Feeling hurt that my girlfriend commented that my crying bothers her

[Leo Gura]

13 hours ago, Lyubov said:

well, I just had tonight with her probably the most passionate and amazing sex we have had to date so I would say maybe this was just a sort of strange thing for her to process and we are closer than ever now. but we talked about it and got through it even stronger. I've learned from this that it is possible to cry in front of a woman but you also have to sort of follow through with leadership, passion, strength, own the crying, make her feel safe when showing these expressions. Think of a noble man crying while giving a moving speech, controlled, honest and vulnerable vs an out of control child throwing a tantrum. Don't leave her hanging. Setting aside insecurities and just communicating how crying is natural in men given certain situations, etc. If she trusts you and cares about you she will be open to learning about male vulnerability and expanding her beliefs if handled with wisdom and leadership both strong and subtle.

I've never worried about crying in front of a girlfriend. In fact I think it's a technique more guys should use. It builds crazy intimacy.

Of course you wanna do it very infrequently when the situation really calls for it. Not over petty things.

If your woman can't appreciate you crying, you probably should upgrade your woman. I find that the higher quality ones, the more conscious ones, will appreciate it and actually want to be there for you when you're suffering through heavy shit.

Then again, if I cry in front of a woman it's not gonna be tears of sadness or misery, it's gonna be tears of love and joy. That is a pretty big difference.

[Random witch]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Then again, if I cry in front of a woman it's not gonna be tears of sadness or misery, it's gonna be tears of love and joy. That is a pretty big difference.

Even if it's sadness and misery it's still Ok, it also bulids intimacy and connection.

Aa long as people don't use crying as a tool to manipulate their partners, it's totally ok to show vulnerability, we need more of this.

 

[Etherial Cat]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I've never worried about crying in front of a girlfriend. In fact I think it's a technique more guys should use. It builds crazy intimacy.

Why frame it as a technique? It is just real. 

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Of course you wanna do it very infrequently when the situation really calls for it. Not over petty things.

Then again, if I cry in front of a woman it's not gonna be tears of sadness or misery, it's gonna be tears of love and joy. That is a pretty big difference.

You basically don't need to fake or control it, you just naturally are that. Why this masquerade?

You're masculine enough, strong enough that you can cry whenever you happen to be vulnerable. You can give yourself some slack, you've got margin before appearing like a wimp .

Show me a female who knows you reasonably and think that crying in sadness and misery once or twice will make you lame?

Edited October 14, 2021 by Etherial Cat

[Arcangelo]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It builds crazy intimacy.

IDTS

[Lyubov]

2 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

Why frame it as a technique? It is just real. 

You basically don't need to fake or control it, you just naturally are that. Why this masquerade?

You're masculine enough, strong enough that you can cry whenever you happen to be vulnerable. You can give yourself some slack, you've got margin before appearing like a wimp .

Show me a female who knows you reasonably and think that crying in sadness and misery once or twice will make you lame?

a lot of guys are still constricting themselves to a model that they think makes them attractive to women but it's keeping them from reaching the next level with women. my gf could of lost attraction in me for crying but that is precisely why it's a risk worth taking for reaching a new level. each time around a man makes himself slightly more vulnerable and potentially sets himself up for rejection. a very shallow version of it would be talking to a woman at a bar, it's really nothing compared to taking really big leaps in a relationship, crying, and opening up. many men can barely handle the rejection of just talking to a woman. it's one of the reason so many people have very shallow relationships. the men reach their limits and are afraid to take a risk to go beyond them. it's true bravery to put it on the line and risk it for a deeper connection. 

Edited October 14, 2021 by Lyubov

[Roy]

2 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

IDTS

Open your heart and the mind will follow.

[Etherial Cat]

16 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

a lot of guys are still constricting themselves to a model that they think makes them attractive to women but it's keeping them from reaching the next level with women. my gf could of lost attraction in me for crying but that is precisely why it's a risk worth taking for reaching a new level. each time around a man makes himself slightly more vulnerable and potentially sets himself up for rejection. a very shallow version of it would be talking to a woman at a bar, it's really nothing compared to taking really big leaps in a relationship, crying, and opening up. many men can barely handle the rejection of just talking to a woman. it's one of the reason so many people have very shallow relationships. the men reach their limits and are afraid to take a risk to go beyond them. it's true bravery to put it on the line and risk it for a deeper connection. 

Exactly! 

Men are severely punished for showing vulnerability. It creates a very thick wound and a fear of retraumatization. I can imagine that it hurts very badly when it comes from a woman you want to be accepted from. It's like acid thrown at a wound you just thought might be healed and expose again for the first time.

The paradox is that showing vulnerability and trust again is a form of courage and strenghts. 

[Etherial Cat]

Beside... Women love above anything authenticity and intimacy as was said. Anytime you camouflage an important part of your subjectivity, the intimacy is diminshed.

Don't we wish to be loved and love back people for who they are, and not the image they've got of us / we've got of them?

Edited October 14, 2021 by Etherial Cat

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vp-2Kidp2CQ

 

[Leo Gura]

5 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

Show me a female who knows you reasonably and think that crying in sadness and misery once or twice will make you lame?

Read the opening post.

You expect all women to be as conscious and developed as you, when most of them are not at all.

[Jacob Morres]

 

3 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

Beside... Women love above anything authenticity and intimacy as was said. Anytime you camouflage an important part of your subjectivity, the intimacy is diminshed.

Don't we wish to be loved and love back people for who they are, and not the image they've got of us / we've got of them?

Nice 

Someone gets it 

[Thought Art]

3 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

Don't we wish to be loved and love back people for who they are, and not the image they've got of us / we've got of them?

This is possible, but don't be surprised when this doesn't happen. People love to talk and imagine they are like this. But, a lot of people are selfish I think. 

Honestly, I still have a lot of work to do around intimacy. 

My ideal is to see Jane for Jane, and hopefully she can see Dick for Dick. Living in a relationship where we work on our transference, assumptions and projections openly to me is important for something lasting.