Stuck in addiction loop (need advice)

[Virtus]

So I am now quite positive that I have food addiction, but still can't believe it a 100%. I had a post a while ago about the same issue (in short I gobbled down on junk food during the weekends). It's now worse cause I moved out and live alone and that gives me waay more freedom cause I won't be judged. I am an athlete and my dream is to be professional so this is of HUUUUGE importance. After starting my journey at 16 (now almost 18) my diet slowly evolved and I take huge pride in that cause none of my peers do the same. Basically I got from eating whatever i wanted to now cutting carbs and sugar (but i still eat fruits). I go heavy on the meat and vegetables and eat dairy and fruits a little bit. In the summer I had 40 consecutive days whitout slip ups. But after I broke that I can't seem to get back. Before these 40 days I had a good period where I didn't eat sugar but ate honey. But my problem isn't only with the fact that i slip up and pig myself out. I also overeat A LOT. But it doesn't show on my body since I am active and train hard (also do IF since 16). All my life I remember being a "hungry boy" and my parents also have told me that. I have this thing where I can be stuffed and I mean full full and still try to eat more (and it can be with any food I like). This tendency is not on every meal but its pretty often. Also important thing is that at 8 months old I was fed less than i should've been and my parents think that is the reason for my hunger (I think this isn't the only reason and that there is deeper rooted issue here). It is a loop because it is almost every weekend that I buy junk food and basically kill myself with it. Its really painful because I don't want to do it but can't seem to stop and it feels so against my being and my core that I am disgusted with myself every time. I know this robs me so much and even despite this issue I still make progress. I feel lost and after analysing my actions I know I haven't learned anything because my behaviour is the SAME. Every time I tell myslef this is the last time that it happens and that I will commit 100% after this but the same thing happens again. I am banging my head again and again and can't get out of this loop. It's painful and it's one of my biggest obstacles. It's like trying to run a marathon with 20kg bag on my back and I know that dropping it will send me flying but can't seem to do it. 

I really had to swallow my ego and pride to do this  @Leo Gura I am asking for your advice and will appreciate any help and advice from other members too

Edited October 18, 2021 by Virtus

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, Virtus said:

It is a loop because it is almost every weekend that I buy junk food and basically kill myself with it

Keep doing that and watching yourself do it, until you feel disgusted enough with yourself that you decide to stop it.

It helps a lot to have some other big ambition life goal you're working towards.

[Souhail Merroun]

Classic advice https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qy_INVm_Pw0 bro

[Virtus]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Keep doing that and watching yourself do it, until you feel disgusted enough with yourself that you decide to stop it.

Isn't that too self-harming? And also not effective in the long run because I will forget my disgust after enough time? I remember something you wrote on the forum that the most effective way to remove a  craving/desire for something is to satisfy it deeply. But what happens when that desire is too self-deprecating? 

Edited October 18, 2021 by Virtus

[Nahm]

@Virtus

My man you are dealing with pride, arrogance, thought attachment, and aversion of feeling via self image and self referential pressure thinking. There is a belief you will feel better when you are your vision of a successful athlete, and that belief is used to suppress what you are feeling now.

I am saying what I’m saying here in an intention of helping, that you might consider what’s being said, not to offend you in anyway. Just as a reference to reveal a glimpse of beliefs, repeating thoughts, being the epicenter of this suffering… wether or not you eat fast food or play sports has literally no significance at all.  If that gives any impression that I am being cold, allow that thought and feeling experience to come and go and then look again. The hope here is that you realize the beliefs you’re holding. That you get what’s really going on with this suffering of not being able to break the cycle is thought attachment. To continue to think about food and what to do about it, as you are discovering, does not create any change. But change can be effortlessly created.

[Leo Gura]

10 hours ago, Virtus said:

Isn't that too self-harming? 

You've been eating shit your whole life. And you will continue to until some deep pain wakes you up.

I cleaned up my diet permanently this way. If you do it deep enough you will not forget.

[mmKay]

@Leo Gura Yup. Kinda shocking to thing we've been literally been poisoning since birth with absolute garbage food. Okay, our parents just didn't know. But I remember crying  so many times that i didn't want to eat, and ended up with shouting battles with them because intuitively i felt i was eatng toxic rubbish. 

Kinda triggers me when I see people feeding their children baby formula or those purees in a jar. Many times the kid is screaming and tering up and later destroying their diapers with massive diharrea and the parents don't make sense of it all. 

I know it's just ignorance but just think about all the damage, conditioning and lost potential

 

@Virtus I'm 23 and i've gone through exactly this. TLDR version is:  you will trip on the same rock until you fucking learn. Nothing else is as effective. I had developed night eating binge disorder and I ate shit 'till physical pain. I developed pre-diabetes and it happened so bad and so often throughout two years i almost destroyed myself. But then you hit rock bottom and you learn a life long lesson.

I never got fat and allways remained relatively muscular during this. 

You can try to be constantly full with healthy foods and healthy desserts so you don't feel the urge to stuff youself since you're already full. My problem originated from fasting too much. I loved the clarity of mind it gave me and then I was extremely calorie deprived and bingeing was how I was gettinnt my day's worth of calories. 

 

Edited October 19, 2021 by mmKay