How to stop taking life for granted?

[john1]

I notice that I'm constantly taking my life for granted.

I live in a good American town, I live inside a decent home, I live with my family, I've had an amazing upbringing, I have no diseases or body deformities, I have pretty okay looks. I'm in high school (10th grade), so I don't have to worry about real-life stuff like taxes. I've never gone 1 day without food or water (I'm actually a bit overweight).

I have everything I could want in life, but I still take it for granted. I get bitter at people who have it better than me, and who have accomplished more than me. I think my life is so tough when it's really not. I get mad at my parents for the stupidest shit, when I should be so much more grateful towards them. I think that school is so bad and a waste of time, even though I would be nowhere without it.

Then I feel guilty when I notice how much I've taken more for granted, how lucky I've got it, how much worse others have it, etc. After the guilt, I feel really happy, motivated, fulfilled, grateful, and like my petty problems really don't matter that much.

The problem is: I keep forgetting this!!! One minute I feel grateful and satisfied, the literal next minute I jerk off to some porn and then watch 3 hours of youtube, and then feel horrible after the fact.

Can I do anything to feel more grateful more often and for longer periods of time? What are the benefits of gratitude? Is the guilt that I feel justified?

 

Thanks for reading all of this.

[Thought Art]

It sounds like your intuition is moving you towards this exact thing.

The guilt is a feedback mechanism to move you toward living a high quality life. So listen to it, but don't feed into it in a toxic way.

There is really nothing you HAVE to do.

But, maybe using your privilege to lift others up through your creativity over the next 20 30 years and building a powerful vision for yourself, and working hard on that every day is worthwhile. 

Remember too, if you aren't making mistakes you aren't trying. 

 

[TripleFly]

You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.

 

[Flowerfaeiry]

1 hour ago, john1 said:

Can I do anything to feel more grateful more often and for longer periods of time? What are the benefits of gratitude? Is the guilt that I feel justified?

Living a life of gratitude can take practice. Keep being grateful, even for the tough times because they exist for a reason, too. 

Gratitude can help you understand why things are happening, it can help you feel happier and more in flow with life, it can help you appreciate things and help you notice more of the good things that do happen in your life. 

[Leo Gura]

Deep suffering is the greatest teacher. One day you will lose something you took for granted and then you'll start to wake up.

Spiritual work makes you more grateful. Gratitude is byproduct of consciousness.

One of the things that has made me much more grateful is psychedelics.

But yeah, it's a constant battle because the ego-mind cannot really use gratitude. The ego-mind quickly acclimates to whatever you acquire and starts looking for the next great thing or start looking for problems. The ego-mind is never satisfied no matter how much it gets its way. It always wants more, more, more. The point of spirituality is to start undoing that habitual activity of the ego-mind.

When you wake up deep enough, you will be grateful and happy just for existing! You will be sitting on the toilet and just notice to yourself, "OMG, I can't believe how great it is that I just exist on this toilet. It's amazing!" You start to appreciate things just for existing. You might look at your dinner fork and just be amazed as how beautiful it is.

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, john1 said:

I notice that I'm constantly taking my life for granted.

The means of taking life for granted is not recognizing you don’t actually know what you’re talking about. You don’t have a clue what life is. 

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I live in a good American town, I live inside a decent home, I live with my family, I've had an amazing upbringing, I have no diseases or body deformities, I have pretty okay looks. I'm in high school (10th grade), so I don't have to worry about real-life stuff like taxes. I've never gone 1 day without food or water (I'm actually a bit overweight).

The means of taking yourself for granted is not recognizing you don’t actually know what you’re talking about. You don’t have a clue what you are. 

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I have everything I could want in life, but I still take it for granted.

You have nothing. Your parents have much. You take them for granted because again, you believe you know what they are. You do not have a clue what they are. 

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I get bitter at people who have it better than me, and who have accomplished more than me. I think my life is so tough when it's really not. I get mad at my parents for the stupidest shit, when I should be so much more grateful towards them. I think that school is so bad and a waste of time, even though I would be nowhere without it.

That you have everything you want in life is a belief. You’re experiencing jealousy, which reveals what you actually want, but you’re suppressing emotion because again, you don’t know what it is. You have no clue, what emotion actually is. You have no clue what you actually want. Making a dreamboard makes this incredibly easy in the most literally right in front of you manor. 

