I'm 18 years old and I've been blessed so to say with an incredible philosophycal construct since ever. Two years ago I've got depersonalization/derealization, in which the world around me seemed to be pointless and my sense of self totally gone, not feeling alive/human anymore. I went to two different psychiatrists, but the magical pill cure didn't worked, as I was unaware of nonduality at the time, being an atheist. I've been addicted to video games and pornography and I soon as I managed to erase them from my life, everything seem to be falling apart, due to ego death I assume. I basically found out that I'm going through a Kundalini experience (dark night of the soul) and it's a horrible necessary process, but it seems so hard to cope with it. All the existential crisis, OCD, pannic attacks and exhaustion are totally fucking up my life. I've been meditation and contemplating for some months now and I'll continue onward with the self inquiry work, hoping to see the light again. I wish that Leo could respond and encourage me, as he knows what I'm going through. My Intuition/God wants to change me, but it's hard as hell, man. Thank you for your time.