Just failed an exam

[Thought Art]

I just failed an exam I worked my ass off for. Of course, there are questions on the final exam which were not in any of the review materials, and questions never asked to me before on the thing. I don't understand why facilitators do that. I hate failing exams... Admittedly it's an accounting program which I don't consider a strength or passion. But, I really worked hard for it.

I had to work a week ago, and it set me back. 

How can I reframe, I have 2 more tomorrow which I don't feel well prepared for because I had to work, and study for the other exam. I sense further failure is imminent. 

How am I supposed to do anything great in life if I can't even pass a simple accounting exam? 

When these things happen I think I should just kill myself and save the planet the embarrassment of having my dumb ass around. Obviously that is neurotic. 

I think I can do a retake. It's just, I have really high expectations of myself.

I guess I am seeing through all this I am not as smart as I think I am or something. Reality is harsh, feedback is painful but important. 

I am a fool, and idiot and I don't know what I am doing in life.

I have strengths of course, but still. Man, How could I fail? I did so well throughout the whole course, had a 90% on the midterm and I failed the final. I hate it when they give you review materials that don't actually match what is on the final. Plus, admittedly, I could not for the life of me remember some of the financial ratios. I have no problem doing them but I couldn't remember the 8 ratios on the exam. It was annoying.

Like I said in other posts. I am not ready for run a business for the next 5-10 years. So much foundation to build. Lots of failures ahead of me.

If things don't look like I can really be successful eventually, I will just kill myself. I am not sticking around living the life of some idiot who could have, but failed because he was too lazy and stupid.

Edited October 16, 2021 by Thought Art

[Mz Hyde]

26 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

When these things happen I think I should just kill myself and save the planet the embarrassment of having my dumb ass around.

Whoa.. I know it sucks, but don't get overidentified with just this one failure. I don't know you, but I know you are much more than that. Beating yourself up is not gonna help you now. Try to calm down and do your best to revise most important stuff for these two upcoming exams. Don't be so hard on yourself - do the best you can at the moment and accept any outcome.

After all this ends, I think you should work on that attitude you have towards yourself. There's a great book that could help - 'The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook' by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer.

Wish you the best of luck!

Edited October 16, 2021 by Mz Hyde

[Thought Art]

@Mz Hyde Thank you, that is actually on my reading list. 

I tend to be hard on myself. I want to be successful. I have strengths but I am also a fucking idiot and a fool.

On Monday I will do my adversity quotient and guide to rational living work.

However, I also just got temporally terminated from work until I hand in some paperwork that will wake like 2-3 weeks to receive, and I am not doing well financially. So, my foolish karma is butt fucking me.

I will improve... Or kill myself Idk which one is better option.

I HATE how foolish I am.

Edited October 16, 2021 by Thought Art

[Mz Hyde]

@Thought Art I feel you. I'm pretty much the same.. Just started with this book few days ago and it's really good, definitely read it! But until you do, just remember that failing some of your perfectionist demands is not the end of the world. We are all 'fucking idiots and fools' from time to time and it's totally okay.

[Thought Art]

@Mz Hyde I just want to be successful. I don't know how much more living as an idiot I can take. 

[Mz Hyde]

@Thought Art Well, developing more loving attitude towards yourself is not going to prevent you from becoming successful. On the contrary, it puts you in the much better position for doing so. You won't get far staying so negatively motivated like this.

[Thought Art]

@Mz Hyde True

[PepperBlossoms]

Aside from getting your first job, GPA doesn't matter.  And you already are working anyway as well as working on actualization so you are still on track.

No one in the business world cares what your GPA is once you are working- they care if you can do the job.

If you have a strong desire to succeed, then you can just have the attitude that I will keep on trying even if it means I have to re-take a class or whatever.  There are setbacks all the time in life.  They come whenever and it can be hard but they are also helpful as it gives us the skills to get stronger and deal with even harder setbacks.

[Thought Art]

It's interesting. I feel like my Qi is dealing with this really well. I just am dealing with some cognitive stuff. 

I want to be successful. I worked like 8 months on this school. I know I can learn to be a better student! 

If I fail tomorrow... I have to retake two 3 month classes to get my payroll certification.

I will likely still get my diploma, but thats like 6 more months of work and 1400 dollars. That takes away precious time from my life purpose and money away from ideal studies. 

I know I don't have to be good at everything, or get everything I want, or succeed every time and that failure is part of life.

It's just, I want to know I can do it in the long run.

I know I can.. 

My body feels filled with a loving Qi that is filling my whole body. Guess the Qigong is paying off. 

I think my normal tendency is to want to fight myself, bully myself and envision how everything else will go wrong.