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Then I feel guilty when I notice how much I've taken more for granted, how lucky I've got it, how much worse others have it, etc. After the guilt, I feel really happy, motivated, fulfilled, grateful, and like my petty problems really don't matter that much.

This is like a cycle. Because you don’t know what guilt is, you identify by it, you firmly believe it’s about you. Then at some inevitable point, certain thoughts cease, and there is no longer the experience of discord. “After the guilt”, is actually “when I am no longer focusing on thoughts x, y or z”. Again, because you don’t know what you’re talking about yet firmly believe you do, you weave the belief that a you feels a happy. Presently, in accordance with your experience, the clouds are always present, and it is the clear sky which comes and goes. This changes meditatively. 

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The problem is: I keep forgetting this!!! One minute I feel grateful and satisfied, the literal next minute I jerk off to some porn and then watch 3 hours of youtube, and then feel horrible after the fact.

There is nothing being forgotten. There is nothing being veiled by the thought activity. But this is being ignored. Not purposefully, not deceptively, absolute innocently. 

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Can I do anything to feel more grateful more often and for longer periods of time? What are the benefits of gratitude? Is the guilt that I feel justified?

Thanks for reading all of this.

Why would anyone desire to justify guilt? 

The emotional scale is very helpful for understanding the emotions you experience. There is no implication here that you should already know anything you don’t, or that you are doing anything wrong, or going about anything the wrong way. There is only the message, the end of suffering. 

[gettoefl]

you get one spin of the dice here, you are god of the entire universe, you imagined every single person every little detail

 

how am i gonna repay existence with my few remaining breaths

[john1]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Deep suffering is the greatest teacher. One day you will lose something you took for granted and then you'll start to wake up.

Is there any way to wake up before that? I don't want to lose something precious and have a bunch of regrets after the fact.

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Spiritual work makes you more grateful. Gratitude is byproduct of consciousness.

So your saying consciousness and gratitude have a direct relationship(as one increases, so does the other)? If so, how would I go about raising my consciousness?

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

One of the things that has made me much more grateful is psychedelics.

I'm 15; Aren't I too young for that stuff?

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

it's a constant battle because the ego-mind cannot really use gratitude

What do you mean by this? Do you mean that gratitude is too impractical?

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The ego-mind quickly acclimates to whatever you acquire and starts looking for the next great thing or start looking for problems. The ego-mind is never satisfied no matter how much it gets its way. It always wants more, more, more. The point of spirituality is to start undoing that habitual activity of the ego-mind.

But isn't that mechanism good to a certain extent? I need to have my way to some degree, right? Otherwise, I would just forgo survival altogether and just lay down and die, right? So how do I find a balance between survival and spirituality? Also, if that's the point of spirituality, what's the big-picture, end goal of spirituality that I'm working toward? To become enlightened?

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

When you wake up deep enough, you will be grateful and happy just for existing! You will be sitting on the toilet and just notice to yourself, "OMG, I can't believe how great it is that I just exist on this toilet. It's amazing!" You start to appreciate things just for existing. You might look at your dinner fork and just be amazed as how beautiful it is.

Sounds pretty great! I could get to this "waking up" by practicing spirituality and meditation, right?

 

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

The means of taking life for granted is not recognizing you don’t actually know what you’re talking about. You don’t have a clue what life is. 

When you put it that way I think you're right. I don't know what life is or what it's about. So if I recognize that I don't know, will that make me grateful? How does one get a clue to what life is?

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

The means of taking yourself for granted is not recognizing you don’t actually know what you’re talking about. You don’t have a clue what you are. 

Then how do I go about getting a clue to what and who I am?

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

You have nothing. Your parents have much. You take them for granted because again, you believe you know what they are. You do not have a clue what they are. 

You're dropping a lot of bombs on me. What do you mean when you say I have nothing? What do you mean when you say I don't know what my parents are? Also, why do you use the word "what" instead of "who"? Are you saying that I not only know who I am, what I am fundamentally?

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

That you have everything you want in life is a belief. You’re experiencing jealousy, which reveals what you actually want, but you’re suppressing emotion because again, you don’t know what it is. You have no clue, what emotion actually is. You have no clue what you actually want. Making a dreamboard makes this incredibly easy in the most literally right in front of you manor. 

This is a lot to take in!  So how do I find out what emotion is and what it means? That dream board sounds like a good idea! How do I find authentic things to put on it?

