Holy shit what is this??? Is it total

[wellbranding]

Hello, I am just speechless... Basically, this happened an hour ago I believe.  For the second time in two weeks, this occurred in my meditation session, I will break down it in the stages. These steps occurred 2 weeks ago for the first time. I had some non-dual experiences for the 3-4 years as of now, not that strong.

1. My thoughts disappear in meditation.
2. Then I try to be conscious about the presence ( it is like pressure, but I am aware of it) ( I refer to "I" as a self, but I am not sure what I was, perceiver)
3. Then the third step occurred, like the 2 weeks ago. The moment occurred, when the perceiver disappear. I could not find it. That moment the pressure was built into my head. The warm sensation. The perceiver definitely disappeared but somehow two weeks ago I came back.

Now, this is what happened today. I came to the 3 steps, but this time the pressure kept rising. It kept rising to the moment when I ceased to exist and I was lost. Like in the literal sense. The best explanation I could refer to is that even though I meditated in the dark it was like a hole, the infinite hole, and I was not a center of it, but like the whole hole. Now the additional steps were present:

4. My heart was exploding, like physically, my heart was pounding crazy. I don't know if it is healing energy or what, because I was diagnosed with pericarditis. More about it here. 

5. My physical body was collapsing and most importantly I could not stop it. My logical mind did not stop existing, it somehow recalled the speech from Sadguru, which said that during enlightenment the physical body dies, unless you have some kind of amulet with yourself. The most fascinating part is that I was alright. It did not make any difference. Like complete acceptance. 

6. My eyes still closed, it was acceptance. At that moment my logical mind showed images of me being a very old guy, again memories from Sadguru and his enlightenment journey. Still, I was satisfied. The heart did not stop beating crazy, the body was not present at all, heart-pounding was a pure sensation

7. Still, I did not die. Though tears were falling because if it was death even my logical mind was satisfied. I did not fear any sense of fear, I was just crying that such a thing is possible. The thing is that I could stay in that state forever. I did partially lose the sense of time. Partially I refer to like time stops, but still so-called existing, don't know how to refer it. Like I could be satisfied if 100 years passed from this point onwards.

8. I consciously opened my eyes. My body is still shaking, the heartbeat showing 100 beats per second, at the enlightment/awakening moment I did not have an Apple watch, it was charging. it was maybe 180 beats per second. 

9. I could not stand correctly. After turning the lights on, some fear from logical mind returned - idea that I will never be able to see. Also, I went to the mirror and somehow expected to look like an old guy ( I am 22 though). Though no emotions from me.

10. I closed my eyes again. Again the world disappears. I then opened my eyes. It felt like if I close my eyes I am dead. It was not fear, but somehow I felt motivated to work on, and don't just die.

So I decided to write it down here since I don't know another community. I am not sure if I am fully enlightened. Though it feels like I can close my eyes and merge again, the feeling is fading. Perhaps I should explore consciousness more. The pain in my heart seems gone, somehow I always believed in healing and I am doing reiki healing together with conventional medicine. 

I have just one more question. If it is ok for my physical body to collapse? I can't call it dying, since, in the infinite hole as I described, the body was not present. Only heartbeat sensation, sensation in the head. No such thing as body. Now I even laugh, because it is absurd: body seems like an image to me now. The collapse does not make me feel bad, but somehow my logical mind tells me, maybe I need to take some precautions? I am not familiar with the body changes which seem to occur to me.

So this is the only question I have. I know that I have to do a lot of reading, but I also remember Leo saying to not be stuck in the reading and do practice and self-inquiry.

One unique thing about me:
It seems I have an extreme focusing ability. Since childhood I practiced staring at objects, my mother said I was sitting in meditation poses without breathing.

Also, I started to do yoga, 2 months ago with some breathing exercises. Found local community, with surprisingly conscious teacher  She is like a mother.

Also, I never took psychedelics, since it is difficult to get them in my country. I don't want to get along with people, who can deliver it to me.  

One more thing. I feel a little bit of shame, but before meditating today I built my sexual energy. I watched porn, visualized, but no cumming.  I did not cum for 2 weeks as of today. After that, I almost feel the energy coming to my spine. Very very effective, but very difficult, I am getting better at that. Thinking about it, maybe I can't do it, because my body will indeed collapse?

I am going to sleep, though I feel like the body somehow will collapse. Though after writing about the amulet, I do have a bracelet on my left hand (red rope with an eye). I don't know if it is dark night of the soul. It is more like an actual belief that my body will collapse, though I don't feel fear.

Also, I love Leo. He is like a father to me. I wrote to him like 4 years ago, doubting my career choice.

I am open to interviews maybe since it is difficult to express my ideas... Since I am tech-savvy I already wanted to start an Instagram account related to business, programming, investment, and also meditation.
 

 

Edited October 10, 2021 by wellbranding

[Loving Radiance]

Well done - although noboby did that hehe.

Is there identification with the experience? Is anything owned or rather claimed to be you? If yes, then prepare for an ego backlash. Keep the foundation of your practices.

If there's no identification then I'd contact James123 and Nahm for further guidance.

I'd also read Kundalini books from Leo's booklist when you go into the direction of working with this energy. Easy to burn yourself.

Edited October 9, 2021 by Loving Radiance

[Endangered-EGO]

@wellbranding Sounds like "nothingness".