But, in reality. I don't know what the reach of it is. I assume I failed, but maybe I didn't in the end. It was a 63%, which is not ideal. Also I told other in the class what questions I had and they seem to think I had harder ones then them. Strange.

Passing is a 70. I had a 90 on the midterm.. I struggled twice now in this program with doing really well on all the quizes, midterm, projects, assignments and then missing the passing mark of the exam by a few points and failing the whole thing. That happened earlier on one of my payroll compliance things. 

Edited October 16, 2021 by Thought Art

[PurpleTree]

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

If things don't look like I can really be successful eventually, I will just kill myself. I am not sticking around living the life of some idiot who could have, but failed because he was too lazy and stupid.

What's actually "successful"

"successful" ceo's killed themselves because of stress etc.

 think success is just finding peace and happiness during this lifetime. Which i'm also failing at often  but also sometimes succeeding.

 

Which subject was it? I also did some accounting but now i hate it.

[kamwalker]

It's okay to be disappointed, but you're being way too hard on yourself. Zoom out a bit and see that you're placing too much weight on one thing. I've failed exams before and it has had no bearing on where I am today (no complaints about my life). The self-defeating thoughts you have right now will become a self-fulfilling prophecy so watch out for that. Keep a positive attitude because it matters. 

[Thought Art]

Yeah but, How am I supposed to feel confident applying for jobs when I fail exams on the thing I am applying for?

I think of myself as having the potential to be very successful. But, honestly math, accounting, planning etc are my weaknesses. 

I have good marks throughout the courses, I did well on all the quizes, assignments and midterms. But, for some reason I just really struggle with exams.

I have worked as a bookkeeper and I know I am good at this job. I can do administrative work. It's not my passion, but I see it as a crucial skillset for my wider success with my music and Qigong. 

I need to be able to operate a business which is largely accounting, marketing, planning, etc

The subject was advanced accounting...

I am pretty sure I can re-take it. I just need to relax. All of these exams can be retaken in the future.

The problem with Payroll Compliance certification is that I have to retake the entire course if I fail even though I did well throughout the whole course. I can retake the diploma course in a week or something.

I want to be good at my job and skilled. 

I fail so much in my life. I know I love myself, and I am smart in other areas of life like art, Qigong and psychology etc maybe.

Failure is part of the process. I just, I look at people like Leo, or Elon musk and I just think of how fucking stupid I am in comparrison. I should have money saved, a degree already. But no. Stupid wishful thinking artist the past 4 years. 

This coming week I will do an inventory on my behaviour to see why is it I am failing. It's gotta be something I am doing or not doing.

For fucks sakes, I am not gonna give up on my dreams but I wish they weren't so bloody difficult.

I know I am building something to offer the world, I know I can escape wage slavery, I know I can build a business one day. I know I can do it. But, how much failure is it gonna take? How much working some shit job, making dumbass mistakes, etc.

I wish I had more money...

Edited October 17, 2021 by Thought Art

[itachi uchiha]

@Thought Art why not apply 10000 hours to exam.u will ace it after that hours.its not that much.if u put in 8 hours a day for 300 days then u will reach it in 5 years

Edited October 17, 2021 by itachi uchiha

[Thought Art]

Gonna meditate, sleep and study for a bit before I attempt the next two. If I fail, I don't really know what I am going to do.

I'll have to speak with someone at the school and make a plan I guess.

I need to remember that...

1. Failure means I am trying, learning etc. I could have just sat around smoking weed the last 8 months but I worked my ass off on something I found really hard.

2. I am only 25 turning 26 in a few days. I have lots of time to develop my skills and I don't need to rush

3. I am all I have. This bubble of experience is the whole universe, so I might as well be easier on myself.

4. These failures will teach me about my adversity quotient, cognitive processes, study habits, areas where I lack awareness etc. Part of my dream is to help other people through similar challenging emotions and to fine greater peace. I feel a balance from my Qigong practice etc. 

5. Math and accounting is something I generally consider a non-interest or weakness but something I know I will need if I want to master life. I just need to be patient with myself, do the best I can on my exams.

6. The future looks very uncertain financially. It's a struggle living paycheck to paycheck. So, the only thing worth doing is working my ass out of it. I know I can build a powerful spiritual business one day. It's just, this survival stuff is not my strength. I am so artistically and spiritually minded. I am more naturally a healer than I am an accountant. Oh well.

Leo says we can build powerful businesses... I think he is right. I know I will fail more on my path to getting there. The more responsibility I take in life the more my failures will effect others. Let's see where I am in 10 years. I think 1-3 years it too soon probably.

I don't know what will happen in life. Supposedly it's love, which is all I want. But, there is a lot of Bullshit here too.

