Do you push yourself to go out and meet people even if you don't feel like it?

[PurpleTree]

Do you push yourself to go out and meet people (probably mostly women)

even if you don't feel like it?

has anything good come out of pushing yourself on days you don't feel good/like going out at all?

Or should you just go out when you totally feel like it and are more happy and in the "zone" etc.?

[something_else]

One of my best night thus far started with me feeling like shit. Your mind will generate a lot of questionable thoughts/rationales about why you shouldn't go out if it's not something you're used to, especially if you're going alone

But if you're not used to socialising you're always going to need to push yourself a little

I now just expect that my mind will feed me garbage about 1-2hrs before I'm going out and that helps me push through, I usually end up having pretty good nights

[PurpleTree]

4 minutes ago, something_else said:

One of my best night thus far started with me feeling like shit. Your mind will generate a lot of questionable thoughts/rationales about why you shouldn't go out if it's not something you're used to, especially if you're going alone

But if you're not used to socialising you're always going to need to push yourself a little

I now just expect that my mind will feed me garbage about 1-2hrs before I'm going out and that helps me push through, I usually end up having pretty good nights

that's cool. thanks for your answer.

i've also had some very bad nights socialising though (even with just friends and cousins etc.) when i didn't feel like it and still went.

just couldn't connect and was far too self conscious and uncomfortable etc. and not being able to accept that i'm not funny and social that day/night made feel even worse and it just spiraled down

usually i try to not to plan things and just do the things when i feel like it but here going out is mostly on saturdays so when i feel bad on saturday another week is gone.

but i've also warmed up after going with bad mood, fatigue etc. first, so i guess you can never really tell how it turns out.

[something_else]

15 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

usually i try to not to plan things and just do the things when i feel like it but here going out is mostly on saturdays so when i feel bad on saturday another week is gone.

Yea, this is one of the main reasons I push myself to go out Saturdays/Sundays so much

I understand, having bad nights out is horrible. I would at the very least push yourself to go out, and if it's clearly not working then perhaps go home early. At least at that point you can say you did something out of your comfort zone and you're making progress

I think a good metric for progress is if you continually find/put yourself in challenging social situations

As long as you're doing that you're making progress. Though I'm viewing this from the perspective of beating social anxiety rather than pickup per se, not sure what you're going for

[PurpleTree]

25 minutes ago, something_else said:

As long as you're doing that you're making progress. Though I'm viewing this from the perspective of beating social anxiety rather than pickup per se, not sure what you're going for

Yea me too mostly

What's frustrating is that yesterday i felt good, kind of zen, happy, kind of confident and yesterday i told myself tomorrow (today) i'll go out

And now today i want to go out because i can't next week, but extremely fatigued today and not feeling it at all.

Then i start to obsess why i felt better yesterday and worse today like maybe i stayed to long in the sauna, maybe it's a dopamine issue, maybe i ate something wrong, maybe just chronic fatigue and so on.

Also wanting to go out but not feeling it at all creates inner tension/unhappiness, if i'd say fuck it i'm staying home and watching a movie maybe then i'd be happy in my fatigued state but because i want to make progress i can't really accept the fatigue, feeling out of it and yea that creates unhappiness.

 

aka having too high expectations for myself like i should be cool now, should be happy and go out and have fun and meet people.

 

Edited October 9, 2021 by PurpleTree

[PurpleTree]

f it not today

it's also too cold outside 

hopefully next week 

today i'm searching for a good heist movie or something

[aurum]

@PurpleTree

Occasionally that is necessary.

But if that’s your only motivation, that’s not going to get you so far.

You want to get to a point where socializing and going out a lot feels effortless.

For instance, in the prime of my pickup days, I was out 7 nights a week. And while it did require pushing my comfort zone at times, it mostly just became automatic.

I didn’t think “am I going to go out tonight?”

I thought “where am I going out tonight?”

One thought assumes the outcome. It was just obvious I would be going out.

See if you can get to that point.

[PurpleTree]

10 minutes ago, aurum said:

@PurpleTree

Occasionally that is necessary.

But if that’s your only motivation, that’s not going to get you so far.

You want to get to a point where socializing and going out a lot feels effortless.

For instance, in the prime of my pickup days, I was out 7 nights a week. And while it did require pushing my comfort zone at times, it mostly just became automatic.

I didn’t think “am I going to go out tonight?”

I thought “where am I going out tonight?”

One thought assumes the outcome. It was just obvious I would be going out.

See if you can get to that point.

thanks

wouldn't be very easy to go out everyday here as it's a smaller city

and also wouldn't be possible with my work.

or what exactly do you mean by going out, does even a short visit to a bar count?

sometimes it feels effortless and then when it doesn't i'm really hard on myself why it's not

i can go between being the life of the party on some nights (maybe that's a bit an overstatement)

to not being able to relax and thus not having fun and barely being able to look people into the eyes on another night

i know it's normal for people to have bad and good days/nights but that seems a bit extreme

Edited October 9, 2021 by PurpleTree

[aurum]

18 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

wouldn't be very easy to go out everyday here as it's a smaller city

and also wouldn't be possible with my work.

And you certainly don’t have to. 

I was just using my own experience as an example. Which was admittedly extreme.

If you want that kind of volume, you may have to move.

20 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

or what exactly do you mean by going out, does even a short visit to a bar count?

I would say being at a bar or club for at least an hour.

More often than not I’d say it was longer than that. Maybe closer to 2-3 hours.

25 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

sometimes it feels effortless and then when it doesn't i'm really hard on myself why it's not

 

How often are you going out solo vs with friends?

26 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

i can go between being the life of the party on some nights (maybe that's a bit an overstatement)

to not being able to relax and thus not having fun and barely being able to look people into the eyes on another night

i know it's normal for people to have bad and good days/nights but that seems a bit extreme

No, you’d be surprised how common it is. 

How relaxed and social we are is extremely, extremely contextual. Your entire personality can flip on a dime.

I still find myself in situations like that.

Key is to find the circumstances that currently make you uncomfortable and see if you can still “find yourself” in them.

100% success in this is not needed.

[PurpleTree]

37 minutes ago, aurum said:

How often are you going out solo vs with friends?

No, you’d be surprised how common it is. 

How relaxed and social we are is extremely, extremely contextual. Your entire personality can flip on a dime.

I still find myself in situations like that.

Key is to find the circumstances that currently make you uncomfortable and see if you can still “find yourself” in them.

100% success in this is not needed.

Most often with friends

And also it's a small city, so when i go out alone i might meet someone that i know.

If i go out alone and see women or a group of women and i'm alone, approaching them feels very creepy and needy, so i basically never do that only sometimes when i'm drunk

If i go out alone and don't meet anybody that i know then i'll most likely go home.

Also i've never really done pick-up

all i'm doing is going out trying to have fun and see what happens, most often nothing happens though

But i've watched a few rsd videos here and there.

The thing is i'm a very moody/feeling type person, if i try to force myself to do stuff when i'm not in the mood then it just feels off for me and for others most likely too.

Sometimes (often) i'm really low energy, so then i try to get my energy up and be funny etc. that often doesn't work though

it'd probably be better to just accept the low energy on these days and work with that.

 

I saw a video once of Tyler and he said when he used to be so happy when he approached anybody and looked at it as a win don't matter how it went.

But i'm almost the opposite i'm usually hard on myself and always see the faults in everything i did. I rarely look at things as "wins" so i' trying to work on those types of things.