Is a man not interested in me if he doesn't ask me any questions in return?

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, Username said:

It happened to me to be approached by a girl few times. In this kind of situation I would go along with her. I don't think I asked any questions  I'm slow to decide if I like someone, so in this case traditional gender roles would be reversed.

I think it's guy's job to let a girl know if he's interested and take the lead. I might be wrong. But I feel weird taking the lead too much.

[SgtPepper]

It sounds likely he's not interested, but It's really not enough information to know from my side.

[Tudo]

Ask him out and you will know the answer.

[Leo Gura]

Your lead is so weak he might just see you as being friendly and nothing more.

If you want to do this you must actually flirt with him. Stop being afraid of rejection. How do you think us guys feel? We deal with that bullshit all the time. It's okay, you'll live.

You must indicate some romantic intent.

An ex-gf of mine initiated on me with the line: "I would go home with you." It was very effective on me.

[somegirl]

45 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Your lead is so weak he might just see you as being friendly and nothing more.

If you want to do this you must actually flirt with him. Stop being afraid of rejection. How do you think us guys feel? We deal with that bullshit all the time. It's okay, you'll live.

You must indicate some romantic intent.

An ex-gf of mine initiated on me with the line: "I would go home with you." It was very effective on me.

Ugh, but Leo... I knoww I was mostly being friendly, I basically didn't flirt at all, but I initiated the convo, which means that I find him interesting, I think he's aware. 
My plan was to end the conversation and see if he will ever initiate one himself. When he does, I will start flirting. Because right now I don't feel 100% confident that he's in.

I feel like me flirting too early makes me kinda... Low quality? Like I would give off low quality vibes if I do it too early. 

Edited October 21, 2021 by somegirl

[Federico del pueblo]

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

I think it's guy's job to let a girl know if he's interested and take the lead. I might be wrong. But I feel weird taking the lead too much.

Traditionally it's like this, but this is also a bit of an entitled attitude. You want to lean back and let the guy do the work. Maybe you just don't want to make yourself any more vulnerable.

So now that we've gotten to where women have equal rights and opportunities many girls still want to benefit from the "advantages" of traditional roles, but also also have all the benefits of equality.

Equal rights and opportunities come with equal responsibilities. Of course this is not what it looks like in practice as of now.

 

Don't feel weird about taking the lead, at least up until a certain point. Later on hopefully he will begin to take the lead (or not and thus probably turn you off). We guys have to do this all the time and it's not like this comes to us easily. We don't get spoon fed with this stuff and have to figure it out mostly by ourselves. 

(But again, now that you've already sent the last text, wait for his response ofc).

[somegirl]

@Leo Gura This might be an irrational thought of mine, but I feel like, if I flirt with him that he will think "Look at this girl.. Who knows with how many guys she flirts this openly besides me?". 

Edited October 21, 2021 by somegirl

[Federico del pueblo]

1 minute ago, somegirl said:

@Leo Gura This might be an irrational thought of mine, but I feel like, if I flirt with him that he will think "Look at this girl.. Who knows with how many guys he flirts this openly besides me?". 

This is happening in your head.

If the same thing happened to me I would think "look at this girl... finally one who just comes to point without all the bullshit, why are there not more girls like this?!".

You can never exclude that a guy really thinks in a certain way of you, but if he really does think like this, then he is the low quality person, not you.

 

[Nos7algiK]

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

I think it's guy's job to let a girl know if he's interested and take the lead. I might be wrong. But I feel weird taking the lead too much.

You only have to gain if you express yourself freely. He will either be receptive towards it or reject it. Both will save you both time and at least you wondering what is happening. It will also help destroy the idea of gender roles when it comes to courting in turn giving you more faith in yourself to express yourself without worry in the future.

 

3 minutes ago, somegirl said:

@Leo Gura This might be an irrational thought of mine, but I feel like, if I flirt with him that he will think "Look at this girl.. Who knows with how many guys she flirts this openly besides me?". 

This is just a thought and not actual. Even if it did manifest to the point where he literally said that to you. Why does it matter? Opinions such as that should mean very little to you or else it can cost us our emotional stability. What matters the most is what you think about yourself and that you know whatever you may do or not do, it's coming from a place of good intent.

No matter what happens, it was always meant to happen.

[oMarcos]

He just might be playing safe. You don't know about his history, he might have been rejected several times and doesn't want to give away his power that easily...

[somegirl]

@Federico del pueblo I knowww. I sympatize with you guys with this dating thing... I mean, I don't stress too much because I don't worry if it will work out or not, but it would be nice cause he seems normal.

I just thought guys like to chase and win girls over, not have it hand over to them. Because they appreciate it less if it's done that way.

I don't know but I kinda feel dirty to flirt with someone I'm not sure is into me. He might make fun of me to his friends lol. My fear is that I would seem a bit promiscuous/low quality by me flirting too early, and not a kind of girl that is for serious relationship. Those are scenarios in my head.
 

Edited October 21, 2021 by somegirl

[somegirl]

21 minutes ago, Nos7algiK said:

You only have to gain if you express yourself freely. He will either be receptive towards it or reject it. Both will save you both time and at least you wondering what is happening. It will also help destroy the idea of gender roles when it comes to courting in turn giving you more faith in yourself to express yourself without worry in the future.

I have a very hard time to express myself freely. Even though I want to. I just worry too much about the future and what might happen if I do. Like I worry that the guy I openly flirt with will look at me like I'm not a serious girl because girls that are for serious relationships don't flirt with strangers.

