I'm in Hell. AMA (Ask me anything)

[Rilles]

8 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

I don't blame her or the women. They can't help it. She and they usually aren't deliberately hurting me (but some women have hurt me deliberately too).

But I do blame God (Nature/Reality). Because it's God (Nature/Reality) who has made it all work like this. That's why I said that God is a sadist. 

Okay, thats good, dont make enemies of the opposite sex, that can lead you down a sinister path, Im glad you dont.

Isnt God everything? How can he be a sadist? Isnt he also responsible for all the good? The love, the sunsets, the happiness, the butterflies on a summerday?  

[4201]

53 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

"I make you happy? Okay then I will ditch you. Bye bye hahaha."

Consider the possibility that her interests in dating are different from your interests. It's like a deal, what do you get out of it vs what does she get out of it.

Would you date a woman you find unattractive only for the sake of making her happy? Why would you expect women to do that for you? If you want to keep a relationship, focus on what she wants not what you want. When you send her pictures of like the one you posted it comes off as needy. "You mean the world to me" basically says "I need you, I'm dependent, I can't be without you".

This type of mentality is deeply unattractive to women or even anyone. It objectifies the person as being "something you need" rather than herself. Everyone wants to be validated for who they are rather than as a tool for someone else's happiness or pleasure.

If you want to get someone to give you happiness and pleasure you need to do the same for them. What they want is different from the idea you might have of what they want. They'll most likely won't tell you up-front what they want but you'll notice when something you do happens to make them happy. (Many people don't even know what they really want). Talking about yourself and your weaknesses is likely the opposite of what they want and subtle implications of you being needy is the opposite of sexy.

 

 

[Blackhawk]

6 minutes ago, Rilles said:

Isnt God everything? How can he be a sadist? Isnt he also responsible for all the good? The love, the sunsets, the happiness, the butterflies on a summerday?  

Yes, but unfortunately all that nice stuff is non-existent for me. And strictly speaking I can't be 100% sure that other people are even conscious, so maybe no one is experiencing anything nice anywhere in existence. But probably there is other conscious beings who experience nice stuff, even though that can't be proved.

Edited October 26, 2021 by Blackhawk

[Blackhawk]

2 minutes ago, 4201 said:

When you send her pictures of like the one you posted it comes off as needy. "You mean the world to me" basically says "I need you, I'm dependent, I can't be without you".

This type of mentality is deeply unattractive to women or even anyone. It objectifies the person as being "something you need" rather than herself. Everyone wants to be validated for who they are rather than as a tool for someone else's happiness or pleasure.

It wouldn't be unattractive to me, the opposite.

Why the hell does thousands of such pictures show up in google picture search then if they are so unattractive?

[4201]

26 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

It wouldn't be unattractive to me, the opposite.

That's what you imagine and there was a part of my life where I was imagining this too. But in my experience, having someone objectify you and want you to fullfill their desires without regard for who you actually are is not fun. You can't really know unless you live it though.

I once did an experiement where I decided to basically have 0 standards for anything on dating websites. I would talk to anyone without any care about their physical appearance or any other criteria. What I found is that those people who struggle a lot with dating are extemely needy and this neediness basically made relationship impossible. I was being objectified by a women I knew nothing about, she wanted to talk to me every 15 minutes because she was scared of losing me and she showed of my picture to her friends before even the first date, as some sort of "trophy" she's proud of having the chance to date. I ended up cancelling the first date because it was just way too uncomfortable and cringe.

All of this felt extremely bad but it also gave me a lot of insight in other relationships I had, where I was the needy one, the one who wanted to talk all of the time and the one who absolutely wanted her. It showed me exactly how I made other feel and this insight helped me a lot in dating in general.

26 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

Why the hell does thousands of such pictures show up in google picture search then if they are so unattractive?

Context and relationship with the person matters a lot. If you sent this to a family member like your mom, she'd probably be very happy. To someone you barely know however, it's a massive red flag. It's considered weird for someone to get attached to someone they don't know fully well or have met recently. It shows you aren't actually attached to the person but rather attached to the fantasy of having someone arbitrary in your life, for youself.

The average person is insecure about themself and needy as well so it's not because an image is widely available that it's good. Around all of the globe people are dating and making mistakes like this. Everyone start as a needy baby and grow up to learn.

Edited October 26, 2021 by 4201

[Blackhawk]

25 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

It wouldn't be unattractive to me, the opposite.

Why the hell does thousands of such pictures show up in google picture search then if they are so unattractive?

There's also billions of songs with the theme that someone needs his or her partner. For example "I Need Your Love" by Calvin Harris.

[4201]

1 minute ago, Blackhawk said:

There's also billions of songs with the theme that someone needs his or her partner. For example "I Need Your Love" by Calvin Harris.

Yup because billions of people are living struggles similar to yours! It's not because it's popular that the message is good or true, just that a lot of people believe this.

Yes most people manage to date despite being needy but they manage it by not being needy too soon. I personally don't recommend being needy at all but what you do once you are in a stable relationship is entirely up to you.

[Blackhawk]

17 minutes ago, 4201 said:

Everyone start as a needy baby and grow up to learn.

Not everyone. I don't, because I will be single, hated and alone my whole life.

Edited October 26, 2021 by Blackhawk

[4201]

1 minute ago, Blackhawk said:

Not everyone. I don't, because I will be single, hated and alone my whole life.