The fear and body are just reactions to the insight. The fear of death is because it feels like dying. Then there's fear of going crazy too.

Either 2 things are gonna happen.

1.It dropped off for good. Have fun with your life.

2. It's too weird/crazy and you're gonna want to own or control the nothingness.

[wellbranding]

9 hours ago, Loving Radiance said:

Well done - although noboby did that hehe.

Is there identification with the experience? Is anything owned or rather claimed to be you? If yes, then prepare for an ego backlash. Keep the foundation of your practices.

If there's no identification then I'd contact James123 and Nahm for further guidance.

I'd also read Kundalini books from Leo's booklist when you go into the direction of working with this energy. Easy to burn yourself.

Not sure how can I test that identification. Right now it is more like there are experiences, but not like they coming to me. My body sensations are also much more isolated. Like a body sensation is only a sensation, but not part of my body like it was previously.

Ok I wake up. The body did not die, though I wake somehow differently. Usually I need to force myself to get up. Like think about my life purpose and etc.

Today this occurred. I wake up, but no emotions were present about still wanting to sleep. I just acknowledged the fact that waking up took place and I am alert now.

Also most strangely it seems I don't have fear. I think I will wait to see how it is going.

Edited October 10, 2021 by wellbranding

[wellbranding]

So 3 days have passed. The feeling that I am infinite consciousness is indeed fading. Though, I do still feel energy blasts. Also, I don't feel fear it is very strange and I don't feel the need to motivate myself. The internal dialog seems gone, it is easier to do stuff. 
I did not try to meditate but did my research. Sadhguru says that the physical body will physically die at the moment of enlightenment. So I am not sure if this is true? I need to keep the body, I need to be proficient at kriya yoga as he said.
This is where I learned it:

 

 

Edited October 12, 2021 by wellbranding

[wellbranding]

On 09/10/2021 at 11:29 PM, wellbranding said:

 

@Leo Gura Hello, what do you think? The week has almost passed I did not meditate a single time. The experience of feeling infinite is fading, but if I close my eyes I can feel energy in the head and also don't feel fear. It is strange. I am not trying to return to infinite state, since I am not sure about physical body and if it will die.

 

Edited October 15, 2021 by wellbranding

[BipolarGrowth]

Sounds like a pretty strong experience. There’s plenty more though. Keep going. 

[The0Self]

Nice mystical experiences! Profound awakenings. “Full enlightenment” is simply the end of those.

[wellbranding]

8 hours ago, The0Self said:

Nice mystical experiences! Profound awakenings. “Full enlightenment” is simply the end of those.

Thanks! Will my physical body stop functioning by then?

[The0Self]

10 hours ago, wellbranding said:

Thanks! Will my physical body stop functioning by then?

The body will be as it is. It won't be your body though. But it already isn't yours; it's the absolute appearing as a body. So It's not an event -- it'll just be recognized (by no one) that there never was any such thing as ownership (of any kind; not even such a thing as "my awareness"). Ownership seems so real to self, but amazingly, it's actually not even happening.

Edited October 16, 2021 by The0Self

[wellbranding]

19 hours ago, The0Self said:

The body will be as it is. It won't be your body though. But it already isn't yours; it's the absolute appearing as a body. So It's not an event -- it'll just be recognized (by no one) that there never was any such thing as ownership (of any kind; not even such a thing as "my awareness"). Ownership seems so real to self, but amazingly, it's actually not even happening.

Yes, I already experienced that detachment and I even feel it after 5 days. I referred to my in a relative sense :). Ok I decided to keep meditating then

 

@Leo Gura Any help?

Edited October 17, 2021 by wellbranding

[wellbranding]

@Leo Gura I read the Sadhguru book about enlightenment. He clearly stated that people who reach full enlightenment will die before age of 32 (their physical body stops functioning). The only way is to practice kriya yoga and get full control of the body. Did you know about that? 

Edited October 18, 2021 by wellbranding

[Inliytened1]

2 hours ago, wellbranding said:

@Leo Gura I read the Sadhguru book about enlightenment. He clearly stated that people who reach full enlightenment will die before age of 32 (their physical body stops functioning). The only way is to practice kriya yoga and get full control of the body. Did you know about that? 

You are God.  If you become absolutely selfless which is your purest form, you will not be able to endure as a distinction which is what you are now.  You are partial and finite now but you can become total.  This can happen at any age because age is imaginary and you are God dreaming you are a biological self.  So the question remains - how bad do you want to live?

 

[Terell Kirby]

@wellbranding all fine and dandy, but have you realized that you are God?

[Aaron p]

[wellbranding]

On 18/10/2021 at 10:47 AM, Inliytened1 said:

You are God.  If you become absolutely selfless which is your purest form, you will not be able to endure as a distinction which is what you are now.  You are partial and finite now but you can become total.  This can happen at any age because age is imaginary and you are God dreaming you are a biological self.  So the question remains - how bad do you want to live?

 

I know, still, it is not practical for the physical body to die. I can be "useful" for society.

[wellbranding]

23 hours ago, Terell Kirby said:

@wellbranding all fine and dandy, but have you realized that you are God?

I did. I am not sure why @Leo Gura ignores it, I would like to get his opinion. can someone tag him?

Edited October 19, 2021 by wellbranding