Having a midlife crisis. Please help.

[Einsteinonacid]

I'm getting close to 30 and am still not financialy independent.

I'm working on it but I always had dreams of becoming financially independent and meeting the woman of my dreams and traveling the world with her and completing my bucket list with her.

I'd like to do this before I settle down and have kids and commit to being a full time parent so I can give my kids the best childhood possible.

But I'm starting to learn about the challenges women face getting pregnant around the age of 40, even if we freeze our eggs, sperm and embryos. Assuming I meet a woman my age willing to wait and do that.

And even if I do find a woman my age that is willing, that only gives us a maximum of 10 years to live our lives, travel and complete our bucket lists before we get tied down with kids.

I'm starting to consider that I might have to marry a woman younger than me if I want to live the life of my dreams and enjoy it fully before I have kids. Which I am in no rush to do.

Which is depressing me because I really wanted to marry someone my age because I fear that if I marry someone younger than me our cultural differences will be too big and I wont be able to relate to her the same way I would if I married someone my age.

Do you guys have any advice? It feels like my life is slipping away from me...

[Gili Trawangan]

These are all just thoughts that you feel are constraining you. Well, they are, but they are just thoughts. You need to be more flexible with your life plans. Life doesn't usually turn out exactly how we planned, and that's perfectly alright. It often turns out better than we thought, in fact. The universe knows better than our limited little plans.

When I was 30 I hadn't yet done anything worth mentioning. It was only after 30 that I travelled the world, I had that same dream - not with a girlfriend, I went by myself. I'm now nearly 40 and I'm much more flexible about how things turn out. I have learnt to let go.

You're a guy, there's no reason to be this stressed about family and a biological clock. Of course you can marry a younger woman, you can have kids any time you want. And you can travel solo instead, I can't begin to tell you how incredibly amazing it was to do that for me...

Anyway, the details don't matter, what matters is that you learn how to be more flexible about life plans, trust the universe and follow your dreams without pressure. You're very young still, and you don't even realize this...

[Roy]

On 10/17/2021 at 6:04 AM, Einsteinonacid said:

I'm starting to consider that I might have to marry a woman younger than me if I want to live the life of my dreams and enjoy it fully before I have kids. Which I am in no rush to do.

Which is depressing me because I really wanted to marry someone my age because I fear that if I marry someone younger than me our cultural differences will be too big and I wont be able to relate to her the same way I would if I married someone my age.

Do you guys have any advice? It feels like my life is slipping away from me...

Think about how much of this is a limiting belief that holds you back. Why couldn't you find someone who is biologically younger but on the same wavelength? Really what is stopping that besides your own preconceptions?

There are plenty of people of all ages who are at radically different levels of maturity than one another.

You can find whatever you're looking for, it's out there. People might surprise you.

[Breakingthewall]

you consider your life as a story, with a beginning, an argument, a goal. This is done by almost everyone, and it is the sure recipe for frustration and unhappiness. life is the present moment, there is no more. The secret is to focus completely on the present, open yourself to it, and things will flow. all that of finding a girl, creating a family etc, are fantasies. Open yourself to the present and what has to be, will be. a minute of freedom is worth more than all those fantasies fulfilled

Seeing yourself as a character with a trajectory is pure ego. the freer you are from that, the less deceived you will live. It is not easy because all people consider their life that way and they will consider yours the same, like a resume. dealing with them will lead you to that point of view over and over again. there are few people who really live in themselves, without conceptualizing themselves. it is a challenge to be close to egoic people (almost all people) and not fall into their vision

Edited October 19, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[Michael569]

@Einsteinonacid that's a lot of limiting beliefs. 

First of all 30 is not midlife goddammit, I'm 31  No way we are halfway through our life. Not even one third. And being single is not a mid life crisis!! It's just that....being single. Would you rather be tied in some toxic relationship that you pushed yourself in just to meet a neurotic desire to be in a relationship? 

On 17/10/2021 at 2:04 PM, Einsteinonacid said:

am still not financialy independent.

same. I still work my ass off for a big corporate selling my soul for $$$ the important thing is that you work towards something bigger than that regardless of how long that will take 

On 17/10/2021 at 2:04 PM, Einsteinonacid said:

even if we freeze our eggs, sperm and embryos.

freeze embryos?  "Alriiiidi kiids gather round time for uncle Jo's favourite thanksgiving story! Did you know....?"

Dude, men are easily fertile up to late 50s. If this concerns you so much regarding you partner's fertility just find a younger woman. Many women now choose to have children in mid 30s with giving birth to perfectly healthy kids. 

On 17/10/2021 at 2:04 PM, Einsteinonacid said:

And even if I do find a woman my age that is willing, that only gives us a maximum of 10 years to live our lives, travel and complete our bucket lists before we get tied down with kids.

Again, just find a younger woman. You being 30 can easily date a woman of 24-25. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. 

On 17/10/2021 at 2:04 PM, Einsteinonacid said:

I fear that if I marry someone younger than me our cultural differences will be too big and I wont be able to relate to her the same way

Another limiting belief. This is so not true. Some women and men way outsmart their older counterparts. Age means nothing in this day and age. Seems like you have a huge blue shadow you need to work on. Why are you so eager to getting married? It changes nothing whether you are married or not. 

Go do your bucket list thingy and you may meet that woman on you travels for all you know. If you marry now and abandon all that you stand for and all that you want to do you will hate yourself for it forever and it will damage the integrity of your relationship. You can experience A LOT that life has top offer even within 3 years. 

The neediness of wanting to be in a relationship will repel all women a mile away. Let that go and go do your thing out there. Explore, travel, enjoy what life has to offer. 

[Einsteinonacid]

Thanks guys, I see now that I was overreacting.

I guess what caused this overreaction was seeing my highschool classmates on  social media traveling the world with their partners.

I know I really shouldn't be comparing my life with the lives of others. I see my mistake now.