Is a man not interested in me if he doesn't ask me any questions in return?

[somegirl]

Omg so many different opinions.

 

10 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Some years ago an Italian girl approached me in a Prague night club. I was staring at some weird spinning machine kind of thing that was installed at the ceiling...she just sat down next to me and said something like "that thing looks crazy right?! Hi I'm [Italian girl's name]".

Then we had some really fun back and forth. After about 45 minutes she suddenly pulled me closer to her and said something along the lines of "or how about if now we have some hot kissing", and proceeded to give me one of the most passionate kisses I've ever received. I loved it.

Months later we met for a weekend in another major European city and spent an entire weekend together.

She was one the coolest girls I've ever met, and we wouldn't even know each other, had she not approached me.

That's very cool story. Thanks for sharing.
 

10 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

These are the unhelpful parts of your social conditioning and typical "girl's fears".

Man, I have so many of those. And I think it mostly stems from one guy I used to like who was judging me because I was flirting with him. Telling me girls shouldn't behave in that way. He was very judgemental overall. So I made an subconscious association flirting=me being seen as "not a relationship material". 
 

10 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

If you want to have a good life you must get used to doing things that are hard, sometimes awkward and often also against the mainstream. 

It could also "make you look like" you are confident and know what you want. If you have relationship intentions you can still communicate that too.

You are so right... I try to come out of my comfort zone. This is why I made this step. However, I'm hesitant. I just wanna be able to flirt and express my femininity, maybe even my sexual side freely, and still be taken seriously.

10 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Take your own opinion of yourself more importantly than other people's (potential) opinions of yourself.

This... I Need to hear. 

 

[somegirl]

11 hours ago, Nos7algiK said:

Flirting is a natural way of human communication. You seem modest enough just from what you said on the forum over time. Though, I'm not saying flirting is your ticket to him receiving that well. I just highly doubt it would for the reason your mind is telling you.

I needed to hear that flirting is normal, even when it's done by a girl. I recall I was flirting with a guy I liked a few years back, and he was judging me that I was being flirty with him, he thought I was not a relationship material because of it, and also he was judging me whenever I posted a slightly sexy photo on social media. And I never even actually posted anything too explicit, I always ket it low-key and elegant, tasteful. So this kinda skewed my opinions on this stuff later on. 

I felt judged that I was expressing my liking toward other guy and that I was not taken serious because of it. 
 

11 hours ago, Nos7algiK said:

I understand your points. That last think you want is to say/do something because this forum told you it would be in your best interests and it ends up coming out forced or inauthentic to yourself.

I crave to express myself authentically.

Though, you're right, I think some people project their wishes on what THEY would like a girl to do to them, if they were in a similar situation. As @aurum pointed out. 
 

11 hours ago, aurum said:

I’m going to disagree with everyone else on this.

If dude hasn’t already gotten the hint...forget it. Maybe you were just being friendly and not flirty, but come on. Either he doesn’t get it, in which case it’s bizarre he’s dropping the ball that much. Or he’s just not that into it.

I’d pull back a bit and see if he comes forward.

Yeah... I feel like, even WITHOUT me flirting, he should be at least interested to get to know me as a person (he saw how I look). Even if he is not sure about my intentions, doesn't he just enjoy our conversation? That's important if we want any kind of relationship to form. 

And right now I don't feel like he's too engaged. He doesn't really try to ask me anything back about me. I don't need to hit him with flirting tactics for him to start being interested in me. It's not right. I need to feel that he's interested in our conversation for me to start pushing with flirting/other stuff.

I will definitely pull and see if he finds an excuse to message me in the future, or if he will give me any sign of attraction. 

Edited October 22, 2021 by somegirl

[somegirl]

10 hours ago, aurum said:

What is in her best interests IMO is that she sees that he is reciprocating.

Yeah... The bare minimum I want, for me to be able to open up and push further, is for him to show me that he is engaged in our conversation, interested to get to know me and asks ot of questions about me/what I like to do/my interests. He is already aware of how I look, and if he liked it, he would be interested to get to know me.

[somegirl]

https://youtu.be/qtsNbxgPngA

Though, there is this too. Jimmy Fallon and Nicole Kidman didn't communicate efficiently that they liked each other. At least Nicole didn't. And she thought Jimmy didn't like her. So after many years, Nicole finally admitted to him that she had a crush on him many years ago, but as she saw he never reciprocitated, nothing ever happened. And they are not both married with kids, with other people. Look at Jimmy's reaction, he had no freaking clue she liked him at the time lolol

Sad and funny at the same time.

Edited October 22, 2021 by somegirl

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, somegirl said:

He doesn't really try to ask me anything back about me.

You are expecting too much. He has no idea you are interested in him romantically. You're not seeing this from his POV.

You judge him too soon on such superficial stuff. First flirt with him, THEN see how much he cares about you. You will still have plenty of time to figure out his willingness to invest in you.

You have nothing to lose by flirting with him, but you could potentially gain a boyfriend. This risk-reward scenario is a no-brainer.

If you want something in life you have to go after it, not sit around hoping for it to come to you. YES! -- even if you're a girl. That's not a valid excuse. The only thing you got to lose here is some ego.

