Has Anyone Transcended Physical Sexual Attraction?

[Raptorsin7]

I've been reflecting on the injustice in the dating market and I'm curious to hear people's opinions on this topic. 

So much of our sexual market value is determined by factors we have no control over. Men are judged on their height, woman are judged by their physical beauty, etc. I'm assuming this is true of most men and woman, but I wonder if you can do so much inner work to the point that you completely shift how you are no longer motivated by unjust dating standards. 

Can anyone honestly say they could be just as happy and attracted to a man who is 3ft4 or a woman who is morbidly obese? 

Also, does anyone have thoughts on in the unjust nature of dating and attraction? People are judged on factors they have 0 control over, what do we think of this?

[Thunder Kiss]

What you’re talking about is choosing people based more on connection and chemistry, rather than choosing based solely on appearances… which plenty people do. 

Yes, you can work on yourself enough so you stop choosing based on physical appearances,  but there still has to be some attraction and resemblance going on for a relationship to work. 

So for example, you have an amazing connection with someone, you feel comfortable with them and love being around them.  But the girl doesn’t look like the perfect girl you had imagined and wished for, let’s say she’s unconventionally attractive in societies eyes, but there is something that you personally find pretty or cute or whatever and what is unique to you, without caring what other people think. 

Can you stop chasing that image of perfection and be with a girl who you feel great with? Are you ready to give up on chasing the image of a perfect 10 girl ?

Also, this doesn’t mean dropping standards.  It doesn’t mean you should date an obese person just to prove you don’t care about looks, there still has to be some chemistry and unconscious attraction going on..

the problem is choosing someone just based on looks alone when there is no soul attraction going on. 

[gettoefl]

date who you are in the gender you prefer ... aside from looking in a mirror, do you know who you are? ... you might need to meditate ... if you're as ugly as me i am sure we will be attracted just fine ... honesty and humility is transcending of the games ...  we both seek one who is nothing special

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Also, does anyone have thoughts on in the unjust nature of dating and attraction? People are judged on factors they have 0 control over, what do we think of this?

Of course, that's how survival is. All survival is deeply unjust. Think of how just it is for a rabbit to born a rabbit rather than a wolf, or the wrong color of rabbit in a winter environment.

It's unrealistic to transcend physical sexual attraction unless you transcend the craving for sex altogether. In which case mating would cease to interest you much. You're basically talking about cutting off your balls.

A huge part of the spiritual work is accepting the unjust nature of survival. It's fucking brutal. It breaks your heart. And yet, you have little choice but to survive. Learning to accept / love that is the challenge.

Giving up chasing the perfect 10 girl is pretty much a must. Otherwise you're in for so much suffering. But that doesn't mean you need to sleep with a crack whore. You need to find some comfortable place where you can be happy. But you will not get everything you desire in a girl. It is madness to expect so. You have to learn to make some strategic compromises to maintain your own sanity.

Practically speaking you should be able to find happiness with an 8, 7, or even a 6 girl. If you can't find happiness with an 8, you're really fucked.

[Eren Eeager]

29 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

A huge part of the spiritual work is accepting the unjust nature of survival. It's fucking brutal. It breaks your heart. And yet, you have little choice but to survive. Learning to accept / love that is the challenge.

Wow! This is a deep topic to contemplate.

[Intense]

23 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Giving up chasing the perfect 10 girl is pretty much a must. Otherwise you're in for so much suffering.

So you are saying chasing this level of girl will only give suffering: 

Why is it so that a man can not strive to be with a girl like this? Is it truly an impossible feat of life? Because this woman literally reminds me of divinity. According to RSD, who you always recommend for game these things could be possible.

I do realize I would need to be a 1% man to get a woman like this... But that is possible in life.

Should I really just give up on such a dream, will it really only bring suffering? 

