Second Time Psychedelics: Tears Falling. Becoming One with Everything

[Gregory1]

Hey guys,

Yesterday I had my second psychedelic trip ever and it was utterly deep and beautiful. I'd like to share it here because writing it out like that helps my narrow logical mind to make sense of it. Also I hope that some experienced trippers / conciousness workers might be able to help me in gaining insight on how to continue from here.

I think I know now what I want from psychedelics. I want absolute truth. I am pretty sure now that they can show me absolute truth. And I have a feeling that absolute truth is the answer to all my questions, the cure for all my wounds, the mother for all my children and the most meaningful and beautiful thing one could ever imagine. (Sorry for becoming so metaphorical). 

If you read my report and have some ideas on how I might continue from here to gain more insight and continue my journey to absolute truth (in case absolute truth exists, don't know that yet but I believe it does) please comment down below. I really appreciate your feedback and it really helped me in the past. Final note: enjoy.

 

Brainstorming
    - I thought my 1st trip with 100ug was profound. It wasn't. 150ug was so much more powerful, it was an absolute "breakthrough dose", the perfect dose for me. Tolerance seems to be gone for me after 1 week. Good to know.

    - No words or description, no explanation could ever describe the reality (that I experience on LSD). It is absolute beauty, absolute perfection and absolute completeness, I'm literally in paradise

    - At the beginning of the trip: I want to unite with everything, love everything in a physical sense. I embrace my table, the floor, the bed, just everything. I want to become one with it. I feel unpleasant feelings like coldness in my body and instead of trying to get rid of them I want to unite with them and accept them as they are

    - Every feeling and perception is incredibly intense and distinct. On the other hand, nothing is "really different" in comparison to my everyday state of conciousness, the colors look the same as always, the only difference is that movements draw slight streaks and that I perceive space (the 3 dimensions) slightly differently. My field of vision is a bit narrower than usual

    - High point: I am in the now. In the here and in the now. I burst into tears. The world I knew has disappeared. I have neither an idea of it, nor a memory of it. Nothing that people know in everyday life exists anymore. No logic, no time, no separation, no problems, no fear, no identity, no self, no doubts, pure beauty, pure perfection, pure completeness. Everything is perfectly complete, accepted, part of everything, everything is one

    - All the questions I wrote down before the trip seem meaningless in face of the absolute perfection of the here and now. No answer, no description could put into words the incredible completeness of the present moment. No question and no answer could add anything to the absolute perfection of the now

    - Everything becomes one, everything becomes me, there is no longer any separation between me and anything. My voice and my body are as much me as it is the ground or the rest of the world

    - The perfection, beauty, completeness is overwhelming, it is painful how beautiful everything is

    - Everything feels so perfect and complete that me jumping out the window and killing myself wouldn't matter

    - The problem with the here and now is, it's so perfect and complete that there are no problems

    - Everything I do, I do fully, 100%. I feel the need for fresh air and I tear open my window. I want to love the ground and try to embrace it hoping to become one with it physically. I have no doubt about anything anymore, nothing is thought about anymore

    - During the whole trip my body is extremely relaxed. All the muscles are loose, there is no tension, just the way it should be. The day after, I can relax my body in a way that I could never do before

    - I realize during the trip that I don't have to be afraid of anything. The only thing I could be afraid of is myself. And in view of the absolute beauty that is in everything (and therefore in me) it seems absurd to be afraid of anything

    - Coming out of the trip, playing the piano, I could clearly see that it is not me playing the piano. Impulses come out of nowhere into my hands, into my fingers that make them play the piano in a perfect way without my doing. I can fight against these natural impulses, interrupt the natural flow of "life" by trying to "play by myself"

 

Things that seemed significant to me within the trip, that I wanted to give to my "normal" self:
    - One cannot emphazize strongly enough, how utterly important it is to love. I should love everything, simply everything without restriction

    - I really should know, that in the here and now everything is perfect and complete

    - The here and now is so perfect and complete that it allows everything. I am allowed to do anything I want. I am allowed to love and I am allowed to hate. None of this could make the here and now less perfect. I can just do whatever I want and everything is perfect.

 

Interpretation of the trip/conclusion
    - I know absolutely NOTHING in my everyday consciousness. I am so closed and constricted in my view of reality in my everyday consciousness that it is hard to beat it in absurdity.

