Should I feel guilty when I buy expensive-ish things?

[something_else]

I'm pretty sure I know the answer, 'it depends', but I'll explain myself and maybe someone can offer some insight into this

I've noticed I often feel quite guilty when I buy reasonably expensive things I want. I've recently just started working as a software engineer on £30k which is pretty reasonable as a single guy, I live in a cheapish place in a smaller town cos I work remote, so financially I'm not really worried at all and I end up with a good amount of disposable income

Yet, when I buy things there's often an underlying guilt and I can't work out where it's coming from

For example, I'm doing a lot of socialising, getting better with girls, partying etc. cos I missed out on all of that in uni. So I figured having clothes that I really like is good and as such I've spent a whole bunch of money on some nice clothes recently, nice jackets, jumpers, jeans, t-shirts, a nice watch etc. yet every time I buy anything quality (which comes with a bigger price tag ofc) I feel so guilty for not just going to cheaper places, even though I know I can afford it

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to crazy expensive places, usually mid-range brands so like ~£100 for a jacket or jeans, £10-20 for a t-shirt etc. for context

I've also bought a lot of furniture for my place recently with the same feeling of guilt, even though it was all from IKEA which is as cheap as you can get really

In my mind I feel like I should be saving the money for something 'more useful' and for 'my future' but I have no idea what 'more useful' thing in the future that is so it's just some vague idea my mind pumps out that makes me feel guilty

I guess what I'm asking is should I just kind of impulsively buy the more expensive things that I prefer and not worry too much about it, or should I try to be more frugal and shop at cheaper places, carefully manage money etc.

Again the answer is probably balance the two, but maybe someone has some insight into the psychology of money here that might help, I'd appreciate it if you do!

Edited October 16, 2021 by something_else

[Thought Art]

Leo has some good books on his reading list about this

 

[Rob06]

Do you somehow belief you are not worth the expensive/quality stuff you buy? There's something to onearth for you there.

[rNOW]

Here's one thing I've learned from Ramit Sethi. 

Figure out what is the most important thing for you. What do you really really love spending time on, what matters to you. Perhaps those would be one to three things. Splurge on those 1-3 things. Be miserly in the rest. It is very rewarding. 

Example: I love to read and learn. I dislike going to weddings. So I'd spend a lot on expensive books than a wedding dress. I've noticed I like people who notice what I'm thinking v/s those who notice what I'm wearing.

I also like going for walks in nature, so I've spent a lot on expensive pair of shoes, but very cheap shoes that go with party wear. I hope that makes sense? 

 

Also, there are no shoulds and should-nots in emotions. It is for you to figure out why you feel guilty. But do not buy things out of guilt any more than not-buying something out of guilt. Guilt should not be a factor in buying things. Joy should be.

Edited October 16, 2021 by rNOW

[something_else]

2 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Leo has some good books on his reading list about this

 

Ironic that the solution to fear of buying things is buying things, isn't it  I have the book list already, I'll take a look, cheers

1 hour ago, Rob06 said:

Do you somehow belief you are not worth the expensive/quality stuff you buy? There's something to onearth for you there.

There was some weird shit when I was younger where anything nice my mum bought me, I'd be afraid to show to my dad because he was far less well off and would talk shit about how my mum spoilt me etc. (They were divorced for context), that's about the only thing I can think of but I don't feel like it's had a tremendous impact on my psyche. Who knows, I suppose

51 minutes ago, rNOW said:

Here's one thing I've learned from Ramit Sethi. 

Figure out what is the most important thing for you. What do you really really love spending time on, what matters to you. Perhaps those would be one to three things. Splurge on those 1-3 things. Be miserly in the rest. It is very rewarding. 

Example: I love to read and learn. I dislike going to weddings. So I'd spend a lot on expensive books than a wedding dress. I've noticed I like people who notice what I'm thinking v/s those who notice what I'm wearing.

I also like going for walks in nature, so I've spent a lot on expensive pair of shoes, but very cheap shoes that go with party wear. I hope that makes sense? 

 

Also, there are no shoulds and should-nots in emotions. It is for you to figure out why you feel guilty. But do not buy things out of guilt any more than not-buying something out of guilt. Guilt should not be a factor in buying things. Joy should be.

Based on this, spending money on clothes is perfectly acceptable as I feel socialisation is definitely one of my main 3 things that I'm focusing on right now. In fact it's pretty much the only thing I'm intensely commited to rn until I can travel. This helped, thanks 

[universe]

No, you don't need to feel guilt for that.

Wanting good things in your life is perfectly normal.

 

But there are a few ways to deal with your situation that could lead to growth.

It could be interesting to explore why you want these thing.

Is there a part of you that thinks it needs those things. Maybe a seeking for approval or security? Maybe some advertisement got to you, if yes it would be wise to question your beliefs.

Or, you could feel deeply into that guilt that you are feeling. Feel it fully. Maybe it has a message for you.

Only you can find out. Here is an Exercise, you can start at Step 2.

[DocWatts]

Sounds like you may be struggling to integrate your Survival Needs (namely the emotional and social needs that are being filled by the things you mentioned), with the sense of Social Responsibility that you feel.

It's a common problem faced by socially conscious people who happen to occupy a privileged position in society.

While it's undoubtedly a good thing to try and engage with the Material Conditions that exist in a more concsious and self aware manner, disengaging and living a life of asceticism isn't going to actually fix any of the system problems that exist in the world today.

You'd be far better off by supporting collective efforts to address systemic problems by standing in solidarity with groups working for economic and ecological justice, than by engaging in the system that exists and feeling guilty about it. Your feeling guilty about buying a shirt or a gaming computer isn't actually going to help anyone.

Supporting labor and climate activism is something tangible you can do to help instead of feeling guilty.

Edited October 16, 2021 by DocWatts

[Alex_R]

There is nothing bad on that but the hard truth is that any material posesion will make you happy. You need to became conciouss on How you build your Ego, for example, many people build their ego on being minimalistic/vegan, etc.

 Other people build their ego on being Go-getter Orange mindset so for them is necessary to Flex their money in some way, so at the end there is nothing wrong on that because we need to get energy for survival in some way or another. But the trick is to became conscious on How you are doing it and at least be consistent with that and not to feel guilty about it.

[yetineti]

Was it worth it?

Yes? Sweet.

No? Well feel enough guilt to reevaluate your spending habits but not enough that you slow yourself down over the past.

What is bought is bought.

What has not been bought has not yet been bought.

Im glad that your decisions still leave you in a place of security and that despite some second guesses on these recent purchases you sound reasonably comfortable and safe, financially.

Edited October 17, 2021 by mw711