Perfectionism

[Terell Kirby]

Merriam Webster definition:

• Perfectionism is the doctrine of moral character constitutes a person's highest good.
• Perfectionism is the theological doctrine that a state of freedom from sin is attainable on earth.
• Perfectionism is a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable.

I have struggled with perfectionism a lot throughout my life, I believe most of it is due to childhood trauma. It hasn't always been negative, I've been able to be super productive and successful (relatively speaking), but in a neurotic way.

As I continue to self actualize, I see the limits of perfectionism.

Being a perfectionist requires one to be heavily invested in self esteem. However, I am finding that self compassion is a healthier investment. Knowing that I am flawed human, does not mean I can't love myself.

The paradox is that self compassion actually has big returns on quality of life and just being creative in general.

Just food for thought, I hope some of you can relate :-)

[Aaron p]

defo can relate...a key insight for myself in this domain is that even imperfection is perfection. its like when your gf has an bodily imperfection, but because of love, that imperfection literally makes her have her beauty because its character on her appearance...her imperfection, is perfect. in the same way, i keep my room as clean as i can, but i know that if its not perfectly clean, its still perfect...because what is the measuring stick for perfection? perfect in comparison to what? depending on what country your from and what dogma youve had instilled in you as a child, you might see fat girls as perfect physically (as some countries do since being overweight is a sign of richness). nothing *is* perfect

[Terell Kirby]

@Aaron p so true, perfection is a relative notion..and we often attempt to be perfect to receive some kind of external validation.

What is realized is that we have the capacity to give ourselves the love we seek. The more we love our own imperfections, the more we love the imperfections in others. It allows us to be whole on a spiritual level.

Thanks for blessing my post with your wisdom!

[Aaron p]

@Terell Kirby then you can take a step further...some people would read my post and then go "oh no, ive been being too perfection oriented! i gotta stop being perfection oriented!" ...a step further would be to recognise that even subjective perfection is also perfect. also within the human realm subjective perfection is very useful and helpful...in terms of pragmatism, you'll need your cars engine to be in perfect working order, that is if you want to make it to work in the morning lol

i hope you know your a beautiful person terell <3 perfect person

Edited October 18, 2021 by Aaron p

[Terell Kirby]

@Aaron p Thank you so much 

[FlyingLotus]

15 hours ago, Terell Kirby said:

I am finding that self compassion is a healthier investment. Knowing that I am flawed human, does not mean I can't love myself.

The paradox is that self compassion actually has big returns on quality of life and just being creative in general.

Totally.  If you combine self-compassion with a commitment to excellence, it's like having a superpower.  Read "Pursuit of Perfect" to know the difference between healthy and maladaptive perfectionism.

Here's a thread on perfectionism you might also find helpful. 

 

 

[Terell Kirby]

@FlyingLotus thanks for sharing! The thread was helpful, and will plan on checking out some of the book recommendations.