    - Psychedelics have an unbelievable, unimaginable power and an unbelievable, unimaginable potential to open people's eyes to realities whose existence they could not have imagined even in their wildest dreams

    - With absolute certainty, this experience was the most profound and beautiful experience of my life so far. I cannot imagine that any human experience (e.g. the birth of a child, or extremely good sex) could even come close to the absolute perfection and completeness I have experienced

 

- I should try in future trips to really observe how I keep trying to "superimpose" rationalizations and subtle explanations/descriptions on my direct experience

    - I will try to meditate more often to see if I can find absolute beauty and perfection in the here and now even in the LSD-free state

 

Questions whose answers I would like to know, but have not yet found with certainty:
    - Who am I really? Am I everything? 

    - Does God exist? Have I experienced God?

    - Is it possible to reach states of consciousness that give one unquestionable knowledge? I guess not, the only way to unquestionability is probably to be free of doubts in the here and now

    - Can I trust a state of consciousness just because I am free of doubt IN THAT state of consciousness?
 

Edited October 10, 2021 by Gregory1

[Breakingthewall]

I really liked your report, I read it several times. I think your trip has been to free yourself from your ego and just be, without separation between you and that isn't you. but just be is wonderful. the ego is a sad jail. We have to live in silence, present, without stories. It is possible that on your next trip you will see how that present opens up to the limitless

[Leo Gura]

You're doing great. Gradually keep at it and keep taking your contemplations deeper. You will reach God/Love soon enough.

[Matthew85]

On 10/10/2021 at 3:12 PM, Gregory1 said:

Can I trust a state of consciousness just because I am free of doubt IN THAT state of consciousness?

@Gregory1 Yes you can. But the conditioned ego mind will try to talk you out of it. You are doing really well. Thank you for sharing this! It brought back many memories. 

[AminB501]

@Gregory1 where can I get LSD? I love lsd because it’s very portable and very easy to divide and micro dose. I have never tried it.

[Gregory1]

On 11.10.2021 at 11:48 PM, Breakingthewall said:

I really liked your report, I read it several times. I think your trip has been to free yourself from your ego and just be, without separation between you and that isn't you. but just be is wonderful. the ego is a sad jail. We have to live in silence, present, without stories. It is possible that on your next trip you will see how that present opens up to the limitless

Thank you, I hope I'll be able to see that in my next trip! 

[Gregory1]

23 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You're doing great. Gradually keep at it and keep taking your contemplations deeper. You will reach God/Love soon enough.

Thanks Leo for the advice. I'll do that and I really hope that you're right about that last sentence. 

[Gregory1]

23 hours ago, Matthew85 said:

@Gregory1 Yes you can. But the conditioned ego mind will try to talk you out of it. You are doing really well. Thank you for sharing this! It brought back many memories. 

Makes sense. 

I mean, how else would truth be accessible (assuming truth exists). 

The only "logical" way I could think of, how one could discover truth (assuming it exists) would be to be 100% free of doubt and "just see" so to speak

Edited October 12, 2021 by Gregory1

[Gregory1]

3 hours ago, AminB501 said:

@Gregory1 where can I get LSD? I love lsd because it’s very portable and very easy to divide and micro dose. I have never tried it.

@AminB501

You have no idea how powerful this substance is. How old are you? 

If you're mature and really desire finding a way to get LSD you should be able to do that without my help.

[Nahm]

@Gregory1

Great writing, great report, great example. Thanks for sharing! 

[Gregory1]

5 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Gregory1

Great writing, great report, great example. Thanks for sharing! 

Thank you<3

[Rob06]

On 11-10-2021 at 0:12 AM, Gregory1 said:

    - During the whole trip my body is extremely relaxed. All the muscles are loose, there is no tension, just the way it should be. The day after, I can relax my body in a way that I could never do before

    - Coming out of the trip, playing the piano, I could clearly see that it is not me playing the piano. Impulses come out of nowhere into my hands, into my fingers that make them play the piano in a perfect way without my doing. I can fight against these natural impulses, interrupt the natural flow of "life" by trying to "play by myself"

 

 

 

 

 

Cool trip report. What impact did the relaxation of your body have on your piano playing, if any?

[Gregory1]

4 hours ago, Rob06 said:

Cool trip report. What impact did the relaxation of your body have on your piano playing, if any?

Hi @Rob06.

Thanks and cool question.