[gettoefl]

don't survive, thrive

you are entitled to the best

only when you are the best

your skin don't make you that special

your within is the only true potential

have to thrive then one day you arrive

[Lyubov]

26 minutes ago, Intense said:

So you are saying chasing this level of girl will only give suffering: 

Why is it so that a man can not strive to be with a girl like this? Is it truly an impossible feat of life? Because this woman literally reminds me of divinity. According to RSD, who you always recommend for game these things could be possible.

I do realize I would need to be a 1% man to get a woman like this... But that is possible in life.

Should I really just give up on such a dream, will it really only bring suffering? 

having been with women on this level, I can tell you it is important but not nearly as special as you think. it kind of becomes the new norm and then you are left wanting deep connection still. it's to be chased after and exhausted but if your dating life solely becomes about dating someone hotter each time you will make very little progression. in fact you can pierce through what society has told you about these women and see half of the reason why you want them so badly is because of the status it makes you feel, not because they actually look the way they do. 

[Leo Gura]

47 minutes ago, Intense said:

So you are saying chasing this level of girl will only give suffering: 

Why is it so that a man can not strive to be with a girl like this? Is it truly an impossible feat of life? Because this woman literally reminds me of divinity. According to RSD, who you always recommend for game these things could be possible.

I do realize I would need to be a 1% man to get a woman like this... But that is possible in life.

Should I really just give up on such a dream, will it really only bring suffering? 

Just the fact that you put her on such a pedestal already means you will never attract nor keep her.

And you are focused on the wrong thing. You putting all your attention into looks without any consideration who she is as a personality and what it would be like to relate with her. You imagine her personality will match her looks and you two will get along great, but that's not how it works in real life.

Chasing girls like that will certainly bring you much suffering, even if you get one.

Change your dream to a cute girl who's personality you jive with and fits your lifestyle, and who still has plenty of flaws that you will have to work your ass to deal with. These flaws will both be physical and psychological. Even this will be challenging to obtain, but worth it. And this should make you plenty satisfied to get.

RSD theory will get you laid, the skills you learn are important, but RSD is not a fundamentally healthy lifestyle to emulate. Those RSD instructors have deep trauma and they have been chasing girls for 20 years with not much satisfaction or intimacy. Most PUAs are psychologically damaged. Remember that. Healthy, conscious guys do not remain players for long. The healthiest guys in RSD left RSD. You grow out of it pretty quickly if you are doing serious personal development.

Learn the skill set of attracting women but don't try to emulate the player lifestyle and philosophy. That is, if you care about consciousness, truth, and love. If you want a stage Orange existence, okay, be a player to the hilt. See how happy that makes you.

[Shin]

37 minutes ago, Intense said:

So you are saying chasing this level of girl will only give suffering: 

Why is it so that a man can not strive to be with a girl like this? Is it truly an impossible feat of life? Because this woman literally reminds me of divinity. According to RSD, who you always recommend for game these things could be possible.

I do realize I would need to be a 1% man to get a woman like this... But that is possible in life.

Should I really just give up on such a dream, will it really only bring suffering? 

The way you frame it implies happiness is find in some other experiences.

A women in particular do not create suffering, but the relationship does, and if you have a shit self esteem, have a hard time to be happy on your own, the relationship will be shit, cause you will attract shit people.

This girl looks nice on the outside, but if she has a shit personality then it doesn't matter, she's a 0 (again if you have good self esteem etc.), she would only be good for a quick fuck, and even then imo that would be a huge waste of time and energy.

[Username]

Personality isn't separate from physical body, both are expression of one thing.

[Crane Bahnsteik]

Trying to solve desire with desire  is not the best way to go around it. Being sexual desire just a feeling in the body telling the body to reproduce, it is crazy how much we give it importance and sometimes even make it a case of life and death. The worst part of it is that we imbue desire with other characteristics, like spiritual characteristics (Wanting to dissolve in another's beingness), characteristics of love (I really love this person), or even self-worth (I can only accept myself after this person accepts me, otherwise i have no value) we put all in an imaginary box and call it "love" or "attraction" which could not be further from the truth.

