I'm in Hell. AMA (Ask me anything)

[Gianna]

3 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

So true! And then you might try to reverse-engineer it (as I've tried to ) to make it happen again, but it's bloody easier said than done!

hehehe. 
 

3 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

As for whether it was an emotional transmutation, that's a good question - I would say so, yes. Deep suffering turned into bliss in an instant, amazing really. It's not a path I'd recommend to anyone, though, but learning how to surrender consciously is a lot of effort (or at least it has been for me - it's what my spiritual practice has been all about).

Wow, that is amazing. Quite beautiful actually. But I get not recommending it. It's like instead of going up you go all the way down (a place most people will never touch) and then you come out the other end, haha. Suffering turned to bliss, as you say.

Mh, yes. It is a lot of effort. What does resistance feel like to you? I get that in the body it feels like tension and tightness. But what goes on in your mind in the moments of resistance? This is something I'm trying to get a grasp on myself. Because my mind runs so fast and through so many different things it's like I get lost and so become disconnected and confused. It's like a searching for answers instead of letting the body tell you the answers/what it needs. 

Edited October 23, 2021 by Gianna

[RickyFitts]

28 minutes ago, Gianna said:

Wow, that is amazing. Quite beautiful actually. But I get not recommending it. It's like instead of going up you go all the way down (a place most people will never touch) and then you come out the other end, haha. Suffering turned to bliss, as you say.

Exactly that, yes! It's like you descend from Purgatory into Hell, which can then transform into Heaven in an instant. A lot of people can get stuck in Purgatory though, as I did, which can feel like Hell but isn't quite it.

28 minutes ago, Gianna said:

Mh, yes. It is a lot of effort. What does resistance feel like to you? I get that in the body it feels like tension and tightness. But what goes on in your mind in the moments of resistance?

I don't notice so much mental activity these days tbh, though my thinking can still turn pretty hateful, resentful, angry, and depressive if I let it - I can be one judgmental fucker, truth be told, I harbour a lot of grievances towards various people.

28 minutes ago, Gianna said:

Because my mind runs so fast and through so many different things it's like I get lost and so become disconnected and confused. It's like a searching for answers instead of letting the body tell you the answers/what it needs. 

I can relate to this a lot, my mind was incredibly chaotic when I was at my worst. I found that most of my mental activity was an unconscious attempt to cope with the inner turmoil I was experiencing, so I had to learn to somehow allow the underlying feelings to discharge (that became the essence of my meditation practice). Might not necessarily be the case for you, of course.

Edited October 23, 2021 by RickyFitts

[Blackhawk]

@RickyFitts @Gianna Can you take that stuff somewhere else. Anywhere but in this thread.

It's just that it makes me sad. This is exactly the kind of stuff I don't want to see.

Edited October 23, 2021 by Blackhawk

[RickyFitts]

@Blackhawk What makes you sad, exactly? Constructive conversations? Doesn't wallowing in your own misery make you sad, too? 

[Blackhawk]

On 2021-10-21 at 8:37 PM, snowyowl said:

You can't find any compatible people who like to talk about the same things you do?

Do you have some emotional resistance like shyness, introversion, self-doubt etc? 

Do you have some character traits which seem to put others off from maintaining a conversation with you? 

I can't conversate. At all. Not even online. And no it's not something which I can work on. My brain is permanently physically broken. Simple as that. I can't fucking say anything. I'm completely empty and dead inside. No one wants to talk with a wall, let alone be a partner with one. And btw, several people have said exactly just that to me: "talking with you is like talking to a wall", and many other different things about how unhappy they are about me never saying anything.

Edited October 23, 2021 by Blackhawk

[Gili Trawangan]

29 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

I can't conversate. At all. Not even online. And no it's not something which I can work on. My brain is permanently physically broken. Simple as that. I can't fucking say anything. I'm completely empty and dead inside. No one wants to talk with a wall, let alone be a partner with one. And btw, several people have said exactly just that to me: "talking with you is like talking to a wall", and many other different things about how unhappy they are about me never saying anything.

If you feel like trying something new - and easy - why don't you start reading aloud? By yourself, grab a book and just read aloud, listen to the sound of your own voice, and just read... no need to come up with ideas, no need to be in the presence of other people, just read aloud to yourself every day. This easy little exercise should gradually give your brain some more power, you get used to using lots of words and hearing yourself say them. When we are quiet all the time, that habit becomes engrained and it becomes incredibly difficult to speak, I understand that. Also, no need to think about the next steps at this point... But this would require patience, it probably won't be an overnight cure or anything.

It's what I would do if I were you...

[Gianna]

2 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

@RickyFitts @Gianna Can you take that stuff somewhere else. Anywhere but in this thread.

It's just that it makes me sad. This is exactly the kind of stuff I don't want to see.

Sorry @Blackhawk! Yes we will take it somewhere else. I can see how it’s saddening to see when you feel disconnected. 

[Gianna]

2 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

No one wants to talk with a wall, let alone be a partner with one.

I actually recently took up interest in a wall— his emptiness is peaceful to me. It’s actually really healing for me to have someone there without anything inside of them; no intention, no control, no manipulation. Find a girl who has been controlled, manipulated, and abused by men. She’ll fall in love with you, I promise. You could also find someone who has a lot of energy and needs someone to let it all out on. Like a chatterbox type of person that just needs somebody to listen. Your empty presence will be healing for this type of person as well. You have something to offer by having nothing to offer, trust me. It’s incredibly healing for someone like me, for instance. You just have to find them— a kind of symbiotic relationship where opposites emerge. 
 

If someone is getting mad at you for having nothing to say, it’s because they also have nothing to say and it’s triggering for them to have to come up with saying something. If you find someone who has endless things to say, that won’t happen. In fact, you just receiving them will be heaven for them. They’ll love you, they’ll come to need you. You’re needed. You’re rare. In the best way. I’m telling you. 