In general when doing any kind of coordinative activity like playing an instrument or engaging in sports it's super crucial to be as relaxed as possible and only use the muscles that are needed for that activity.

Tension / non-relaxed muscles will cause friction and lead to movements being less precise, it will also slow down everything. This applies to any coordinative activity obviously it also applies to playing the piano.

Also I would argue that there is a spiritual component to it. Let's call this thing god, for lack of a better word.

It feels to me, that when I am playing piano god is showing me what exactly I should do. Not only is got "showing" me, no - god is moving my fingers FOR ME, WITHOUT MY DOING. This was always the case when playing the piano or making music - impulses are coming out of nowhere into me and "doing me" so to speak. To be open to gods intelligence however, I think that you have to be as relaxed as possible. God doesn't force its will upon you, so in a sense you have to completely surrender to it which happens when you fully relax your body and mind. So the degree to which you are able to be gods vessle so to speak directly correlates whith the degree of relaxation (physical and mental) you are able to embody.

I've noticed, that this principle (at least for me) also applies in sports.

In my trip this became 100% clear, although I already experienced these "states" without psychedelics. My body and my fingers simply started moving, without my doing. There is 0 doubt in my mind that I did anything. It was, as if some other person came from behind, took my hand and my fingers and moved it around for me. There was no me in that state, I simply became a vessle of god so to speak.

(I'm using the word god here for lack of a better word. I'm not sure, weather or not god really "exists", I haven't t had a full god realization in any of my trips so far).

Edited October 13, 2021 by Gregory1

[Rob06]

1 hour ago, Gregory1 said:

Hi @Rob06.

Thanks and cool question.

In general when doing any kind of coordinative activity like playing an instrument or engaging in sports it's super crucial to be as relaxed as possible and only use the muscles that are needed for that activity.

Tension / non-relaxed muscles will cause friction and lead to movements being less precise, it will also slow down everything. This applies to any coordinative activity obviously it also applies to playing the piano.

Also I would argue that there is a spiritual component to it. Let's call this thing god, for lack of a better word.

It feels to me, that when I am playing piano god is showing me what exactly I should do. Not only is got "showing" me, no - god is moving my fingers FOR ME, WITHOUT MY DOING. This was always the case when playing the piano or making music - impulses are coming out of nowhere into me and "doing me" so to speak. To be open to gods intelligence however, I think that you have to be as relaxed as possible. God doesn't force its will upon you, so in a sense you have to completely surrender to it which happens when you fully relax your body and mind. So the degree to which you are able to be gods vessle so to speak directly correlates whith the degree of relaxation (physical and mental) you are able to embody.

I've noticed, that this principle (at least for me) also applies in sports.

In my trip this became 100% clear, although I already experienced these "states" without psychedelics. My body and my fingers simply started moving, without my doing. There is 0 doubt in my mind that I did anything. It was, as if some other person came from behind, took my hand and my fingers and moved it around for me. There was no me in that state, I simply became a vessle of god so to speak.

(I'm using the word god here for lack of a better word. I'm not sure, weather or not god really "exists", I haven't t had a full god realization in any of my trips so far).

Thanks, that's very insteresting. I had a lot of physical problems when studying music in college. This was mostly due to my perfectionist mindset, and never having learned to relax during playing. I'm relearning the relaxation part now though. After a ayahuasca ceremony once I had a similar experience to yours, where the bass guitar just played itself, and my arms and shoulders were completely relaxed. As soon as ego came back in and wanted to play better/faster, tension arose again. Thanks again,this helps me reflect on my compulsive/neurotic tendencies while practicing/playing.

[Gregory1]

5 hours ago, Rob06 said:

Thanks, that's very insteresting. I had a lot of physical problems when studying music in college. This was mostly due to my perfectionist mindset, and never having learned to relax during playing. I'm relearning the relaxation part now though. After a ayahuasca ceremony once I had a similar experience to yours, where the bass guitar just played itself, and my arms and shoulders were completely relaxed. As soon as ego came back in and wanted to play better/faster, tension arose again. Thanks again,this helps me reflect on my compulsive/neurotic tendencies while practicing/playing.

Nice to hear that you also had that experience.

I think we should consider to take Michael Jacksons advice on making music / dancing seriously. If you want to make good art, no thinking is allowed. Only feeling. This aligns pretty well with the relaxation part. You simply relax and trust and feel and let god do the rest.

Cheers!

Edited October 13, 2021 by Gregory1