The moment you get that 10/10 girl to be crazy for you, you realize how mundane it is and that in fact all you felt up until that point was an illusion, too bad we forget this and start chasing the next 10/10, this happens with everything that we desire.

If you are trapped into desire and cant get out just get angry at your desire, desire is the problem, not the dating market.

Avoid dairy at all costs, that thing makes some people horny as fuck.

When you are masturbating or having sex really become aware and conscious of what is happening, what you are doing, and all the sensations of the body.

You always have value and you can always accept yourself. Be conscious of the fact that a random girl contributing to your sense of self worth is completely an arbitrary positionality, what a person thinks of you is pretty much dependent on their genetics, upbringing, personality, social context... all random variables that dont represent the value you have as a person. Imagine what you consider a 10/10 girl being crazy for you just because you have a tattoo of a turtle on your forearm because she has a fetish for it, does that increase your value? No, it makes no sense, its the same will all other characteristics like height and so forth, they are all arbitrary.

[Intense]

@Leo Gura Brutal reply. So you are saying that all girls you find this attractive will automatically not find you attractive simply because of the pedestal placing? The question is which men would be able to not place this kind of woman on a pedestal in their minds?

It is not literally my dream to go after this particular girl of course. But is going for the most beautiful of women stage orange per se? 

Brutal to realize I imagined all women only for them to be out of reach like this.

Who are the men that end up with these kinds of models? Are they all unhappy stage orange grinders per definition? Would going after these women be a detriment to your personal development? 

Where I am in life right now beautiful women motivate me to go to the gym, read, work on LP and LP skills, etc.

[Intense]

@Crane Bahnsteik Yeah it is also definitely about the validation it would give me. I am still childish as fuck in this regard. How would you heal the wound of being rejected by almost all girls in the past (more than average guys)

[Intense]

@Lyubov where and how did you attract these women? 

[Leo Gura]

31 minutes ago, Intense said:

@Leo Gura Brutal reply. So you are saying that all girls you find this attractive will automatically not find you attractive simply because of the pedestal placing?

Pretty much yes.

If I were to place you and that girl alone in a room together, you would be so nervous, fearful, shy, and inept that she would never get attracted to you. You're not man enough to talk to her, never mind fuck her properly.

To successfully keep a girl you gotta feel slightly or significantly higher value than her. If you treat her like she is the prize, she will quickly lose attraction for you. She needs to be able to look up to you.

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The question is which men would be able to not place this kind of woman on a pedestal in their minds?

The guy who will attract that girl will be a scumbag player who has 3 other girls she's fucked that week and gives little care about this one.

He will be some rockstar, DJ, celebrity, player, millionaire, artist, etc with lots of obvious social status. Or he will be some gnarly roided up weightlifter covered in tattoos who punched his previous girlfriend in the face.

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It is not literally my dream to go after this particular girl of course.

I know. I wasn't speaking to such childish pipe dreams.

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But is going for the most beautiful of women stage orange per se? 

Yup, pretty much.

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Brutal to realize I imagined all women only for them to be out of reach like this.

Dude, that girl you linked is a unicorn. That's not how women are. You linked the top 0.01% of women. You have an extremely cartoonish notion of women.

I have gone out the hottest nightclubs in Vegas for months at a time. I have approached probably over 3000 women. And in all that time maybe I seen a handful of girls that hot. A girl like that has so many dicks orbiting her that just finding her single will be next to impossible because as soon as she dumps one guy she's with another guy the next week.

A girl that hot is getting approached by multiple guys per week just as she's walking around doing her chores during the day, or at work. Guys are blowing up her phone to get her out to some club or party because they wanna get with her. Offering her free meals, free drinks, free rides, free airplane flights, free vacations, job interviews, networking events, fancy private parties, modeling gigs, film auditions, etc.

This girl is using her body to survive in the Social Matrix and she's good at it.

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Who are the men that end up with these kinds of models? Are they all unhappy stage orange grinders per definition? Would going after these women be a detriment to your personal development? 