Edited October 17, 2021 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

2 minutes ago, itachi uchiha said:

@Thought Art why not apply 10000 hours to exam.u will ace it after that hours.its not that much.if u put in 8 hours a day for 300 days then u will reach it in 5 years

Jokester. There is only until the of of tomorrow to write it.

[r0ckyreed]

Tests are bullshit and don’t let them define you. The real tests in life is how you handle suffering and failure. They are inevitable. Intelligence cannot be measured through a test. Failing or passing a human test is meaningless. Focus on acing the test of life. Most people fail that test. Don’t let results dismantle you. Stay in the Now, and focus on using your time to the fullest. If you give it your all, then there is nothing to worry about. Be invested in the process but remain unattached from outcomes.

[Thought Art]

8 hours ago, Cykaaaa said:

You're still worthy of love.

I think so. I am all I have.

But man, all I can do is learn from this and continue to work on my life. There is really nothing else to do.

I just... these failures make me doubt my ability to pull off a powerful life. 

To complacent, to distracted.... I really don't have a passion for accounting. But, I want these skills. I found this program very long, very boring, very painful, very technical. So, I don't know what the future holds. I am in a shitty situation. But, here we go.

I will not rest in my current psychic, financial, spiritual, habitual, situation.

 

Just getting started with the day. Gonna review, take a nap then dive into the exams. It's two exams on the same course. I don't really have high expectations so I am using this for the long term learning experience. 

Edited October 17, 2021 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

My facilitator told me I did not fail.

 

My brain feels a big foggy today, as I am going through my exam review I am realizing I am not likely to pass. I need a couple more days to review. 

I will use this to practice surrender. This course material is too nuance, technical, and specific. I am likely to fail.

I can retake the courses in a couple months, and I will likely pass on my second attempt. I am not special. I am just like everyone else in life and need to work hard for what I get. I must overcome failures, set backs, and my own bad habits or lack of skill.

Edited October 17, 2021 by Thought Art

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, Thought Art said:

I am not special. I am just like everyone else in life and need to work hard for what I get. I must overcome failures, set backs, and my own bad habits or lack of skill.

It would be quite assumptive to believe that is like everyone else, as in, that everyone else is experiencing life in that way. 

In any case, don’t be rash. Relax. From this lens, major stuff is being seen, much is clicking, and you’re actually doing unbelievably well. 

On the practical, get it done, but maybe employ a 45mins of work / focus, and a 15 mins walk, complete zoom out, no you and nature, just nature. 

? 

Much love for you my friend. Everything is working out for you. I know it’s hard, yet, everything is working out for you. Feel that, in spite of thoughts, in spite of even perception, feel that. Thoughts will arise in kind, as will perception. 

[Thought Art]

Just got a 62 on my certification exam. I needed a 65 to pass. Here's too 700 dollar and 3 months of wasted time in the future. On top of the certification you need a years of work experience to get the certification. So, it's really only a delay and It's not really a field I see myself working in long term anyway. I just want to get an admin job so I can develop more of an income and the skills to build my own business over the next 5 years.

I am grateful for seeing myself try, and can show myself some compassion even though I am not meeting my goals, I am at least trying. That is the only way to learn imo. Not just sitting around dreaming, smoking weed with my buddies, talking about what I am gonna do. It means taking action, failing, going through the suffering of not meeting your expectations and try try trying again until you get it.

I KNOW in my heart I can do really well with payroll. It is SUPER nuanced, complex, with so many fine distinctions I am glad to be exposing my mind to this type of cognitive process even though its not my taste or skillset. It will be important for my long term growth. There are more changes in the future to make amends. I will be very pleased when I pass this course again in the next 2 years.

It's important I review my cognitive process around failure. I felt really rather confident once I got started on the exam. I wish they would show my what question I did right and what I did wrong.. They keep it a mystery for some reason.

I am trying, and that is all I can really do. 

My goal is to learn, so whatever it takes to learn. I must just accept reality as it comes and do my best to improve each passing day. 

I do love myself. I have high expectations and I tried really hard. I am happy I got a 62 because that is 100% higher than if I had just sat around doing nothing. A 62 is a sign I will surely pass next time I retake the program. It will make me eve stronger in the long run. I might even be able to write a challenge exam in the future. 

At least I have quit smoking weed, am about to get my diploma and a higher paying job. I can be proud of myself for trying. This was a really hard 8 months with personal issues, fake friends, ending addictions, and studying a dry technical skill I know will serve me in the long run.

I will use this to embrace more self love, and more patience in the future. I will become a better student with each passing day and wont give up on my future. My success in the long run is non negotiable. 

Gonna take a break and then write the exam for my diploma. At least I am likely to pass that one.

Edited October 17, 2021 by Thought Art