How To Combat Racist Dating Preferences

[Raphael]

Interesting thread... I wrote a post yesterday where I shared about some things that I saw around me, but I think that you already read it.

12 hours ago, Raphael said:

Fucked Skin Color Ideals and Beauty Standards

• My white mom told my brown aunt that she would like to be brown like her.
• My brown aunt told my white mom that she would like to be white like her.
• When my dad married my mom, some people were jealous of him because he married a white woman.
• When I was spending time in France in the past, many people told me that they didn't like their white skin but wanted to be black.
• When I was spending time in France in the past, some people admired the beauty of my brown skin sister. Someone even told her that she should be a model and compete for Miss France. However, she randomly got called a bitch one day while walking in the street.
• Some white girls admired the beauty of my brown sister.
• The parents of one of my sister's friends told her to use skin whitening products to have a lighter skin. This is quite ironic considering the fact that my sister has always been admired for her colored beauty.
• When I was in France, some people labeled me as Black, Indian, or Middle Eastern and made fun of me. I often got questioned on my origins, many people there asked me "What are your origins?". I also got some subtle racism from some white people.
• When I started to work in my native country, the first thing that some people did before even knowing me was to label me white. I can get questioned in my native country on my origins and made fun of too in the past. I got labeled as a white rich person where I was just average in the past. I got some racism from people of color too.
• Growing up, I got highly criticized, insulted, and morally bullied by guys (and some girls too) for being skinny, but now many girls find me physically attractive. I also had guys been jealous of me in the past because of my body and guys implying that I should get a lot of girls because of my physical appearance.

I personally live in between worlds and I think that it has been one of the key reasons why I never formed a strong identity. I always knew that something wasn't right there. People always projected a lot on me and I couldn't explain to them how wrong they were because of how much attached most of them are to a culture. I became highly observant and skeptical very early and tried to be as careful as I could be in order to keep an overview of how things interrelate together. This has been one of the main reasons of my personal growth.

Moral of the story:

• The best attitude is to not take these things too personally.
• When we will all be 80 years old grandpas and grandmas, we won't care anyway and we will laugh at how insecure we were when we were younger.
• It's still important to spread awareness on these issues and talk about them so that: 1) we create better functioning societies. 2) we improve the interconnection of cultures and improve our global unity. 3) we improve our mental health. 4) we spread love and become more loving to each other no matter our differences

 

[How to be wise]

@Raptorsin7 They showed white models to them, instead of choosing average-looking people from each race. Plus, there are plenty of black men in China married to Chinese women. I even saw that a black man went on holiday to Japan for only one month, and came back to America with his Japanese girlfriend and future wife. 

Don’t boil everything down to race. It’s more complicated than that.

[LordFall]

If you're a man, the last thing you should be worrying about is if women have been indoctrinated to find you attractive or not. Focus on building power, social leverage, and charisma and you'll laugh at these kinds of videos soon enough.

Stop overthinking random internet videos and go out there and make yourself a valuable man. You'll see firsthand what women are attracted to soon enough. 

[Thought Art]

On 10/18/2021 at 7:14 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

Depends on what angle you're coming from. I don't know your situation but for some people this can come from a fetishization lens. 

I will like what I like and you will not tell me it's wrong or project your fears one me.

What I find beautiful, or naturally attractive is what I find naturally attractive. 

Some women like tall men, are they fetishizing? 

[Bando]

You location, environment, biology, experiences, the media you've consumed all ties into what you find attractive this is usually cemented by the time your 15-18 years old and doesn't often change much.

Its really not a big deal I grew up in a very diversified environment and went to a diverse school with different experiences so I really don't care about skin color as long as i find you attractive. 

In regards to the video, (didnt watch it btw) its not to surprising that certain parts of the world are racist when it comes to dating. Take Japan for example there arnt that many black people there and are often negatively stereotyped so naturally you grow up with a dating bias. Certain countries in Africa also have this bias to white people or any other race. 

[soos_mite_ah]

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

Some women like tall men, are they fetishizing? 

Fetishization isn't about liking a certain feature (as in being tall). It's about reducing a group of people down often to a bundle of stereotypes and sexualizing them as a way to gain power over them (as in seeing ethnic features as inherently less attractive or for example seeing black people as inherently more aggressive and masculine). There is also a historical implication as well that matches up to the stereotypes which makes fetishization inherently dehumanizing. 

[Jacob Morres]

On 10/19/2021 at 5:28 PM, hoodrow trillson said:

Not to derail the thread but do you think they can overcome it by doing all those things?  It makes sense what you said.

