Black & White Thinking Patterns !!

[rush]

Iv noticed that I'm quite hard on myself when it comes to accomplishing tasks that need to get done, for example, if I stop revision for exams for just 1 day, I'll have thoughts that will jump to the conclusion that I can no longer do well in the exam now. Similarly, if I make a mistake its hard for me to get over this. It's exhausting living within this paradigm because naturally, life don't always pan out the way you want. 

Any tips on dealing with this ?

[kurt]

@rush Just notice it,

You said "Im being hard on myself" which means your "I" is invested in the world of relative phenomena - aka youre identified with thinking, aka you dont know who you really are.

Relegate it to "not self" and then have a word.  You need to treat your mind like a child, be patient and educate it all the time until it begins to do what you want it to do.  

[FindingPeace]

On 17/12/2016 at 8:09 AM, rush said:

Any tips on dealing with this ?

It sounds like you are either a perfectionist or have a fear of failure. Or both. You are judging a missed day of revision as 'failure' or a 'mistake'. And you fundamentally struggle with accepting that you make mistakes. You then feel as though, since you 'make a mistake' or failed in some way that you are going to fail in the long run.

If you miss a day of revision, so what? Accept that you missed it. Then, when you start revising again, carry on as normal. Just because you do something once, or twice, or however many times, doesn't make it 'something'. A day's missed revision means nothing. It's now in the past. What you do from here can be whatever you want. You can miss another day, or you can start revising again.

This fear of making mistakes tends to come from this idealized self-image that "I do not make mistakes". So when you do, which you will because you are human like the rest of us, you feel like you have ultimately failed and that the self-image is no longer true. If it isn't true then the belief becomes "I made a mistake, so therefore I will again". And so self-doubt begins. Fundamentally there is a lack of self-acceptance here.

People get too caught up in this belief that 'mistake'=bad. There's really no such thing as failure. Just experience. And every experience is an opportunity to learn and improve. We can often learn more from mistakes and failure than when we get everything 'right' all the time.

But, like I said, the way to look at it is this: so you did something you deem as a failure or mistake. It is now in the past. It has no bearing on the future. What you do from here on can be whatever you want. So accept the things that have already happened and now move on. Become more accepting of the choices and actions you take even if you feel that they are wrong. Realise that you can make new choices and take new actions from any point, and move forward.

 

[rush]

Yeap, it's a bit of perfectionism and fear of failure combined, logically what you say makes sense and i know this myself but seems very hard to actually fully embody, self acceptance is tough,

[rush]

@kurt i notice compulsive thoughts constantly, but they don't necessarily change or stop dispite awareness of them all the time