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

This is like a cycle. Because you don’t know what guilt is, you identify by it, you firmly believe it’s about you. Then at some inevitable point, certain thoughts cease, and there is no longer the experience of discord. “After the guilt”, is actually “when I am no longer focusing on thoughts x, y or z”. Again, because you don’t know what you’re talking about yet firmly believe you do, you weave the belief that a you feels a happy. Presently, in accordance with your experience, the clouds are always present, and it is the clear sky which comes and goes. This changes meditatively. 

What do you mean by I believe guilt is about me? "you weave the belief that a you feels a happy". I really don't get what that means. So are you saying that I'm deceiving myself by thinking that I know what I'm saying, but I actually don't? Are you saying that my situation is like the cloud situation that you mentioned? And what do you mean by "This changes meditatively"?

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

There is no implication here that you should already know anything you don’t, or that you are doing anything wrong, or going about anything the wrong way. There is only the message, the end of suffering. 

Wow. I feel like something really deep is here, but I just don't get it. Here's what I get from this: you're not saying that I'm doing anything wrong, but you're giving me this message. And what do you mean by "the end of suffering" exactly?

 

Oh, and thanks for all of your replies; they all really helped me out!

[Seeker531]

There are many things one can do about it. I've made it a habit to recall every evening 3 things I'm grateful for, 3 things I have compassion for and 3 things I share my joy with.

[Nahm]

10 hours ago, john1 said:

So if I recognize that I don't know, will that make me grateful?

Not knowing is already actual, and thus can’t be said to cause anything, as it is not something that is going to, or about to happen. It’s already actual.   However, nothing is needed to feel appreciation & gratitude. 

A bat can’t bat, a batter can experience batting.  Likewise, knowing can’t know, not knowing can experience knowing. 

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How does one get a clue to what life is?

By receiving instead of getting. 

10 hours ago, john1 said:

Then how do I go about getting a clue to what and who I am?

Clue’s are abundant. Receiving is the variable which reveals the abundance. 

10 hours ago, john1 said:

You're dropping a lot of bombs on me. What do you mean when you say I have nothing? What do you mean when you say I don't know what my parents are? Also, why do you use the word "what" instead of "who"? Are you saying that I not only know who I am, what I am fundamentally?

There is absolute truth. Absolute, as in unchanging in any and all circumstances. Virtually no one is this world really knows this truth. A lot of folks round here do though. By this knowing, I don’t mean ‘stuff’ we know, like knowledge, or history, or what is mine or yours. This knowing is most fundamental. With this knowing, there are not two, such as a knower and a thing known. With this knowing, all is always non-separate, always perfectly unified and whole.  This knowing is not experienced, this knowing is the knowing of experience. This is a knowing which we all share, or, which is exactly the same in all of us. In periods in between focusing on our thoughts, or on our differences, we feel this common knowing. We can never get to it though, but it always naturally arises whenever we allow it, and receive it, and take time and make space for it. 

10 hours ago, john1 said:

This is a lot to take in!  So how do I find out what emotion is and what it means?

To understand the emotions you’re experiencing, I suggest using the emotional scale. But I’m not suggesting emotion is anything in particular, nor means anything specifically at all. Only that emotion can be understood, and that understanding emotion is fundamental to living in joy. Which is not something at Christmas, or something your grandma said, but is actuality more real than air. 

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That dream board sounds like a good idea! How do I find authentic things to put on it?

Write what you want. That it is what you want, means it is authentic, for you. This dreamboard in only for you, so write what you want, and not what you think you’re supposed to want, or what anyone else thinks you should want, just, what you want. Your wanting is authenticity in motion. It is the substrate of creation, like the pulse is the substrate of all bodily functions & systems. You experience, you know more specifically what you want, you focus upon it and relinquish all doubts to our creator, and our creator be’s that which you are wanting. 

10 hours ago, john1 said:

What do you mean by I believe guilt is about me? "you weave the belief that a you feels a happy". I really don't get what that means. So are you saying that I'm deceiving myself by thinking that I know what I'm saying, but I actually don't? Are you saying that my situation is like the cloud situation that you mentioned? And what do you mean by "This changes meditatively"?

Guilt being about you is similar to the idea that you could deceive yourself. You are yourself. There isn’t a you, and a yourself. Two different words yes, but they don’t point to two different things, they both point to you. 

I feel guilty because I did or said ________. 

