How to cope with growing more independent from friends to pursue personal goals

[perrywinkle]

I'm in college and usually the only time I really get to hang out with my friends is on the weekends. Problem is, the weekends are also the only time I have to be alone, rest, contemplate, and work on the art and music I'm passionate about. Although I love my friends, hanging out with them is often aimless, we kind of just mess around and drive to random places, eat fast food, go to the movies, dance, drink, etc. I don't want to become some antisocial loner who can't have fun, but at the same time if I don't pursue my personal creative projects (which I have long-term visions for), I feel like academia will suck the soul out of me. It also sucks because although I express this to them, I feel like they don't really understand where I'm coming from, and I don't want them to feel like I don't think they're worth spending time with. Also, although I'm not socially retarded, I'm aware being able to connect with people more deeply is something I need to work on. I've tried setting more rigid plans with them so that it's easier to manage both my personal and social life, however, these plans often fall apart and I feel guilty for making myself unavailable. Any advice on how to cope with needing to pursue personal goals, but also develop and maintain social skills/connections?

[Flowerfaeiry]

5 hours ago, perrywinkle said:

hanging out with them is often aimless, we kind of just mess around and drive to random places, eat fast food, go to the movies, dance, drink

The more you follow your dreams, the less friendships like this you will have.

Things that aren't an energetic match will fall away as you have your focus on higher things. 

You'll make new friends or maybe these friends will grow with you. 

[JosephKnecht]

10 hours ago, perrywinkle said:

Any advice on how to cope with needing to pursue personal goals, but also develop and maintain social skills/connections?

Organize your time better.

You can set time on Saturday to hang out with your friends, but Sunday you can dedicate only to yourself and your projects. 

[Terell Kirby]

Becoming the authentic you is a recipe to lose many friendships that are superficial. Don't mistake this as a bad thing, it's very good.

Also, watch for the urge to hold onto friendships that have passed their expiration date.

This is especially the case if you are a people pleaser.

[Hello from Russia]

F your friends, man, make your art your best friend

[Sine]

On 11.10.2021 at 0:56 AM, perrywinkle said:

I'm in college and usually the only time I really get to hang out with my friends is on the weekends. Problem is, the weekends are also the only time I have to be alone, rest, contemplate, and work on the art and music I'm passionate about. Although I love my friends, hanging out with them is often aimless, we kind of just mess around and drive to random places, eat fast food, go to the movies, dance, drink, etc. I don't want to become some antisocial loner who can't have fun, but at the same time if I don't pursue my personal creative projects (which I have long-term visions for), I feel like academia will suck the soul out of me. It also sucks because although I express this to them, I feel like they don't really understand where I'm coming from, and I don't want them to feel like I don't think they're worth spending time with. Also, although I'm not socially retarded, I'm aware being able to connect with people more deeply is something I need to work on. I've tried setting more rigid plans with them so that it's easier to manage both my personal and social life, however, these plans often fall apart and I feel guilty for making myself unavailable. Any advice on how to cope with needing to pursue personal goals, but also develop and maintain social skills/connections?

Haha, I can relate to this so much!

Yes, academia will suck the soul out of you if you don't prioritize your creative goals, at least if you are like me, and it seems from this that we have similar experiences. 

My best advice, which has worked for me, is to make plans with your friends very well in advance, like weeks or even months in advance. Like really plan your weeks/months throughout, so you want to fall into the trap of hanging out with people aimlessly or wasting your time. When doing this, time with your friends will be actual quality time, because you won't feel stressed and you (or they) will have planned out nicer things to do than eating fast food. 

You will definitely lose some friends on this. But for me, I think that, if people aren't grown up enough to use a calendar, then they won't really be high-quality friends anyway, so it will be for the best to lose them. 

In general, don't be afraid to let go of people if you don't serve each other anymore. The uncomfortable feeling of a person being mad at you is something to be dealt with, but not something to be feared (could use this advice a little bit more on my own self actually haha)

Another thing is that it helped me to listen to Leo's latest video about loneliness. It actually helped a lot. 

And start intensifying your mediations and other self-actualization practices, because as you become more and more able to connect to true love, just by existing, you won't need other people so much, and it will also be easier to be creative and study without wanting to procrastinate. 

But... I'm actually procrastinating very much right now hahaha. So I better go study myself. Take my advice I don't use it!

No. really. I use it! most of the time....  And it's good! 

All the love <3