Edited October 23, 2021 by Gianna

[Blackhawk]

4 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

If you feel like trying something new - and easy - why don't you start reading aloud? By yourself, grab a book and just read aloud, listen to the sound of your own voice, and just read... no need to come up with ideas, no need to be in the presence of other people, just read aloud to yourself every day. This easy little exercise should gradually give your brain some more power, you get used to using lots of words and hearing yourself say them. When we are quiet all the time, that habit becomes engrained and it becomes incredibly difficult to speak, I understand that. Also, no need to think about the next steps at this point... But this would require patience, it probably won't be an overnight cure or anything.

It's what I would do if I were you...

Okay, I don't think it would help, but thanks anyway.

2 hours ago, Gianna said:

Sorry @Blackhawk! Yes we will take it somewhere else. I can see how it’s saddening to see when you feel disconnected. 

Thank you for understanding, that makes me feel better.

2 hours ago, Gianna said:

I actually recently took up interest in a wall— his emptiness is peaceful to me. It’s actually really healing for me to have someone there without anything inside of them; no intention, no control, no manipulation. Find a girl who has been controlled, manipulated, and abused by men. She’ll fall in love with you, I promise. You could also find someone who has a lot of energy and needs someone to let it all out on. Like a chatterbox type of person that just needs somebody to listen. Your empty presence will be healing for this type of person as well. You have something to offer by having nothing to offer, trust me. It’s incredibly healing for someone like me, for instance. You just have to find them— a kind of symbiotic relationship where opposites emerge. 
 

If someone is getting mad at you for having nothing to say, it’s because they also have nothing to say and it’s triggering for them to have to come up with saying something. If you find someone who has endless things to say, that won’t happen. In fact, you just receiving them will be heaven for them. They’ll love you, they’ll come to need you. You’re needed. You’re rare. In the best way. I’m telling you. 

I have my doubts that he is also like a wall, but okay maybe he is, in that case: interesting 

Also I noticed the word "recently", the question is how many weeks or months you will like it. But okay, maybe it will last, that's great ?

[Nahm]

I’ve heard people say the movie Groundhog’s Day is spiritually insightful, some even say completely life changing. What’s that all about?

Thank you in advance for your answer. 

[Blackhawk]

1 minute ago, Nahm said:

I’ve heard people say the movie Groundhog’s Day is spiritually insightful, some even say completely life changing. What’s that all about?

Thank you in advance for your answer. 

I like that movie. Other than that: I don't know.

You're welcome for my answer.

[Nahm]

@Blackhawk

Thanks!!!

What about Free Guy? Have you seen that one yet? 

[Blackhawk]

1 minute ago, Nahm said:

@Blackhawk

Thanks!!!

What about Free Guy? Have you seen that one yet? 

Holy shit, I just read the plot, and.. I'm going to watch that movie.

[Nahm]

@Blackhawk

Awesome. I loved it. Especially the character ‘Buddy’. ?

While we’re at it here, if you haven’t seen Billy Elliot, Awakenings (Robin Williams), and Blinded By The Light, give em consideration. 

[Blackhawk]

5 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@Blackhawk

Awesome. I loved it. Especially the character ‘Buddy’. ?

While we’re at it here, if you haven’t seen Billy Elliot, Awakenings (Robin Williams), and Blinded By The Light, give em consideration. 

Thanks.

[Nahm]

@Blackhawk

Oh no, thank you sir. Swear I almost actually got bored before finding hell. ? Almost ‘road the laurels’ for a hot minute a while back. Appreciate you very much, sincerely. ?? 

[Rilles]

@Blackhawk 

Watch this video if you have time. Maybe if you feel like youre lonely and depressed having a purpose could help, so you can focus on something higher, give your life to something special to speak.

Or maybe its nice to just hear someone is going through similar things. 

[Blackhawk]

5 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Blackhawk

Oh no, thank you sir. Swear I almost actually got bored before finding hell. ? Almost ‘road the laurels’ for a hot minute a while back. Appreciate you very much, sincerely. ?? 

?

5 hours ago, Rilles said:

@Blackhawk 

Watch this video if you have time. Maybe if you feel like youre lonely and depressed having a purpose could help, so you can focus on something higher, give your life to something special to speak.

Or maybe its nice to just hear someone is going through similar things. 

Don't know what that higher purpose could be.

I'm like that guy in many aspects, but also different because all women are desperate for him (that should make him happy) and he's good at talking and he can talk without problem in camera for hundreds of thousands of people (weird form of social anxiety).

Edited October 23, 2021 by Blackhawk

[Rilles]

4 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

Don't know what that higher purpose could be.

Is there anything in particular you like/love to do? Something that gives even a tiny spark of excitement in your heart? That could be what leads to your purpose. The good thing about having a purpose nowadays is that you barely have to walk outside the door, so if youre a loner its perfect. For example you could write about your hellish life and gain a huge following or something. Just an example. You have to find what you like of course. 

I have moderate social anxiety and I dont think speaking to a camera is very scary, it is a bit weird but not at all on the same level as talking to a stranger. 

[Blackhawk]

5 minutes ago, Rilles said:

Is there anything in particular you like/love to do? Something that gives even a tiny spark of excitement in your heart? That could be what leads to your purpose. The good thing about having a purpose nowadays is that you barely have to walk outside the door, so if youre a loner its perfect. For example you could write about your hellish life and gain a huge following or something. Just an example. You have to find what you like of course. 

I have moderate social anxiety and I dont think speaking to a camera is very scary, it is a bit weird but not at all on the same level as talking to a stranger. 

The only thing I love is women. Women is the only meaning of life and existence.

Edited October 23, 2021 by Blackhawk