24 minutes ago, Nos7algiK said:

This is just a thought and not actual. Even if it did manifest to the point where he literally said that to you. Why does it matter? Opinions such as that should mean very little to you or else it can cost us our emotional stability. What matters the most is what you think about yourself and that you know whatever you may do or not do, it's coming from a place of good intent.

No matter what happens, it was always meant to happen.

I live in small town, it might be a reputation thing. 
The last part is true.

[Federico del pueblo]

Quote

I just thought guys like to chase and win girls over, not have it hand over to them. Because they appreciate it less if it's done that way.

 

We enjoy both.

Little anecdote:

Some years ago an Italian girl approached me in a Prague night club. I was staring at some weird spinning machine kind of thing that was installed at the ceiling...she just sat down next to me and said something like "that thing looks crazy right?! Hi I'm [Italian girl's name]".

Then we had some really fun back and forth. After about 45 minutes she suddenly pulled me closer to her and said something along the lines of "or how about if now we have some hot kissing", and proceeded to give me one of the most passionate kisses I've ever received. I loved it.

Months later we met for a weekend in another major European city and spent an entire weekend together.

She was one the coolest girls I've ever met, and we wouldn't even know each other, had she not approached me.

 

Quote

I don't know but I kinda feel dirty to flirt with someone I'm not sure is into me. He might make fun of me to his friends lol. My fear is that I would seem a bit promiscuous/low quality by me flirting too early, and not a kind of girl that is for serious relationship. Those are scenarios in my head.

These are the unhelpful parts of your social conditioning and typical "girl's fears".

You flirting with him may be the very thing that make him be into you. But sure, whenever two people communicate, one can misinterpret the other person or their intentions and so on, you can never fully exclude the possibility of being misunderstood, embarrassed etc.

If you want to have a good life you must get used to doing things that are hard, sometimes awkward and often also against the mainstream. 

It could also "make you look like" you are confident and know what you want. If you have relationship intentions you can still communicate that too.

Take your own opinion of yourself more importantly than other people's (potential) opinions of yourself.

[Nos7algiK]

23 minutes ago, somegirl said:

I have a very hard time to express myself freely. Even though I want to. I just worry too much about the future and what might happen if I do. Like I worry that the guy I openly flirt with will look at me like I'm not a serious girl because girls that are for serious relationships don't flirt with strangers.

I live in small town, it might be a reputation thing. 
The last part is true.

I understand your points. That last think you want is to say/do something because this forum told you it would be in your best interests and it ends up coming out forced or inauthentic to yourself.

Flirting is a natural way of human communication. You seem modest enough just from what you said on the forum over time. Though, I'm not saying flirting is your ticket to him receiving that well. I just highly doubt it would for the reason your mind is telling you. But, if rejection did occur it most likely would just be due to a general lack of interest.

I understand the comment about small towns, I live in one myself lol.

[aurum]

@somegirl I’m going to disagree with everyone else on this.

If dude hasn’t already gotten the hint...forget it. Maybe you were just being friendly and not flirty, but come on. Either he doesn’t get it, in which case it’s bizarre he’s dropping the ball that much. Or he’s just not that into it.

I’d pull back a bit and see if he comes forward.

[Nos7algiK]

4 minutes ago, aurum said:

@somegirl I’m going to disagree with everyone else on this.

If dude hasn’t already gotten the hint...forget it. Maybe you were just being friendly and not flirty, but come on. Either he doesn’t get it, in which case it’s bizarre he’s dropping the ball that much. Or he’s just not that into it.

I’d pull back a bit and see if he comes forward.

Naw, there is no hint though. She literally said she was mostly being friendly and not flirting at all. That's the main issue here. He could just be a gentleman that doesn't want to jump to any conclusions or assumptions and doesn't want to ruin the nice friendly chats he's having with her. 

Even if her idea of interest shown is her talking to him and asking him questions. This does not at all imply romantic interests or at least the receiving party should see it that way.

Edited October 21, 2021 by Nos7algiK

[Tudo]

4 minutes ago, aurum said:

@somegirl I’m going to disagree with everyone else on this.

If dude hasn’t already gotten the hint...forget it. Maybe you were just being friendly and not flirty, but come on. Either he doesn’t get it, in which case it’s bizarre he’s dropping the ball that much. Or he’s just not that into it.

I’d pull back a bit and see if he comes forward.

Yeah, kind of true. 

[aurum]

36 minutes ago, Nos7algiK said:

Naw, there is no hint though. She literally said she was mostly being friendly and not flirting at all.

Yeah dude, that’s often how girls are.

They can be extremely subtle.

The fact she reached out at all is huge. I wouldn’t expect most girls to go beyond that. Especially at this early stage.

Be careful not to just project what YOU would want a girl to do onto what is actually the best advice for Somegirl. Of course if you’re a guy that has struggled reading girl’s intentions, you would probably love it if a girl was super overtly flirty.

But that doesn’t mean it’s in her best interest.

What is in her best interests IMO is that she sees that he is reciprocating. Which so far it sounds like he is not.

Even if she hits him over the head with her intentions and he likes it, it doesn’t mean he actually likes her all that much. It just means she made it easy for him, so maybe he’ll go along with it.

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, somegirl said:

@Leo Gura This might be an irrational thought of mine, but I feel like, if I flirt with him that he will think "Look at this girl.. Who knows with how many guys she flirts this openly besides me?". 

Omg girl, you are way overthinking this. Stop worrying and just flirt with him. It will make him feel flattered.

[gettoefl]

rule for me is friends means reciprocity namely you contact me this time i contact you next time

if you don't contact friends is over

however if i like you i will keep contacting whenever i feel like it

until i get bored and give up

simple rules work well

Edited October 22, 2021 by gettoefl