[Nahm]

@somegirl

Two great things to be honest about; what you want, and that you don’t experience anyone else’s thoughts. Thoughts about other peoples’ thoughts are ‘your’ thoughts, about other people’s thoughts… not other people’s thoughts. The relevance of this is the acknowledgement & understanding of how you create the emotion of doubt, which is then of course the liberation from recreating the same experience over & over, aka, (instead) experiencing what you actually want. This liberates, as in reveals expectations held upon others, are actually one’s own emotion & expression suppression. This also liberates beauty. In honesty, no one is anything you’re thinkin. Every one is an ineffable, unthinkable, unbelievable miracle, and you are a creator much more so than is seen, much more so than can be seen through the facade of believing you know, what anyone else, thinks. 

Needing someone else to be or do something, so you can proceed in the receiving of what you desire, is thoughts, and is not, need. It’s conditioning. It’s learned. It’s let go, unlearned / it is realized it was believed, not known. 

It’s not a mystery in this regard, you feel bubbles of belief. 

Liberate of the belief in a thinker of thoughts, if you will. 

The more beliefs relinquished, the more simple experience is, the more everything then in fact does “magically” work out for you. It already is, but the belief you know what someone’s thinking, and the self referential thoughts, cloud. In this simplicity it actually does sound as simple as ‘hey, you interested in hanging out?’. 

There is the experience of acceptance and or rejection, there is no separate self which is accepted or rejected. 

[Federico del pueblo]

2 hours ago, somegirl said:

Man, I have so many of those. And I think it mostly stems from one guy I used to like who was judging me because I was flirting with him. Telling me girls shouldn't behave in that way. He was very judgemental overall. So I made an subconscious association flirting=me being seen as "not a relationship material". 

That's really sad to hear...This guy probably had his own insecurities and therefore needed to judge others. That's a common pattern.

It's especially sad because, generally speaking, guys like it when girls flirt. It happens way too rarely and only few girls are good at it. The ones who are good at it are often the most fun.

This doesn't mean that a girl must be cheap and just jump in the bed with every guy immediately.

But you know what...some guys just think like this, they are just fucked up mentally. They like to slut shame and think that they are on some moral high ground and can judge what is "good" and what is "bad" in a girl. 

Quote

You are so right... I try to come out of my comfort zone. This is why I made this step. However, I'm hesitant. I just wanna be able to flirt and express my femininity, maybe even my sexual side freely, and still be taken seriously.

Sounds good. Take your time. Don't put pressure on yourself that you have to be this super charming girl very soon. One step after another.

And again, whenever you are expressing yourself authentically there is a chance of not being liked the way you are, at least by some people. It's inevitable. You have to choose between being your true self and being liked (or disliked) for it OR trying to please everybody by doing everything the way others think is right. But that's just exhausting and frustrating.

[somegirl]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You are expecting too much. He has no idea you are interested in him romantically. You're not seeing this from his POV.

You judge him too soon on such superficial stuff. First flirt with him, THEN see how much he cares about you. You will still have plenty of time to figure out his willingness to invest in you.

You have nothing to lose by flirting with him, but you could potentially gain a boyfriend. This risk-reward scenario is a no-brainer.

If you want something in life you have to go after it, not sit around hoping for it to come to you. YES! -- even if you're a girl. That's not a valid excuse. The only thing you got to lose here is some ego.

Alright, thanks Leo. 

[somegirl]

5 hours ago, Nahm said:

Two great things to be honest about; what you want, and that you don’t experience anyone else’s thoughts. Thoughts about other peoples’ thoughts are ‘your’ thoughts, about other people’s thoughts… not other people’s thoughts. The relevance of this is the acknowledgement & understanding of how you create the emotion of doubt, which is then of course the liberation from recreating the same experience over & over, aka, (instead) experiencing what you actually want. This liberates, as in reveals expectations held upon others, are actually one’s own emotion & expression suppression. This also liberates beauty. In honesty, no one is anything you’re thinkin. Every one is an ineffable, unthinkable, unbelievable miracle, and you are a creator much more so than is seen, much more so than can be seen through the facade of believing you know, what anyone else, thinks. 

I see. Yeah, I project my thoughts onto him. Whereas in reality, I can't know for sure what's in his head. But also, I am allowed to assume and to come up with logical conclusions, based on someone's action/behaviour. I cannot totally ignore that aspect.

5 hours ago, Nahm said:

Needing someone else to be or do something, so you can proceed in the receiving of what you desire, is thoughts, and is not, need. It’s conditioning. It’s learned. It’s let go, unlearned / it is realized it was believed, not known. 

I see.

5 hours ago, Nahm said:

The more beliefs relinquished, the more simple experience is, the more everything then in fact does “magically” work out for you. It already is, but the belief you know what someone’s thinking, and the self referential thoughts, cloud. In this simplicity it actually does sound as simple as ‘hey, you interested in hanging out?’. 

How can beliefs be relinquished? I'm not yet there. I'm in the process of replacing limiting beliefs with better ones. I cannot just not have beliefs. At least not yet. 

