlfriend material. Most girls have this silly idea in their mind that if they sleep with a guy too soon then he will judge her as not girlfriend material. In reality I've never met a guy who would disqualify you as his girlfriend based on that. Guys love easy sex.

You are not going to offend a guy or turn a guy off by being sexual with him.

Also, flirting does not mean you have to make it easy. You can flirt, and then still play your screening games. You can still make him work for it if you want to play games. Push/pull, hot/cold builds extreme attraction.

If a guy thinks you're not girlfriend material, I can confidently predict it's not because of your flirting. It's other factors.

[Girzo]

27 minutes ago, somegirl said:

I can flirt a little but I have a hard time insinuating anything too sexual to him. I don't feel comfortable doing that.

I need to meet him in person for me to be sure that I want him. Maybe we won't click in real life. Who knows. That's why I don't want to be "too open" too soon.

What? Then don't insinuate anything sexual and just ask him on a date. This is exactly what you describe you want, a date. You know, you have that power too, to ask someone on a date. And you know what, you can even plan what you will be doing so you get everything you want!

I will tell how girls who know how to do it act. They throw some maybe, "maybe we would meet for a coffee sometime". Him: "That sounds cool", Girl: "I like my coffee with some flirty banter, so let's make that a date :)" You go on that date, do some blah blah, decide what you want, and then if you want to take him home you can throw some stupid excuse that you need to go back home for some stupid chore or something, say it will only take 10 minutes, but you have to do it, and maybe he wants to come with you and wait inside. You have it, the world is your oyster now, you can make the date way more intimate or kick him out if he does or says something stupid now, you don't owe the guy anything.

I mean it's all basically the same stuff that a male would do, but more subtle. You can't be too open, though only an idiot wouldn't get the suggestion to get come with you inside, that's quite open, although some guys REALLY are that stupid that they wouldn't even catch that. Always assume that you are the hot stuff, and the guy is just being stupid or misunderstanding and not rejecting you (the first situation is way more probable to be the case).

It's all a mind game. And logistics, heh.

BTW most guys like girls who say stuff like "I like sex" or "I love sucking your dick", although after having sex or during it, not before. Before, it comes a little bit off.

[somegirl]

21 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You are going to let that one insecure fool keep you from ever flirting with another man you like?

True.

22 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Don't overlook the fact that it might be YOU who is judging yourself for not being girlfriend material. Most girls have this silly idea in their mind that if they sleep with a guy too soon then he will judge her as not girlfriend material. In reality I've never met a guy who would disqualify you as his girlfriend based on that. Guys love easy sex.

You are not going to offend a guy or turn a guy off by being sexual with him

I see. Good to know, the last part. My personal experience has been different, but again I haven't been exposed to many different experiences regarding this stuff.

24 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

If a guy thinks you're not girlfriend material, I can confidently predict it's not because of your flirting or the easy sex you gave him. It's other factors.

Such as?

[somegirl]

38 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

If I were you, I'd casually offer him to hang around once (you'll need to find a reason or opportunity to make it happen). Then, casually let him know you're interested. You do this by showing you are open and receptive, through being genuinely flirty and playful. If he still doesn't get it, a few insinuation. But definitely let him do enough of the work and show investment. If he misses the opportunities, just assume this stuff is not working.

Thanks. It used to be so easy for me to tell whether a guy is interested in me. They were the one usually pursuing me. But with this guy, I have no idea. It's just mostly friendly. And maybe that's good, for a start. To get to know him as a person. 

But I am already, at this very moment, preparing myself for rejection lol. 

Btw what do I do after our first meeting in person? Do I send him a message or wait for him to do that? (I'm ruminating in advance lol) 

38 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

Also, you want to look whether he initiates the conversation and seek you from time to time. If nothing comes from him and you do the heavy lifting, just move on. 

Oh yeah. Gotta make sure that he's reciprocating too. 

38 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

You've got to see your time and energy as the n°1 priority. Save your ressource for guys with whom you can go somewhere and are willing to put efforts. Forget the others.

You're right on this one. 

Edited October 25, 2021 by somegirl

[Gili Trawangan]

4 minutes ago, somegirl said:

My personal experience has been different, but again I haven't been exposed to many different experiences regarding this stuff.

You need to trust your experience. Yes, there are plenty of guys that get taken aback if a girl is proactively sexual too early, as they will extrapolate that she does it quite easily and therefore will do it with others just as easily. In fact, in my own personal experience, that tends to be true.

Flirting is one thing, that's fine, but be subtle. You don't want to invert the mating/dating roles completely, and your intuition is telling you precisely that. Listen to it.

[somegirl]

6 minutes ago, Gili Trawangan said:

You need to trust your experience. Yes, there are plenty of guys that get taken aback if a girl is proactively sexual too early, as they will extrapolate that she does it quite easily and therefore will do it with others just as easily. In fact, in my own personal experience, that tends to be true.

Well, see? 
So there is some truth to that. Though some tell me guys won't get turned off by being sexual with him too early, so I'm a bit confused right now tbh. 

Edited October 25, 2021 by somegirl

[Shin]

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

@Leo Gura

I need to meet him in person

Then text him and say that.

How hard is that ?