You've got to be cruel to be kind with needy people

[BeHereNow]

Dear you (someone who'll never read this),

Yes, I understand you've had a rough upbringing and been through traumatic shit.

Yes, I understand that your family are distant from you need them the most.

Yes, I understand that you're really lonely and need a friend to be there.

I completely understand why you're in the current situation you find yourself in and I can feel your pain. I know deep down you mean no harm to anyone, I know you have a heart of gold.

But my friend, you are too much. I can't be your baby sitter everyday, I don't have the time or energy to do it. I don't find you that particularly interesting as a person, you don't really engage with me when the topic of discussion isn't about yourself and you don't respect my space or privacy at all. I tried being honest with you before, but you never like what I have to say. Any reason I give you'll try and work yourself back into my presence. You take my need for solitude as a personal insult.

I can't be your friend. I wouldn't have minded being around if you respected my own time and space, but you don't. There's not enough time or patience to deal with you. I'm already busy sorting my own shit out, I don't need you around making things even more stressful.

I'm not going to respond to your texts or calls anymore. Yeah I'm going to ghost you, it's a shitty thing to do and yeah I'm gonna feel bad about it. But I really don't want you or any other needy people in my life anymore and I'm not going to say sorry about that.

In no uncertain terms, fuck off and leave me alone.

Edited October 12, 2021 by BeHereNow

[Heinrich Faust]

Thanks for sharing! This story must have been an emotional challenge for you.

[soos_mite_ah]

On 10/12/2021 at 5:35 AM, BeHereNow said:

But my friend, you are too much. I can't be your baby sitter everyday, I don't have the time or energy to do it. I don't find you that particularly interesting as a person, you don't really engage with me when the topic of discussion isn't about yourself and you don't respect my space or privacy at all. I tried being honest with you before, but you never like what I have to say. Any reason I give you'll try and work yourself back into my presence. You take my need for solitude as a personal insult.

I can't be your friend. I wouldn't have minded being around if you respected my own time and space, but you don't. There's not enough time or patience to deal with you. I'm already busy sorting my own shit out, I don't need you around making things even more stressful.

I'm not going to respond to your texts or calls anymore. Yeah I'm going to ghost you, it's a shitty thing to do and yeah I'm gonna feel bad about it. But I really don't want you or any other needy people in my life anymore and I'm not going to say sorry about that.

In no uncertain terms, fuck off and leave me alone.

Or here's another way of saying it that is both compassionate and firm: 
 

This is relationship is taking a toll on me. I feel like my energy is being drained and that my emotional and intellectual needs are not being met. I find it difficult to engage in a conversation that isn't about the things that you may be going through. While those experiences are valid, this relationship feels very off balance which isn't a healthy dynamic for either of us. I have tried to set boundaries before but I found myself feeling violated and unheard especially as someone who needs space and solitude.

This relationship isn't sustainable for me given that a lot of my boundaries are being compromised. This is eroding me and I can't continue like this since much of my energy is going towards me sorting my own life out. Our dynamic feels incredibly stressful.

As a result, I'm not going to respond to any more calls and texts. This is not something that is up to negotiation. Do not try to contact me.   

 

Using more "I" language as opposed to "you" language can help a person get their point across while not blaming the other person and while exercising emotional self awareness. It also helps in communicating because you aren't pointing fingers and you are speaking for yourself instead of exerting judgement on others. This in turn helps soften the blow while still being honest and straight forward. Finally, it calls attention to a person's actions rather than their character which would then help them not internalize their issues but still know what's going on so they can work on them. 

 

EDIT: for some reason I thought I was reading this in the relationships section while I was typing this out. I can delete this comment if you would like if this feels like unsolicited advice. I understand if you were just writing the above post to vent rather than communicate. 

Edited October 19, 2021 by soos_mite_ah