The kind of men you probably shouldn't be.

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Where I am in life right now beautiful women motivate me to go to the gym, read, work on LP and LP skills, etc.

Yes, I get that. But you can still get turned on A LOT by women who are not models.

When you actually get an above average naked girl in your hands, you will be so turned on you will not need a model to fuck. You will be happy fucking her.

You've grown up on too much porn & models. This has skewed your view of women.

- - - - -

It's not that you can't attract a hot girl like that. It's that you'll realize it isn't worth all the chasing and work and bullshit. What you really want is a deep connection with a cute girl who is well-matched to you, not an empty model.

[Intense]

9 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Pretty much yes.

If I were to place you and that girl alone in a room together, you would be so nervous, fearful, shy, and inept that she would never get attracted to you. You're not man enough to talk to her, never mind fuck her properly.

The guy who will attract that girl will be a scumbag player who has 3 other girls she's fucked that week and gives little care about this one.

He will be some rockstar, DJ, celebrity, player, millionaire, artist, etc with lots of obvious social status. Or he will be some gnarly roided up weightlifter covered in tattoos who punched his previous girlfriend in the face.

I know. I wasn't speaking to such childish pipe dreams.

Yup, pretty much.

Dude, that girl you linked is a unicorn. That's not how women are. You linked the top 0.01% of women. You have an extremely cartoonish notion of women.

I have gone out the hottest nightclubs in Vegas for months at a time. I have approached probably over 3000 women. And in all that time maybe I seen a handful of girls that hot. A girl like that has so many dicks orbiting her that just finding her single will be next to impossible because as soon as she dumps one guy she's with another guy the next week.

The kind of men you probably shouldn't be.

Yes, I get that. But you can still get turned on A LOT by women who are not models.

When you actually get an above average naked girl in your hands, you will be so turned on you will not need a model to fuck. You will be happy fucking her.

You've grown up on too much porn & models. This has skewed your view of women.

Thanks dad for this unfiltered, brutal and based reply. You are what men need to succeed in this field because you understand what we want without being a toxic dick.

[Hello from Russia]

@Leo Gura What if you get so woke and strong as a man that "10" just drops on your lap. Do you think she will still give you a ton of suffering?

I agree that deliberately chasing 10's is stupid, though

Even deliberately chasing 6-8 can give you a ton of suffering, let alone 9-10, lol

[Leo Gura]

4 minutes ago, Hello from Russia said:

What if you get so woke and strong as a man that "10" just drops on your lap.

Lol

To get that you'd have to become so woke you drop dead and enter the afterlife.

[Etherial Cat]

@Raptorsin7

I think we are programmed through several evolutionary software which makes us wary of unhealthy expressions in another human. And this is what appears to us as highly unattractive.

A morbidly obese lady doesn't make you want to put a baby in her belly, because she appears as a below average survival material. Whether it's genetic or due to her conditioning through an ED, you smell something abnormal is going on. Same for the very short man who doesn't look like premium reproducing material either due to his genetic. 

But I've found that you can rationalize (or "consciousenalize") the need for such things when enough subjective value is created by someone elsewhere to compensate. It's even more true when the issue they have is actually a distant evolutionary memory aversion which doesn't cause so much problem in nowadays society. So what appeared to you as very unattractive at a first glance wane as the subjective value appears somewhere else.

I know an obese woman who recently got married. She's got plenty of qualities and her husband loves her. I don't think he was into curvy girls and it took time for him to make up his mind and his coming out as her official boyfriend. Now they are planning for a child. 

On the other spectrum, I have no problem with very good looking people.  But a lot of them are dancing over the surface of things which anilhate our compatibility.

Now... I'm quite lucky because I have become rather much generous than I used to be with people. I'm able to find beauty in other things in life than a physic so it makes it less important overall, I suppose. It gives a bit the same sensation as being drunk in a club. Except that the alcohol is what I really like in them. 

Other than that... I also notice that I am much more open to diverse physics since I integrated better my stage Green.