Notice there is not one, but two I’s in that thought. Notice there are not two, of you. Yet notice, some thoughts seem to imply that there are.  This isn’t something that typically ‘clicks’ right away. It sinks in, or grows, or is realized over time. There isn’t anything you’re supposed to know. Whatever you know is perfect, whatever you don’t know is perfect. 

Yes, we are in a sort of cloud situation here, in regard to happiness. So to speak, in accordance with the population of this place, happiness is something that happens when we get what we want, or when things go our way, or when we spend time with someone we enjoy, or with an activity we enjoy, and or many, many other things. This is to believe happiness is the clouds, which come and go. 

But what I’m suggesting via this analogy (from Rupert Spira) is that we are the happiness that is the sky. That happiness is ever present, and does not come and go, and like the sky, is infinite and without end. Just like the clear sky is always present, but sometimes doesn’t seem so because of some clouds… happiness is our ever present, knowing, true nature. When we focus on discordant thoughts, it is like focusing on the clouds and wondering - why don’t I feel happy? 

If these things being said are ‘deep’, my suggestion would be to consider what’s said lightly, and if interested revisit it for a few minutes each day. As apogee to ‘trying to think and figure out’. Now is a good time, it is always a good time, to shift to trying out this receiving, this allowing, and this understanding of emotions guiding our way precisely to, what we truly desire. You, but also not just you, the lot of us. 

By this changes meditatively, I’m pointing to the deeper implication of the word meditation, which is said to mean The Middle Way. It is as if there is an edge, an edge sort of ‘out here’, which is us here, creation, this happening, or, experience. And there is a source of this experience. We can venture out very far in creating, we can live on the edge, and indeed it is a thrill. Yet just like when you’re out at 2am and being at home in your pajama’s with a blanket sounds pretty nice… we can be home in our being, even more deeply than the shared knowing, or knowingness. While there is certainly no problem at the source ‘end of things’, nor at the ‘our end of things’, we can and do learn through experiencing many ups and downs, and meditation, allowing the thoughts to settle, is the middle way, equanimity of mind, emotion, body and relationships. The Middle Way is like the best of both worlds (so to speak). 

This current COVID situation really highlights these matters. We go out, we tire out, we wanna be home. We relax at home, we recoup, and we wanna go out. When we can not go out, we appreciate going out much more. Just as when we don’t know, we appreciate all we know, have, and experience, much much more. There is a knowing which is individuated, what I know you don’t, and what you know I don’t. And this knowing meets the more fundamental knowing, and ‘there’, there is always appreciation. It’s intrinsic, and yet it is found in subtle distinctions. 

As a specific COVID example, I know a lot of people can stay home instead of going to work, and make almost as much as working all week. You know this too, and they know this too. And yet, some people go to work, not necessarily because it’s best for them, but because of what lies within even the most fundamental knowing. Which is to say we do not ultimately know why such phenomenon occur, not in the  - what I know and what you know - sense. But we feel it, and we know we feel it, and we know we don’t need to know why. I like to think we all have a strong sense of why, in that knowingness, even more deeply, within that knowingness which we all share. That it, though we don’t know what it is, is the why nonetheless. There is no doing, no action, no reason, no why needed or needed to be known, because this feeling of understanding and appreciation is simply present. As present as air, and the clear sky. 

10 hours ago, john1 said:

Wow. I feel like something really deep is here, but I just don't get it. Here's what I get from this: you're not saying that I'm doing anything wrong, but you're giving me this message. And what do you mean by "the end of suffering" exactly?

It is a certain experience to realize ‘I’m not doing anything wrong’. It is a different experience so to speak, to actually realize - there is no right and wrong, no good and bad, no good and evil. That it only seems like there is good and bad - despite the weapons, the wars, the inequities, the blood shed and the injustices, the ozone and the ocean - because of thought attachment. From attaching with &  identifying with thoughts. To let go, truly, is to let God, and this place has not yet reached the tipping point in regard to what is invaluable, ineffable, and infallible.

But of course, this is perfect, if for no other reason than there is not another this, to compare this, to. There is only the one. There are not many worlds, there are not even two earths, there is one. But, it is perfection. Though in attachment to thoughts, it does not seem so. Yet, in any and all possible situations and scenarios, it never not feels so.

I think we are each discovering alignment within with our source, and in kind this is therefore happening collectively. But, that’s the kicker if you will, I do not know at all. I do not ever get to know. This is also of course perfect, as most truly & fundamentally, I would never want to know, because knowing takes away the thrill. Not knowing is peaceful & blissful. In not knowing there is always still what can be, and the divine inspiration of what is, unfettered of fear & doubt, of good & bad, of thought attachment, beliefs, and identity. 