 

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

How can beliefs be relinquished?

Inspecting direct experience. As an example, you say I’m not there yet. There are the thoughts, here and there, but this duality does not carry over into direct experience.

Likewise, and more relevant, ‘gather courage and risk being rejected’. There are the thoughts, accepted and rejected, but this does not carry over to direct experience. 

[Emotionalmosquito]

Realistically, he’s probably interested but afraid of fucking it all up by saying the wrong thing, so he is pleading the fifth with you. One single word can mean the difference between hero and zero in both law and dating.

[Nos7algiK]

On 10/21/2021 at 8:42 PM, aurum said:

Be careful not to just project what YOU would want a girl to do onto what is actually the best advice for Somegirl. Of course if you’re a guy that has struggled reading girl’s intentions, you would probably love it if a girl was super overtly flirty.

There is no projection of what I want, because it's not me in the situation. I've stated many possibilities of what the situation could be. I initially said it's most likely a loss to her no matter what. My personal belief is it's not worth trying to figure out the guy, because it's most likely just who the guy is or he isn't interested. But, if she truly wants a more definitive answer then she should engage more. This has nothing to do with me wanting a girl to flirt more with me because it would make me feel good lol. I have no issues determining those that are interested, in me, even without flirting, and a projection of that would be he should know even if she wasn't being direct. 

Again, what I state is only to find a more definitive answer. The only downside to that is living in a small town so you may see them again.
 

On 10/22/2021 at 6:45 AM, somegirl said:

I needed to hear that flirting is normal, even when it's done by a girl. I recall I was flirting with a guy I liked a few years back, and he was judging me that I was being flirty with him

I understand how not so flattering past experiences can make us reluctant to act that way again. But, as previously mentioned being authentic is very important here. If someone was really to judge you in that way they aren't worth the effort anyway.

 

On 10/22/2021 at 8:20 AM, Leo Gura said:

You are expecting too much. He has no idea you are interested in him romantically. You're not seeing this from his POV.

You judge him too soon on such superficial stuff. First flirt with him, THEN see how much he cares about you. You will still have plenty of time to figure out his willingness to invest in you.

You have nothing to lose by flirting with him, but you could potentially gain a boyfriend. This risk-reward scenario is a no-brainer.

If you want something in life you have to go after it, not sit around hoping for it to come to you. YES! -- even if you're a girl. That's not a valid excuse. The only thing you got to lose here is some ego.

This is good advice. You have nothing to lose, even if you do live in a small town. You will either gain a boyfriend or gain the knowledge it was never meant to be. But, most of all you will gain more confidence in yourself with being yourself for taking the initiative. If you truly don't feel comfortable doing that then you can play the patience game or just opt out of it all.

@NahmEverything said by you is great advice as well.
 

[somegirl]

Btw I tried flirting with him, we were talking briefly about our mutual friend and how she usually wears hats, and I told him "I think you wearing one would suit you too. Do you think it would suit me as well?" and he said something like "Sure, why not, it would suit everybody" and I said well I'm not everybody. And he just laughed lol.



 

Edited October 24, 2021 by somegirl

[Karmadhi]

@somegirl If you want you could ve also said "you would look very handsome with such a hat".  

[Leo Gura]

57 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Btw I tried flirting with him, we were talking briefly about our mutual friend and how she usually wears hats, and I told him "I think you wearing one would suit you too. Do you think it would suit me as well?" and he said something like "Sure, why not, it would suit everybody" and I said well I'm not everybody. And he just laughed lol.

That is hardly flirting. That is some friendzone shit.

[somegirl]

14 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

That is hardly flirting. That is some friendzone shit.

Oh man, I'm really pushing myself over here lol.
I will just ask him out at one point, but got to make it smooth...

Edited October 24, 2021 by somegirl

[Shin]

3 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Oh man, I'm really pushing myself over here lol.
I will just ask him out at one point, but got to make it smooth...

Just be implicit about you and him spending intimate time together/touching him-you/having sex.

You gotta drop the ovaries at some point to see if his balls want to meet them.

Don't expect that guys to be a good match for very long though, if he was interested in you he would have started flirting a long time ago, so he's either shy or don't care.

If he's shy that stems from low self esteem, and well, you know what that means for your ovaries attraction, if he doesn't care, he will just use you as a sex doll for fun.

Edited October 24, 2021 by Shin

[Karmadhi]

@somegirl "You look quite sexy in this hat". This would be more appropriate flirting in the situation you wrote.

"You look like a snack" also could work (minus the cringe haha).

Shit like this works, just say that. 

Easy lol

[somegirl]

8 minutes ago, Shin said:

Just be implicit about you and him spending intimate time together/touching him-you/having sex.

Thanks for suggestions but damn, that's TOO explicit lol. I mean we haven't even met and I'm already insinuating us sleeping together? I'm not even sure myself! I need to meet him in person for me to decide if we click 

[somegirl]

11 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

"You look quite sexy in this hat". This would be more appropriate flirting in the situation you wrote.

"You look like a snack" also could work (minus the cringe haha).

Shit like this works, just say that. 

Easy lol

Lol, thanks for advice