For the record, they haven't flat out come out and said they're racist or done obvious racist things, but it's insane how far they go to look Not Racist.

 

Naw I don't think so. If i had to guess they'd need to turn internal first 

 

[Jacob Morres]

@lxlichael  you may need to dig into the reason as to what makes your preferences the way they are 

 

Edited October 21, 2021 by Jacob Morres

[Gianna]

On 10/18/2021 at 9:03 AM, Raptorsin7 said:

 How do you change people's views?

Authenticity. 

[Raptorsin7]

Just now, Gianna said:

Authenticity. 

What does this mean in the context of the discussion?

[Gianna]

It doesn't matter what color skin you have, what size you are, what you look like, etc., imo relentless authenticity is what's attractive and how to "change people's minds" on their racist assumptions and stereotypes. 

[Zeroguy]

@Gianna

Just now, Gianna said:

It doesn't matter what color skin you have, what size you are, what you look like, etc., imo relentless authenticity is what's attractive and how to "change people's minds" on their racist assumptions and stereotypes. 

Well I bet you will date me and not @Raptorsin7@Raptorsin7(sorry man just using you as example) despite all your talk.

?

Love you guys. Always in good mood(y).

How to combat. Well everyone fucks what it can fuck. 

Sorry for being blunt/honest. 

Edited October 21, 2021 by Zeroguy

[Thought Art]

21 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Fetishization isn't about liking a certain feature (as in being tall). It's about reducing a group of people down often to a bundle of stereotypes and sexualizing them as a way to gain power over them (as in seeing ethnic features as inherently less attractive or for example seeing black people as inherently more aggressive and masculine). There is also a historical implication as well that matches up to the stereotypes which makes fetishization inherently dehumanizing. 

Yeah, I am not doing that.

I don't REALLY have a preference when it comes to race. What I find beautiful physically is not something I really have control over.  It really depends on the person, etc.

I don't fetishize people.

But, I do like what I like. I've grown up in a very multicultural area. 

[Nahm]

Irritation or even anger could arise upon witnessing others sharing freely their preferences of sexuality, and a jealousy of that freedom of expression can arise as well. But the emotion of jealousy can even be realized as the arising of expression in and of itself. And so too could arise one’s expression in freedom, and in the allowing of such expression, jealousy, irritation and anger simply can no longer be. What is expressed is shared, and no longer secret, and there can then be no arising of shame. Judgement transmutes, and is recognized rightfully as the common sense; blame transmutes, and is rightfully recognized as appreciation. 
 

[Etherial Cat]

A lot of racist sexual preferences are tied to maintening survival capital within a group. The group is a collective ego which co-opt its member through a pre-set of ideal physical features among other identification factors. All groups kinda have a "poster child" of what is the ideal look. Having them will enhance the privileges given. Not having them will increase the rejection/hardship to get approved. As a consequence, individual tends to screen out ahead who is good material or not and that is what translate into attraction.

Also, depending on the group's SD development, it will be open or not to other features. When the group gravitates around Blue or even Orange, individuals face potentially a significant amount of hardship for going against the flow. In average, they naturally seek the approval of their peers. So usually, there is a lot of racist preference there. It gets much easier at Green. 

Edited October 22, 2021 by Etherial Cat

[cookiemonster]

So is homosexuality sexist?

 

 

[Thought Art]

3 hours ago, cookiemonster said:

So is homosexuality sexist?

Interesting, I don't think most people who fight culture wars actually self reflect on the distinctions people make. 

Just because you don't want to fuck your boss doesn't mean you hate him. 99% of the people I meet I can totally love and I generally do regardless of your background. Doesn't mean I am sexually or romantically interested in you. In fact, the problem is in some ways you demanding me to have to feel feelings for you which I don't.

However, there is so much nuance out there in the world its really just dangerous to make overarching statements about things.

However, racism is a problem. I grew up in an environment where I was made fun of for dating black girls, or black men for that matter. However, I had to go through a process of overcoming that cultural programming and I think a lot of people in my province are changing everyday.

Future generations, at least where I live because the elementary schools are so diverse are going to be really amazing I think.

 

The world is always moving toward greater unity in the long run. So be patient with tribes as they grow and merge. It's a long painful process but I have hope.

This whole topic is so sensitive.

Most important thing to do is just work on yourself, and to try to understand others. 

I think that everyone wants to be loved, and depending on your experience and up bringing you love differently. Your judging of peoples sexual preferences might even be akin to what you fear in these other people. Who knows.. 

Edited October 22, 2021 by Thought Art