Regardless of if you want it or not, you are learning. You had an experience that had an unfortunate end. This experience is a form of learning. Whether you keep learning or you stop is entirely up to you. You cannot go backward, this progress is permanent.

[Blackhawk]

6 minutes ago, 4201 said:

Regardless of if you want it or not, you are learning. You had an experience that had an unfortunate end. This experience is a form of learning. Whether you keep learning or you stop is entirely up to you. You cannot go backward, this progress is permanent.

Well ok, I agree with you on that one.

But with this pace it will take several lifetimes until I can get a gf. Only the best of the best can get a gf. Sometimes it amazes me how anyone can get a gf.

[4201]

Just now, Blackhawk said:

Well ok, I agree with you on that one.

But with this pace it will take several lifetimes until I can get a gf. Only the best of the best can get a gf. Sometimes it amazes me how anyone can get a gf.

It's absolutely impossible to measure distance from here to a place you've never been so I'm afraid your idea of "pace" is unfounded. (I remember your avatar that said "No bullshit without source" or something). In reality you have no clue when it will happen, could be tomorrow, could be in a month could be in 10 years.

Personally I'd bet my rent money that you'll get one before next year. And trust me, I don't have any to spare lol

[Blackhawk]

1 minute ago, 4201 said:

It's absolutely impossible to measure distance from here to a place you've never been so I'm afraid your idea of "pace" is unfounded. (I remember your avatar that said "No bullshit without source" or something). In reality you have no clue when it will happen, could be tomorrow, could be in a month could be in 10 years.

Personally I'd bet my rent money that you'll get one before next year. And trust me, I don't have any to spare lol

What? Am I reading your post right or am I missing something? You could bet on that I will get a gf before next year? Why the heck do you think that?

[mandyjw]

 

[Loba]

@Blackhawk Hey dude, sorry I got silenced for a few days and turned off my dm's for some drama that had been going on but it's water under the bridge.  I'll turn them back on in a few days, I started that picture for you!

[Blackhawk]

3 minutes ago, Loba said:

@Blackhawk Hey dude, sorry I got silenced for a few days and turned off my dm's for some drama that had been going on but it's water under the bridge.  I'll turn them back on in a few days, I started that picture for you!

Oh okay.. 

[Loba]

@Blackhawk Yeah dude, I didn't block you or anything like that I saw your comment on my journal, too.
If you're still looking for a gf after the new year let me know.  I am looking for a kind, sweet guy, but I have a few things to get done first as far as being ready mentally, emotionally, ect.  If you want we could just take the time to get to know each other, and be friends if you aren't interested as well. 

You seem cool and I like that you are honest and direct.  I could spoil you with my art.

I'll do a video of myself in a few days, maybe for Halloween and you can decide then.

Finding partners is easy, you just gotta go for what you want/like.

[Blackhawk]

4 minutes ago, Loba said:

@Blackhawk Yeah dude, I didn't block you or anything like that I saw your comment on my journal, too.
If you're still looking for a gf after the new year let me know.  I am looking for a kind, sweet guy, but I have a few things to get done first as far as being ready mentally, emotionally, ect.  If you want we could just take the time to get to know each other, and be friends if you aren't interested as well. 

You seem cool and I like that you are honest and direct.  I could spoil you with my art.

I'll do a video of myself in a few days, maybe for Halloween and you can decide then.

Finding partners is easy, you just gotta go for what you want/like.

Wow.. Okay 

Finding partners is easy for some people, and difficult for others.

[4201]

2 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

What? Am I reading your post right or am I missing something? You could bet on that I will get a gf before next year? Why the heck do you think that?

Yes I have no doubt about it my friend. I think you are a deeply intelligent person but sometimes you use your intelligence to sabotage yourself. I believe in the real you hidden beneath the lies and the sabotage. There's not a single doubt in my mind that you will reach the life you want. Your desire is stronger than the thoughts that try to hold you back, that say it's not possible. The thoughts can slow you down but they'll never undo your progress or prevent the inevitable. 

 

[Nahm]

@Blackhawk

Follow up hell inquiry… in hell, when someone realizes they were wrong about some stuff, do they stay in hell anyways or do they get kicked out? 

Thank you once again sir. 

[Breakingthewall]

6 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

Yes, but unfortunately all that nice stuff is non-existent for me. And strictly speaking I can't be 100% sure that other people are even conscious, so maybe no one is experiencing anything nice anywhere in existence. But probably there is other conscious beings who experience nice stuff, even though that can't be proved.

@Blackhawk the one who puts the label of pleasant or unpleasant is you. things are as they are, and only you are printing negativity or positivity on them. I'm not saying that you get to really live this like that, in a moment, but at least see the truth in it. I don't live it like that either, there are things that bother me, I'd rather have girls on my schedule than not having them, etc, but I know that any preference or rejection are my projections. The world is not bad or good, it is you (and me), the ego, the one who does not agree with the world. match your preference with what it is and you will be absolutely happy. the more you separate what is and what should be, the more anxiety and unhappiness there will be. be aware that you are the one who does it !! 

Seriously, try to see the truth of this, take responsibility for your reality. not blaming yourself, but realizing that it is you who is creating the negativity. it is very difficult to see this! It has been very difficult for me, but it is completely real. admits its theoretical truth, and tries to put it into practice

Edited October 26, 2021 by Breakingthewall