There are thoughts, which resonate or feel discordant. And these thoughts resonate or not with the one source which Is actual, and is eternal, infinite, and unthinkably, unimaginably, unbelievably, good. By this I mean quite specifically, in the most absolute literal sense - this goodness that is actual can not be thought, imagined, or believed - and yet, will change the entire world. It will change all thoughts, it will infinitely lift our imaginations, and it will defy all beliefs. 

But alas, to know what is real, one must for oneself, see. In this seeing reality as it truly is, free of all clouds, or if you like, with all clouds freed, there can be no suffering, only the clear sky. There sure can be pain, and difficulties, and hardships, and challenges and compromises, but in reality there is no suffering. No mental anguish, no discord within. 

Find out what it means to “be experienced”… “not necessarily stoned, but, beautiful”. (JH)

Yet, never instead of, or at any expense of, or more importantly than, creating the life you truly dream to experience. 

 

 

 

 

 

[john1]

@Nahm Wow, thanks for writing all of that. It took me a while to understand what you were saying, and I still didn't completely understand it. I just have one more question: how do I balance both of those things? How do I balance "creating the life you truly dream to experience" with finding the truth and all that other stuff you're talking about? 

12 hours ago, Nahm said:

Yet, never instead of, or at any expense of, or more importantly than, creating the life you truly dream to experience. 

So my first priority should be creating the life I dream of, but what are the implications of that? I imagine all of the spiritual, truth, knowing stuff that you mentioned is still pretty important. So how do I go about incorporating the latter, without sacrificing or compromising the former? The latter also sounds a bit woo woo and really confusing at times, so how do I go about tackling it?

 

Thanks again for all your help. I appreciate it more than you could imagine! 

[Nahm]

45 minutes ago, john1 said:

@Nahm Wow, thanks for writing all of that. It took me a while to understand what you were saying, and I still didn't completely understand it. I just have one more question: how do I balance both of those things? How do I balance "creating the life you truly dream to experience" with finding the truth and all that other stuff you're talking about? 

A dreamboard. Write what you want on it. 

Lightly speaking, confusion is the con, that there are two, which could be fused. In truth there is already not ‘these two things’ which ‘could be balanced’. ‘These two things’ are already one. The path is not a deviation from your living, this living is the path, this life is the only actual teacher. 

When you write what you want on your dreamboard, is actually does start showing up. Also, there might be the experience of doubt, or fear, or unworthiness, etc. In using the emotional scale, one understands the emotions one is experiencing, as well as how to create the emotional experience one desires. 

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So my first priority should be creating the life I dream of, but what are the implications of that?

The implication is the actualizing, actually experiencing in reality what arises within you to create and experience. Jesus spoke of the importance of understanding the seed and the fertile soil. The Buddha spoke of emptying your cup, and right action. To bring the parables more to the literal, this is to meditate and allow thought activity to settle (emptied cup), and to effortlessly focus on the desirable idea, of the desirable experience to be created. Keep the seed (idea), as well as this place (fertile soil), nourished with love and attention, which is effortless, and which effort will not do for. Come to know and see the joy for yourself, of it actually growing and manifesting in this pace. In many ways, without this understanding and this living as creator-creating-creation, this whole gig makes no sense at all. 

You might like this video. It has some illustrations in regard to these topics. Sometimes things ‘click’ more readily with visual aids. 

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 I imagine all of the spiritual, truth, knowing stuff that you mentioned is still pretty important. So how do I go about incorporating the latter, without sacrificing or compromising the former? The latter also sounds a bit woo woo and really confusing at times, so how do I go about tackling it?

Honestly, nothing I say is important, seeing this in action so to speak, in real, for yourself, is where it’s at. 

What’s being said is absolutely woo woo, but, it is not confusing. It is the former confusion, conditioning…unwinding, untangling… as it’s meeting with simplicity, alignment, the end of confusion, the end of suffering. It’s also (imo) a great idea to spend some time googling the Buddha, and what was said in regard to distinctions between pain, and suffering. 

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Thanks again for all your help. I appreciate it more than you could imagine! 

Psshhh. Thank you. Sorry for the condition of the hand off of the place lol! Godspeed. 

[john1]

@Nahm Thanks, this really helped a lot!